Anonymous
09/19/2020 18:52
Subject: Re:Husband Wants Me To Stop Co-Sleeping.
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I admit that co-sleeping is about me. My son can sleep on his own and he has. I wasn’t able to breastfeed and wanted that close bond tahr I didn’t through breastfeeding. My husband has been very supportive and understanding. He has said many times lately we need to move our son to his own room if we want to have a second child. He is not going to feel like a speak donor. He’s very affectionate and loves to cuddle. He has not been getting that.
I’ve been afraid to leave my son in my bed alone so I go to bed with him at 8 when he does. That doesn’t leave much time with my husband. He said he does not want a second child if this will happen again.
I’m going to move our son into his bed tonight. It’s right next door to ours. I realize I have been selfish. We have only been together for 3 years and we are older ( 38 and 40) which is why we want to try for a second child now.
Your husband is being open honest about his feelings - and you are being open and honest about your feelings on this forum. Parenting is very hard. Parenting in a quarantine is even harder. It sounds like some virtual family therapy would be a good thing for everyone to kind of talk about the conflict from all sides without judgment. Resentment kills relationships. Communication, especially with a neutral party, builds up relationships.
Anonymous
09/19/2020 18:13
Subject: Husband Wants Me To Stop Co-Sleeping.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Would you rather have a second kid or a husband? It’s all in your hands.
How does one expect to get a second kid if husband's always sleeping somewhere else anyway?
Yall are the most puritannical group of women. The husband is sleeping in another room. Places you can have sex that arent your bedroom: couch, table, laundry room, staircase, shower, hallway, deck/patio, kitchen floor, car in the garage....
Except this poster is apparently always sleeping with the kid.
The time after you put the kid down for sleep is the time my spouse and I do a lot of stuff together.l well beyond sex Watching movies, playing boardgames, just hanging out. If I taught my son to only sleep when I was around I would lose out on a lot of this time with my spouse for the two of us to just be around each other.
This! We put our son down and then had another 3 hours to ourselves.
OP is doing things all wrong. Prioritize your marriage if you want a second child and don't want to be splitting custody with your ex.
Signed- Wife of 35 years
I'm going to note it's also not just about your marriage. That time after 7:30 when he's asleep? That's also prime reading time, prime hobby time,, prime bath and face mask time, prime Great British Bakeoff Time. Since the quarantine, sadly, it's been a lot of work time. You need a block of time to do the stuff other than be a mom.
Anonymous
09/19/2020 16:45
Subject: Re:Husband Wants Me To Stop Co-Sleeping.
OP here. I admit that co-sleeping is about me. My son can sleep on his own and he has. I wasn’t able to breastfeed and wanted that close bond tahr I didn’t through breastfeeding. My husband has been very supportive and understanding. He has said many times lately we need to move our son to his own room if we want to have a second child. He is not going to feel like a speak donor. He’s very affectionate and loves to cuddle. He has not been getting that.
I’ve been afraid to leave my son in my bed alone so I go to bed with him at 8 when he does. That doesn’t leave much time with my husband. He said he does not want a second child if this will happen again.
I’m going to move our son into his bed tonight. It’s right next door to ours. I realize I have been selfish. We have only been together for 3 years and we are older ( 38 and 40) which is why we want to try for a second child now.
I’ve been afraid to leave my son in my bed alone so I go to bed with him at 8 when he does. That doesn’t leave much time with my husband. He said he does not want a second child if this will happen again.
I’m going to move our son into his bed tonight. It’s right next door to ours. I realize I have been selfish. We have only been together for 3 years and we are older ( 38 and 40) which is why we want to try for a second child now.
Anonymous
09/19/2020 16:34
Subject: Husband Wants Me To Stop Co-Sleeping.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Would you rather have a second kid or a husband? It’s all in your hands.
How does one expect to get a second kid if husband's always sleeping somewhere else anyway?
Yall are the most puritannical group of women. The husband is sleeping in another room. Places you can have sex that arent your bedroom: couch, table, laundry room, staircase, shower, hallway, deck/patio, kitchen floor, car in the garage....
Except this poster is apparently always sleeping with the kid.
The time after you put the kid down for sleep is the time my spouse and I do a lot of stuff together.l well beyond sex Watching movies, playing boardgames, just hanging out. If I taught my son to only sleep when I was around I would lose out on a lot of this time with my spouse for the two of us to just be around each other.
This! We put our son down and then had another 3 hours to ourselves.
OP is doing things all wrong. Prioritize your marriage if you want a second child and don't want to be splitting custody with your ex.
Signed- Wife of 35 years
Anonymous
09/19/2020 15:26
Subject: Husband Wants Me To Stop Co-Sleeping.
I would love to co-sleep. My husband does not. For his sake, our marriage's sake and our kids' sake I don't co-sleep. Sleeping next to my children would 100% be for my own selfish reasons.
Anonymous
09/19/2020 15:04
Subject: Husband Wants Me To Stop Co-Sleeping.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Would you rather have a second kid or a husband? It’s all in your hands.
