Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH but I think SAHM is the most neutral term you can use.

You identify with the work you do.

What do you do? I am a doctor.
What do you do? I am a full-time mom.

I would never call myself a SAHM, because I do not hear others call themselves a WOHM. We all are moms. I choose to spend more time with my kids than the WOHMs and when they were little I chose that they stayed at home with me instead of a childcare provider.

I literally just referred to myself as "WOH."

The "full-time mom" thing just sounds unnecessarily defensive to me.

Well, when you are WOH, you are not with your kids or working for your kids. You are working for someone else for pay. It is appropriate to call yourself just a working woman who is working at a place that is not her home. No need to add the M behind it unless you are talking about both aspects of your life - working and motherhood.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH but I think SAHM is the most neutral term you can use.

You identify with the work you do.

What do you do? I am a doctor.
What do you do? I am a full-time mom.

I would never call myself a SAHM, because I do not hear others call themselves a WOHM. We all are moms. I choose to spend more time with my kids than the WOHMs and when they were little I chose that they stayed at home with me instead of a childcare provider.

I literally just referred to myself as "WOH."

The "full-time mom" thing just sounds unnecessarily defensive to me.

"What do you do?"
" I WOH."

I would die laughing if I heard that at a party.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH but I think SAHM is the most neutral term you can use.

You identify with the work you do.

What do you do? I am a doctor.
What do you do? I am a full-time mom.

I would never call myself a SAHM, because I do not hear others call themselves a WOHM. We all are moms. I choose to spend more time with my kids than the WOHMs and when they were little I chose that they stayed at home with me instead of a childcare provider.

I literally just referred to myself as "WOH."

The "full-time mom" thing just sounds unnecessarily defensive to me.

It is not being defensive. It is said with a lot of pride.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH but I think SAHM is the most neutral term you can use.

You identify with the work you do.

What do you do? I am a doctor.
What do you do? I am a full-time mom.

I would never call myself a SAHM, because I do not hear others call themselves a WOHM. We all are moms. I choose to spend more time with my kids than the WOHMs and when they were little I chose that they stayed at home with me instead of a childcare provider.

Are you the physician up-thread? Did you contribute to the other thread? Are you super religious? You really hate WOHMs, don't you? In your dark little stone of a heart, you think we have failed our children.

Why would anyone hate someone else for the choices that they make for their own children? You give yourself too much importance, anonymous DCUM user! You and your child are not the concern of other people. You do you.

My heart and my DH's heart is not dark or made up of stone for our own kids, so obviously we could not leave our kids in someone else's care. But that is us and our children. Rest assured, I am neutral about who takes care of your or someone else's kid. You do you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH but I think SAHM is the most neutral term you can use.

You identify with the work you do.

What do you do? I am a doctor.
What do you do? I am a full-time mom.

I would never call myself a SAHM, because I do not hear others call themselves a WOHM. We all are moms. I choose to spend more time with my kids than the WOHMs and when they were little I chose that they stayed at home with me instead of a childcare provider.

I literally just referred to myself as "WOH."

The "full-time mom" thing just sounds unnecessarily defensive to me.

I say "I don't work" even though that makes people wince initially or try to argue it gets the point across and the awkwardness fizzles quickly. It feels weird to say stay at home when I volunteer or am on the go all the time. I love the flexibility of volunteering!! Housewife feels outdated and dh said saying I'm unemployed implied I was looking for work. Woman of leisure feels like I'm showing off that I enjoy leisurely breakfasts (though I often do) but its not very leisurly to fold laundry or wrestle my kids muddy cleats on and drive him to practice.

If l could stay home all day I would love that too, sounds like a vacation! I might ask for a day home for mothers day.

I have accepted that discomfort of telling people I don't work as a miniscule price to pay for doing exactly what I want to do with my life. I live in an urban area and a sahm is rare but still have a great group of friends that work. A few encourage me to because they see the world as better working and others say they envy me. I envy them too but I'm not trading.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who says you need a “special passion” in order to have a job?

I would guess that most people don’t consider their jobs their passions and that is all right. They are satisfied with the knowledge that they are contributing to the world and their families.

Just get a job, anything.

Lol. My special passion is a roof over my head, food on the table and clothes for my kids.

LOL. My special passion is more and more education and college courses for myself, just so I become more informed. After all, a great education in the first place allowed me to make good amount of money in a few years, invest all of it and see it grow, and then take super-duper early retirement to stay at home with my kids. It has also allowed me to tutor my kids and guide them into great colleges and career. Raising successful kids that you can be proud of, having a great marriage and life, and having enough money for needs and wants is the reward I have got.

