Anonymous wrote:I feel like the SAHMs and working moms with nannies whom I know are super smug right now, because they are perfectly prepared for this situation and are maybe a tiny bit inconvenienced, but nothing compared to the rest of us parents.

You are too much, OP. Are you always so shallow?

I am a SAHM with HS kids. The future of all kids in this Earth is looking bleak. The future of Earth is bleak. I won't know anyone who is living their best lives, unless it is Trump and his cronies.

Anonymous wrote:I feel like the SAHMs and working moms with nannies whom I know are super smug right now, because they are perfectly prepared for this situation and are maybe a tiny bit inconvenienced, but nothing compared to the rest of us parents.

There is global warming, global pandemics, political corruption, BLM, #metoo, gun violence, opioid crisis, locusts in many countries, amazon rainforest burning, pollution in oceans, joblessness, economic ruin, people dying...are you crazy? There is nothing to be smug about.

We're not living our best life at all -- this is incredibly hard.

BUT

We have some friends who have been condescending for years about everything from schools to vacations to where we choose to live. They choose to overlook the obvious (that they have more options because he works in finance and therefore they have more money) and act as though things work out well for them simply because they are smarter about it. Well, now they are miserable. Their expensive private school is DL, so they are paying through the nose to watch and educate their own kids. Their parents and nanny are all high risk, so they've lost their extensive childcare network and have little time to themselves. And all the ways they used to destress (exotic vacations, lots of date nights out, workout classes, etc.) are unavailable right now. They are really struggling.

And I just... don't really care? I have empathy for pretty much everyone else in our lives (including other well-off friends who aren't smug assholes) regardless of their exact circumstances because everyone is struggling right now. But I have to admit that I almost feel gleeful when I hear this couple complain or hear through the grapevine how hard it's been for them to adjust. And I'm normally someone who encourages complaining! I like to vent and I don't mind listening to others do it. But these are people who literally argued with my husband and I when we said we'd decided not to have any more kids for financial reasons ("you just aren't budgeting your money correctly") and get snippy and condescending whenever anyone talks about public schools ("oh my god I can't imagine sending my kids to such shitty schools"). Honestly, I've been wanting to cut them out of our lives for years but we have tons of mutuals and my husband went to school with one of them so we continue to see them at kids parties and other gatherings.

Ugh, I feel like a jerk just for admitting this, but it's the truth. I don't actually believe you reap what you sow (some people never get the comeuppance they deserve), but this is one of those rare occasions when I feel like people who desperately needed some perspective are getting it and I can't help it -- I like it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have an excellent situation, but why would I be smug about it?

DD goes to preschool. DH works from home, but has always done so. I work every other week.

We feel really fortunate.

This. Our set up was good before covid and we paid for it.

Funny, I find both of these responses quite smug.

I have friends who also make great money, and Are working from home and whining about childcare.

I may not be smug but I’m not very sympathetic.

They can afford to hire nannies but are choosing not to. I’m not really willing to listen to them whine about their kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you ever got bashed for SAH or hiring a nanny, you’re going to be somewhat smug now.

Until you or your spouse loses his or her job...

I have a neighbor who has been a smug SAHM for years. Oopsies, now her husband lost his job in an industry that is not likely to soon recover. She is now asking for industry leads from me because she "always thought my job was interesting" biut has no work experience, let alone experience in my industry.

Not all spouses of SAHPs have precarious positions or unstable marriages.

Anonymous wrote:If you ever got bashed for SAH or hiring a nanny, you’re going to be somewhat smug now.

+1. You wouldn’t believe the sh*t we’ve taken for my DH being a SAHD since our boys were born. Yeah, I’d admit it - we feel a bit smug right now!

Anonymous wrote:If you ever got bashed for SAH or hiring a nanny, you’re going to be somewhat smug now.

Until you or your spouse loses his or her job...

I have a neighbor who has been a smug SAHM for years. Oopsies, now her husband lost his job in an industry that is not likely to soon recover. She is now asking for industry leads from me because she "always thought my job was interesting" biut has no work experience, let alone experience in my industry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I am smug. My two sisters have given me shit for years about having a highly educated and expensive nanny. They told me repeatedly that I could have a bigger house and go on fancy vacations if I just got rid of the nanny and put my kids in daycare.

My oldest had nanny’s expert tutoring for his DL first grade and ended the year with two academic achievement awards. And my two younger kids are still blissfully happy with all the amazing and creative learning activities nanny has for them in our tiny backyard. DH and get full days of work in from home in our sweats and zero commute. We’ve both lost weight by running together when nanny arrives at 7:30 and having time after five to leisurely cook a healthy meal together.

Meanwhile my two sisters are suffering and their kids are fighting and addicted to TV. My sisters and Brothers-in-law are not getting their work done and overwhelmed by childcare and distance learning in their big houses.

So yeah, I am sitting pretty smug right now!

