Anonymous
04/28/2020 19:26
Subject: People that never marry - What’s their life like?
Sounds like a lot of wonderful people. The issue is how to find each other.
Anonymous
04/28/2020 19:04
Subject: Re:People that never marry - What’s their life like?
Anonymous wrote:most marriages have a lack of intimacyAnonymous wrote:Yeah being married means that you have chosen intimacy over isolation.
Amen. It is soul-crushing.
Anonymous
04/28/2020 18:56
Subject: Re:People that never marry - What’s their life like?
I could have written so much of this post, except I like (prefer) to travel alone. The financial aspect and lack of companionship are probably the hardest. The lack of companionship has only become noticeable to me in the last year or so---I was always fine on my own, but over the last year or so I've started to think how nice it would be to have "a person", someone to come home to and to share life with.Anonymous wrote:I'm not married and have no kids. I suppose sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's lonely. I don't have many friends, and don't have any good friends, or a best friend.
There's nobody to carry the load. I come home from work and nobody's gotten anything done, nobody ever cooks dinner for me or brings me breakfast in bed. Any time I start thinking I'm getting sick I need to rush to get supplies before I'm too sick to go out for tissues and ice pops and medicine. I can never ask anyone to buy me tampons. When I wanted to throw out an armchair I had to hire people to carry it out of my apartment and out to the alley. I don't have some husband who can grab a guy friend to do these things.
It's hard to be the third wheel. When my parents come to town and want to go out to dinner with me, my sister and her husband? We're often sat at a four-top and I'm given a chair at the end of the table. I have to attend weddings by myself. Extended family parties? I'm sat at the very end of the adult table on the border of the kid table. I don't have anyone to go on vacations with. I've literally gotten talked to at work about taking more vacation days. I live in a shitty apartment that I hate and barely feel safe in (rent control) and don't enjoy a "staycation" and don't really have fun traveling alone. If there's a restaurant I want to try, I have to decide if I'm comfortable going by myself. I don't have an automatic go-to person.
People sometimes assume I'm a lesbian who's not out. I'm not. People try to ask if I am It's awkward.
There are little things. There's nobody to kill a scary bug. There's nobody to investigate a scary noise. Sometimes I won't go somewhere after work because of how late I'd get home. Nobody ever worries if I make it home at night. I've put off getting my wisdom teeth out because I'm stressed about taking Uber home alone. If I had a medical emergency at home, it'd be on me to call 911 and unlock my door so they could get in. There's nobody to tell me that my shirt has become so worn that it's see-through (I found out at work from a kind coworker). There's nobody to come to scary doctor appointments with me.
There are financial issues. I live in a tiny one-bedroom. If I were married I could have the same one-bedroom but a second income to ease the financial burden. If I want to buy anything, it's on me. If I want to go on vacation it's all on me. I can only count on my income.
Anonymous
04/28/2020 18:39
Subject: Re:People that never marry - What’s their life like?
I'm not married and have no kids. I suppose sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's lonely. I don't have many friends, and don't have any good friends, or a best friend.
There's nobody to carry the load. I come home from work and nobody's gotten anything done, nobody ever cooks dinner for me or brings me breakfast in bed. Any time I start thinking I'm getting sick I need to rush to get supplies before I'm too sick to go out for tissues and ice pops and medicine. I can never ask anyone to buy me tampons. When I wanted to throw out an armchair I had to hire people to carry it out of my apartment and out to the alley. I don't have some husband who can grab a guy friend to do these things.
It's hard to be the third wheel. When my parents come to town and want to go out to dinner with me, my sister and her husband? We're often sat at a four-top and I'm given a chair at the end of the table. I have to attend weddings by myself. Extended family parties? I'm sat at the very end of the adult table on the border of the kid table. I don't have anyone to go on vacations with. I've literally gotten talked to at work about taking more vacation days. I live in a shitty apartment that I hate and barely feel safe in (rent control) and don't enjoy a "staycation" and don't really have fun traveling alone. If there's a restaurant I want to try, I have to decide if I'm comfortable going by myself. I don't have an automatic go-to person.
People sometimes assume I'm a lesbian who's not out. I'm not. People try to ask if I am It's awkward.
