Why won’t your husband do it?

I feel like I’m the husband in this situation on myself and I’m just too unorganized. I have two siblings who decided to have 4 & 5 kids, the rest of my siblings are childless thank goodness. And it just got overwhelming to keep track of I couldn’t even remember their names at one point.

I visited everyone for their birthday one year, and then decided to call to check in/send cards from here on out. If I visited it would just be unfair(couldn’t visit everyone) , or I’d have no vacation days.

Anonymous wrote:If you only have one child, just realize that making this choice means that your one child will have no extended family. The cousins will forget about him/her and your child has no choice, being a child.

But if you don't care about that, then no, not awful.

I mean, she already said there’s a big age gap between her kid and the nieces/nephews, so it sounds like there’s not a lot of chance for a super close relationship anyway.

I have dozens of cousins but am not close to any of them because we are not close in age. It’s fine. I don’t get this attitude that you have to give children built in friends in the form of siblings and cousins. You also have the option of just making friends in life. It’s great if you happen to bond with the other kids in your family, but really not required. And you don’t have to be estranged either. I have a number of cousins who I send holiday cards to and see on social media. We are not close at all and have never hung out, but it’s fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you only have one child, just realize that making this choice means that your one child will have no extended family. The cousins will forget about him/her and your child has no choice, being a child.

But if you don't care about that, then no, not awful.

This

OMG ignore the dramas llamas trying to give you a guilt trip. We were forced to pretend to have a close extended family and un-needed gifts were always sent...often passive aggressive gifts. they took endless photos of "the cousins" and would force us to smile and look like one big happy family because that is what you are supposed to do. Once the people who forced us together were gone, we did not get together. It was all such BS. We heard "you need family" and "family is verything" all while the parents clearly resented their own siblings and cousins,

On the other hand in my huband's family there were cutoffs galore which made the cousins more curious about eachother. Later on they reached out to eachother and those that clicked have a relationship.

Anonymous wrote:If you only have one child, just realize that making this choice means that your one child will have no extended family. The cousins will forget about him/her and your child has no choice, being a child.

But if you don't care about that, then no, not awful.

This

Love my three nephews and little niece. They're local, so we were used to seeing them about every week. Have a great relationship with the kids and I am happy about that as I didn't grow up close to cousins.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad to read these responses. DH's niece (young adult) just did something that I can't forgive and I know I will be cutting off the relationship. I was starting to feel bad about my decision, but if many don't give a hoot about kids I'm not going to sweat not giving a hoot about an adult.

Dying to know. Unless she murdered a living human, I can’t see this.

Stole grandma's checkbook and lots of valuable from her place to pawn for a trip to Cancun during a pandemic, posted pictures of grandma bald from chemo and laughed that she looked like an old dying turtle, then infected the family when she came back? (Nobody dead yet, though.)

(Not PP.)

People can be pretty shitty at any age.

Anonymous wrote:Glad to read these responses. DH's niece (young adult) just did something that I can't forgive and I know I will be cutting off the relationship. I was starting to feel bad about my decision, but if many don't give a hoot about kids I'm not going to sweat not giving a hoot about an adult.

Dying to know. Unless she murdered a living human, I can’t see this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a couple dozen niece and nephew inlaws and find them much more appealing adults than kids. If you bound with them now they may grow up to be pretty cool young adults. They may be your pallbearers one day if you are childless. Make nice.

Extremely morbid!

Like I'd notice who my pallbearers were! Besides, I'm being cremated.

OP is not childfree! She has a kid!

If you only have one child, just realize that making this choice means that your one child will have no extended family. The cousins will forget about him/her and your child has no choice, being a child.

But if you don't care about that, then no, not awful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a couple dozen niece and nephew inlaws and find them much more appealing adults than kids. If you bound with them now they may grow up to be pretty cool young adults. They may be your pallbearers one day if you are childless. Make nice.

Extremely morbid!

Like I'd notice who my pallbearers were! Besides, I'm being cremated.

Glad to read these responses. DH's niece (young adult) just did something that I can't forgive and I know I will be cutting off the relationship. I was starting to feel bad about my decision, but if many don't give a hoot about kids I'm not going to sweat not giving a hoot about an adult.

Anonymous wrote:I have a couple dozen niece and nephew inlaws and find them much more appealing adults than kids. If you bound with them now they may grow up to be pretty cool young adults. They may be your pallbearers one day if you are childless. Make nice.

Extremely morbid!

I’m very remote with my brother’s step kids. He got re-married 2 years ago to a nice enough lady who already had 2 teens.

But my brother doesn’t work because he never worked. Now his wife doesn’t work (she stopped well before COVID). And her two kids (now 20 and 17) don’t seem to have any intention of working. Why should they? My parents foot the bill for everything. It’s awful to watch, but not my money.

Although new SIL & her kids are fun to be around, I don’t want to encourage a relationship with any of them, because once my parents go, I don’t want to inherit this unhealthy lack of boundaries and have them expecting to mooch off of me!

Why not spread a little kindness in the world? I can still remember relatives who remembered my birthday as a child. It made me feel special. Why not make a list and put it on your calendar and send a card or a small gift, like a $10.00 bill or a gift card.It takes so little effort to be kind and generous in this world. Be seen as the nice special aunt.

I have a couple dozen niece and nephew inlaws and find them much more appealing adults than kids. If you bound with them now they may grow up to be pretty cool young adults. They may be your pallbearers one day if you are childless. Make nice.