Anonymous wrote:at 2 and five, they go to sleep early. I could see with an 8 pm bedtime, a late night date with a babysitter. I do, however, wonder how you are dating for three months during COVID.

There have been multiple threads on this, so sorry for derailing OP's, but people are going to date.

I know from social media that many of my younger friends are just out there without a care in the world. I'm not so cavalier, but after a month of zoom dates as well as getting a decent feel for what someone is like through their social media, I was comfortable making a bit of a leap to meet someone in mid-May that has led to a relationship. No regrets.

at 2 and five, they go to sleep early. I could see with an 8 pm bedtime, a late night date with a babysitter. I do, however, wonder how you are dating for three months during COVID.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think it's incredibly selfish if you would go out with him knowing he is using a babysitter. He is a horrible parent!

This is nonsense. Just stop.

Seriously, stop. A horrible parent? That is ludicrous.

What would you suggest? He's picking a woman he barely knows over kids he sees half the time. His kids!

Anonymous wrote:

I think it's incredibly selfish if you would go out with him knowing he is using a babysitter. He is a horrible parent!

This is nonsense. Just stop.

Seriously, stop. A horrible parent? That is ludicrous.

I'm a single dad with 50/50 custody.

I've only hired a babysitter for a date once and it was a big deal type work event that was really cool for her to attend and that I would have had to hire a babysitter to attend anyway.

I actually think that hiring a babysitter for one evening before you travel during a pandemic is a good enough reason as well, but would be wary if it was a regular thing.

p.s. I think it's really cool that you are concerned about this and want to make sure he's a good dad. I have certainly dated women who pushed me to hire a babysitter so we could go out more together and I considered that a red flag.

Anonymous wrote:I think the bigger red flag is that he has a two year old and has been dating you for months. Which means to me that unless he divorced his wife while pregnant he is newly out of a long term relationship and has not done the work to figure out why his past relationship did not work out.

OP here. We've talked and I'm comfortable with that part. My main concern is him using a babysitter to see me and is that a red flag.

I think the bigger red flag is that he has a two year old and has been dating you for months. Which means to me that unless he divorced his wife while pregnant he is newly out of a long term relationship and has not done the work to figure out why his past relationship did not work out.

Anonymous wrote:

As has been explained multiple times, no one said divorced parents can't date. It's just that he already has limited time with his kids, and he's seeking to limit that time even further when they're very, very young.

50% is not limited, and they're asleep when he's using the sitter.

What is with the over the top crazy responses in this thread?

The kids aren't asleep. OP said they'd likely be awake with the sitter.. 50% is limited, It's at most a couple of weeks a month or a few days a week. Maybe that's not a big deal to you, but it's a big deal to toddlers.

As has been explained multiple times, no one said divorced parents can't date. It's just that he already has limited time with his kids, and he's seeking to limit that time even further when they're very, very young.

50% is not limited, and they're asleep when he's using the sitter.

What is with the over the top crazy responses in this thread?

I think it's incredibly selfish if you would go out with him knowing he is using a babysitter. He is a horrible parent!

This is nonsense. Just stop.

Anonymous wrote:MY exDH routinely gets a babysitter and he sees our kids only every other weekend and actually lives with the person he is going on dates with!!!!!!!!!!

This situation is different. It's 50/50

MY exDH routinely gets a babysitter and he sees our kids only every other weekend and actually lives with the person he is going on dates with!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Red flag for sure. In addition to the fact that they are very small, and he has limited time with them, and in addition to the covid concerns, I wonder why he doesn't just switch weeks.

If he had a decent relationship with his ex, he would just ask to swap weekend or days. The fact that he won't do that communication is a huge red flag for me.

It's possible he did ask, but mom didn't go for it, she has a life too no matter how amicable things might be, and may not be able to shift things at short notice to accommodate dad's dating schedule.


For me it's a good sign he has 50% physical custody.


I could understand shifting the schedule if you were going away for months at a time. You won't see each other for a couple of weeks. It's not fun, but it's hardly I must see you before you go! At least not to me. If he is otherwise an attentive father I wouldn't hold it fully against him.

50% is hardly limited time

Disagree.

I think it's incredibly selfish if you would go out with him knowing he is using a babysitter. He is a horrible parent!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Red flag for sure. In addition to the fact that they are very small, and he has limited time with them, and in addition to the covid concerns, I wonder why he doesn't just switch weeks.

If he had a decent relationship with his ex, he would just ask to swap weekend or days. The fact that he won't do that communication is a huge red flag for me.

It's possible he did ask, but mom didn't go for it, she has a life too no matter how amicable things might be, and may not be able to shift things at short notice to accommodate dad's dating schedule.


For me it's a good sign he has 50% physical custody.


I could understand shifting the schedule if you were going away for months at a time. You won't see each other for a couple of weeks. It's not fun, but it's hardly I must see you before you go! At least not to me. If he is otherwise an attentive father I wouldn't hold it fully against him.

50% is hardly limited time

Disagree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Red flag for sure. In addition to the fact that they are very small, and he has limited time with them, and in addition to the covid concerns, I wonder why he doesn't just switch weeks.

If he had a decent relationship with his ex, he would just ask to swap weekend or days. The fact that he won't do that communication is a huge red flag for me.

It's possible he did ask, but mom didn't go for it, she has a life too no matter how amicable things might be, and may not be able to shift things at short notice to accommodate dad's dating schedule.


For me it's a good sign he has 50% physical custody.


I could understand shifting the schedule if you were going away for months at a time. You won't see each other for a couple of weeks. It's not fun, but it's hardly I must see you before you go! At least not to me. If he is otherwise an attentive father I wouldn't hold it fully against him.

50% is hardly limited time