There are little things. There's nobody to kill a scary bug. There's nobody to investigate a scary noise. Sometimes I won't go somewhere after work because of how late I'd get home. Nobody ever worries if I make it home at night. I've put off getting my wisdom teeth out because I'm stressed about taking Uber home alone. If I had a medical emergency at home, it'd be on me to call 911 and unlock my door so they could get in. There's nobody to tell me that my shirt has become so worn that it's see-through (I found out at work from a kind coworker). There's nobody to come to scary doctor appointments with me.
There are financial issues. I live in a tiny one-bedroom. If I were married I could have the same one-bedroom but a second income to ease the financial burden. If I want to buy anything, it's on me. If I want to go on vacation it's all on me. I can only count on my income.
There's nobody to carry the load. I come home from work and nobody's gotten anything done, nobody ever cooks dinner for me or brings me breakfast in bed. Any time I start thinking I'm getting sick I need to rush to get supplies before I'm too sick to go out for tissues and ice pops and medicine. I can never ask anyone to buy me tampons. When I wanted to throw out an armchair I had to hire people to carry it out of my apartment and out to the alley. I don't have some husband who can grab a guy friend to do these things.
It's hard to be the third wheel. When my parents come to town and want to go out to dinner with me, my sister and her husband? We're often sat at a four-top and I'm given a chair at the end of the table. I have to attend weddings by myself. Extended family parties? I'm sat at the very end of the adult table on the border of the kid table. I don't have anyone to go on vacations with. I've literally gotten talked to at work about taking more vacation days. I live in a shitty apartment that I hate and barely feel safe in (rent control) and don't enjoy a "staycation" and don't really have fun traveling alone. If there's a restaurant I want to try, I have to decide if I'm comfortable going by myself. I don't have an automatic go-to person.
People sometimes assume I'm a lesbian who's not out. I'm not. People try to ask if I am It's awkward.
There are little things. There's nobody to kill a scary bug. There's nobody to investigate a scary noise. Sometimes I won't go somewhere after work because of how late I'd get home. Nobody ever worries if I make it home at night. I've put off getting my wisdom teeth out because I'm stressed about taking Uber home alone. If I had a medical emergency at home, it'd be on me to call 911 and unlock my door so they could get in. There's nobody to tell me that my shirt has become so worn that it's see-through (I found out at work from a kind coworker). There's nobody to come to scary doctor appointments with me.
There are financial issues. I live in a tiny one-bedroom. If I were married I could have the same one-bedroom but a second income to ease the financial burden. If I want to buy anything, it's on me. If I want to go on vacation it's all on me. I can only count on my income.
Anonymous
04/28/2020 18:20
Subject: Re:People that never marry - What’s their life like?
I was not married for many years, not until my late 30s. At some point I finally dropped the idea of seeing marriage as some kind of badge of honor or achievement. Or something that made me "better." I had a long term boyfriend and realized I wanted to build a family with him and for me, marriage was the right way to do it (at the time).
Looking back now, I can't say I was truly unhappy single. Lonely at times, sure. But not chronically lonely. I always had hope that I would find the right person, that what was meant to be would come to be, that life was an adventure and I had some control of it.
There are plenty of things I miss about it but I wouldn't trade my life now for the life I had. I am very glad I experienced being single for so long, though. I think it made me a stronger person who knows I can make it on my own. That is a feeling I would never want to lose. I know women who have never been single, pretty much. Dated from high school thru college and married immediately after college. Being part of a couple is all they know. They can hardly recall their left hand without a wedding band on it.
I think about some of my older female relatives who passed away long ago. They all married young and then suddenly, as often happens, their husbands died in their 60s and 70s and there they were, old ladies all alone, paying rent themselves, for the first time in 40, 50 years. I was often in awe of their strength, their ability to move on, be single, embrace their remaining years with good friends.
Looking back now, I can't say I was truly unhappy single. Lonely at times, sure. But not chronically lonely. I always had hope that I would find the right person, that what was meant to be would come to be, that life was an adventure and I had some control of it.
There are plenty of things I miss about it but I wouldn't trade my life now for the life I had. I am very glad I experienced being single for so long, though. I think it made me a stronger person who knows I can make it on my own. That is a feeling I would never want to lose. I know women who have never been single, pretty much. Dated from high school thru college and married immediately after college. Being part of a couple is all they know. They can hardly recall their left hand without a wedding band on it.
I think about some of my older female relatives who passed away long ago. They all married young and then suddenly, as often happens, their husbands died in their 60s and 70s and there they were, old ladies all alone, paying rent themselves, for the first time in 40, 50 years. I was often in awe of their strength, their ability to move on, be single, embrace their remaining years with good friends.
