My co-workers keep running around barefoot with butter knives yelling "ARRRR MATEY" and "WALK THE PLANK, YOU FILTHY ANIMAL." They create an unholy mess and when I try to distract them with screens, will only watch LARVA so any unmuted moment I have on a call has a background of burping, farting, and vomiting.

Not least of all, my workplace is in violation of the 50 co-worker rule. One spooked at God knows what yesterday and ran headfirst into a wall, cutting her face. Another came in from outside play with a big scrape down his leg, but thankfully neither needed outside medical attention. Thirty of them had an office relocation this afternoon, and I was covered in their feces by the time I wrangled them into their new cubicles. I took a shower, though, and will smell halfway respectable until the cafeteria opens for dinner tonight.

-farmer mom with a day job too

My coworker pooped her pants today while I was video conferencing.

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the most amusing threads we've had in a while. Maybe the site needs a Best Of like Craig's List has.

OP here:

I also started THIS THREAD:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/670012.page

I need to start changing Jeff $$$ and/or get a life.

Today my 3 new coworkers managed to break a lamp, found my secret chocolate stash, and spilled paint on the floor, which my 2 other coworkers got all over their paws and the carpet and the bed. On the bright side, the new guys don't lick themselves or bark incessantly so I feel like I'm moving up in the world.

Anonymous wrote:My co-worker is crying real tears because she misspelled two words.

My coworker had a meltdown yesterday because she did her work "perfectly" and I didn't notice (I got momentarily distracted and missed a 30-sec violin piece--oof!). This was at the end of the work day, after being a very attentive manager all day.

Anonymous wrote:Mine snuck up behind me during a video conference call and held up a sign reading "Bored? Jokes for $1"

Honestly, it was the comic relief we all didn't know we needed.

Hilarious!! This whole thread is great.

Mine threw a massive tantrum because she lost her Elsa princess tiara. This was timed perfectly to the exact moment DH hopped on a conference call so everyone got to hear her meltdown.

The other one only wants to watch movies. He isn’t throwing tantrums when told no but has a pretty impressive pout.

And the snacks. Omg. The snacks. I swear they even ask for snacks while having a snack!

Mine snuck up behind me during a video conference call and held up a sign reading "Bored? Jokes for $1"

Honestly, it was the comic relief we all didn't know we needed.

One of my coworkers is wearing only underwear and touches his penis about 10,000 times a day.

Anonymous wrote:Hahaha mine just HAS to have a hug every 30 seconds. He is 11 BTW.

Sweet!

This is seriously the best DCUM thread I have ever read. I think I'm only going to check back her for updates and ignore all the other ones.

My coworker constantly complains that she is bored. When I point out the huge amount of work, chores and projects that need to get done, she disappears for a couple of hours only to re-emerge and complain she is still bored.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hahaha mine just HAS to have a hug every 30 seconds. He is 11 BTW.

This is so sweet.

It really is. I love it when they're sweet.

My 3 year old will look at me and say, "Mommy I just love you so much. I'm so happy you're here."

Anonymous wrote:Hahaha mine just HAS to have a hug every 30 seconds. He is 11 BTW.

This is so sweet.

My coworkers leave the bathroom a mess. One constantly forgets to flush, the other manages to splash water all over the counter and leaves it there.