I was abused by a female when I was a young boy

I took music lessons from a male teacher by myself in elementary/middle/and highschool (mid-late 1990's), and that was normal, but there was also a window in the door of the lesson space and parents could sit outside on a bench and watch.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As mentioned by a pp, pedophiles tend to gravitate towards jobs where they are alone with children. A large majority of pedophiles are male.

I would not put my children in a situation where they were alone in a room with an adult male. It defies logic.

I have hired male instructors, tutors, etc. but I would stay close by.

You're using the same logic to prohibit your teenage sons from having female teachers, right?

You failed logic in school right? Did I mention teachers? The discussion was about private lessons - meaning one-on-one instruction.

Of course my kids have both male and female teachers. My kids are not alone with either gender teachers. They are with other students. Our schools have a buddy systems where students are never to be left alone with adults.

When my son was struggling in school I specifically sought out young men as tutors. I found he connected better with them and it helped for him to see a young man valuing learning since all his teachers were women. His tutors definitely helped with a big shift in attitude and encouraged him to aim higher in school.

Yes, they shouldn't be alone in a room (ours met in our kitchen or an open space in a tutoring center) but to rule out all male teachers out of fear is ridiculous and particularly does a disservice to boys who have so few male role models in school.

I am usually pretty liberal about this kind of stuff. But I would not allow my 7yo DD in a closed room with no window with a male instructor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not normal. My kids would tell me if the guy did something creepy.

Exactly what 99% of parents think. Good luck w that!

I don't consider myself paranoid but I have awareness about either my DS or DD being around males alone. It's sad, unfortunately. As someone that was molested by a close family member, I can't. I hear situations where siblings tell their secret about being molested by a family member. It's more common than you think, and more common by males. Though I do know of a woman that allowed her boyfriends to molest her son. I hope that my child would tell me, but here I am in my late 30s and still haven't told a soul in my family. The member is deceased and has been for 15 years. At this point, I suppose I feel that it would cause more damage than good and I'm at peace with it. But maybe I'm holding back someone else in my family from being at peace with it?

Anonymous wrote:I hadn't thought about it. We have a male piano teacher who comes to our house to give our 8 YO girl lessons. We're normally upstairs so we are not distracting them since our main floor is very open. We have friends that recommended him specifically because their son has done been with a male teacher.

You know abusers love parents who “don’t think about it”.

That’s why it’s easy for abusers to tell their victims “look how much your parents trust me”.

“They’ll never believe you if you tell.”

I hadn't thought about it. We have a male piano teacher who comes to our house to give our 8 YO girl lessons. We're normally upstairs so we are not distracting them since our main floor is very open. We have friends that recommended him specifically because their son has done been with a male teacher.

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me that her 11 year old daughter recently started taking piano lessons offered by a music store. Her husband specified to the owner that he was only interested in her taking lessons from females. He doesn't like the idea of his daughter being alone in a room with a male instructor? Is this normal? I have two daughters myself, and I honestly would never have thought of this. Is it common for parents to make this type of request, or even if they wouldn't feel comfortable making the request, really being that worried about a situation such as having your daughter taking a music lesson from a male within a private room inside a music store where the parent is presumably right on the other side?

Kudos to your husband for caring about basic safety.

I’m a parent of boys so I understand how they may be perceived one day which is unfortunate. But I still ask for only female teachers. I do let them for swim class have a male teacher but not fond of it. Statisticallly speaking, males are more likely to abuse. Not women can’t either, but that’s my thought. I don’t know if it’s the norm. But I am not surprised if I heard this. It’s not shocking actually.

Anonymous wrote:I have a daughter and I also think I’d want to be able to see what’s going on. She’s only 3, so it’s not relevant right now, but given how many incidents there have been with male teachers/coaches and female students, we unfortunately will need to be careful.

It’s frankly one of the reasons why I’d be hesitant to have her do competitive gymnastics, swimming, etc. Those sports seem rife with these sorts of situations, unfortunately.

The time spent with a coach alone while doing gymnastics or swimming is very minimal, if existent at all. The time spent alone with physical trainers, etc., is a different story. But make sure you learn more before jumping to crazy conclusions.

Anonymous wrote:Not normal. My kids would tell me if the guy did something creepy.

Exactly what 99% of parents think. Good luck w that!

Any reputable teacher would have procedures that don't even allow the appearance of impropriety.

Anonymous wrote:As mentioned by a pp, pedophiles tend to gravitate towards jobs where they are alone with children. A large majority of pedophiles are male.

I would not put my children in a situation where they were alone in a room with an adult male. It defies logic.

I have hired male instructors, tutors, etc. but I would stay close by.

You're using the same logic to prohibit your teenage sons from having female teachers, right?

As mentioned by a pp, pedophiles tend to gravitate towards jobs where they are alone with children. A large majority of pedophiles are male.

I would not put my children in a situation where they were alone in a room with an adult male. It defies logic.

I have hired male instructors, tutors, etc. but I would stay close by.