Anonymous
Post 09/04/2020 07:37     Subject: Re:Am I being too sensitive about doctors COVID statement?
Anonymous wrote:As someone who was pregnant during this whole thing and now has an infant during this it isn’t good time to be pregnant. That’s just a fact. Both my pregnancy and my maternity leave were nothing like I envisioned and we’re mostly spent inside our house other than for doctors visits. It’s not shaming someone to make that clear at the outset so they understand what they’re dealing with and can manage expectations. As someone who thought they’d be having a normal pregnancy it was tough coming to terms with what being pregnant and delivering during COVID meant- no baby shower, no spouse at doctors visits, no spouse at sonograms, no family or possibly spouse at the hospital for delivery, delivering alone, no visitors once baby’s home, no one getting to meet baby other than a select few, no going to stores or restaurants, not seeing anyone other than my spouse for the last six months, being CONSTANTLY anxious about catching it and what that would mean for fetus. It was also tough to go for months with no one really having an answer about the possible ramifications for pregnant women. If I was just getting pregnant now I’d want my doctor to be straightforward with me so I could be informed and prepare myself for how different things were going to be versus what I might have been expecting.


Nail on the head here. I’m about to deliver. I think a lot of these posters who are minimizing the experience of being pregnant and postpartum now are just women who are wanting to be pregnant, are women had kids a million years ago and are trolling these threads (why I don’t know), or are just newly pregnant and aren’t really in the thick of of. I cannot explain the stress of pregnancy now.

Here’s what it looks like to be almost delivering now: we have kept our older kiddo socially isolated because my pregnancy is high risk and he has asthma. So a kid who was quite social and independent pre COVID hasn’t been cared for by any other caregivers other than his parents for 6 months and is now more clingy and dependent on parents. Now, in the last 2 weeks, we have had to arrange masked social get togethers outdoors with our emergency contacts for when I go into labor. These are good friends of ours but he hasn’t seen them this year and doesn’t remember them - and of course we all are wearing masks and trying not to get close so it’s not exactly comforting for him. He’s scared for us to leave him with one of these friends when I have this baby. And just allowing him to be watched means we have to open up our family to another person whose social distancing/safety protocols we don’t really know and who we have to trust unless I want to deliver alone. Then we are all risking exposing the grandparents and vice versa when they come to help with the newborn and older child after I deliver.

I’ve considered having no help but I had raging PPD last time And have been cautioned against total isolation for my own mental health. So the upside of having family means I have to worry about me, my baby, and my partner getting COVID at the hospital and potentially exposing my parents (who are high risk) to it. I’m just getting started here on how things are different this pregnancy. And sure, maybe we will all be fine. Maybe we won’t. It’s impossible to say. But the ongoing stress of COVID on top of a normally stressful and challenging situation (pregnancy and birth) should not be understated. It’s one thing to think about risks for adults or older children with developed immune systems. It’s very different when you have family members who are vulnerable and high risk, by virtue or age, race, or health conditions. I’ve never had to worry about accidentally infecting and killing a loved one with a virus before, and this is the new world we are in.

So all this to say don’t just dismiss those of us living in the reality. I wish I could be pregnant until a vaccine is here just to keep this baby safe.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2020 07:18     Subject: Am I being too sensitive about doctors COVID statement?
Although rare, children under age 2 appear to be at higher risk of severe illness with COVID-19 than older children. This is likely due to their immature immune systems and smaller airways, which make them more likely to develop breathing issues with respiratory virus infections.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/coronavirus/in-depth/coronavirus-in-babies-and-children/art-20484405

We aren’t talking about the goddamn flu here.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2020 23:00     Subject: Am I being too sensitive about doctors COVID statement?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s indisputable fact that now is not a good time to be pregnant and deliver. I’m due next week and the last 6 months of this pregnancy have been incredibly stressful and I dread bringing a newborn into this situation. Every time I have to go to the hospital or the doctor I have to worry about COVID. Or frankly, go to the pharmacy or even just go outside. That’s not personal OP. It’s reality.


