Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone thinks they would end it but when you are getting dementia you don’t have a good sense of how you are doing. And there is still a lot of quality life left at that point that you would forfeit.

Once the dementia hits, you don't have the ability to end your life.

I am going to say once I hit x or below on the cognitive test I want it to be over. Hopefully there is a lawyer who could do this. Anybody know of something like this?

No, but if you have a spouse or close friend or relative whom you can trust with your life (literally), you can have a conversation about this ahead of time and ensure that you go out on your terms. It's up to you to procure the supplies, which isn't hard if you do some research, but it will be up to them to put everything within your reach and make sure you actually do it when you get to that point.

My dad asked me to do this. He said the moment he can't wipe his own butt he's out. But he said ideally he'd just like to point his boat at a hurricane and die on it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad always said he’d commit suicide before he ever got too old or too senile to take care of himself...problem was, he got dementia and didn’t remember. Now he’s in a nursing home, the only thing we could do after taking care of him for years and finally becoming unable to - his needs were beyond anything we could do no matter how hard we tried. He would kill him self if he knew here he was...but he doesn’t. It’s a relatively nice place, even with three in a room. The people taking care of him are kind and competent.
But if you say you are going to “do yourself in” before “that happens to you” then you need to do it while you’re aware...when you wouldn’t...sigh...I’m not looking forward to getting older...

My father would have moments of clarity from Dementia and beg me to end it. You have to be brave and determination .

My grandma begged us nonstop when she was 95. She begged to go back to her house and die. Yep she had dementia too and was in a wheelchair

Mom has had moments of clarity from Dementia and asked if she has died.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone thinks they would end it but when you are getting dementia you don’t have a good sense of how you are doing. And there is still a lot of quality life left at that point that you would forfeit.

Once the dementia hits, you don't have the ability to end your life.

I am going to say once I hit x or below on the cognitive test I want it to be over. Hopefully there is a lawyer who could do this. Anybody know of something like this?

No, but if you have a spouse or close friend or relative whom you can trust with your life (literally), you can have a conversation about this ahead of time and ensure that you go out on your terms. It's up to you to procure the supplies, which isn't hard if you do some research, but it will be up to them to put everything within your reach and make sure you actually do it when you get to that point.

To the PP who keeps claiming (not just on this post, but has done so before) that they will just hop over to the Netherlands for euthanasia I have this to say: U bent totaal onwetend

Bottom line is that euthanasia is not easy even in countries where it is legal and where you are a legal citizen.

So back to original question: My brother is essentially destitute. He had to take social security at 62 so it's a reduced amount of less than $1,000 per month. He worked his entire life but it was low-paying manual type of work. His body just wore out.

His rent is $950 per month. I worked to get him on food stamps and accepted into Medicaid/Medicare. I supplement him by paying his utilities, car insurance (his car is almost 20 years old) and necessary household items.

He is single, has no children and has some mental health issues (not dementia) so he is sometimes not easy to deal with.

I know he is grateful for the help I give him but I try to make light of it. At one point, before I found out how much he needed help, he was living in his car for six months because he didn't want to tell anyone how bad off he was.

He is certainly not alone in his condition. Go to any trailer park in this country and you will see thousands of elderly living in poverty just like him.

These are people who were honest, worked hard their whole lives but just never were able to make it up the next rung of the financial ladder. Many times their kids either don't bother with them due to estrangement, or they can't help out because they are in even worse condition than their impoverished parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone thinks they would end it but when you are getting dementia you don’t have a good sense of how you are doing. And there is still a lot of quality life left at that point that you would forfeit.

Once the dementia hits, you don't have the ability to end your life.

I am going to say once I hit x or below on the cognitive test I want it to be over. Hopefully there is a lawyer who could do this. Anybody know of something like this?

My parents lived off of social security, retirement from the navy dads. .

He worked until he had a heart attack.

The government re constructed the house which was paid off because the living conditions were so bad so we had to live in apartments nearby. My mom is now in a nursing home due to dementia.

Birth Parents - truly poor

Mom continues to work, and doesnt have a 401k gets paid $9.50/hr as a landfill secretary 10 ys?. Was a manager for Checkers for prob 15 ys and most likely didn’t make enough to stash anything away so most likely public housing to follow.

