Anonymous wrote:Any advice on how to help my adult daughter deal with the fact that ALL of her friends are getting married, having kids, and she is so so sad that she hasn't met anyone yet? She is 29, is our oldest, and is the age where she is watching all of her childhood and other friends get engaged, married, etc, and she is getting quite depressed about it. I sit with her, hold her hand as she cries, try to bolster her, but really don't know what the hell to tell her.

She desperately wants to get married and have a family, but she says she's losing hope even though I know she is still young. I just don't know what to say.....and I hate seeing her so sad.

Any advice welcome. She is generally such a happy and upbeat person, is such a joy in so many ways, and I, too, am sad for her although I don't let her see that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"A relationship isn't the most important thing"

Yes it is -- to most people, and clearly to OP's DD.

OP, it's a pandemic. That makes things hard. But help her stay as busy as possible. Volunteering is a great way to meet people. Taking classes, signing up for MeetUp groups, hobbies -- she just needs to get out there. She'll find someone. Good luck to her.

Um, actually it's not to most people. Maybe where you're from? But in highly-educated, urban areas like D.C., most people recognize that a relationship does not make you whole, a relationship does not make you happy, and a relationship does not make you fulfilled. This has been proven over and over in numerous psych studies. There is a slight "happiness bump" for the first year or two that you're in a healthy and satisfying relationship, but then you revert to your baseline - and oftentimes even lower than your baseline for women who have another dependent on their hands. It's very, very temporary. If you're not happy with yourself, as a full and complete human being, woman or man, then you won't feel any differently after a year or so of marriage.

Still not buying it. Family is crucial. I'd much rather have a happy family life than be happy alone. The entire idea that you have to learn to be happy alone is crazy. We are pack animals, not robots or grizzly bears. If you aren't happier being around people than being alone, then there's something wrong there (that can be worked on, presumably).

I think you are confusing somethings. No one is saying you should be happy without social interaction of any kind.

Just that you shouldn't be miserable, depressed crying all the time if you aren't in a romantic relationship. A relationship should be healthy and bring you happiness, it should not be the origin of your happiness.


Just my experience, but the people who are happy with their lives, single or not, have happier and healthier romantic relationships, than people who are in romantic relationships because without them they are lost and miserable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the great replies. They are all things I have told her. She gets very emotional and down at certain times of the month, and at those times (like yesterday), nothing I say matters. I agree that she needs to widen the net and a use the dating apps, even if she has to wait until things calm down with the virus. There is no shame in it like she thinks there is as none of her friends have met their SO that way. My own sister found her gem of a second husband on one. It's just a tool I told her. Just a way to meet someone that could be living two towns away that you might never have crossed paths with!

Yes, she is "out there" as much as she can be right now. She isn't a hermit lol. She had a few not very nice men that she had to break up with over the years, and she just found out that her first boyfriend is married and expecting his first baby. That hit her hard and made her think....

Oh poor thing....that is hard

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the great replies. They are all things I have told her. She gets very emotional and down at certain times of the month, and at those times (like yesterday), nothing I say matters. I agree that she needs to widen the net and a use the dating apps, even if she has to wait until things calm down with the virus. There is no shame in it like she thinks there is as none of her friends have met their SO that way. My own sister found her gem of a second husband on one. It's just a tool I told her. Just a way to meet someone that could be living two towns away that you might never have crossed paths with!

Yes, she is "out there" as much as she can be right now. She isn't a hermit lol. She had a few not very nice men that she had to break up with over the years, and she just found out that her first boyfriend is married and expecting his first baby. That hit her hard and made her think....