Anonymous wrote:I am a 50-year-old single woman, no kids, never married. I have a dog I love. I would be traveling or planning a fun trip right now. This COVID-19 situation has made me look around and see that I have no one but my dog. If something happened to me, no one but my dog would care. LoL.

Yep, that’s me!

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I never made it very far in my career and married someone who isn't very successful either. Then he become disabled (severely) We have enough to survive on but nothing like the comfortable life of so many here on DCUM. My family of origin is great though, and his siblings are great-- but everyone lives far away. His friends all abandoned him when he because disabled, and I'm no fun to be around so I don't do much with my friends. Life SUCKS for a severely disabled person. There's not much help available to be honest and what help you can get is very expensive and will wipe us out. We still have kids to put through college. I never ever thought my 50s would be spent this way.

What is the disability? I’m sorry fir your situation. If we were friends I would provide biweekly respite time for you.

For many many reasons my life slipped and slid, clearly there before I reached adulthood but concealed by academic success through high school. There were specific crashes emotionally in my 30s and 50s--although I had vowed to steer straight other stuff crashed into my life. I did find someone to love, but he died a couple of years into sobriety in part from alcoholism for many years. One kid, whose growing up years were like snowboarding on Everest but he's running his own life well; he really doesn't have much time to spend together but he will often call or drop in just to check in, which I appreciate.

I have times of searing regret once in awhile but for me, finding relative stability in the second half of my 50s felt like a miracle, still does, even in spite of some crappy stuff that has happened with my job and my retirement prospects. That steadies me in between the bouts of regret. For a few years I dated some but decided to opt out of that. If my life were a movie or a novel I would stumble into someone at the library or out with my dog and we would discover each other, but it's not and I doubt it will.

But I think I would go completely nuts stuck in a marriage with someone whose relationship with me was like a piece of furniture that doesn't look right no matter where you put it. Seems to me like that would drive you further into your head in a bad way. You should probably get out if this is just going to keep adding to your accumulation of regret.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear ya OP. Most days I’m ok, but I get in a funk every now and then (often hormone related.)

I’m divorced and watching my ex blissfully move on with the woman he cheated on me with. (They’re married and it’s been 4 years so it’s not a passing thing.) I feel stuck in my house and can’t afford the upgrades I want to do or to sell for something better. I’m not succeeding at work or with helping the kids with distance learning. I have lots of acquaintances, but no good local friends.

Usually it fades in a day or but I’ve spent the last two nights tossing and turning over it. The added exhaustion doesn’t help.

I'm in the beginning stages of this now. Everyone says "it never lasts," but I know many of these relationships do. I feel guilty that I want the father of my kids to get hit by a bus right now.

I hope you have a nice weekend and are kind to yourself.

This may sound crazy, but I wish my husband would cheat and move on. He clearly just can't stand me, but he is in our house almost 24 hours a day, with no life, no job, just luxuriating off his trust fund while I toil at work and raising the kids with little support from him. I resent, and would even go as far as say I hate, him, but cannot afford divorce in this god-awful city that he made us live in because his elitist, hateful parents live here, too. If he would just find someone else and move on, it would be the happiest day of my life. Unfortunately, he's so lazy he'll never even do that.

Why don't you leave then?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear ya OP. Most days I’m ok, but I get in a funk every now and then (often hormone related.)

I’m divorced and watching my ex blissfully move on with the woman he cheated on me with. (They’re married and it’s been 4 years so it’s not a passing thing.) I feel stuck in my house and can’t afford the upgrades I want to do or to sell for something better. I’m not succeeding at work or with helping the kids with distance learning. I have lots of acquaintances, but no good local friends.

Usually it fades in a day or but I’ve spent the last two nights tossing and turning over it. The added exhaustion doesn’t help.

I'm in the beginning stages of this now. Everyone says "it never lasts," but I know many of these relationships do. I feel guilty that I want the father of my kids to get hit by a bus right now.

I hope you have a nice weekend and are kind to yourself.

New poster here, but it's not wrong if I hope your ex gets hit by a bus, right? Hugs to you and I hope you come out better on the other side of this.

I hope the AP is with him when the bus runs him over

Yes. I never made it very far in my career and married someone who isn't very successful either. Then he become disabled (severely) We have enough to survive on but nothing like the comfortable life of so many here on DCUM. My family of origin is great though, and his siblings are great-- but everyone lives far away. His friends all abandoned him when he because disabled, and I'm no fun to be around so I don't do much with my friends. Life SUCKS for a severely disabled person. There's not much help available to be honest and what help you can get is very expensive and will wipe us out. We still have kids to put through college. I never ever thought my 50s would be spent this way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think dreams from our youth are not realistic.

