Anonymous wrote:Yes! People understand. Reasonable people understand. Give people the respect they deserve by assuming they are reasonable.

All of this being resentful at having to say, "no" is the ugliest behavior of all.

If people ‘understood’ and were ‘reasonable’ in yhr first place they wouldn’t be having a 150-person wedding during a pandemic.

Yes! People understand. Reasonable people understand. Give people the respect they deserve by assuming they are reasonable.

All of this being resentful at having to say, "no" is the ugliest behavior of all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An invitation is not a summons.

They are not "exposing" anyone. They are holding a legal event and are informing everyone of the circumstances.

Guests are then welcome to make their own choices.

As long as they are gracious when people send regrets, there is no issue here.

Repeat after me, again, some more: An invitation is not a summons.

Oh please. I know people who have held grudges for de aces over who did not attend their wedding. Yes, people expect others to attend. They can not make you, but they still expect it.

Op, do what is right for you. Maybe do not go at all and send a huge gift. People who care about weddings tend to judge people on attendance and gifts.

Yes, and? You are absolutely right: people hold grudges over things like this.

Yes...and? And that effects you exactly how?

I do not care if people have unreasonable feelings or reactions to my reasonable choices and behavior. Let them grumble, let them stew. Their resentment and dissatisfaction does not affect me; it affects them. Let them choose to feel and behave that way. It's really not my problem.

If it long-term affects the relationship, it wasn't a relationship built on mutual respect and care anyway. So be it.

It affects you because part of a rich life is having deep connections to family and friends? And so sometimes you do things you don't otherwise want to because it reinforces your bonds with the people who matter to you. And in this case, that's what you would ordinarily do - go to the wedding, even if you don't feel like it, because it matters to people who matter to you. But at this time you also have to consider the deadly pandemic - and so for most normal people with normal relationships you struggle to find the right balance.

I guess it's nice if you have a steel ball where a human heart ordinarily would reside because it means yu can respond to every wedding invitation with "AN INVITATION IS NOT A SUMMONS, GOOD DAY" without you caring at all how that's felt by the people in your life. Then I guess you go back home to not eat for 16 hours or something, maybe.

It's BECAUSE I have deep connections to family and friends that I could easily decline a wedding invitation during a pandemic while expressing my love for the couple in other ways and my family and friends would be understanding.

Anonymous wrote:

Oh please. I know people who have held grudges for de aces over who did not attend their wedding. Yes, people expect others to attend. They can not make you, but they still expect it.

Oh please, stop with your BS

DP, but yes my aunt and one of her best friends didn't speak for years because my aunt wasn't invited to the friend's daughter's wedding. I am sure the aunt would be even angrier if a relative didn't attend a wedding. So yes people do hold grudges over this (but mayhbe less common in this generation).

Why would you agree to go if you're going to skip the actual wedding? Just politely decline, for goodness sake! Send a nice gift. The. End.

Oh please. I know people who have held grudges for de aces over who did not attend their wedding. Yes, people expect others to attend. They can not make you, but they still expect it.

Oh please, stop with your BS

Anonymous wrote:Just don't go

x1000

Just don't go

No way would I travel to another state for an indoor wedding. The 4 weddings we were scheduled to attend this summer have all been postponed until next year though one was converted to just the bride and grooms immediate family and it was done outdoors.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An invitation is not a summons.

They are not "exposing" anyone. They are holding a legal event and are informing everyone of the circumstances.

Guests are then welcome to make their own choices.

As long as they are gracious when people send regrets, there is no issue here.

Repeat after me, again, some more: An invitation is not a summons.

Oh please. I know people who have held grudges for de aces over who did not attend their wedding. Yes, people expect others to attend. They can not make you, but they still expect it.

Op, do what is right for you. Maybe do not go at all and send a huge gift. People who care about weddings tend to judge people on attendance and gifts.

Yes, and? You are absolutely right: people hold grudges over things like this.

Yes...and? And that effects you exactly how?

I do not care if people have unreasonable feelings or reactions to my reasonable choices and behavior. Let them grumble, let them stew. Their resentment and dissatisfaction does not affect me; it affects them. Let them choose to feel and behave that way. It's really not my problem.

If it long-term affects the relationship, it wasn't a relationship built on mutual respect and care anyway. So be it.

It affects you because part of a rich life is having deep connections to family and friends? And so sometimes you do things you don't otherwise want to because it reinforces your bonds with the people who matter to you. And in this case, that's what you would ordinarily do - go to the wedding, even if you don't feel like it, because it matters to people who matter to you. But at this time you also have to consider the deadly pandemic - and so for most normal people with normal relationships you struggle to find the right balance.

