Anonymous wrote:OP, hugs to you. This is a really horrid situation and like others have said, there is NOTHING you can do about it unless she poses a physical threat to your child or is bringing drugs or abusing alcohol around your child. Otherwise judges Do. Not. Care.

Your child absolutely needs to feel free to have a relationship with their dad without any guilt or pressure from you. Don't make that difficult. Make it clear to your child that it makes you happy to know that she has fun when she is with her dad. Don't pepper her with questions about what happens at her dads house but when she does share stuff she enjoyed, show enthusiasm and tell her how cool it is that she has that kind of dad that does stuff like that with her.

As for the OW.... the tricky part here is going to be handling the elephant in the room. Does your child know this woman's role in your divorce? At 13, your child probably knows more than you think, and kids always, always find out about affairs. Always.

Be very careful about answering questions about the OW. The most current and modern research from child psychologists suggests that participating in the cover up of an infidelity in a situation like this can be lead to a second trauma for the child (the first being the divorce) when the eventually learn the truth and wonder why adults they thought they could trust lied to them. At the same time, we all know that 13 is a tough age and not all kids at that age are capable of understanding that parents are fallable, good people can make bad decisions, and that it is ok to love someone even if they did something very hurtful to someone else that you love. Because that's all some complicated and heavy shit that most adults struggle with.

In my case, the kids remembered the OW from before their dad and I were divorced. She was his secretary (how original, I know) and we had socialized with her family and children on several occasions.

Anonymous wrote:Awful. My sympathies, OP. I wouldn’t want that whore around my kids either. Your daughter will learn who her father is. It’s so tough and I can’t imagine being in your shoes. Being the “adult” in the relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, hugs to you. This is a really horrid situation and like others have said, there is NOTHING you can do about it unless she poses a physical threat to your child or is bringing drugs or abusing alcohol around your child. Otherwise judges Do. Not. Care.

Your child absolutely needs to feel free to have a relationship with their dad without any guilt or pressure from you. Don't make that difficult. Make it clear to your child that it makes you happy to know that she has fun when she is with her dad. Don't pepper her with questions about what happens at her dads house but when she does share stuff she enjoyed, show enthusiasm and tell her how cool it is that she has that kind of dad that does stuff like that with her.

As for the OW.... the tricky part here is going to be handling the elephant in the room. Does your child know this woman's role in your divorce? At 13, your child probably knows more than you think, and kids always, always find out about affairs. Always.

Be very careful about answering questions about the OW. The most current and modern research from child psychologists suggests that participating in the cover up of an infidelity in a situation like this can be lead to a second trauma for the child (the first being the divorce) when the eventually learn the truth and wonder why adults they thought they could trust lied to them. At the same time, we all know that 13 is a tough age and not all kids at that age are capable of understanding that parents are fallable, good people can make bad decisions, and that it is ok to love someone even if they did something very hurtful to someone else that you love. Because that's all some complicated and heavy shit that most adults struggle with.

In my case, the kids remembered the OW from before their dad and I were divorced. She was his secretary (how original, I know) and we had socialized with her family and children on several occasions.

We have never discussed her directly, but my child knows that their father had multiple girlfriends throughout the marriage. I don't think my child knows that his current whore is the one that ruined our marriage. They started "dating" when my child was an infant.

So why did you stay? you knew your husband was unfailthful since her infancy, why did you continue to have this drama as a daily part of her existence for 13 years, instead of cutting your losses early? You could have had 11-12 years to adjust and a new and healthy relationship for yourself.

Seem preferablly to hanging onto dead wait, and trying to sabotoge your child's relationship with her father because of your hurt feelings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, hugs to you. This is a really horrid situation and like others have said, there is NOTHING you can do about it unless she poses a physical threat to your child or is bringing drugs or abusing alcohol around your child. Otherwise judges Do. Not. Care.

Your child absolutely needs to feel free to have a relationship with their dad without any guilt or pressure from you. Don't make that difficult. Make it clear to your child that it makes you happy to know that she has fun when she is with her dad. Don't pepper her with questions about what happens at her dads house but when she does share stuff she enjoyed, show enthusiasm and tell her how cool it is that she has that kind of dad that does stuff like that with her.

