Anonymous
Post 08/05/2020 17:57     Subject: When bio kids don't look like you
Anonymous wrote:The commenters speculating on biracial kids are bothering me, because I have never seen a biracial kid who looked literally nothing like one of the bio parents. I'm sure they exist, like any other relatively rare kid who looks 0% like one of their bio parents, but they seem just as rare.

What I HAVE seen are people who so essentialize based on race that they think a kid with darker/lighter skin and a different hair texture, etc. looks "nothing like" their parent (usually white parent) when that's usually not the case at all.

I have seen so, so many biracial kids of color that look clearly [non-white race] but also really clearly share specific features of their white parent... and no one sees the resemblance. It's baffling. It reminds me of the "black twin/white twin" discourse.

I'm a white mom who grew up in a multiracial family and whose kid is a biracial POC-- but she looks like a [other race] version of me. Same with my cousins of color and other family members, to varying degrees.



This. Good grief. People love to say they are colorblind but literally cannot see past race to be able to tell that a child looks like a parent!
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2020 17:51     Subject: When bio kids don't look like you
My kid looks abslutely nothing like me..and I couldn't love them more. Its sorta shallow & self obsessed way to look at parenthood to think that you'd bond more if the kid looked like you.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2020 12:32     Subject: When bio kids don't look like you
My kids look like my husband, who is extremely handsome. Not so much like me except in coloring. (If you photoshop darker hair and a beard onto my 5yo it looks just like him. Scary.) I honestly prefer that; I like the way he looks, our kids are exceptionally cute and I am not at all biased.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2020 12:30     Subject: Re:When bio kids don't look like you
Anonymous wrote:I'm Indian and my kid is half white ... and looks totally white, has super blonde hair. It's a little hard sometimes because people assume I'm the nanny. Usually doesn't bother me, but sometimes after a night with multiple wake ups and a fussy baby, I want credit/sympathy for being the mom!!!


Absolutely!! After all we go through!
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2020 12:17     Subject: Re:When bio kids don't look like you
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Two of my kids don’t look like me at all. I don’t feel any differently about them than I do with my kid who looks exactly like me.

I mean, you know most adoptive parents are able to bond well, right?

Exactly.


We are an adoptive family. My kid looks NOTHING like me except that she is a human like I am. We are super close. I have friends who insist that she looks like me to "make me feel better", which is ridiculous. there is nothing wrong with what she looks like and what I look like. Stop projecting this crap on your kids. Get yourself some therapy
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2020 11:51     Subject: When bio kids don't look like you
Of course it’s not harder to bond with your kids simply because they don’t look like you. The annoying, sometimes racist comments from strangers about it, is too much though.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2020 10:17     Subject: Re:When bio kids don't look like you
Anonymous wrote:I'm Indian and my kid is half white ... and looks totally white, has super blonde hair. It's a little hard sometimes because people assume I'm the nanny. Usually doesn't bother me, but sometimes after a night with multiple wake ups and a fussy baby, I want credit/sympathy for being the mom!!!


NP, who woke up 3x last night with a young toddler - you have my full sympathy!
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2020 08:53     Subject: Re:When bio kids don't look like you
I'm Indian and my kid is half white ... and looks totally white, has super blonde hair. It's a little hard sometimes because people assume I'm the nanny. Usually doesn't bother me, but sometimes after a night with multiple wake ups and a fussy baby, I want credit/sympathy for being the mom!!!
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2020 08:43     Subject: Re:When bio kids don't look like you
My DD is half Hispanic and looked so much like her dad many years. Dark hair, darker skin, brown eyes. People would ask if I adopted her from Guatemala! As she has gotten older, she resembles me a bit more and now I can finally see it too. Our hands are identical. We smile the same.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2020 07:59     Subject: Re:When bio kids don't look like you
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My child looks nothing like me, but very much like the other parent. I have no problem adoring my kid and abhorring my ex.


I had always wondered about this situation!


My mom hated it that I looked like her XH and when she was mad at me would shout “you’re just like your father!”

She was and is a damaged, abusive person.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2020 07:50     Subject: When bio kids don't look like you
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Has anyone noticed how funny genes are - in that the kid who looks like you (or spouse) tends to act more like you (or spouse?


it's the opposite in my family. kid who looks like DH and family acts like me and vice versa.


This may sound really stupid but children don’t get the same percentage of DNA from grandparents. So you might be 80% grandma milky and 20# grandma Joan it’s not 50-50.


It’s not that far apart. Given that you inherit roughly 50% of each parent, your parents would need to be siblings for you to be 80% one grandparent.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2020 07:47     Subject: When bio kids don't look like you
Anonymous wrote:OP, kids change. Their looks change


This. I looked like my dad until I hit my 30s. Now I look more like my mom.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2020 07:46     Subject: When bio kids don't look like you
Anonymous wrote:honestly I think about this sometimes - especially with regard to mixed race couples. It must be so satisfying to have a kid that looks so much like you or shares your traits so completely. I'm a woman so obviously I know my kids are mine (and my husband's) but I see the point you're making.

my kids also look a TON like each other and less like me and DH.


This is the kind of thing you get satisfaction from? Why are you so pathetic? Spend some time thinking about that.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2020 07:45     Subject: Re:When bio kids don't look like you
Anonymous wrote:My child looks nothing like me, but very much like the other parent. I have no problem adoring my kid and abhorring my ex.


I had always wondered about this situation!
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2020 07:43     Subject: Re:When bio kids don't look like you
I am in a biracial marriage and have 3 kids. 2 look like whiter versions of me and 1 looks white and like my sister in law. I love them all with all my heart and have never wanted them to be different than they are looks-wise (now behavior-wise is a different story!)