Anonymous
08/03/2020 23:23
Subject: Responding to triangulation/gaslighting
OP, I just wanted to say that I completely understand. I’ve been dealing with the same this week with my (bipolar? Borderline? ) mother. I’m exhausted and scared. Cold comfort, perhaps, but you aren’t alone.
Anonymous
08/02/2020 17:53
Subject: Responding to triangulation/gaslighting
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is the same person that keeps posting about her mother with various "personality disorders".
Listen OP, there's a saying, it's something like "all happy families are happy in the same way. All dysfunctional families are dysfunctional in different ways."
Without a lot more context, I'm not sure anyone here can guide you.
This is the opening line of Anna Karenina: "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
But this goes way beyond that.
OP, you seem to have a very clear understanding of exactly what's going on here. I don't think you can actually help your mother at this point. I think YOU should get counseling/therapy in order to set boundaries without guilt while maintaining some level of engagement with your mother in the event that she needs or wants help. Maybe that's a 15 minute phone call once a week or whatever. If I had been through what you have been through with your mother I would be much more interested in fostering healthy sibling relationships over the relationship with your mother.
Thanks for this. I’m very grateful to have good, close relationships with my siblings. My sister has a way of diffusing things for me when I’m upset. When I told her what mom has said about her prostituting my brother out, her response was “well, it sounds like I need to call him. He owes me my cut. I haven’t seen a dime.” We laugh a lot about the crazy stuff she says.
Anonymous
08/02/2020 12:47
Subject: Responding to triangulation/gaslighting
Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is the same person that keeps posting about her mother with various "personality disorders".
Listen OP, there's a saying, it's something like "all happy families are happy in the same way. All dysfunctional families are dysfunctional in different ways."
Without a lot more context, I'm not sure anyone here can guide you.
This is the opening line of Anna Karenina: "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
But this goes way beyond that.
OP, you seem to have a very clear understanding of exactly what's going on here. I don't think you can actually help your mother at this point. I think YOU should get counseling/therapy in order to set boundaries without guilt while maintaining some level of engagement with your mother in the event that she needs or wants help. Maybe that's a 15 minute phone call once a week or whatever. If I had been through what you have been through with your mother I would be much more interested in fostering healthy sibling relationships over the relationship with your mother.
Anonymous
08/02/2020 11:43
Subject: Responding to triangulation/gaslighting
Anonymous wrote:The other thing to consider is that she wants attention. Kids do this, they ratchet up the bad behavior when they are not noticed for the good behavior. So, try to reach out and give her positive feedback for even the tiniest good behavior and talk to her about topics that are not inflaming. Once she does the crazy stuff - grey rock. See if that helps with reinforcing the good behavior and reducing the crazy stuff.
This is what I have been doing for many, many years. I reached my limit last week.
It’s been kind of an unstable year for her. She got bad news about her health earlier this year, then the pandemic hit. Stress is a trigger for the crazy bullshit/abuse.
Anonymous
08/02/2020 11:39
Subject: Responding to triangulation/gaslighting
Anonymous wrote:OP I think your mom has mental illness.
A personality disorder is a serious mental illness. I’m pretty sure that was the first line of my original post.