No not all, just selfish and ineffective at parenting ones.

No, but my dad was definitely like this when I was growing up.

I remember my mom had to rush out of town for a week due to an ill family member and I thought my brother and I were going to starve. He didn't eat breakfast so he didn't make us breakfast. He was also used to sleeping in later than my mom so he'd get us up with minutes to spare before the bus came (and no, we did not have alarm clocks in our rooms back then). So there was no time to eat anything as we ran down the sidewalk, partially dressed. He also didn't "know how to" pack lunches so he told us to eat at school. I told him we needed lunch money for that and he ended up driving us to school that day to ask the office if that was true because when he went to school, lunch was free for everyone.

I just remember him saying over and over "your mother owes me for this! I'm going to take my own vacation when this is over!" She was caring for a sick relative but to him, she was off partying it up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I truly believe that like 95% of men really don’t care if they ever have kids. So they have them because their wife wants them so badly and then the wife is mad when they’re ambivalent and disengaged.

Um no. Part of why I married my DH was his sheer enthusiasm about having kids. He loved his niece and nephew, he loved his friends kids. He was always asking to hold babies and wanted to play with the toddlers at parties. He just LOVES kids. Still does, and we have two. He loves our friends kids and always wants to kick a ball or play chase.

So sure, some men don't want kids, and those men should be upfront about that. But there are lots of men who very much desire kids and are wonderful, loving, capable fathers.

DP.. then your DH is part of the 5%. ^PP did not say 100% of men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I truly believe that like 95% of men really don’t care if they ever have kids. So they have them because their wife wants them so badly and then the wife is mad when they’re ambivalent and disengaged.

you're an idiot, seriously.

+1

I think it is the POS Fairfax Underground people who are posting here. Probably an InCel.

DP... I agree with the first PP, and I'm a woman. Though, I think some of the men who don't necessarily want kids are good dads because they love their children, and they are responsible adults.

The rest, though, they don't care that much if they see their kids everyday. They are happy with seeing them a couple of hours a week. That is why we have so many dead beat dads.

Anonymous wrote:I know a guy who did not like to spend time alone with his kids very much, especially if he had to change diapers or cook. He was a nice guy but a lazy ass around the house.

After about a decade of this, his wife divorced him. He was pretty miserable.

Ironically that motivated him to become a better father. He ended up spending a significant amount of time with his kids.

Cool story bro

We are rotating 2 hours working jobs and then 2 hours off watching kids during the week. The days are pretty long but we are getting into a groove, no issues.

Anonymous wrote:I love watching my kids. I wouldn't want to be a SAHD, but watching my kids without my wife is a great pleasure. The kids are different when she's not around. They're more resilient. I think I'm different too. I'm more relaxed.

x a million (father of 3 teenagers)

Sorry, OP. Your husband is an alcoholic with other conditions, and sucks as a husband and parent. No, it's not normal. A normal DH doesn't always enjoy caring for kids solo, but is competent to do it and doesn't complain unless he feels (with at least a little bit of accuracy) he is doing more than his share.

Step back and think about what you are doing. You are leaving a 1 year old with an intoxicated person. You don't have a lot of good options and that's sad, but you need to be preparing for divorce and thinking very seriously about your children's safety. You sound like you're in denial of the seriousness of his problem.

Anonymous wrote:I love watching my kids. I wouldn't want to be a SAHD, but watching my kids without my wife is a great pleasure. The kids are different when she's not around. They're more resilient. I think I'm different too. I'm more relaxed.

yep, this all day

Biologically, women tend to be more nurturing than men. Having said that, this plays more of a role only in the earlier years when there is less advanced level of social interaction with the child. Nonetheless, a man shouldn't be "annoyed" or treat it as a chore to have alone time with the kids. OP already pointed out DH has underlying problems and those are rather obviously interrelated with his "annoyance."

Malaysia's government is running an online campaign that advised women not to nag their husbands during the nation's partial lockdown.

It also advised women to refrain from being "sarcastic" if they asked for help with chores.

Anonymous wrote:I truly believe that like 95% of men really don’t care if they ever have kids. So they have them because their wife wants them so badly and then the wife is mad when they’re ambivalent and disengaged.

Um no. Part of why I married my DH was his sheer enthusiasm about having kids. He loved his niece and nephew, he loved his friends kids. He was always asking to hold babies and wanted to play with the toddlers at parties. He just LOVES kids. Still does, and we have two. He loves our friends kids and always wants to kick a ball or play chase.

So sure, some men don't want kids, and those men should be upfront about that. But there are lots of men who very much desire kids and are wonderful, loving, capable fathers.

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your DH a police officer?

No, other essential (non medical) job

I know a guy who did not like to spend time alone with his kids very much, especially if he had to change diapers or cook. He was a nice guy but a lazy ass around the house.

After about a decade of this, his wife divorced him. He was pretty miserable.

Ironically that motivated him to become a better father. He ended up spending a significant amount of time with his kids.

I love watching my kids. I wouldn't want to be a SAHD, but watching my kids without my wife is a great pleasure. The kids are different when she's not around. They're more resilient. I think I'm different too. I'm more relaxed.