As for the OW.... the tricky part here is going to be handling the elephant in the room. Does your child know this woman's role in your divorce? At 13, your child probably knows more than you think, and kids always, always find out about affairs. Always.

Be very careful about answering questions about the OW. The most current and modern research from child psychologists suggests that participating in the cover up of an infidelity in a situation like this can be lead to a second trauma for the child (the first being the divorce) when the eventually learn the truth and wonder why adults they thought they could trust lied to them. At the same time, we all know that 13 is a tough age and not all kids at that age are capable of understanding that parents are fallable, good people can make bad decisions, and that it is ok to love someone even if they did something very hurtful to someone else that you love. Because that's all some complicated and heavy shit that most adults struggle with.

In my case, the kids remembered the OW from before their dad and I were divorced. She was his secretary (how original, I know) and we had socialized with her family and children on several occasions.

We have never discussed her directly, but my child knows that their father had multiple girlfriends throughout the marriage. I don't think my child knows that his current whore is the one that ruined our marriage. They started "dating" when my child was an infant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the custody split?

I have our child during the week, and he has our child every weekend.

I wouldn't... and didn't... send my child when the ho moved in.

Were there any consequences?
How did it end up? If you don't want to stay on here I can give you my email address

Anonymous wrote:OP, hugs to you. This is a really horrid situation and like others have said, there is NOTHING you can do about it unless she poses a physical threat to your child or is bringing drugs or abusing alcohol around your child. Otherwise judges Do. Not. Care.

Your child absolutely needs to feel free to have a relationship with their dad without any guilt or pressure from you. Don't make that difficult. Make it clear to your child that it makes you happy to know that she has fun when she is with her dad. Don't pepper her with questions about what happens at her dads house but when she does share stuff she enjoyed, show enthusiasm and tell her how cool it is that she has that kind of dad that does stuff like that with her.

As for the OW.... the tricky part here is going to be handling the elephant in the room. Does your child know this woman's role in your divorce? At 13, your child probably knows more than you think, and kids always, always find out about affairs. Always.

Be very careful about answering questions about the OW. The most current and modern research from child psychologists suggests that participating in the cover up of an infidelity in a situation like this can be lead to a second trauma for the child (the first being the divorce) when the eventually learn the truth and wonder why adults they thought they could trust lied to them. At the same time, we all know that 13 is a tough age and not all kids at that age are capable of understanding that parents are fallable, good people can make bad decisions, and that it is ok to love someone even if they did something very hurtful to someone else that you love. Because that's all some complicated and heavy shit that most adults struggle with.

In my case, the kids remembered the OW from before their dad and I were divorced. She was his secretary (how original, I know) and we had socialized with her family and children on several occasions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the custody split?

I have our child during the week, and he has our child every weekend.

I wouldn't... and didn't... send my child when the ho moved in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the custody split?

I have our child during the week, and he has our child every weekend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, why would you want to keep the other woman away from the child?

I understand the hurt feelings because she was the affair partner, but unless she is abusive to your child or has other behavioral or psychological issues that put your child’s wellbeing at risk, there is no reason for you to prevent your child from being around her.

How old is your child? Is there conflict? Did the child express any reasons not to want to be around her?

As much as it hurts you, it’s probably now best for child to normalize back relationships including with the dad and his partner.

My child is 13. She's not abusive from what I hear she's a lovely person even though she's a homewrecker. She doesn't have children and I am worried about her trying to mother my child. My child already has a mother.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, why would you want to keep the other woman away from the child?

I understand the hurt feelings because she was the affair partner, but unless she is abusive to your child or has other behavioral or psychological issues that put your child’s wellbeing at risk, there is no reason for you to prevent your child from being around her.

How old is your child? Is there conflict? Did the child express any reasons not to want to be around her?

As much as it hurts you, it’s probably now best for child to normalize back relationships including with the dad and his partner.

My child is 13. She's not abusive from what I hear she's a lovely person even though she's a homewrecker. She doesn't have children and I am worried about her trying to mother my child. My child already has a mother.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, You are the winner all day every day. Someone coming into the relationship 13 years on will never compare to you.

Thank you this does bring me some comfort.