**everyone above lives in fl**

Dad was diagnosed with cancer and is living in public housing in NY. Hasn’t really worked in the past 20 ys. And now that he can’t talk (and old) he’s pretty much unemployable.

Anonymous wrote:As PP pointed out, a lot depends on whether they had equity in a home. If they own a home, can scrape by on social security checks until medical needs are too great, or can get a reverse mortgage or sell.

You assume the house is worth anything. My grandma owned her home where she lived for 75 years. The house was and confines to be worth about $10k in a major urban city. She lived on social security with my mom who eventually went on social security after medical leave in her 60s. They made things work having high of them. It got bad when the company that grandma worked for went bankrupt and then the pension and company insurance also disappeared.

It’s hard as a single person on social security. “Helps” though that insurance companies will no longer insure houses in the neighborhood. She also pays 3xs more for car insurance than I paid in Arlington and Alexandria (not old town). Mail and porch theft means that you really need to know when packages especially those carrying your meds will arrive.

Right now she can afford to do somethings that she couldn’t afford to do if she was in a retirement community. She prefers to take the devil you know with the neighborhood situation versus subsidized senior housing. She is still involved with friends and family there, so to move her here would remove her from her social circle. We don’t socialize much and she’d be really miserable.

It’s totally fun OP.

My parents story is similar to PP.
Parents divorced when I was a teenager. At “retirement”, little savings. No home - sold in the divorce - and both lived with UMC friends (like golden girls, only not as ritzy). Both worked into their late 70s.
My dad had signed up for low income senior housing run by Methodists way in advance. The first time his number came up, he declined. They kept him on the list. Then they said you must move in or lose the spot. He moved in. The place was well kept. It was not a nursing home - but independent senior living with a few “amenities” like the emergency button in the bathrooms, a cafeteria if you wanted to eat there (had to pay for each meal, but it was pretty cheap) and they kept track of residents coming and going so they could report anyone missing.
He went downhill fast. He went blind due to a arterial condition. Sister took him in, but after 2 months he ended up with kidney failure due to the steroids they put him on.... My sister (thankfully!!) navigated all the options and he ended up in a Catholic nursing home. They took all his SS / Medicare but $75. The place was old, but it looked like they tried the best they could. My dad was lucky that most of my siblings would visit weekly (he lived out west). He died within a year.
My mom is still alive, living by herself off SS and very limited savings (down to $22k now). I pay a lot of her bills. Probably about $500 a month. My siblings send her some money to, or at least before COVID, but most lost their jobs. She is on a waitlist for low income senior housing. And when it comes time for a nursing home, which isn’t far away, I’ll have to navigate the options.
Her prescriptions run $300 a month - after Medicare part D. We filled out a bunch of paperwork the last few months to qualify for reduced prescription cost from the manufacturers - but they keep getting rejected for missing some thing on the form or another.
They had me late in life, and I started a family late... so I’m sandwich generation - raising kids (10 and 13) and taking care of a parent. She’s 83 and moved close to me because she has a lung condition and couldn’t live in high altitude anymore. I’m the only family nearby. It’s a huge burden. But I love her, and you take care of your family.
My husband dislikes having her burden me - similar to what other PPs have stated about not wanting to burden their family. Luckily both my husband and I are retired military, so we will have income for life. And I have second career which will provide more in savings for our actual retirement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad always said he’d commit suicide before he ever got too old or too senile to take care of himself...problem was, he got dementia and didn’t remember. Now he’s in a nursing home, the only thing we could do after taking care of him for years and finally becoming unable to - his needs were beyond anything we could do no matter how hard we tried. He would kill him self if he knew here he was...but he doesn’t. It’s a relatively nice place, even with three in a room. The people taking care of him are kind and competent.
But if you say you are going to “do yourself in” before “that happens to you” then you need to do it while you’re aware...when you wouldn’t...sigh...I’m not looking forward to getting older...

My father would have moments of clarity from Dementia and beg me to end it. You have to be brave and determination .

My grandma begged us nonstop when she was 95. She begged to go back to her house and die. Yep she had dementia too and was in a wheelchair

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I will kill myself before it comes to this. Not kidding.