I guess it's nice if you have a steel ball where a human heart ordinarily would reside because it means yu can respond to every wedding invitation with "AN INVITATION IS NOT A SUMMONS, GOOD DAY" without you caring at all how that's felt by the people in your life. Then I guess you go back home to not eat for 16 hours or something, maybe.

I have a big family. Some people are reasonable and extend grace, and those are the people I'm closest to. Some people are bean-counter types who hold grudges. OK, and oh well. Not everyone is super close with everyone just Because Family. It's really not that big of a deal to me if one of my seven aunts isn't happy with me all the time.

In addition to my family, I have lots of friends. "My People" are family and friends who respect one another, give grace, and don't hold grudges.

Would I prefer that my cousin be happy with me? Sure, of course. And luckily, my cousin whose wedding I am choosing not to attend because it would require travel is very understanding. But you know what? If he wasn't...I've got other cousins and friends who actually do value my health, comfort, and capacity. So it really is all good.

Anyone who does not extend the fullest degree of understanding, flexibility, and grace during a global pandemic where people are proven to get sick from travel, group gatherings, and buffet/reception-type scenarios are NOT TRUE FRIENDS OR FAMILY and not worth pleasing. The end.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An invitation is not a summons.

They are not "exposing" anyone. They are holding a legal event and are informing everyone of the circumstances.

Guests are then welcome to make their own choices.

As long as they are gracious when people send regrets, there is no issue here.

Repeat after me, again, some more: An invitation is not a summons.

Oh please. I know people who have held grudges for de aces over who did not attend their wedding. Yes, people expect others to attend. They can not make you, but they still expect it.

Op, do what is right for you. Maybe do not go at all and send a huge gift. People who care about weddings tend to judge people on attendance and gifts.

Yes, and? You are absolutely right: people hold grudges over things like this.

Yes...and? And that effects you exactly how?

I do not care if people have unreasonable feelings or reactions to my reasonable choices and behavior. Let them grumble, let them stew. Their resentment and dissatisfaction does not affect me; it affects them. Let them choose to feel and behave that way. It's really not my problem.

If it long-term affects the relationship, it wasn't a relationship built on mutual respect and care anyway. So be it.

It affects you because part of a rich life is having deep connections to family and friends? And so sometimes you do things you don't otherwise want to because it reinforces your bonds with the people who matter to you. And in this case, that's what you would ordinarily do - go to the wedding, even if you don't feel like it, because it matters to people who matter to you. But at this time you also have to consider the deadly pandemic - and so for most normal people with normal relationships you struggle to find the right balance.

I guess it's nice if you have a steel ball where a human heart ordinarily would reside because it means yu can respond to every wedding invitation with "AN INVITATION IS NOT A SUMMONS, GOOD DAY" without you caring at all how that's felt by the people in your life. Then I guess you go back home to not eat for 16 hours or something, maybe.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An invitation is not a summons.

They are not "exposing" anyone. They are holding a legal event and are informing everyone of the circumstances.

Guests are then welcome to make their own choices.

As long as they are gracious when people send regrets, there is no issue here.

Repeat after me, again, some more: An invitation is not a summons.

Oh please. I know people who have held grudges for de aces over who did not attend their wedding. Yes, people expect others to attend. They can not make you, but they still expect it.

Op, do what is right for you. Maybe do not go at all and send a huge gift. People who care about weddings tend to judge people on attendance and gifts.

Yes, and? You are absolutely right: people hold grudges over things like this.

Yes...and? And that effects you exactly how?

I do not care if people have unreasonable feelings or reactions to my reasonable choices and behavior. Let them grumble, let them stew. Their resentment and dissatisfaction does not affect me; it affects them. Let them choose to feel and behave that way. It's really not my problem.

If it long-term affects the relationship, it wasn't a relationship built on mutual respect and care anyway. So be it.

It’s family events like these—weddings, funerals, birthday parties—that are at the center of the recent spikes in COVID cases. People say they will wear masks, but then they don’t. They’re indoors. They’re hugging. They’re eating. It’s a no-brainer as to why numbers are going up.

Stay home.

Go or don’t go. But if you go, go to all the events, not just some, that’s rude.

And by the way, if you do go, I bet you’ll be fine.

Anonymous wrote:An invitation is not a summons.

They are not "exposing" anyone. They are holding a legal event and are informing everyone of the circumstances.

Guests are then welcome to make their own choices.

As long as they are gracious when people send regrets, there is no issue here.

Repeat after me, again, some more: An invitation is not a summons.

Oh please. I know people who have held grudges for de aces over who did not attend their wedding. Yes, people expect others to attend. They can not make you, but they still expect it.

Op, do what is right for you. Maybe do not go at all and send a huge gift. People who care about weddings tend to judge people on attendance and gifts.