Anonymous
Post 04/27/2020 14:59     Subject: I don't want to participate in weekly Zoom calls with IL's
Anonymous wrote:If this were my IL's, I'd appear for the start of the call if I was free, and then I'd just get up and start doing other stuff. I don't understand why you think you have to be there the whole time?

+1

Exactly what I would do.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2020 14:51     Subject: Re:I don't want to participate in weekly Zoom calls with IL's
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. We don't have kids. In past weeks, I've done what others suggested by being on the call at the start and then dropping off to do laundry/walk the dog, etc. The issue is that the other SO's are on the call for the whole time. Last week, I had told husband I wanted to sit it out, so he told them I wasn't feeling well, to which apparently IL's were worried that I was gravely ill. Also, while I don't think DH would ever admit it to me, I think he feels jealous that his sibling's spouses are on this call, and I'm sitting it out.


It's 30 minutes, once a week. Or at most, an hour once a week. Just sit at the diningroom table on a joint Zoom call and make mental lists of what you will do that day/tomorrow. Or keep a piece of paper there and make real lists (just make sure it's not seen on the screen).

Since they don't seem to need any heavy lifting, you could also sit there and fold laundry while being on the call. but seriously, I'd just do them as long as they are no more than once a week.


WAIT! I' sorry, didn't see that the calls are more than an hour, sometimes 2 hours! Jesus. Ok. Be there at the beginning, make lists, then go and start dinner. Pop back in when veges are chopped. Then run and grab a load of laundry out of dryer and bring back to fold (towels, not undies).


Seriously. TG no one in the family has upgraded to longer than the free 40 min. zooms. Those are exactly long enough. I feel for you OP.
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2020 12:50     Subject: Re:I don't want to participate in weekly Zoom calls with IL's
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. We don't have kids. In past weeks, I've done what others suggested by being on the call at the start and then dropping off to do laundry/walk the dog, etc. The issue is that the other SO's are on the call for the whole time. Last week, I had told husband I wanted to sit it out, so he told them I wasn't feeling well, to which apparently IL's were worried that I was gravely ill. Also, while I don't think DH would ever admit it to me, I think he feels jealous that his sibling's spouses are on this call, and I'm sitting it out.


It's 30 minutes, once a week. Or at most, an hour once a week. Just sit at the diningroom table on a joint Zoom call and make mental lists of what you will do that day/tomorrow. Or keep a piece of paper there and make real lists (just make sure it's not seen on the screen).

Since they don't seem to need any heavy lifting, you could also sit there and fold laundry while being on the call. but seriously, I'd just do them as long as they are no more than once a week.


WAIT! I' sorry, didn't see that the calls are more than an hour, sometimes 2 hours! Jesus. Ok. Be there at the beginning, make lists, then go and start dinner. Pop back in when veges are chopped. Then run and grab a load of laundry out of dryer and bring back to fold (towels, not undies).
Anonymous
Post 04/27/2020 12:48     Subject: Re:I don't want to participate in weekly Zoom calls with IL's
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. We don't have kids. In past weeks, I've done what others suggested by being on the call at the start and then dropping off to do laundry/walk the dog, etc. The issue is that the other SO's are on the call for the whole time. Last week, I had told husband I wanted to sit it out, so he told them I wasn't feeling well, to which apparently IL's were worried that I was gravely ill. Also, while I don't think DH would ever admit it to me, I think he feels jealous that his sibling's spouses are on this call, and I'm sitting it out.


It's 30 minutes, once a week. Or at most, an hour once a week. Just sit at the diningroom table on a joint Zoom call and make mental lists of what you will do that day/tomorrow. Or keep a piece of paper there and make real lists (just make sure it's not seen on the screen).

Since they don't seem to need any heavy lifting, you could also sit there and fold laundry while being on the call. but seriously, I'd just do them as long as they are no more than once a week.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2020 19:29     Subject: I don't want to participate in weekly Zoom calls with IL's
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, how long are the calls??


This is OP. They can be pretty lengthy, like 1-2 hours (one of my ILs uses her work Zoom account, so they’re able to get unlimited minutes). ILs are the kind of family where there is a lot of “intense togetherness,” and everyone is excepted to do everything together. For example, when we go to their house, it’s not uncommon for us to just be sitting around the houae and taking for 4-5 hours.


This is absolutely insane! These in-laws are co-dependent & dysfunctional. Stay far away from this shit show op. Your husband is so brainwashed that he can’t realize this is not normal because it is HiS normal. Do not let this become your normal.

