Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 11:14     Subject: What percentage of people have the capacity to stay in and excel in a monogamous relationship?
Anonymous wrote:I'd like to see actual stats on how many people (especially men) have been "monogamous" throughout marriages over the last 200 years (or 150). We have a very modern idea of "love" marriages, and forget that until very very recently, women really didn't have a whole lot of financial or social power in marrying. And that divorce was actually hard to do.

The OP seems to have a very naive perception of marriage and a very narrowly defined concept of "relationships." Staying married only requires that one doesn't get divorced - it doesn't mean the relationship is good or that there is even an active sex life between the spouses.


Oh - and marital rape was LEGAL. How's that for monogamy??
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 11:12     Subject: What percentage of people have the capacity to stay in and excel in a monogamous relationship?
I'd like to see actual stats on how many people (especially men) have been "monogamous" throughout marriages over the last 200 years (or 150). We have a very modern idea of "love" marriages, and forget that until very very recently, women really didn't have a whole lot of financial or social power in marrying. And that divorce was actually hard to do.

The OP seems to have a very naive perception of marriage and a very narrowly defined concept of "relationships." Staying married only requires that one doesn't get divorced - it doesn't mean the relationship is good or that there is even an active sex life between the spouses.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 11:03     Subject: Re:What percentage of people have the capacity to stay in and excel in a monogamous relationship?
Agree with a PP, probably about half of people can be faithful over the long haul if the conditions are right, i.e. a good marriage with a good, fulfilling sex life. And even then, half of those marriages will fail. So maybe 25% of couples make it? That's probably high.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 10:44     Subject: Re:What percentage of people have the capacity to stay in and excel in a monogamous relationship?
Somehow monogamy has worked for us for 34 years. We’ve never had a fight, though plenty of disagreements, and we maintain a fun and healthy sex life. Sometimes the sex can be same old, same old, but we are good at recognizing it and changing things up. We’ve even added some toys which I wouldn’t have considered 30 years ago. Both sets of our parents were married 50-60 years until death do they part and they were always happy being together so we had good role models. We are both low maintenance type people with very complimentary strengths which makes us a good team. But looking around I can see that is is difficult to excel in a monogamous relationship. Life stresses on their own can pull a couple apart.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 10:39     Subject: Re:What percentage of people have the capacity to stay in and excel in a monogamous relationship?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What an obnoxious, self-righteous post. And your family might be fooling you, like Jerry Falwell Jr. fooled the entire Liberty community. You don't know what's happening within someone else's life or marriage.


Yes, I really do. I'm sorry but there has been no infidelity, no lying, no poor money management. There really are people that are nice to each other and have the skills to make a marriage work. And even going through cancer and people in the family dying from war. You are welcome to think as you do, but I'm generally curious how many people actually have the capacity to make it through marriage without major problems that they cause themselves.
DH and my family are similar, but without the religion. I think some of it is based on the family of origin where children had the ability to see And learn from a functioning relationship up close. I think most of it is from an innate personality type. In other species that we thought were monogamous, DNA research has figured out that there is about 30% cheating. Scientists believe it is important to species survival. I would guess that the human species has about the same results.


That's interesting that other animals also have this 25-30% cheating behavior even among species that tend to mate for life. Species survival. Hmm.


Yes. Screwing menopausal/pre-menopausal women (when most midlife affairs occur) is really propagating the species. Old whores aren’t having babies.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 10:31     Subject: Re:What percentage of people have the capacity to stay in and excel in a monogamous relationship?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What an obnoxious, self-righteous post. And your family might be fooling you, like Jerry Falwell Jr. fooled the entire Liberty community. You don't know what's happening within someone else's life or marriage.


Yes, I really do. I'm sorry but there has been no infidelity, no lying, no poor money management. There really are people that are nice to each other and have the skills to make a marriage work. And even going through cancer and people in the family dying from war. You are welcome to think as you do, but I'm generally curious how many people actually have the capacity to make it through marriage without major problems that they cause themselves.
DH and my family are similar, but without the religion. I think some of it is based on the family of origin where children had the ability to see And learn from a functioning relationship up close. I think most of it is from an innate personality type. In other species that we thought were monogamous, DNA research has figured out that there is about 30% cheating. Scientists believe it is important to species survival. I would guess that the human species has about the same results.


That's interesting that other animals also have this 25-30% cheating behavior even among species that tend to mate for life. Species survival. Hmm.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 10:28     Subject: What percentage of people have the capacity to stay in and excel in a monogamous relationship?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I like to think MOST people who get married do so with the goal of staying faithful and staying together for life. But we plan and God laughs.

OP isn’t laughing.
OP is god like.



People like you are so triggered by stability and success. It was actually what prompted me to write the question. I am just overwhelmed by the vitriol and instability with US citizens and how that plays out in relationships.


You mean people like me with a sense of humor?


Grow up it's a friggin anonymous forum it's hardly that serious.


Attack themselves and then tell their victim they are the ones who are attacking. Never heard that tactic before...….. Exactly though it is an anonymous forum meaning no one actually gets to win.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 10:26     Subject: What percentage of people have the capacity to stay in and excel in a monogamous relationship?
People gravitate towards what they have been raised with.

Children of divorce are incapable of being good spouses. You are better off with a person who is an orphan or who is adopted into an intact family.

Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 10:26     Subject: What percentage of people have the capacity to stay in and excel in a monogamous relationship?
Anonymous wrote:I'll bite. DH and I have a loving monogamous marriage for past 30 years.

Parents and siblings and relatives are happily monogamously married. No divorce in the family.

