Anonymous
Post 04/11/2020 22:12     Subject: Re:Men who love a woman but are not faithful
Posted above, wanted to add that eventually you both will need to understand, to the best of your ability, what fueled it. It will probably be a combination of factors, but to get there and to rebuild, you have to go through a lot of pain first. Or at least we did. We are deeply in love again, but it took time work and treatment.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2020 22:08     Subject: Re:Men who love a woman but are not faithful
My husband had an emotional affair a few years ago. The road to being good again (we are actually better than we were) was deeply painful and raw. I left nothing unsaid, asked every difficult question I wanted, showed him the depths of my pain, raged, cried, etc and he was there. It was very hard for him too...he was ashamed. So yes, you can get through, if you are willing to eventually face head on what is likely her deep pain.. that you caused through your choices. We were also in therapy. Good luck.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2020 21:29     Subject: Re:Men who love a woman but are not faithful
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't get how this is hard to understand. Like, none of you have ever hurt someone you loved even if unintentionally? Or is it the mindset that cheating is like the worst thing someone can do, like murder, where only the most evil among us even contemplate it?


Why compare cheating with murder? Why can’t they both be bad? If someone believes cheating is bad then it’s bad. No reason to compare.


I've never been murdered but I've been cheated on and in my mind it probably hurt as much or more and the aftermath of cheating is much worse than the aftermath of murder, at least for the victim. For me it lasted at least two years then started getting better, emotionally. So at that point murder would have been a worse thing, me being completely dead and all.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2020 21:26     Subject: Re:Men who love a woman but are not faithful
Anonymous wrote:I don't get how this is hard to understand. Like, none of you have ever hurt someone you loved even if unintentionally? Or is it the mindset that cheating is like the worst thing someone can do, like murder, where only the most evil among us even contemplate it?


Why compare cheating with murder? Why can’t they both be bad? If someone believes cheating is bad then it’s bad. No reason to compare.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2020 21:19     Subject: Re:Men who love a woman but are not faithful
^OP, why should she trust you now? I’m assuming that you didn’t intend to cheat in the first place but you did and so what’s different now?

Also, why choose her now whereas before you were conflicted? Did the other woman drop you or is it just that you now can’t be with your girlfriend and that’s why you want her?

I think you need to really think about these things and understand your motivations.

Personally, once a guy cheats, there’s no coming back for me because of trust issues but that’s just me.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2020 20:04     Subject: Re:Men who love a woman but are not faithful
Anonymous wrote:
Do you all think her friends are going to tell her to not give me a chance?


This is the stupidest thing you've said. The stupidest. "Her friends"? Why do you assume she wouldn't think for herself? She should trust her own judgement. I think you have a lack of respect for her and it's showing. Women in general perhaps?


Sorry, I was just referring to the responses above that say a woman shouldn’t give a man a chance if he has cheated. I’m just hoping that somebody has had an experience where a guy did something like this and it turned out all right in the end, as in he never cheated again.

We’re both in our early twenties. I think I did something stupid because I’m young and I really want her to give me another chance because I don’t intend to ever cheat again.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2020 19:36     Subject: Men who love a woman but are not faithful
PP again, Op are you a teenager?

I give you a pass if that's the case.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2020 19:35     Subject: Re:Men who love a woman but are not faithful
Do you all think her friends are going to tell her to not give me a chance?


This is the stupidest thing you've said. The stupidest. "Her friends"? Why do you assume she wouldn't think for herself? She should trust her own judgement. I think you have a lack of respect for her and it's showing. Women in general perhaps?
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2020 19:05     Subject: Re:Men who love a woman but are not faithful
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Acting on your desires doesn't mean you don't love the other person.


To me, loving another person means treating them with the dignity and respect that comes with a loving relationship. Acting on your desires without regard for their feelings and trust flies in the face of love. But if you don't believe that then we most certainly have a different concept of grown-up love.


Do you think the age of the person makes a difference? If you’re in your early 20s and haven’t matured yet as opposed to someone who has been an adult for a longer time?

Do you think someone can comeback from doing something like this, or should you just be done with them?


DP but I would be done with them because it's part of their personality and that isn't going to change. If they can't be faithful to you when you are in your 20's and in your prime with little pressures around you then how will it be when you are older with more responsibilities and children in the picture. I would see that person as flaky and not someone I want to go through life with.