This. Pretty sure this is just the beginning of their expectations and how you willl “let them down.”
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2020 19:16     Subject: Re:I don't want to participate in weekly Zoom calls with IL's
Anonymous wrote:An expectation of weekly skype video calls was one of the things that tanked what was left of my relationship with my inlaws.


^ ETA that we also were expected to just sit around their house for hours talking.

They just couldn't believe/understand that we'd want to do other things except sitting around looking at them and sitting with them. Like how dare we.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2020 19:14     Subject: Re:I don't want to participate in weekly Zoom calls with IL's
An expectation of weekly skype video calls was one of the things that tanked what was left of my relationship with my inlaws.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2020 19:10     Subject: I don't want to participate in weekly Zoom calls with IL's
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, how long are the calls??


This is OP. They can be pretty lengthy, like 1-2 hours (one of my ILs uses her work Zoom account, so they’re able to get unlimited minutes). ILs are the kind of family where there is a lot of “intense togetherness,” and everyone is excepted to do everything together. For example, when we go to their house, it’s not uncommon for us to just be sitting around the houae and taking for 4-5 hours.


This is absolutely insane! These in-laws are co-dependent & dysfunctional. Stay far away from this shit show op. Your husband is so brainwashed that he can’t realize this is not normal because it is HiS normal. Do not let this become your normal.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2020 12:18     Subject: I don't want to participate in weekly Zoom calls with IL's
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Let your spouse and kids participate and you can drift off and do something else as you had other plans.

Don't be a wet blanket.


Or a petty POS. Grow up, op. “These people” are your kids family. Set an example as an adult.


Oh no, they're also on DCUM...


Not op or the in laws (im a married woman with three kids under 5) but agree fully. No one is chaining you to the chair but making a big deal about skipping it is shi%%y and will inform how your own children decide to entertain you in your old age.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2020 12:10     Subject: Re:I don't want to participate in weekly Zoom calls with IL's
We have been doing video calls for a long time with my IL's and I always say hello but generally stay in the background as my husband does the talking along with my little kids. They've never complained that I'm not on for the whole call and but now they do ask about my work because I'm a doctor in a large hospital. When I call my parents my husband just stays in the background. It's no big deal! To not participate even briefly is childish.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2020 11:29     Subject: Re:I don't want to participate in weekly Zoom calls with IL's
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. We don't have kids. In past weeks, I've done what others suggested by being on the call at the start and then dropping off to do laundry/walk the dog, etc. The issue is that the other SO's are on the call for the whole time. Last week, I had told husband I wanted to sit it out, so he told them I wasn't feeling well, to which apparently IL's were worried that I was gravely ill. Also, while I don't think DH would ever admit it to me, I think he feels jealous that his sibling's spouses are on this call, and I'm sitting it out.
This is song that you put up for your spouse. It isn’t really that difficult as those things go.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2020 11:08     Subject: Re:I don't want to participate in weekly Zoom calls with IL's
OP you should try to just tough it out even though you don’t want to. Sometimes you have to take one for the team.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2020 11:03     Subject: I don't want to participate in weekly Zoom calls with IL's
That’s a long time to be on a call with anyone!

I’d find some multi-step recipes that require you to step away every 10-15 minutes.

Or make a drinking game out of it. Nobody can see what’s in your travel coffee mug.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2020 10:45     Subject: Re:I don't want to participate in weekly Zoom calls with IL's
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. We don't have kids. In past weeks, I've done what others suggested by being on the call at the start and then dropping off to do laundry/walk the dog, etc. The issue is that the other SO's are on the call for the whole time. Last week, I had told husband I wanted to sit it out, so he told them I wasn't feeling well, to which apparently IL's were worried that I was gravely ill. Also, while I don't think DH would ever admit it to me, I think he feels jealous that his sibling's spouses are on this call, and I'm sitting it out.

Then take one for the team and stay, it will not kill you. Interject sobering interesting. Tell them what you are up to. It’s really not that hard if you dibgg th want it to be.
Anonymous
Post 04/25/2020 10:27     Subject: I don't want to participate in weekly Zoom calls with IL's
Anonymous wrote:OP, how long are the calls??


This is OP. They can be pretty lengthy, like 1-2 hours (one of my ILs uses her work Zoom account, so they’re able to get unlimited minutes). ILs are the kind of family where there is a lot of “intense togetherness,” and everyone is excepted to do everything together. For example, when we go to their house, it’s not uncommon for us to just be sitting around the houae and taking for 4-5 hours.