Why marry otherwise?


OP here. I think it has been the tradition of this country to be in a monogamous relationship instead of a polygamous one, and it's not like you usually get a test before marriage that tells you whether you have the capability to stay in one or not. We haven't measured this capability the way we measure IQ, but I do get the sense that some people either because of environment or brain function just have it easier in relationships or have a very difficult time with them.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 10:23     Subject: What percentage of people have the capacity to stay in and excel in a monogamous relationship?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I like to think MOST people who get married do so with the goal of staying faithful and staying together for life. But we plan and God laughs.

OP isn’t laughing.
OP is god like.



People like you are so triggered by stability and success. It was actually what prompted me to write the question. I am just overwhelmed by the vitriol and instability with US citizens and how that plays out in relationships.


You mean people like me with a sense of humor?


Grow up it's a friggin anonymous forum it's hardly that serious.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 10:23     Subject: What percentage of people have the capacity to stay in and excel in a monogamous relationship?
I'll bite. DH and I have a loving monogamous marriage for past 30 years.

Parents and siblings and relatives are happily monogamously married. No divorce in the family.

Why marry otherwise?
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 10:19     Subject: What percentage of people have the capacity to stay in and excel in a monogamous relationship?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I like to think MOST people who get married do so with the goal of staying faithful and staying together for life. But we plan and God laughs.

OP isn’t laughing.
OP is god like.



People like you are so triggered by stability and success. It was actually what prompted me to write the question. I am just overwhelmed by the vitriol and instability with US citizens and how that plays out in relationships.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 10:16     Subject: Re:What percentage of people have the capacity to stay in and excel in a monogamous relationship?
Anonymous wrote:I would say that 50% are faithful.

I would say 25% actually have no desire to cheat and 25% have the desire but don't because they are moral and mentally stable.

The other 50% I would say 25% of them would like to be faithful but because of childhood sexual abuse, abusive parents, bi-polar disorder, etc they cheat but wish they could stop.

The other 25% you have the thought they would not get caught, selfish and morally corrupt crowd. They cheat and think they have the right to and don't GAF. Some of those also are bipolar, etc but they think they are deserve to cheat and they have done some mental gymnastics to justify it.


So what I'm hearing is about 50% of people have the capacity to stay faithful in a marriage. 25% have no problem being faithful and successful, 25% can be faithful but may not be successful. Another 25% can have a relatively successful marriage but not be faithful. The last 25% really shouldn't get married.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 10:13     Subject: Re:What percentage of people have the capacity to stay in and excel in a monogamous relationship?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What an obnoxious, self-righteous post. And your family might be fooling you, like Jerry Falwell Jr. fooled the entire Liberty community. You don't know what's happening within someone else's life or marriage.


Yes, I really do. I'm sorry but there has been no infidelity, no lying, no poor money management. There really are people that are nice to each other and have the skills to make a marriage work. And even going through cancer and people in the family dying from war. You are welcome to think as you do, but I'm generally curious how many people actually have the capacity to make it through marriage without major problems that they cause themselves.


You THINK you do. What you're really saying is that you don't *know* of any infidelity, lying or poor money management. Doesn't mean it hasn't happened. Big difference. But keep your judgmental blinders on. You'll feel much better about yourself.


I'm sorry you are not that close to your family. I am and there is legitimate proof that these things haven't happened. Again there really are people that don't have mental issues and trauma to the point of neglecting or harming others. I'm trying to understand how large that population is. I'm sorry for your hurt, I'm sure it was passed down.


NP. You're so clueless. I've been having an affair for 7 years and not a soul knows.


HAHA, all my friends who have affairs say that, my best friend had multiple 1 night stand and she thinks I don't know.

I remember one friend walked in the door of my apartment and I said "what have you done now"... she was like... how do people know... people just know.


I know. They think they are so sneaky and obviously if you have mental issues that cause you to do this, you have mental issues that would cause your partner to recognize it. So weird that the cheater is so clueless when they are already aware of their mental limitations.
Anonymous
Post 09/17/2020 10:11     Subject: Re:What percentage of people have the capacity to stay in and excel in a monogamous relationship?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What an obnoxious, self-righteous post. And your family might be fooling you, like Jerry Falwell Jr. fooled the entire Liberty community. You don't know what's happening within someone else's life or marriage.


Yes, I really do. I'm sorry but there has been no infidelity, no lying, no poor money management. There really are people that are nice to each other and have the skills to make a marriage work. And even going through cancer and people in the family dying from war. You are welcome to think as you do, but I'm generally curious how many people actually have the capacity to make it through marriage without major problems that they cause themselves.


You THINK you do. What you're really saying is that you don't *know* of any infidelity, lying or poor money management. Doesn't mean it hasn't happened. Big difference. But keep your judgmental blinders on. You'll feel much better about yourself.


I'm sorry you are not that close to your family. I am and there is legitimate proof that these things haven't happened. Again there really are people that don't have mental issues and trauma to the point of neglecting or harming others. I'm trying to understand how large that population is. I'm sorry for your hurt, I'm sure it was passed down.


NP. You're so clueless. I've been having an affair for 7 years and not a soul knows.


HAHA, all my friends who have affairs say that, my best friend had multiple 1 night stand and she thinks I don't know.

I know. They think they are so sneaky and obviously if you have mental issues that cause you to do this, you have mental issues that would cause your partner to recognize it. So weird that the cheater is so clueless.

I remember one friend walked in the door of my apartment and I said "what have you done now"... she was like... how do people know... people just know.