That may be the case, but unless you want me to get an abortion, I don't see the benefit in telling someone that.


The flip-side to that is that the very liberal telework policies make this a very good time to stay home with an infant without burning through all of your leave/FMLA.

I don't really understand that earlier comment about being worried about everything. From your own perspective, you'd be worried about COVID regardless of whether you had an infant. The new factor is the infant herself/himself, and COVID seems to be less risky for children than the flu. So from the child's perspective, it's sort of like having a baby in the winter- perhaps not ideal health-wise, but not something most people get too worked up about.


You clearly haven’t read up on the virus in infants.


I’m curious about where you’re reading up on ? Can you post?

I have a 4mos old. Our pediatrician was quite reassuring actually. Certainly no one wants to get it but she said the data is not giving them additional alarm with infants.

This thread is annoying to me. It’s very hard to be pregnant during Covid. For many many reasons. I know bc the world turned upside down when I was 32 weeks pregnant and I did indeed give birth without my husband. So perhaps let’s just try to support others going through a tough time.
OP - my OB was similar to yours and I didn’t mind it bc it was the truth. If this manner bothers you, I would think about switching. In the end when I was just with my Ob and not my husband giving birth, he was amazing and I’m grateful for his support, but he was always straight forward with me Without coddling me. What I realized is that these Obs are also going thru this unprecedented time and don’t have a ton of data .... it’s also not the easiest position.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2020 22:31     Subject: Am I being too sensitive about doctors COVID statement?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s indisputable fact that now is not a good time to be pregnant and deliver. I’m due next week and the last 6 months of this pregnancy have been incredibly stressful and I dread bringing a newborn into this situation. Every time I have to go to the hospital or the doctor I have to worry about COVID. Or frankly, go to the pharmacy or even just go outside. That’s not personal OP. It’s reality.


That may be the case, but unless you want me to get an abortion, I don't see the benefit in telling someone that.


The flip-side to that is that the very liberal telework policies make this a very good time to stay home with an infant without burning through all of your leave/FMLA.

I don't really understand that earlier comment about being worried about everything. From your own perspective, you'd be worried about COVID regardless of whether you had an infant. The new factor is the infant herself/himself, and COVID seems to be less risky for children than the flu. So from the child's perspective, it's sort of like having a baby in the winter- perhaps not ideal health-wise, but not something most people get too worked up about.


You clearly haven’t read up on the virus in infants.


What about all the other downsides? Quarantining and not seeing friends or family to minimize exposure to the infant during the postpartum time when you need help? Being cautioned against sending older kids to school and day care when you have a newborn at home so having to care for them at the same time? Grandparents, friends, and family being unable to visit? Having to spend basically your entire pregnancy alone with your own immediate family not seeing friends or loved ones? Not having hospital visitors or siblings visit their new brother or sister? Your partner not being able to leave the hospital after check in to go take care of other kids? No in person support groups or lactation appointments and having to do it via telemedicine or Zoom? No hospital doulas? Forgetting your plans for a postpartum doula or house cleaning or a night nurse? Not everyone is high risk or has high risk family members or a high risk pregnancy and has to take these precautions but many of us do and it absolutely, totally sucks. It’s never easy to have a newborn and COVID makes it harder and more isolating than ever before

And it sounds like someone else is being very selective about what they're choosing to read. No one is saying there's no risk. But the risks appear to be on par with influenza. That's not trivial, but people don't make a big deal about having a baby in the winter.



NP, but it is not on par with influenza during pregnancy. COVID has a higher hospitalization rate. If I get a severe case of COVID, and end up having severe respiratory problems toward the end of my pregnancy, it could be very bad for the baby. Sure, I may not be more likely than the general public to get a severe case, but there's two of us whose lives must considered. Severe respiratory problems and low oxygen levels can be dangerous for the baby, and not just the pregnant mother.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2020 22:13     Subject: Am I being too sensitive about doctors COVID statement?
Anonymous wrote:Op here thanks for all of the feedback. This baby was planned and I am well aware of the risks of COVID. Age is not on my side so we decided to go ahead and try. After thinking about it more, I'm going to explore other options for my OB care.