That is fantastic. Do you think you'll skip him two or three grades when he hits middle school? He is on the fast track for the Ivy League, and then fame and fortune, for sure.

Jealous much?!! Wow... NP here and you are really pathetic, PP.

You don't think someone admitting she is being smug about her "highly educated and expensive nanny" providing "expert tutoring" so her *first grader* (!!) won "academic achievement awards" (and WTF is that for a first grader?) deserves even the teeniest bit of mockery?

Really?

And no, I am not jealous of someone who thinks like that. At all.

I don’t believe you.

Horrible karma to be smug. Would never risk it.

If you ever got bashed for SAH or hiring a nanny, you’re going to be somewhat smug now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I am smug. My two sisters have given me shit for years about having a highly educated and expensive nanny. They told me repeatedly that I could have a bigger house and go on fancy vacations if I just got rid of the nanny and put my kids in daycare.

My oldest had nanny’s expert tutoring for his DL first grade and ended the year with two academic achievement awards. And my two younger kids are still blissfully happy with all the amazing and creative learning activities nanny has for them in our tiny backyard. DH and get full days of work in from home in our sweats and zero commute. We’ve both lost weight by running together when nanny arrives at 7:30 and having time after five to leisurely cook a healthy meal together.

Meanwhile my two sisters are suffering and their kids are fighting and addicted to TV. My sisters and Brothers-in-law are not getting their work done and overwhelmed by childcare and distance learning in their big houses.

So yeah, I am sitting pretty smug right now!

That is fantastic. Do you think you'll skip him two or three grades when he hits middle school? He is on the fast track for the Ivy League, and then fame and fortune, for sure.

Jealous much?!! Wow... NP here and you are really pathetic, PP.

You don't think someone admitting she is being smug about her "highly educated and expensive nanny" providing "expert tutoring" so her *first grader* (!!) won "academic achievement awards" (and WTF is that for a first grader?) deserves even the teeniest bit of mockery?

Really?

And no, I am not jealous of someone who thinks like that. At all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I am smug. My two sisters have given me shit for years about having a highly educated and expensive nanny. They told me repeatedly that I could have a bigger house and go on fancy vacations if I just got rid of the nanny and put my kids in daycare.

My oldest had nanny’s expert tutoring for his DL first grade and ended the year with two academic achievement awards. And my two younger kids are still blissfully happy with all the amazing and creative learning activities nanny has for them in our tiny backyard. DH and get full days of work in from home in our sweats and zero commute. We’ve both lost weight by running together when nanny arrives at 7:30 and having time after five to leisurely cook a healthy meal together.

Meanwhile my two sisters are suffering and their kids are fighting and addicted to TV. My sisters and Brothers-in-law are not getting their work done and overwhelmed by childcare and distance learning in their big houses.

So yeah, I am sitting pretty smug right now!

That is fantastic. Do you think you'll skip him two or three grades when he hits middle school? He is on the fast track for the Ivy League, and then fame and fortune, for sure.

Jealous much?!! Wow... NP here and you are really pathetic, PP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, who is living their best life right now? If anyone's life has literally gone completely untouched I'd say you are out of touch. God if anyone said they are living their best life right now I'd probably virtually smack them.

This pandemic and economic crisis has exacerbated serious problems this country has with race and socio-economic status. It's created new problems, especially for middle- and upper-middle class women, who built whole careers and have now forced to decide between their livelihoods and their children as they are historically primary caregivers (what a sh*tty decision in what is a totally crap situation).

We have a nanny. We put her on paid leave for 3 months during the peak. Then she asked to come back to work. We gave her a raise, unlimited paid sick, and the ability to go on paid leave again if cases get high. It is a huge relief as I am drowning in work and one of the few on my team who has children. Few people are able to be in the situation we are in. I'm not going to say we are fortunate. The whole system has been set up to help people like us accumulate wealth and comfort (white, dual low 6-figure incomes) while being rigged against others.

Being smug during such a time is so disgusting. I am thankful for what I have (health, job) and am trying to be a fair employer during such a difficult time. I am also giving colleagues and others huge amounts of space and empathy right now.

Yeah - if you are living your "best life," your bar is set really, really low, and you should take some time to recalibrate your expectations.

DP. This is very true. If someone told me "I'm living my best life now" or "the pandemic hasn't really changed much about my life", I'd think "what kind of crap life did you have before?!" and I'd feel sorry for them.

I find the above attitudes just as bad as the smug people. There's nothing wrong with a simple life, centered around family. I don't need fancy vacations and a million activities to enjoy my life. There's no excuse for either extreme. I worry about all people suffering with the disease or from its economic effects. I worry about societal instability. I worry about the lack of federal response. But I'm not dumb enough to not recognize my good fortune when I experience it.

I know SAHMs, parents with nannies, and SAHDs. I know dual-income parents who are in a great financial position. I don't know a single one acting smug or "best life-y" during a global pandemic fraught with health, morbidity and economic perils.

I guess, in short, I don't associate with arseholes.