Anonymous
06/25/2020 00:42
Subject: Re:Only child
Anonymous wrote:Mom of an only here. So sick of the little barns thrown at me. Yes people are cruel about it.
+1
Anonymous
06/25/2020 00:41
Subject: Only child
Anonymous wrote:This really annoys me that some people act like it’s easy to adopt. There are a lot of ethical issues to deal with in adoptions, myriad of expenses and despite the fact some families that are committed to adoption, many are still not able to adopt. It’s the same with foster care adoptions too.
PP here. So there are reasons why some families ultimately decide not to pursue adoption, and expanding their family even if they would like to do that...
Anonymous
06/25/2020 00:37
Subject: Only child
This really annoys me that some people act like it’s easy to adopt. There are a lot of ethical issues to deal with in adoptions, myriad of expenses and despite the fact some families that are committed to adoption, many are still not able to adopt. It’s the same with foster care adoptions too.
Anonymous
06/24/2020 16:16
Subject: Only child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what help OP is asking for. I have an only. Its been hard for her during this period because she is lonely. Is that what you mean OP?
OP here. I am unable to have another. I am looking for help/resources on how to parent DC successfully. I was an only for a long time until my parents had a late in life child and I hated being an only and was so happy for my sibling (we are very close). I feel very sad I cannot give this to DC.
Really sorry OP. Your DC will be 100% fine and happy... if YOU really want another, maybe consider adoption?
This.
OP, if you only want another child if you can give birth to them I think you really need to think about why this is true. There is nothing wrong with being an only child. I’m sorry you didn’t like it but tons of people do.
Well, at least you didn’t say “just adopt”.
Anyone who is faced infertility has considered adoption, I promise you. It’s not that obscure a concept. There are also many many reasons why a family would not want to or would not be able to adopt.
As someone with an adopted sibling, I guess I'm not super sympathetic to the hang-wringing about insisting on bringing a child into the world on your own and the insistence that adoption is not something you would consider. If you don't want to adopt, then fine, don't do it, but at least acknowledge that your horror over having an only child is a decision that you are in fact making. And actually, my parents adopted a baby who was taken back by her birth parents right before she was six months old (we adopted her at birth). And then they adopted another child. So I am aware of the time, cost, and emotional requirements related to adopting, and I don't take it lightly.
OP here - was the adopted sibling you grew up with your only sibling (outside of the baby who was taken back)? How did you feel about having an adopted sibling? Did/does your child feel as much a part of the family as you? Do you feel your parents ever favored you? Or was it quite the other way? I know all this sounds crazy and may be too prying, but these are things that have run through my mind emotionally.
Anonymous
06/24/2020 13:48
Subject: Only child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what help OP is asking for. I have an only. Its been hard for her during this period because she is lonely. Is that what you mean OP?
OP here. I am unable to have another. I am looking for help/resources on how to parent DC successfully. I was an only for a long time until my parents had a late in life child and I hated being an only and was so happy for my sibling (we are very close). I feel very sad I cannot give this to DC.
Really sorry OP. Your DC will be 100% fine and happy... if YOU really want another, maybe consider adoption?
This.
OP, if you only want another child if you can give birth to them I think you really need to think about why this is true. There is nothing wrong with being an only child. I’m sorry you didn’t like it but tons of people do.
Well, at least you didn’t say “just adopt”.
Anyone who is faced infertility has considered adoption, I promise you. It’s not that obscure a concept. There are also many many reasons why a family would not want to or would not be able to adopt.
As someone with an adopted sibling, I guess I'm not super sympathetic to the hang-wringing about insisting on bringing a child into the world on your own and the insistence that adoption is not something you would consider. If you don't want to adopt, then fine, don't do it, but at least acknowledge that your horror over having an only child is a decision that you are in fact making. And actually, my parents adopted a baby who was taken back by her birth parents right before she was six months old (we adopted her at birth). And then they adopted another child. So I am aware of the time, cost, and emotional requirements related to adopting, and I don't take it lightly.
Anonymous
06/24/2020 11:57
Subject: Re:Only child
Mom of an only here. So sick of the little barns thrown at me. Yes people are cruel about it.
Anonymous
06/24/2020 11:50
Subject: Only child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Try having a second
+1. Only children are kind of odd. It’s hard to develop a thick skin whenever everyone you live with is nice to you, treats you fairly, and talks to you like your thoughts and opinions matter.
Kids with siblings are kind of mean. It's hard to develop a positive attitude and confidence when everyone you live with is tired, stressed out, competitive, and doesn't have time to listen to your thoughts and opinions.
OMG! I love this so much.
To the PP's who say "just have another one", and I wish I could say this to your face, F*@K OFF! You are rude and insensitive.
I’m sorry. If you said that to my face, I would buy you a margarita. You clearly need one
.
Sending you one virtually!
Anonymous
06/24/2020 11:02
Subject: Re:Only child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I was raised an only child in a completely normal, loving house. Never wanted a sibling. My parents supported me without spoiling me. I had a great childhood and continue to have a good relationship with my parents now that I am an adult.
The number of siblings DO NOT matter. I have friends with siblings who hate each other. Another had 3 siblings and had an abusive father. No family is perfect.
People on this board need to get over the only child shaming. It's insulting and hurtful.
❤️ Thanks for posting. People are unbelievably cruel about only children.
+1 though I wouldn't go so far as "cruel." Maybe more "unimaginative and self-focused" because they cannot picture a family where everyone is fine with an only child, including the child herself.