Equally I don't think I could be bothered staying married to someone who chose to have an affair and ruin a marriage. I would consider that they have opted out of the marriage and it's dead already.

Life is too short to waste on someone who deceives you and disrespects you. I would rather be single than be in a bad marriage.



Agreed. If they cheat on you when you look your best, how will they act when you gain weight (from pregnancies) or get wrinkles, breast cancer?

Also, if you stay with them, how do they learn that you tolerate vs won't. Think of how you will beat yourself up if this happens again.

I would leave. Sorry, it would make me lose trust in, and respect for, the person.

They would become, in my mind. your average sleazy guy, not special enough to merit my love and future.


Agreed. Hard to come back when cheating occurs when all is good and they still feel the need to cheat.


I’m the one who asked this question and I’m actually the guy in this scenario, I’m 14:22 on the first page. A bit over a year has gone by since I got back, and I, admittedly, spent part of the year lying about the other woman and then breaking up with my girlfriend at home and dating the other woman for a while. For a long time, I truly thought I loved both of them, but I see that that was a dumb idea on my part.

I have come to my senses and would like my original girlfriend to take me back. I have apologized and we have done a lot of talking, but she’s really unsure. I don’t blame her. I do feel really bad about what I’ve done (I’ve never done anything like this before) and I was hoping someone here would say that it could be worth it to give someone a chance if he did something stupid when he was young.

I don’t think I’m sleazy and a constant liar and I really don’t plan to ever do anything like this again. Do you all think her friends are going to tell her to not give me a chance?
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2020 16:19     Subject: Re:Men who love a woman but are not faithful
I don't get how this is hard to understand. Like, none of you have ever hurt someone you loved even if unintentionally? Or is it the mindset that cheating is like the worst thing someone can do, like murder, where only the most evil among us even contemplate it?
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2020 14:16     Subject: Men who love a woman but are not faithful
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you cheat --- do you *not* understand the intense pain you cause, the pain you cause to the person *you say* you love.

Is that love? If you don't practice loving behavior, what makes you think you love them?


You don’t get it. When someone cheats, that’s not what they’re thinking about. No one is thinking about their spouse when they’re cheating and weighing whether or not they love them enough to do it. They’re just living in the moment and being selfish and giving into desire. You’re making it a lot more complicated than it is.

And that, my friend, is what undermines your argument. When we are capable of truly loving another person we sacrifice that selfishness. We choose not to act in ways that would hurt someone else. We actually do think about the person who trusts and loves us back.
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2020 13:50     Subject: Men who love a woman but are not faithful
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Its called compartmentalizing folks, when he is sticking it in the woman who is not his wife, hs are not thinking of the hurt he's doing to the "woman he loves"

ever


We have a winner!



That's the point. It's a character issue....It's a selfish person who wants what he wants. Love should include regards for the person you claim to love and so when y o u cheat, you are not thinking of the spouse. It's not an act of someone who loves, it's an act of someone who is selfish (character issue).
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2020 13:03     Subject: Re:Men who love a woman but are not faithful
Anonymous wrote:I'm a big man with Big D Energy and I am easily capable of loving more than one woman at a time.


As long as you are not a coward & you're honest with the women involved, go for it. But I doubt you are
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2020 12:58     Subject: Re:Men who love a woman but are not faithful
You make an agreement when you get married. Some people are honest & know they prefer to have other sex partners and do not vow to be faithful. Not for me, but some people are happy with this arrangement ( & good for them).

My issue is- do NOT say or act like you are or will be faithful when you know you have no intentions. Be honest. Act with integrity
Anonymous
Post 04/11/2020 12:32     Subject: Men who love a woman but are not faithful
Anonymous wrote:If you cheat --- do you *not* understand the intense pain you cause, the pain you cause to the person *you say* you love.

Is that love? If you don't practice loving behavior, what makes you think you love them?


You don’t get it. When someone cheats, that’s not what they’re thinking about. No one is thinking about their spouse when they’re cheating and weighing whether or not they love them enough to do it. They’re just living in the moment and being selfish and giving into desire. You’re making it a lot more complicated than it is.