100% same. This is totally my plan.

I think that too but the problem is dementia is not an aggressive cancer that progress quickly and leaves you with a clear mind, is a long decline and each day you may think you are fine until you get to the point where you are not fine but you are unable to make the decision. also, I have a couple of relative into it now (both over 80s) and they both denied they had any problem even when we realized something was off. they both managed to hide their memory issues for a long time and one even argued with the doctor who did the neuropsych test , saying that she was perfectly fine and that her husband was making things up, even when the doctor was showing her the result of the test with the deficiencies. I think our brain has a defense mechanism that allow us to deny an horrible reality we don't want to face.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone thinks they would end it but when you are getting dementia you don’t have a good sense of how you are doing. And there is still a lot of quality life left at that point that you would forfeit.

Once the dementia hits, you don't have the ability to end your life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not a happy existence. If you don't have family, hope you die before you get old.

+1

I’m unmarried and have no kids or family. Before things get bad, I plan to go to the Netherlands to do assisted suicide. I’m probably good until 55-60. Then I want out.

are you 25? I am 54 and frankly feel really well. I have a relative with dementia (no kids, my parents, who are in their late 70s, took her in and are taking care of her, but they all have money, a great caretaker that help 40 hours a week and another ready to step in when there will be need for more, so she is especially lucky, will not have to go to a nursing home as long as my parents are alive and she is order than them). but seeing her like this, and seeing my mother in law down on the same path, is heart-breaking and I hope I still have a sufficiently clear mind to just shoot myself if this happens to me.

however, for all those counting on the Netherland, be careful because as far as I know you need to be a resident of the Netherland and also need to meet some medical criteria, you cannot just show up and get it because you want it,. same for other European countries that allow assisted suicide, except for Switzerland, where is not free but you have to pay $$$$. even in Switzerland you should meet some criteria, like having less than 6 months of life but apparently, since you pay, rules are more flexible.

You are lucky they had money and a house that would fit everyone. We took my MIL in. We have a 1000 square foot house and had no money for a caretaker. I loved my MIL but with the dementia it was pure hell as I couldn't leave her home alone safely very long and when I did I was worried about her safety. Even if we hired a caretaker in the small space it would not have been easy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not a happy existence. If you don't have family, hope you die before you get old.

+1

I’m unmarried and have no kids or family. Before things get bad, I plan to go to the Netherlands to do assisted suicide. I’m probably good until 55-60. Then I want out.

are you 25? I am 54 and frankly feel really well. I have a relative with dementia (no kids, my parents, who are in their late 70s, took her in and are taking care of her, but they all have money, a great caretaker that help 40 hours a week and another ready to step in when there will be need for more, so she is especially lucky, will not have to go to a nursing home as long as my parents are alive and she is order than them). but seeing her like this, and seeing my mother in law down on the same path, is heart-breaking and I hope I still have a sufficiently clear mind to just shoot myself if this happens to me.

however, for all those counting on the Netherland, be careful because as far as I know you need to be a resident of the Netherland and also need to meet some medical criteria, you cannot just show up and get it because you want it,. same for other European countries that allow assisted suicide, except for Switzerland, where is not free but you have to pay $$$$. even in Switzerland you should meet some criteria, like having less than 6 months of life but apparently, since you pay, rules are more flexible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad always said he’d commit suicide before he ever got too old or too senile to take care of himself...problem was, he got dementia and didn’t remember. Now he’s in a nursing home, the only thing we could do after taking care of him for years and finally becoming unable to - his needs were beyond anything we could do no matter how hard we tried. He would kill him self if he knew here he was...but he doesn’t. It’s a relatively nice place, even with three in a room. The people taking care of him are kind and competent.
But if you say you are going to “do yourself in” before “that happens to you” then you need to do it while you’re aware...when you wouldn’t...sigh...I’m not looking forward to getting older...

My father would have moments of clarity from Dementia and beg me to end it. You have to be brave and determination .

My grandmother would do the same--she'd have moments of clarity and talk about how she wanted to die and begging the Lord to let her go.

Anonymous wrote:I think I will kill myself before it comes to this. Not kidding.

100% same. This is totally my plan.