I',m sure your OB will be delighted to be rid of you.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2020 21:30     Subject: Re:Am I being too sensitive about doctors COVID statement?
As someone who was pregnant during this whole thing and now has an infant during this it isn’t good time to be pregnant. That’s just a fact. Both my pregnancy and my maternity leave were nothing like I envisioned and we’re mostly spent inside our house other than for doctors visits. It’s not shaming someone to make that clear at the outset so they understand what they’re dealing with and can manage expectations. As someone who thought they’d be having a normal pregnancy it was tough coming to terms with what being pregnant and delivering during COVID meant- no baby shower, no spouse at doctors visits, no spouse at sonograms, no family or possibly spouse at the hospital for delivery, delivering alone, no visitors once baby’s home, no one getting to meet baby other than a select few, no going to stores or restaurants, not seeing anyone other than my spouse for the last six months, being CONSTANTLY anxious about catching it and what that would mean for fetus. It was also tough to go for months with no one really having an answer about the possible ramifications for pregnant women. If I was just getting pregnant now I’d want my doctor to be straightforward with me so I could be informed and prepare myself for how different things were going to be versus what I might have been expecting.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2020 20:43     Subject: Am I being too sensitive about doctors COVID statement?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s indisputable fact that now is not a good time to be pregnant and deliver. I’m due next week and the last 6 months of this pregnancy have been incredibly stressful and I dread bringing a newborn into this situation. Every time I have to go to the hospital or the doctor I have to worry about COVID. Or frankly, go to the pharmacy or even just go outside. That’s not personal OP. It’s reality.


That may be the case, but unless you want me to get an abortion, I don't see the benefit in telling someone that.


The flip-side to that is that the very liberal telework policies make this a very good time to stay home with an infant without burning through all of your leave/FMLA.

I don't really understand that earlier comment about being worried about everything. From your own perspective, you'd be worried about COVID regardless of whether you had an infant. The new factor is the infant herself/himself, and COVID seems to be less risky for children than the flu. So from the child's perspective, it's sort of like having a baby in the winter- perhaps not ideal health-wise, but not something most people get too worked up about.


You clearly haven’t read up on the virus in infants.


What about all the other downsides? Quarantining and not seeing friends or family to minimize exposure to the infant during the postpartum time when you need help? Being cautioned against sending older kids to school and day care when you have a newborn at home so having to care for them at the same time? Grandparents, friends, and family being unable to visit? Having to spend basically your entire pregnancy alone with your own immediate family not seeing friends or loved ones? Not having hospital visitors or siblings visit their new brother or sister? Your partner not being able to leave the hospital after check in to go take care of other kids? No in person support groups or lactation appointments and having to do it via telemedicine or Zoom? No hospital doulas? Forgetting your plans for a postpartum doula or house cleaning or a night nurse? Not everyone is high risk or has high risk family members or a high risk pregnancy and has to take these precautions but many of us do and it absolutely, totally sucks. It’s never easy to have a newborn and COVID makes it harder and more isolating than ever before

And it sounds like someone else is being very selective about what they're choosing to read. No one is saying there's no risk. But the risks appear to be on par with influenza. That's not trivial, but people don't make a big deal about having a baby in the winter.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2020 20:15     Subject: Am I being too sensitive about doctors COVID statement?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s indisputable fact that now is not a good time to be pregnant and deliver. I’m due next week and the last 6 months of this pregnancy have been incredibly stressful and I dread bringing a newborn into this situation. Every time I have to go to the hospital or the doctor I have to worry about COVID. Or frankly, go to the pharmacy or even just go outside. That’s not personal OP. It’s reality.


