Anonymous
08/27/2020 16:18
Subject: When is the most impactful age to SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:I have been a SAHM for 20 years now and I am not going back to work ever so take my advice with a pinch of salt because it is based on what worked for me. Kids need you all the time. Till the time they are living in your house, they want to see your face when they are home.
I think most impactful is from birth to school age. After that if you have the flexibility to work full time while they are at school, you should certainly do that. If you need to stagger your work schedule with your spouse or have loving grandparents meet them at the busstop and spend time with them for one hour or so, then go back to work. As a mom and wife, you are always contributing regardless of your employment status.
From 4th to 8th grade is the time when a lot of bullying and stuff starts happening. So you have to absolutely be around when they are home and be in their business. It is also the time that academic content is foundational to more rigorous courses in HS, so you have to keep an eye on it. This can be done with a flex schedule at work.
During HS you are needed sporadically but in a more specialized role. Mainly guiding them academically, college application process and other teen and young adult issues.
I think if SAHMs stop trying to be housewives and outsource some of the work and devote their time guiding their children through the challenges of their age groups and their mental/social/physical/emotional/academic growth, they will realize that they are needed at every age but in different ways.
But for maximum impact - birth to school age. Your kid needs the mom to hold them and be an arms length away most of the day.
Two of my kids are in college and they need me still to be their life advisor. I am also the mom who advises their friends on all sort of things. Mainly, I am there as a non-judgmental pragmatic listener. I think that will remain for as long as my mental faculties are intact.
I’ll never be a SAHM but I really want to downshift for grades 4-8 for the reasons you mention. It’s been ok so far for me to keep a busy professional life but my second grader already needs way more emotional support and I can see that’s going to get more intense in the next few years.
Anonymous
08/27/2020 16:04
Subject: When is the most impactful age to SAHM?
Until they go to school. Those were my absolute favorite years.
I WFH so I'm still "home", but in a different capacity. My son is in 4th and I love having awareness of his days and just being close by in case he needs me. He comes in and gives lots of hugs or does his school work or reads while hanging out on my office sofa. Its sweet.
I WFH so I'm still "home", but in a different capacity. My son is in 4th and I love having awareness of his days and just being close by in case he needs me. He comes in and gives lots of hugs or does his school work or reads while hanging out on my office sofa. Its sweet.
Anonymous
08/27/2020 15:59
Subject: When is the most impactful age to SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:I have been a SAHM for 20 years now and I am not going back to work ever so take my advice with a pinch of salt because it is based on what worked for me. Kids need you all the time. Till the time they are living in your house, they want to see your face when they are home.
I think most impactful is from birth to school age. After that if you have the flexibility to work full time while they are at school, you should certainly do that. If you need to stagger your work schedule with your spouse or have loving grandparents meet them at the busstop and spend time with them for one hour or so, then go back to work. As a mom and wife, you are always contributing regardless of your employment status.
From 4th to 8th grade is the time when a lot of bullying and stuff starts happening. So you have to absolutely be around when they are home and be in their business. It is also the time that academic content is foundational to more rigorous courses in HS, so you have to keep an eye on it. This can be done with a flex schedule at work.
During HS you are needed sporadically but in a more specialized role. Mainly guiding them academically, college application process and other teen and young adult issues.
I think if SAHMs stop trying to be housewives and outsource some of the work and devote their time guiding their children through the challenges of their age groups and their mental/social/physical/emotional/academic growth, they will realize that they are needed at every age but in different ways.
But for maximum impact - birth to school age. Your kid needs the mom to hold them and be an arms length away most of the day.
Two of my kids are in college and they need me still to be their life advisor. I am also the mom who advises their friends on all sort of things. Mainly, I am there as a non-judgmental pragmatic listener. I think that will remain for as long as my mental faculties are intact.
Love this response.
Anonymous
08/27/2020 15:48
Subject: When is the most impactful age to SAHM?
0-5
Anonymous
08/27/2020 15:45
Subject: When is the most impactful age to SAHM?
I have been a SAHM for 20 years now and I am not going back to work ever so take my advice with a pinch of salt because it is based on what worked for me. Kids need you all the time. Till the time they are living in your house, they want to see your face when they are home.
I think most impactful is from birth to school age. After that if you have the flexibility to work full time while they are at school, you should certainly do that. If you need to stagger your work schedule with your spouse or have loving grandparents meet them at the busstop and spend time with them for one hour or so, then go back to work. As a mom and wife, you are always contributing regardless of your employment status.
From 4th to 8th grade is the time when a lot of bullying and stuff starts happening. So you have to absolutely be around when they are home and be in their business. It is also the time that academic content is foundational to more rigorous courses in HS, so you have to keep an eye on it. This can be done with a flex schedule at work.
During HS you are needed sporadically but in a more specialized role. Mainly guiding them academically, college application process and other teen and young adult issues.
I think if SAHMs stop trying to be housewives and outsource some of the work and devote their time guiding their children through the challenges of their age groups and their mental/social/physical/emotional/academic growth, they will realize that they are needed at every age but in different ways.