Anonymous
04/28/2020 18:15
Subject: People that never marry - What’s their life like?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:NP here.
Speaking of adopting from foster care -- My best guy friend is single, never married. He always wanted to form his family via adoption from foster care. He saw no point in reproducing. Unfortunateanly all the women he had serious relationships with wanted to reproduce themselves. In the end -- he was about 40 -- he adopted 2 siblings on his own from foster care. He is the.best.dad. in the world Those silly women really lost out.
I would have married him, but I'm lesbian, and married.
They didn’t lose out anything since he didn’t want to be the father of Their kids.
Yeah, I don’t get what they lost out on. He wasn’t willing to parent their children - that’s pretty hard line in the sand. And it’s a little cold.
It sounds like they’re all better off living separate lives.
Anonymous
04/28/2020 17:54
Subject: People that never marry - What’s their life like?
Anonymous wrote:NP here.
Speaking of adopting from foster care -- My best guy friend is single, never married. He always wanted to form his family via adoption from foster care. He saw no point in reproducing. Unfortunateanly all the women he had serious relationships with wanted to reproduce themselves. In the end -- he was about 40 -- he adopted 2 siblings on his own from foster care. He is the.best.dad. in the world Those silly women really lost out.
I would have married him, but I'm lesbian, and married.
They didn’t lose out anything since he didn’t want to be the father of Their kids.
Anonymous
04/28/2020 16:22
Subject: People that never marry - What’s their life like?
Anonymous wrote:Chaotic and full of drama, addiction and commitment phobia.
Not in the least.
Anonymous
04/28/2020 16:19
Subject: Re:People that never marry - What’s their life like?
Anonymous wrote:most marriages have a lack of intimacyAnonymous wrote:Yeah being married means that you have chosen intimacy over isolation.
Yeah, check out all the responses on the thread about the OP who shared with her husband that she occasionally wants to drop her gum wrapper on the ground. I cannot believe how many people told her she "overshared" with her husband over that. What intimacy is there in those marriages???
Anonymous
04/28/2020 16:06
Subject: People that never marry - What’s their life like?
NP here.
Speaking of adopting from foster care -- My best guy friend is single, never married. He always wanted to form his family via adoption from foster care. He saw no point in reproducing. Unfortunateanly all the women he had serious relationships with wanted to reproduce themselves. In the end -- he was about 40 -- he adopted 2 siblings on his own from foster care. He is the.best.dad. in the world Those silly women really lost out.
I would have married him, but I'm lesbian, and married.
Speaking of adopting from foster care -- My best guy friend is single, never married. He always wanted to form his family via adoption from foster care. He saw no point in reproducing. Unfortunateanly all the women he had serious relationships with wanted to reproduce themselves. In the end -- he was about 40 -- he adopted 2 siblings on his own from foster care. He is the.best.dad. in the world Those silly women really lost out.
I would have married him, but I'm lesbian, and married.
Anonymous
04/28/2020 15:59
Subject: People that never marry - What’s their life like?
I too am single, never married, but have a daughter I adopted via foster care. The adoption did not cost me a dime, not did i have to negotiate with a husband to adopt her.
Most married women i know do not get occasional help from their husbands -- they DEPEND on their husbands for money and lifestyle. I do not respect that, or admire that. Earn it yourself, honey. Occasionally, ask for a biggie like a washer/dryer.
I love my free, easy-going lifestyle. I never negotiate the small stuff. I cannot stand the bickering that my married friends engage in. More and more I prefer the easygoing friendship of my fellow single friends.
Most married women i know do not get occasional help from their husbands -- they DEPEND on their husbands for money and lifestyle. I do not respect that, or admire that. Earn it yourself, honey. Occasionally, ask for a biggie like a washer/dryer.
I love my free, easy-going lifestyle. I never negotiate the small stuff. I cannot stand the bickering that my married friends engage in. More and more I prefer the easygoing friendship of my fellow single friends.
Anonymous
04/28/2020 14:56
Subject: Re:People that never marry - What’s their life like?
Anonymous wrote:Yeah being married means that you have chosen intimacy over isolation.
lol, for many on this board, it's the opposite - being married means more isolation than intimacy. lol
Anonymous
04/28/2020 14:49
Subject: People that never marry - What’s their life like?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Single Mom by Choice, and i adopted my daughter Never married. Getting married was never a goal.