That may be the case, but unless you want me to get an abortion, I don't see the benefit in telling someone that.


The flip-side to that is that the very liberal telework policies make this a very good time to stay home with an infant without burning through all of your leave/FMLA.

I don't really understand that earlier comment about being worried about everything. From your own perspective, you'd be worried about COVID regardless of whether you had an infant. The new factor is the infant herself/himself, and COVID seems to be less risky for children than the flu. So from the child's perspective, it's sort of like having a baby in the winter- perhaps not ideal health-wise, but not something most people get too worked up about.


You clearly haven’t read up on the virus in infants.


And it sounds like someone else is being very selective about what they're choosing to read. No one is saying there's no risk. But the risks appear to be on par with influenza. That's not trivial, but people don't make a big deal about having a baby in the winter.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2020 16:11     Subject: Am I being too sensitive about doctors COVID statement?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s indisputable fact that now is not a good time to be pregnant and deliver. I’m due next week and the last 6 months of this pregnancy have been incredibly stressful and I dread bringing a newborn into this situation. Every time I have to go to the hospital or the doctor I have to worry about COVID. Or frankly, go to the pharmacy or even just go outside. That’s not personal OP. It’s reality.


That may be the case, but unless you want me to get an abortion, I don't see the benefit in telling someone that.


The flip-side to that is that the very liberal telework policies make this a very good time to stay home with an infant without burning through all of your leave/FMLA.

I don't really understand that earlier comment about being worried about everything. From your own perspective, you'd be worried about COVID regardless of whether you had an infant. The new factor is the infant herself/himself, and COVID seems to be less risky for children than the flu. So from the child's perspective, it's sort of like having a baby in the winter- perhaps not ideal health-wise, but not something most people get too worked up about.


You clearly haven’t read up on the virus in infants.


https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/babies-mysterious-resilience-to-coronavirus-intrigues-scientists/
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2020 16:01     Subject: Am I being too sensitive about doctors COVID statement?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s indisputable fact that now is not a good time to be pregnant and deliver. I’m due next week and the last 6 months of this pregnancy have been incredibly stressful and I dread bringing a newborn into this situation. Every time I have to go to the hospital or the doctor I have to worry about COVID. Or frankly, go to the pharmacy or even just go outside. That’s not personal OP. It’s reality.


That may be the case, but unless you want me to get an abortion, I don't see the benefit in telling someone that.


The flip-side to that is that the very liberal telework policies make this a very good time to stay home with an infant without burning through all of your leave/FMLA.

I don't really understand that earlier comment about being worried about everything. From your own perspective, you'd be worried about COVID regardless of whether you had an infant. The new factor is the infant herself/himself, and COVID seems to be less risky for children than the flu. So from the child's perspective, it's sort of like having a baby in the winter- perhaps not ideal health-wise, but not something most people get too worked up about.


You clearly haven’t read up on the virus in infants.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2020 15:46     Subject: Am I being too sensitive about doctors COVID statement?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s indisputable fact that now is not a good time to be pregnant and deliver. I’m due next week and the last 6 months of this pregnancy have been incredibly stressful and I dread bringing a newborn into this situation. Every time I have to go to the hospital or the doctor I have to worry about COVID. Or frankly, go to the pharmacy or even just go outside. That’s not personal OP. It’s reality.


That may be the case, but unless you want me to get an abortion, I don't see the benefit in telling someone that.


The flip-side to that is that the very liberal telework policies make this a very good time to stay home with an infant without burning through all of your leave/FMLA.