But for maximum impact - birth to school age. Your kid needs the mom to hold them and be an arms length away most of the day.
Two of my kids are in college and they need me still to be their life advisor. I am also the mom who advises their friends on all sort of things. Mainly, I am there as a non-judgmental pragmatic listener. I think that will remain for as long as my mental faculties are intact.
I think most impactful is from birth to school age. After that if you have the flexibility to work full time while they are at school, you should certainly do that. If you need to stagger your work schedule with your spouse or have loving grandparents meet them at the busstop and spend time with them for one hour or so, then go back to work. As a mom and wife, you are always contributing regardless of your employment status.
From 4th to 8th grade is the time when a lot of bullying and stuff starts happening. So you have to absolutely be around when they are home and be in their business. It is also the time that academic content is foundational to more rigorous courses in HS, so you have to keep an eye on it. This can be done with a flex schedule at work.
During HS you are needed sporadically but in a more specialized role. Mainly guiding them academically, college application process and other teen and young adult issues.
I think if SAHMs stop trying to be housewives and outsource some of the work and devote their time guiding their children through the challenges of their age groups and their mental/social/physical/emotional/academic growth, they will realize that they are needed at every age but in different ways.
But for maximum impact - birth to school age. Your kid needs the mom to hold them and be an arms length away most of the day.
Two of my kids are in college and they need me still to be their life advisor. I am also the mom who advises their friends on all sort of things. Mainly, I am there as a non-judgmental pragmatic listener. I think that will remain for as long as my mental faculties are intact.
Anonymous
08/27/2020 15:44
Subject: When is the most impactful age to SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:Infant/toddler. It doesn’t matter if the child doesn’t consciously remember.
This is true for social media posts only.
Anonymous
08/27/2020 15:40
Subject: When is the most impactful age to SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:Infant/toddler. It doesn’t matter if the child doesn’t consciously remember.
For those saying this...can you link to some research that supports it?
Anonymous
08/27/2020 15:35
Subject: When is the most impactful age to SAHM?
Infant/toddler. It doesn’t matter if the child doesn’t consciously remember.
Anonymous
08/27/2020 15:25
Subject: Re:When is the most impactful age to SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:0-5.
Best age for a wonderful loving consistent childcare provider. SAHP not required.
Anonymous
08/27/2020 15:22
Subject: Re:When is the most impactful age to SAHM?
0-5.
Anonymous
08/27/2020 15:22
Subject: Re:When is the most impactful age to SAHM?
I did it when our kids were in MS or G4+. We had just relocated and I really felt it was important for me to be close to them as they entered 3 different schools, made new friends etc. After 2-3 years I went back to work but a local job with hours that matched the school day and plenty of summer flexibility. When they were young we had great live in nannies which helped because I was working full time at a big job.
Anonymous
08/27/2020 15:09
Subject: Re:When is the most impactful age to SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:From my personal experiences, as a parent, I'd never want to miss the first moments the kids come off the bus or in the door from school or big event.
That means more to you than first steps, first words, first foods, baby laughs, etc.?
No question. It's not about me and my memories. It's what's much more important and impactful for the kids.
But you can work and still get the end of the day summary at pickup and make all of the important events.
Absolutely. I was just making an observation from my experience of the most important times to be there for kids.
Anonymous
08/27/2020 15:01
Subject: Re:When is the most impactful age to SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:From my personal experiences, as a parent, I'd never want to miss the first moments the kids come off the bus or in the door from school or big event.
That means more to you than first steps, first words, first foods, baby laughs, etc.?
No question. It's not about me and my memories. It's what's much more important and impactful for the kids.
But you can work and still get the end of the day summary at pickup and make all of the important events.
Anonymous
08/27/2020 14:58
Subject: When is the most impactful age to SAHM?
This is an unanswerable question with most responses Attempting to justify the decisions each respondent has made. Do what’s best for your family and feel confident in whatever choice you make.
Anonymous
08/27/2020 14:57
Subject: Re:When is the most impactful age to SAHM?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:From my personal experiences, as a parent, I'd never want to miss the first moments the kids come off the bus or in the door from school or big event.
That means more to you than first steps, first words, first foods, baby laughs, etc.?
No question. It's not about me and my memories. It's what's much more important and impactful for the kids.
DP, but why wouldn't it be more important for very young kids? Because they can't verbalize those memories? They still have them.
As PPs have said, middle and high school kids (and elementary) still need engaged parents who know what's going on. That doesn't translate to SAH, necessarily.
I don’t remember taking my first steps, speaking my first words, or laughing as an infant and who was there with me when those happened. No one does. But I do remember my mom always being there for a big hug when I got home from elementary school on the bus and her chaperoning my field trips and seeing her beaming smile as I looked into the crowd at my soccer game. Because, you know, brain development.
Parent being there for infant milestones = only the parent remembers.
Parent being there for older kid milestones = parent AND kid remember/consciously understand.
The choice is easy.
If you have a choice, this post sums it up best.