I love my freedom. All decisions are mine.
I do like dating. I am not a desperado looking to settle for a 3rd-rate partner. Once i turned 40 every guy i dated told me they finally felt like they are not dating a women who was desperate for a husband/sperm donor. I had control of my life. I was disappointed by 2 men in my 20s/30s whom I would have married, but seeing them years later i am so happy it did not work out. Turns out one had been a secret alcoholic and another a womanizer. Both of them were twice-divorced. Glad i ended up not being one of the ex-wives. I loved them for sure; but they were terrible husbands.
Not a lot of money. I had to continually ask my parents for some financial help. They basically said I was getting my i(small) inheritance in advance; which was fine with me. I need a washer/dryer now, not when they are dead. But travel is important for me and i have taken my daughter all over the country and we have been to Europe 3 times, for 2 weeks at a time. Hostels and 2-star hotels and rentals make it very possible. Eating on the cheap. Once you have the airfare, all is doable.
Life had been pretty free and easy.
My sister ended up a single mom via divorce. She is angry, bitter, depressed. Kind of a nutcase. She was depending on a man to give her a good life. It did not come to be.
Relying on your parents for financial help in your 40s doesn’t sound like all the decisions are yours. Although it’s probably free and easy.
Not sure how you see yourself as so superior to your sister.
You sound very bitter. You must be divorced.
I detect reading comprehension problems. (I am a teacher; I'm good at spotting these things.) I do not *rely*on my parents. They give me great gifts like a new washer/dryer. I bought a new car and my dad gave me a month's payment as a Christmas present. They paid my au pair's salary one month. Really thoughtful gifts like that. Much better than a new sweater.
I wouldn't trade my watch-my-pennies life for your bitterness for a moment. Plus, my boyfriends are hot.
And you sound very defensive and childish in your insults. PP asked a legit question. Read what you wrote. Sure you don't rely on your parents. You just have to ask them for financial help from time to time. Yet you still want to come off as superior.
PP went from continually asking her parents for financial help to occasionally getting great gifts which she no way relies on - She can afford anything she wants, obvi!
Spare us, PP.
Anonymous
04/28/2020 14:44
Subject: Re:People that never marry - What’s their life like?
most marriages have a lack of intimacyAnonymous wrote:Yeah being married means that you have chosen intimacy over isolation.
Anonymous
04/28/2020 14:39
Subject: People that never marry - What’s their life like?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Single Mom by Choice, and i adopted my daughter Never married. Getting married was never a goal.
I love my freedom. All decisions are mine.
I do like dating. I am not a desperado looking to settle for a 3rd-rate partner. Once i turned 40 every guy i dated told me they finally felt like they are not dating a women who was desperate for a husband/sperm donor. I had control of my life. I was disappointed by 2 men in my 20s/30s whom I would have married, but seeing them years later i am so happy it did not work out. Turns out one had been a secret alcoholic and another a womanizer. Both of them were twice-divorced. Glad i ended up not being one of the ex-wives. I loved them for sure; but they were terrible husbands.
Not a lot of money. I had to continually ask my parents for some financial help. They basically said I was getting my i(small) inheritance in advance; which was fine with me. I need a washer/dryer now, not when they are dead. But travel is important for me and i have taken my daughter all over the country and we have been to Europe 3 times, for 2 weeks at a time. Hostels and 2-star hotels and rentals make it very possible. Eating on the cheap. Once you have the airfare, all is doable.
Life had been pretty free and easy.
My sister ended up a single mom via divorce. She is angry, bitter, depressed. Kind of a nutcase. She was depending on a man to give her a good life. It did not come to be.
Relying on your parents for financial help in your 40s doesn’t sound like all the decisions are yours. Although it’s probably free and easy.
Not sure how you see yourself as so superior to your sister.
You sound very bitter. You must be divorced.
I detect reading comprehension problems. (I am a teacher; I'm good at spotting these things.) I do not *rely*on my parents. They give me great gifts like a new washer/dryer. I bought a new car and my dad gave me a month's payment as a Christmas present. They paid my au pair's salary one month. Really thoughtful gifts like that. Much better than a new sweater.
I wouldn't trade my watch-my-pennies life for your bitterness for a moment. Plus, my boyfriends are hot.
And you sound very defensive and childish in your insults. PP asked a legit question. Read what you wrote. Sure you don't rely on your parents. You just have to ask them for financial help from time to time. Yet you still want to come off as superior.