Like you may see a person who appears to have an adoring husband (but he cheats on her). Or you may see someone with the perfect figure (but she has an eating disorder). No one has it all. Really, either their health is bad or their FOO or their relationship with their children (many successful people are not close to their children). So, I can relate to the fact that you did not reach the highest heights...but I think part of your disappointment may stem from not realizing that most things aren't as dazzling as they look from afar (day in day out day in day out).

Eh, some people really do have great lives and the whole package. Thats the rule of big numbers. You can't bring everyone down to where we are, you just have to find joy where you can without comparing.

Not if you look over a long life.

No one gets out of it unscathed.

My best friend is beautiful, successful and has a great family...but I learned recently that she has been battling anxiety for years. and her partner has a terminal illness.

All of us have timed in our life that are wonderful (whether we realize that or not) and times that suck. It is called the human condition.

Mine life sounds like your but never considered complaining about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear ya OP. Most days I’m ok, but I get in a funk every now and then (often hormone related.)

I’m divorced and watching my ex blissfully move on with the woman he cheated on me with. (They’re married and it’s been 4 years so it’s not a passing thing.) I feel stuck in my house and can’t afford the upgrades I want to do or to sell for something better. I’m not succeeding at work or with helping the kids with distance learning. I have lots of acquaintances, but no good local friends.

Usually it fades in a day or but I’ve spent the last two nights tossing and turning over it. The added exhaustion doesn’t help.

I'm in the beginning stages of this now. Everyone says "it never lasts," but I know many of these relationships do. I feel guilty that I want the father of my kids to get hit by a bus right now.

I hope you have a nice weekend and are kind to yourself.

New poster here, but it's not wrong if I hope your ex gets hit by a bus, right? Hugs to you and I hope you come out better on the other side of this.

My ex moved on with his AP as well--- they are together--- but c'mon what kind of marriage can they REALLY have? Not one that I'd ever want. They are both horrible people and they've had to move to a whole new area where no one knows them so that there isn't as much gossip about their affair-- it's gross.

Anonymous wrote:Hm. I have a job I hate but a career that has been interesting. I had a cheating husband who couldn't make babies so I am divorced and childless. I have more money and time than some of my friends because no children, but I have no children and I would trade with them any day of the week. I am healthy. I'm alive. I try to look at the positives.

Could you volunteer with children? So many are in need.

How about becoming a CASA volunteer. That would be SUCH a meaningful role to play in a child's life.

My best advice is a gratitude practice. My life is really shit by almost anyone's estimations, except mine. LOL

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's a FOO?

family of origin

Thanks!

This is a new one!

Hm. I have a job I hate but a career that has been interesting. I had a cheating husband who couldn't make babies so I am divorced and childless. I have more money and time than some of my friends because no children, but I have no children and I would trade with them any day of the week. I am healthy. I'm alive. I try to look at the positives.

Life definitely did not always pan out the way i envisioned it either so I can relate to this sentiment. It was so difficult to take the first step when i was feeling so stuck but i started with talking to some friends (close or far away), talking to a therapist, understanding why i needed to part ways with my spouse and how that ultimately made me a more present person which greatly helped my relationship with my children - i was too dependent on them to feel happy and they needed more freedom at that time. Anyway, these were difficult things to realize about myself and my life at the time. But really making those first few adjustments made all the difference for me. Everyone is different and you do not need to be strong about everything all the time but you should keep the faith that you have it in you to change some things one at a time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear ya OP. Most days I’m ok, but I get in a funk every now and then (often hormone related.)

I’m divorced and watching my ex blissfully move on with the woman he cheated on me with. (They’re married and it’s been 4 years so it’s not a passing thing.) I feel stuck in my house and can’t afford the upgrades I want to do or to sell for something better. I’m not succeeding at work or with helping the kids with distance learning. I have lots of acquaintances, but no good local friends.

Usually it fades in a day or but I’ve spent the last two nights tossing and turning over it. The added exhaustion doesn’t help.

I'm in the beginning stages of this now. Everyone says "it never lasts," but I know many of these relationships do. I feel guilty that I want the father of my kids to get hit by a bus right now.

I hope you have a nice weekend and are kind to yourself.

New poster here, but it's not wrong if I hope your ex gets hit by a bus, right? Hugs to you and I hope you come out better on the other side of this.