Real nannies make real pay. These are not nannies. They have loyalty.

My first cousin married a nanny. She worked for a hedge fund big shot in NYC. Had her own private bedroom in a luxury condo, went on vacation with them to places like Turks and Caicos and had her own bedroom on their Hamptons house. Back in 1992 got paid 40k a year, on the books with benefits.

I had one once. Shortly in 2007. She wanted 15 an hour “off the books” a 35 hour work week. We feed her while there and she wanted to bring her dog. Plus wanted to use our car for errands and drive kids to preschool and I know she did her own shopping sometimes My aunt, sister in law and Mother in law on rotating basis covered when she left at 5 everyday.

One day around four months in she did not show up. Monday after pay day. I was actually thinking something happened. I had her address looked up her home phone (only had cell she was not answering) and said got better deal and said don’t call back.

They come and go. Get over it. Good ones now get 100k a year

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever, tell her no and she’ll just find someone else. So easy right now. Because, as you say, we’re in a pandemic! Hell, I’d hire her right now and pay her double if I knew she was halfway decent. So go ahead, play hardball. You’ll only be $crewing yourself!

This is the current reality right now. I know 4 people who have “stolen” nannies by offering 30-40 percent more than market rate plus a big bonus at the 1 yr mark just to get someone in and take over this online home school mess. We’ve had our nanny for six years and pay market but truly can’t afford much beyond market and I’m terrified. We literally are giving her as much time off as we can bc it’s the only thing we can add on top.

+1 My sibling is trying to find a nanny right now (and they pay well) and is literally finding no one.

Anonymous wrote:So for the year she is getting married, if she wants one week for her wedding and honeymoon, she can’t take any time of her choosing for the whole year.

NP here, and this seems correct.

But it’s also not like skipping her honeymoon was her only option. She could have planned her wedding around a less busy season and taken a week off when OP was going to take time off. She could have gotten married over the holidays when OP always takes time off, or she could have said something in March and let OP know that she was going to need two weeks off of her choosing this year.
I can see why OP feels taken advantage of.

So for the year she is getting married, if she wants one week for her wedding and honeymoon, she can’t take any time of her choosing for the whole year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be a troll, assuming it isn’t- insist she take DD on her honeymoon and stop being a slacker

Not a troll and of course giving her the time off, just resenting that she’s expecting I’ll both pay her and pay for back up care (I have a major meeting that week and can’t take any time off). She was engaged when she picked her time off in March and didn’t save her pto for honeymoon. It’s not like my job just randomly lets me take extra paid time off over my pto

No offense but its a pandemic so maybe she needed some space to breathe (literally). And most jobs give you at least 2 weeks PTO of your choice. So really by only letting her choose one week it seems you're being selfish.

It should be 2 weeks your choice, 2 weeks hers or 2/2/1 unpaid hers.

This. Paying her for time you choose to take, no matter how frequent, is not the same as giving her vacation. Stop being selfish and let her have a reasonable amount of PTO. Anyone would struggle to fit all of their time off in 5 days per year. So freaking selfish.

How far in advance do you make the weeks you choose known? I sort of agree here. You keep comparing it to your job, OP, but pretty sure you get more than 5 days of PTO at your choosing. For doctor’s visits alone that would be hard to swing over a year, not to mention taking any actual time off.

We don't really have any written-down PTO time allowance. She tells us when she'd like to go on vacation and we make plans around it. So far it's been 4 weeks last Xmas (we managed) and 2 weeks this summer (around our vacation). She has guaranteed hours. It works because we both respect and like each other, and no one is afraid of getting shortchanged. Going on 3 years.

I don’t think you can really count three weeks PTO of YOUR choosing as her vacation. We had a nanny and gave her 2 weeks pto of her choosing (just ask that it not be during school year if possible) and effectively gave her another 2w of pto when we would vacation but didn’t call it her vacation! You actually seem quite stingy...not to mention HER WEDDING!

I’m surprised this has become such a hot topic. It’s her wedding...I would pay as a one-time gift. Also, she only gets to plan one week of vacation? She should get 10 days of her choosing to use for sick/personal/vacation.

I understand you feel taken advantage of because she’s asking for extra week off and it’s in a position for you to find back up care. But You mentioned that she took some early afternoon. People have lives including nannies and sometimes people need to make afternoon appointments and this needs to be OK with you. I am certain you take time off your work to run medical appointments or even personal time.

If the OP is really paying 80k she can impose extra rules.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be a troll, assuming it isn’t- insist she take DD on her honeymoon and stop being a slacker

Not a troll and of course giving her the time off, just resenting that she’s expecting I’ll both pay her and pay for back up care (I have a major meeting that week and can’t take any time off). She was engaged when she picked her time off in March and didn’t save her pto for honeymoon. It’s not like my job just randomly lets me take extra paid time off over my pto

No offense but its a pandemic so maybe she needed some space to breathe (literally). And most jobs give you at least 2 weeks PTO of your choice. So really by only letting her choose one week it seems you're being selfish.

It should be 2 weeks your choice, 2 weeks hers or 2/2/1 unpaid hers.

This. Paying her for time you choose to take, no matter how frequent, is not the same as giving her vacation. Stop being selfish and let her have a reasonable amount of PTO. Anyone would struggle to fit all of their time off in 5 days per year. So freaking selfish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why my nanny has to earn vacation days. The nanny is NOT given all her vacation at the start of the year. Each pay period they earn a portion of a day, and it accumulates throughout the year.

Give her the week for her wedding and pay her for it. Then buy her a small gift off her registry and tell her those two are her wedding gifts.

Our nanny is given all her vacation days whenever she wants it. She’s never once asked for additional time or abused it.

Just hire grown ups.

Sounds like a gem. You got lucky, pp.

Anonymous wrote:This is why my nanny has to earn vacation days. The nanny is NOT given all her vacation at the start of the year. Each pay period they earn a portion of a day, and it accumulates throughout the year.

Give her the week for her wedding and pay her for it. Then buy her a small gift off her registry and tell her those two are her wedding gifts.

Our nanny is given all her vacation days whenever she wants it. She’s never once asked for additional time or abused it.

Just hire grown ups.

This is why my nanny has to earn vacation days. The nanny is NOT given all her vacation at the start of the year. Each pay period they earn a portion of a day, and it accumulates throughout the year.

Give her the week for her wedding and pay her for it. Then buy her a small gift off her registry and tell her those two are her wedding gifts.

I provide updated sick and vacation leave hours on each paystub after confirming any adjustments to hours for the pay period. This keeps us on the same page.