I don't really understand that earlier comment about being worried about everything. From your own perspective, you'd be worried about COVID regardless of whether you had an infant. The new factor is the infant herself/himself, and COVID seems to be less risky for children than the flu. So from the child's perspective, it's sort of like having a baby in the winter- perhaps not ideal health-wise, but not something most people get too worked up about.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2020 14:33     Subject: Re:Am I being too sensitive about doctors COVID statement?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s hard to know without being there but perhaps you didnt appear aware or concerned about the risks in conceiving and having a baby now. All of us who are getting ready to give birth now got pregnant pre pandemic so we didn’t make a choice to have a baby in the middle of this. If you didn’t have a preconception appointment with your OB to discuss timing and such and then appear to be unaware of COVID risks and that yeah, this isn’t a great time to have a baby, that might explain her demeanor. I’m not saying it’s wrong to choose to have a baby now but you should have been considering the risks when you thought about conceiving and maybe your OB got the vibe that you were being flippant or something. No way to say though without knowing the context.

So it's ok for an OB to moralize to patients and chastise them for making a personal decision to start a family during a public health crisis? Which, by the way, isn't having an outsize impact on pregnant people or babies? And are you also aware, many people get pregnant without meaning to? SMH.

https://www.contagionlive.com/news/newborns-not-at-increased-perinatal-covid19-risk

https://www.acog.org/clinical/clinical-guidance/practice-advisory/articles/2020/03/novel-coronavirus-2019


Show me where OP's OB "moralized and chastised" her. Saying that now is not a great time to be pregnant because of COVID is neither.


Telling a pregnant woman she shouldn’t have gotten pregnant is just mean.


She didn't say that. She said "that now is not a good time to be pregnant." I interpret that as a comment about the challenges of COVID, just like someone might say that now is not a good time to start college. If my OB said that to me, I'd probably agree.


If my OB said that I would probably agree and then say something like" but here I am." just as a reminder to check herself and her manner.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2020 14:32     Subject: Am I being too sensitive about doctors COVID statement?
Your OB has poor bedside manner. This will likely extend to other things throughout your pregnancy, so either you will need to grow a thick skin ( tough to do while pregnant) and just filter her words for important medical stuff, or switch to an OB with a gentler touch.
You can convey a serious message, and get the receiver to take themessage seriously wihout coming across as an ahole and stirring undue stress in a pregnant woman.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2020 14:11     Subject: Am I being too sensitive about doctors COVID statement?
Anonymous wrote:It’s indisputable fact that now is not a good time to be pregnant and deliver. I’m due next week and the last 6 months of this pregnancy have been incredibly stressful and I dread bringing a newborn into this situation. Every time I have to go to the hospital or the doctor I have to worry about COVID. Or frankly, go to the pharmacy or even just go outside. That’s not personal OP. It’s reality.


That may be the case, but unless you want me to get an abortion, I don't see the benefit in telling someone that.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2020 14:04     Subject: Re:Am I being too sensitive about doctors COVID statement?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s hard to know without being there but perhaps you didnt appear aware or concerned about the risks in conceiving and having a baby now. All of us who are getting ready to give birth now got pregnant pre pandemic so we didn’t make a choice to have a baby in the middle of this. If you didn’t have a preconception appointment with your OB to discuss timing and such and then appear to be unaware of COVID risks and that yeah, this isn’t a great time to have a baby, that might explain her demeanor. I’m not saying it’s wrong to choose to have a baby now but you should have been considering the risks when you thought about conceiving and maybe your OB got the vibe that you were being flippant or something. No way to say though without knowing the context.

So it's ok for an OB to moralize to patients and chastise them for making a personal decision to start a family during a public health crisis? Which, by the way, isn't having an outsize impact on pregnant people or babies? And are you also aware, many people get pregnant without meaning to? SMH.

https://www.contagionlive.com/news/newborns-not-at-increased-perinatal-covid19-risk

https://www.acog.org/clinical/clinical-guidance/practice-advisory/articles/2020/03/novel-coronavirus-2019


Show me where OP's OB "moralized and chastised" her. Saying that now is not a great time to be pregnant because of COVID is neither.


Telling a pregnant woman she shouldn’t have gotten pregnant is just mean.


She didn't say that. She said "that now is not a good time to be pregnant." I interpret that as a comment about the challenges of COVID, just like someone might say that now is not a good time to start college. If my OB said that to me, I'd probably agree.