op, you sound entitled. get over yourself. He is working. You are on vacation. Why do you want to cotnrol your husband?

Anonymous wrote:You want your DH at 5 pm instead of having a fulfilling career with the team he desires to work with and you don’t work during the summer. LMAO. Hire a sitter a couple of hours a day if you can’t deal with your own kids.

Yes, from another mom.

OP, I can see how your husband being home at 5 pm during the summer gives you all lots of together time in the evenings, whereas getting home at 7 pm really cuts that short. And the extra time in the morning isn't really helpful since it's not like you're going to do a cook out or go for a bike ride and picnic dinner at 7 am. I think maybe you're upset because he's choosing this job over his family in a way, because it will significantly affect the time he spends with you all. Could you frame it that way, rather than that you want him to be home to give you a break? That's also a valid reason to want him home, but I'm assuming he's the breadwinner if you work for the school system, so he may view your job as part-time with the school and part-time SAHM, and therefore might not be super sympathetic to you wanting him to care for the kids more. I'm not saying that position is right, by the way, but to me, it strikes me as harsher that he's willing to spend that much less time with his family than that he won't be there to help you with childcare, if that makes sense. Also, is he a night owl? My one friend is and she is living her best life right now being able to work from home and not having to get up at 5 am every day, so that may be a reason he wants to do this as well.

Wait, op, your husband’s company is doing two identical projects? Why? Or, has he been offered a position as a team lead at a different and maybe competing company? Will more money be involved as in more take-home pay? Given that you work in education, I am stunned at your poor word choices (later down in the thread you admit this) and your lack of clarity of the issue. Maybe you really don’t know which speaks volumes about how you treat your husband. I say this as a woman who’s husband works in a secure area, so I don’t know what he does all day. That being said, I’d certainly know if his company was running two duplicate efforts, or if he had been offered a position with more responsibility at a different company.

I want to be sympathetic to you, op, I’m a stay-at-home mom, and my teenager was the one who wore my ass out today. My littler kids were a joy in comparison.


I took issue with your comments re your husband’s ego being stroked, every human on the planet wants and deserves praise for what they do. I’m baffled that you can’t understand this given that you work for the school system, and those folks have more appreciation weeks, days, and awards then anybody.

I also noticed that you don’t want his company or to share experiences with him, you just want him home to give you a break.

Why would your husband want to come home to a woman who presents him as egotistical for expressing a healthy pride in his work, and who wants him around solely to get a break, a break from two elementary schoolers, who are between the pooping in their pants stage and the snotty teen stage?

My concern for your husband is that he would be doing more work for less money. That wouldn’t be acceptable to me. I’d also worry that the late nights would devolve into later nights (just for a while) or weekends, (until the team is up to speed). Once a boss knows you can and will put up with that treatment, the only way to end it is to get a different job.

Still though, I might take those hours and working conditions if I didn’t want to be around my spouse, and I wouldn’t want to be around a spouse who simply wanted me as a chore mule and belittled work I was very proud of.

Think about what you want in terms of a husband and father for your kids. You can’t hire either of those.

If you want a break or need/want help, hire someone. There is nothing wrong at all with hiring someone to do legal work including taking care of as some would say “your own kids”.


And yes, you have every right to speak up about how you want your home life to look. Why you’d ask this is beyond me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the hours? Won’t he be home in the morning?

He would go from 7-5, to 9-7. Kids have been rolling out of bed around 8:30, but he’d be gone by then.

9-7? For most of his career my husband left the house between 7 and 7:30 and got home between 6:30 and 7pm. They were long hours but he was a great dad in the evenings and on weekends. Stop whining!

9-7 is a pretty average schedule around here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the hours? Won’t he be home in the morning?

He would go from 7-5, to 9-7. Kids have been rolling out of bed around 8:30, but he’d be gone by then.

9-7? For most of his career my husband left the house between 7 and 7:30 and got home between 6:30 and 7pm. They were long hours but he was a great dad in the evenings and on weekends. Stop whining!

I’m wondering if any of you who are skoffing because it’s “just” a lateral move actually have jobs. Lateral moves like this can absolutely impact someone’s career trajectory, both positively and negatively. Taking a new opportunity it’s, especially in this career climate, can help solidify someone’s place in an organization as it shows they are team players, flexible, and willing to explore new opportunities and work with different people effectively.

This to me sounds like a lot of short term pain for potential long term gain, but I’m a long view kind of person.

As far as your little dig about your husband’s ego, OP - it’s flattering to ANY person to be sought out. How much of your disdain for all of this is your own jealousy over him getting something maybe better than what you have right now? Isn’t part of being a team taking the wheel sometimes?

You sit at home eating bonbons and you want to veto his work opportunities as well? Oh hells no.

Anonymous wrote:I would be annoyed about this because I don’t like change, but if it’s just for the summer it’ll be fine. It’s not like the school year where pickup, homework, activities all fall to you.

I would stop cooking regular dinners and just feed the kids easy things outside. That’s a nice labor savings when my spouse works late.

This. It might actually be easier on you, OP. Have him be in charge of getting the kids breakfast and getting his own dinner since he won't be home at a normal meal time.

So many PPs lack the reading comprehension to see that the husband isn't working longer or more demanding hours causing him to be away from home more. It is just a shift to going in two hours later and coming home two hours later.

Husband gets home at 7. Kids in bed at 8:30 (and at that age they should be fairly independent in the evening anyway) and you still have time to yourself.

Problem solved.

Anonymous wrote:In these times I would be very mindful of the potential for layoffs. If this is something the company is asking him to do or if it will improve his marketability within the organization I would encourage him to take it.

Agree – if this would cast him in a positive light for accepting, being flexible, or just being desired as the team leader, I would say do it and don't think twice.

Anonymous wrote:I dont see any benefit to anyone but your DH's "fun" time at work. It doesn't even help his career. So I would be strongly against it. There are a ton of cons and only one pro for one person.

BUT ... NOT taking a position can also impact your career, and taking one, even if it is a lateral move, can impact your career as well. It shows you are flexible, a team player, etc. etc.

I'm in favor of it, OP, although yes, you'll experience some hardships. But it is temporary, and if it is important to him (and feeling engergized at work is good!) I think you should figure out a way to make it work.

Why was your DH singled out for this position? Will there be black lash from his boss if he says no? Have you asked your DH how he plans to make up this lost time with the children? I think some posters have made good suggestions from keeping your kids awake later, to dad handling bedtime alone or taking over a weekend day. If he can offer his attention at a different time, I would make it work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So let me get this straight:

Identical assignments, just different teams.
He likes his current team, but feels important because the other team wants him.
These two thing—from what I can gather—in no way will positively impact his career.

So there is no real career-positive for him in the situation, just maybe a slightly more “fun” team. So for his “fun“, OP should have to shoulder more of a burden at home? And let’s be honest: this summer is going to be long. It’s going to suck.
[u]

So correct.

No pools open. No camps open. No sports happening (even on TV!). No grandparents excited about seeing tons of new people. No big travel.

Worst summer ever. Unless you drive off to a lake or oceanside house.

Unless you take a 9am to 9pm job and hang out with office friends and free meals!

I dont see any benefit to anyone but your DH's "fun" time at work. It doesn't even help his career. So I would be strongly against it. There are a ton of cons and only one pro for one person.