How does one expect to get a second kid if husband's always sleeping somewhere else anyway?
Yall are the most puritannical group of women. The husband is sleeping in another room. Places you can have sex that arent your bedroom: couch, table, laundry room, staircase, shower, hallway, deck/patio, kitchen floor, car in the garage....
Except this poster is apparently always sleeping with the kid.
The time after you put the kid down for sleep is the time my spouse and I do a lot of stuff together.l well beyond sex Watching movies, playing boardgames, just hanging out. If I taught my son to only sleep when I was around I would lose out on a lot of this time with my spouse for the two of us to just be around each other.
Anonymous
09/19/2020 14:51
Subject: Husband Wants Me To Stop Co-Sleeping.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Would you rather have a second kid or a husband? It’s all in your hands.
How does one expect to get a second kid if husband's always sleeping somewhere else anyway?
Yall are the most puritannical group of women. The husband is sleeping in another room. Places you can have sex that arent your bedroom: couch, table, laundry room, staircase, shower, hallway, deck/patio, kitchen floor, car in the garage....
Anonymous
09/19/2020 14:51
Subject: Husband Wants Me To Stop Co-Sleeping.
Codependancy for the op's sake. I can just imagine the next two decades of that poor child with a mother that relies on a one year old for comfort and security.
Anonymous
09/19/2020 14:51
Subject: Husband Wants Me To Stop Co-Sleeping.
Anonymous wrote:honestly, it doesn't matter what we think. your husband told you he misses you, that he misses the intimacy, that he misses being with you in a way that HE feels he can't be with you if your son is in the bed. it doesn't matter if we think co-sleeping is fine or weird. your partner is telling you it is hurting him and his relationship with you and that he feels like he can't have another child with you until he gets that intimacy back. you absolutely need to address this with him and either find intimacy in other ways (if he is flexible) or learn to manage multiple needs in a family
Well said
Anonymous
09/19/2020 14:47
Subject: Husband Wants Me To Stop Co-Sleeping.
Husband is the priority. Make the change.
Anonymous
09/19/2020 14:47
Subject: Husband Wants Me To Stop Co-Sleeping.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
DH and I co-slept with DD until she was 3.
I find it very immature of your husband to sleep elsewhere and find co-sleeping unnecessary and weird, and I'm very glad my husband was perfectly fine with co-sleeping.
Personally, I wouldn't want to space my kids so close anyway. Enjoy the time you have with this one first. Then, when you're both ready, transition him gently to his room, and think about another.
Her husband is a deep sleeper and it is at safe for all of them to be in the same bed. He is doing what’s best for his child’s safety. That’s not immature. OP said he is a great sleeper and can sleep on his own so he doesn’t need any gentle transitions. OP is selfish.
For the people who dont cosleep, let me educate you. SAFE COSLEEPING GUIDELINES DICTATE THAT A CHILD UNDER THE AGE OF 18 MONTHS/2 YEARS SHOULD NEVER BE BETWEEN MOM AND DAD. Baby should always be between Mom and edge of bed. Dad being a deep sleeper doesnt matter.
Anonymous
09/19/2020 14:44
Subject: Husband Wants Me To Stop Co-Sleeping.
Anonymous wrote:Uh.
I think you need to prioritize sleeping with your HUSBAND instead of your SON.
+1. You are falling into a common trap. It won’t end well.
Anonymous
09/19/2020 14:30
Subject: Husband Wants Me To Stop Co-Sleeping.
which do you want more - cosleeping, or a good relationship with your husband and a second child?
Anonymous
09/19/2020 14:28
Subject: Husband Wants Me To Stop Co-Sleeping.
I never bed shared with my kid ever because my Dad is a pediatrician and tells horror stories about kids who suffocated or suffered brain damage while bed sharing. It's unclear here if OP is talking about bed sharing or room sharing. Don't bed share. Every pediatric group warns against it for a reason.
I moved my kid from the bassinet in our room to his own crib in his own room when he was about 4 months old. You know what, he's a total cuddle monster (both with me and my husband so breastfeeding isn't why he cuddles). You don't need to cosleep to be close to your kid.
I moved my kid from the bassinet in our room to his own crib in his own room when he was about 4 months old. You know what, he's a total cuddle monster (both with me and my husband so breastfeeding isn't why he cuddles). You don't need to cosleep to be close to your kid.
Anonymous
09/19/2020 14:06
Subject: Husband Wants Me To Stop Co-Sleeping.
Anonymous wrote:I don't think your husband is being unreasonable at all.
This isn't a debate about cosleeping or not so that really isn't relevent to the discussion.
Your husband has already compromised , you have been cosleeping with your son for a year, and your husband even went so far as to move into another room for 6 months so you could continue sleeping with the baby, instead of insisting you put him in a crib at 6 months.
You admit your son does not need you to sleep with you.
You admit youe marriage has sufferd.
I think it's your turn to change your behavior to make things work for the family. Your DH has already done this.
This. OP, your husband has compromised his happiness for yours. Now it’s your turn to do the same.