I said cruel, because it is downright cruel to tell the many people didn’t get to choose their family size that their family is and always will be inferior. I have an only not by choice.
THANK YOU for sticking to your guns. I have an only, and some people say awful things. In front of my kid, too.
It is cruel, whether or not it is "by choice". I wanted a second, DH did not, so no second child. I am close with my brother, and he and his sister have a very very strained relationship -- only exists because of his parents forcing the issue.
My only is very independent as well -- she has taken the bus by herself a few times and figured out how to get around without help, whereas friends of hers have not been allowed to do so. She also makes friends easily in new situations since she has no hangups about how she is perceived (think siblings who pick on each other.) and is incredibly generous with her money and time.
Anonymous
06/24/2020 10:52
Subject: Re:Only child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I was raised an only child in a completely normal, loving house. Never wanted a sibling. My parents supported me without spoiling me. I had a great childhood and continue to have a good relationship with my parents now that I am an adult.
The number of siblings DO NOT matter. I have friends with siblings who hate each other. Another had 3 siblings and had an abusive father. No family is perfect.
People on this board need to get over the only child shaming. It's insulting and hurtful.
❤️ Thanks for posting. People are unbelievably cruel about only children.
+1 though I wouldn't go so far as "cruel." Maybe more "unimaginative and self-focused" because they cannot picture a family where everyone is fine with an only child, including the child herself.
I said cruel, because it is downright cruel to tell the many people didn’t get to choose their family size that their family is and always will be inferior. I have an only not by choice.
THANK YOU for sticking to your guns. I have an only, and some people say awful things. In front of my kid, too.
Anonymous
06/24/2020 10:46
Subject: Only child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am one of 3 and I talk to my siblings once or twice a year, usually just about our elderly parents. Haven't seen either in 11 years. We are spread all over the US (Virginia, Hawaii, Alaska) and don't have anything in common. We are each only 18 months apart. We had our own friends and interests growing up and that continues til today. I guess we will run into one another at our parents' funerals.
I have an only and it is staying that way.
The American culture does not foster close sibling relationship. It is very different from the Latino or Asian culture where family is much closer and important.
Yes, OP here. I am white American, but my original family dynamic was much closer to Latino/Asian culture.
Just reading now the poster who called that out and yes, I realize that sounds kind of stupid, stereotyping, and monolithic. Sorry.
Anonymous
06/24/2020 10:42
Subject: Re:Only child
Anonymous wrote:I am an only child and read the One and Only book because someone recommended it here at some point and I didn’t like it. It’s basically the author justifying why she has just one child. If you are a parent and looking for reassurance to just have one child, read that book. I find that she generalizes way too much. I will confess that I hate being an only child and wish I have a sibling. I’m not trying to start a debate here but that was my experience. It is only now that I have two kids of my own that I realized how lonely I was. YMMV.
This is how I felt until my sibling was born.
Anonymous
06/24/2020 10:41
Subject: Only child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am one of 3 and I talk to my siblings once or twice a year, usually just about our elderly parents. Haven't seen either in 11 years. We are spread all over the US (Virginia, Hawaii, Alaska) and don't have anything in common. We are each only 18 months apart. We had our own friends and interests growing up and that continues til today. I guess we will run into one another at our parents' funerals.
I have an only and it is staying that way.
The American culture does not foster close sibling relationship. It is very different from the Latino or Asian culture where family is much closer and important.
Yes, OP here. I am white American, but my original family dynamic was much closer to Latino/Asian culture.
Anonymous
06/24/2020 08:43
Subject: Only child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Try having a second
+1. Only children are kind of odd. It’s hard to develop a thick skin whenever everyone you live with is nice to you, treats you fairly, and talks to you like your thoughts and opinions matter.
Kids with siblings are kind of mean. It's hard to develop a positive attitude and confidence when everyone you live with is tired, stressed out, competitive, and doesn't have time to listen to your thoughts and opinions.
OMG! I love this so much.
To the PP's who say "just have another one", and I wish I could say this to your face, F*@K OFF! You are rude and insensitive.
Anonymous
06/24/2020 08:35
Subject: Only child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what help OP is asking for. I have an only. Its been hard for her during this period because she is lonely. Is that what you mean OP?
OP here. I am unable to have another. I am looking for help/resources on how to parent DC successfully. I was an only for a long time until my parents had a late in life child and I hated being an only and was so happy for my sibling (we are very close). I feel very sad I cannot give this to DC.
Really sorry OP. Your DC will be 100% fine and happy... if YOU really want another, maybe consider adoption?
This.
OP, if you only want another child if you can give birth to them I think you really need to think about why this is true. There is nothing wrong with being an only child. I’m sorry you didn’t like it but tons of people do.
Well, at least you didn’t say “just adopt”.
Anyone who is faced infertility has considered adoption, I promise you. It’s not that obscure a concept. There are also many many reasons why a family would not want to or would not be able to adopt.
Anonymous
06/24/2020 07:12
Subject: Only child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what help OP is asking for. I have an only. Its been hard for her during this period because she is lonely. Is that what you mean OP?
OP here. I am unable to have another. I am looking for help/resources on how to parent DC successfully. I was an only for a long time until my parents had a late in life child and I hated being an only and was so happy for my sibling (we are very close). I feel very sad I cannot give this to DC.
Really sorry OP. Your DC will be 100% fine and happy... if YOU really want another, maybe consider adoption?
This.
OP, if you only want another child if you can give birth to them I think you really need to think about why this is true. There is nothing wrong with being an only child. I’m sorry you didn’t like it but tons of people do.