I am sure I will work if I need to to pay for a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes for my kids and medicines for the family. I would also work to provide college education for my kids. Thankfully, all of these things have been checked due to the fabulous education my parents paid for.

So you are super privileged. Whatever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH but I think SAHM is the most neutral term you can use.

You identify with the work you do.

What do you do? I am a doctor.
What do you do? I am a full-time mom.

I would never call myself a SAHM, because I do not hear others call themselves a WOHM. We all are moms. I choose to spend more time with my kids than the WOHMs and when they were little I chose that they stayed at home with me instead of a childcare provider.

Are you the physician up-thread? Did you contribute to the other thread? Are you super religious? You really hate WOHMs, don't you? In your dark little stone of a heart, you think we have failed our children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who says you need a “special passion” in order to have a job?

I would guess that most people don’t consider their jobs their passions and that is all right. They are satisfied with the knowledge that they are contributing to the world and their families.

Just get a job, anything.

You could contribute to the world by -
- recycling
- not eating meat
- not having more than two kids
- not using fertilizer, herbicide or pesticide
- making sure your kids are doing well academically
- volunteering
- driving a Prius
- eating local and organic produce
- not being obese
- walking more
- being educated
-not being on dole
- not wasting
- planting trees...

All of this is not what most WOH women do. So in essence they are not contributing to the world. Most importantly, if you have a high HHI, please do not take a low paying job that someone might need to sustain their family. Do not snatch the bread from the mouth of kids born in low HHI households.

All of this is not what most WOH women do? The ones I know do a lot of these things. Actually anyone can do these things, regardless of their work status. WTF are you talking about?

I also know many women with jobs that have obvious impact on the world or at the very least in their communities. Nurse or physician, therapist, teacher, social worker; these individuals have can have a positive and sometimes profoundly positive impact on the lives of people they work with. And how about a scientist/researcher, people who work for organizations like the Red Cross on the ground. How about the person that helps make sure you have clean water at your house and electricity to power your appliances? How about the person who makes sure your kids' schools are clean? I could go on and on. Many of us have jobs we choose not only for the paycheck, but because they make a difference. You don't have to make light of this to justify your own choices.

Anonymous wrote:I WOH but I think SAHM is the most neutral term you can use.

You identify with the work you do.

What do you do? I am a doctor.
What do you do? I am a full-time mom.

I would never call myself a SAHM, because I do not hear others call themselves a WOHM. We all are moms. I choose to spend more time with my kids than the WOHMs and when they were little I chose that they stayed at home with me instead of a childcare provider.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who says you need a “special passion” in order to have a job?

I would guess that most people don’t consider their jobs their passions and that is all right. They are satisfied with the knowledge that they are contributing to the world and their families.

Just get a job, anything.

If your family doesn’t benefit from the money, then how are you contributing to your family by working? You are just creating more stress, less flexibility, fewer vacations, and a smaller village of friends and extended family.

Doesn’t need the money /= couldn’t benefit from it

I am the pediatrician, not the OP, but I will tell you that our household would not benefit from the money.
So, if you take the money out of it, what’s the benefit of having two working parents? In my household, it would mean fewer holidays spent together, fewer family vacations, less time with extended family, and a higher stress level overall. So, I volunteer at a free clinic, but I don’t have a job outside the home.

Not all of this automatically follows. Higher stress is likely, but the rest is not necessarily true for all 2 working parent households.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work now, but when I didn’t, I just said (if asked) “I don’t have a job.”

In think it’s particular capitalistic to insist that a person work if they don’t need the money. Is my only value to the world a paycheck? There are actually very few “jobs” that add value to the world, most jobs just push paper around and destroy the environment. My office building actually THROWS away half finished rolls of toilet paper (yes I stalk the janitor’s cart).

There is a weird irony in vilifying women who are caregivers and volunteers instead of corporate worker bees. I’m all for women working if they are improving the world with their job - I’m looking at you Margaret Atwood - but insisting that the world needs a random corporate lawyer over an involved and loving parent isn’t feminism, it’s illogical.

Have you ever had a hard time internalizing this? For my family it truly makes the most sense for me not to work for a pay check and I don’t but I feel incredibly guilty about it.

I would never be able to not work. I just don’t feel like it’s right.

Well, then make sure you don't ever retire! Poof, there goes all your moral rectitude if you don't work! Better get used to it. Or you'll feel useless and used up when you're unable to work or just retired some day.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with not working.

I agree completely with the perspective that it's oddly capitalistic if you think the only thing of value you give to the world is what you do for money. How bourgeois.

I am the goddess of wealth. That ki Laxmi. I have my family and I have minions who do my bidding.

Who cares? How often does this even come up?

I WOH but I think SAHM is the most neutral term you can use.