Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is too strained of an analogy But here it goes.

Let’s say you have a five year old who wants to eat exclusively chicken nuggets. The five year old has a health condition that predisposes him to heart disease so chicken nuggets are dangerous for him. You offer a variety of healthy foods, you take him to a doctor, you try to make healthy foods fun and appealing, but he refuses and only wants chicken nuggets.

Obviously, you give him the chicken nuggets and keep trying with the healthy foods. You don’t let him starve.

The five year old won't starve if you don't offer nuggets.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think sex will land him in jail. Check the laws in your state.

There are close in age exceptions but your son doesn't need to know that.

Might as well tell him that condoms don’t prevent STDs while you’re at it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - a sincere and heartfelt thank you to whoever wrote "The problem is that OP is trying as hard as she can to get her son to understand that he shouldn’t be having sex this young, but it looks like he’s just going to do it anyway." That is exactly the case.

I have no desire to break them up. She is an admirable girl, and they have a healthy relationship. (Most importantly - neither is the boss.) It is in face very likely that they won't have sex anytime soon because she is levelheaded. But my son is most certainly a romantic who sincerely believes himself ready for many adult things. (He'd like to vote and drive as well!) Of course I know that this very delusion proves that he's immature. This situation shouldn't be happening, But it is. So what would you do?

14 is young even for dating, much less a serious relationship.

You didn’t date as a HS freshman?

Nope

Maybe this is too strained of an analogy But here it goes.

Let’s say you have a five year old who wants to eat exclusively chicken nuggets. The five year old has a health condition that predisposes him to heart disease so chicken nuggets are dangerous for him. You offer a variety of healthy foods, you take him to a doctor, you try to make healthy foods fun and appealing, but he refuses and only wants chicken nuggets.

Obviously, you give him the chicken nuggets and keep trying with the healthy foods. You don’t let him starve.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - a sincere and heartfelt thank you to whoever wrote "The problem is that OP is trying as hard as she can to get her son to understand that he shouldn’t be having sex this young, but it looks like he’s just going to do it anyway." That is exactly the case.

I have no desire to break them up. She is an admirable girl, and they have a healthy relationship. (Most importantly - neither is the boss.) It is in face very likely that they won't have sex anytime soon because she is levelheaded. But my son is most certainly a romantic who sincerely believes himself ready for many adult things. (He'd like to vote and drive as well!) Of course I know that this very delusion proves that he's immature. This situation shouldn't be happening, But it is. So what would you do?

14 is young even for dating, much less a serious relationship.

You didn’t date as a HS freshman?

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think sex will land him in jail. Check the laws in your state.

There are close in age exceptions but your son doesn't need to know that.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - a sincere and heartfelt thank you to whoever wrote "The problem is that OP is trying as hard as she can to get her son to understand that he shouldn’t be having sex this young, but it looks like he’s just going to do it anyway." That is exactly the case.

I have no desire to break them up. She is an admirable girl, and they have a healthy relationship. (Most importantly - neither is the boss.) It is in face very likely that they won't have sex anytime soon because she is levelheaded. But my son is most certainly a romantic who sincerely believes himself ready for many adult things. (He'd like to vote and drive as well!) Of course I know that this very delusion proves that he's immature. This situation shouldn't be happening, But it is. So what would you do?

14 is young even for dating, much less a serious relationship.

I don’t think sex will land him in jail. Check the laws in your state.

My son went to the health department and asked for condoms when he was 16. He walked there after school to get them, and then told me when he got home. I congratulated him on taking the initiative. He's now almost 25 and did not have his first child until he was 23 and married.

Anonymous wrote:I would have a serious conversation about how sex changes a relationship dynamic and that legally he is too young to consent. So that could land her in jail. They both should wait until the age of consent in the eyes of the law. Then it shouldn't be done without protection.

Totally agree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do realize that condoms basically ensure they will get pregnant, right?

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read on DCUM. The only form of male birth control is condoms. I have sons, they have access to condoms. I talk about it often, and will continue to talk about it. I will continue to provide them. Should they be able to buy them on their own? Yes. Do teenage males always think ahead or stop in the heat of the moment? No.

Not to mention that condoms reduce the chance of STDs. Female birth control does not do that.

I keep condoms in the glove department, in their backpacks, wallet, and bathroom cabinet. If they get someone pregnant, we will cross that bridge, but at least we cross it knowing they knew better & were educated on safe sex, and I provided them with direct access.

+1. (Coming from a millennial married mom of two who uses condoms for birth control and they have never failed)

Anonymous wrote:OP here - a sincere and heartfelt thank you to whoever wrote "The problem is that OP is trying as hard as she can to get her son to understand that he shouldn’t be having sex this young, but it looks like he’s just going to do it anyway." That is exactly the case.

I have no desire to break them up. She is an admirable girl, and they have a healthy relationship. (Most importantly - neither is the boss.) It is in face very likely that they won't have sex anytime soon because she is levelheaded. But my son is most certainly a romantic who sincerely believes himself ready for many adult things. (He'd like to vote and drive as well!) Of course I know that this very delusion proves that he's immature. This situation shouldn't be happening, But it is. So what would you do?

So they are HS Freshman/Sophomores? My 15 yr old DD started dating a 15 year old boy Sophomore year. They have been dating over 18 months now. I have reason to believe they are sexually active (I read some DMs that suggested this was so) but she has refused to tell me this despite numerous conversations on the topic. It's very awkward, but I think you just have to have some "lets get real" conversations. When my DD started dating more steadily, I tried to engage her in conversations about teens and sex generically to get a sense of her thought process. So you might ask him when he thinks teens are mature enough to have intercourse? Do teens today consider oral sex is just as intimate as intercourse? See what he says and have a conversation in the "abstract" a bit about the responsibility that comes with sex. You can then talk about condom use, how you get them (fyi in MoCo the school nurse will provide); how being mature enough to have sex suggests you need to be mature enough to get condoms (or at least ask your mom for them)??. Talk to him about consent, pressure on GF, cheating, telling others about his experiences, nudes, the difference between porn and reality. Tell him you know all of this is awkward, but it's you job to keep him safe and to give him the skills he needs for a healthy relationship. Also lay out your expectations for your home (i.e. no closed doors, no hanging out unsupervised or whatever you rules are).

You can also ask the tough questions that might make him think twice: (1) what would he do if BC fails? Does he realize it won't be his decision? Has he asked his GF her views on this? (2) Consider how intercourse ups the emotional ante of a breakup or cheating incident. Is he ready for that? Explain that having intercourse at a younger age typically increases the number of lifetime partners and therefore increased risk of STDs (condoms, condoms condoms). NOTE, however, that if they end up in a long-lasting relationship for several years of HS (like my DD has) the opposite may be true as they may be active but not in the "hook up" culture that is prevalent in HS.

When I was going through this stress myself, it did bring my anxiety down when a friend pointed out that losing your virginity in a committed relationship is preferable to a drunken encounter at an older age. My DD eventually asked for BC "to ease cramping" so I took her to a gyn to pick the best method for her. We've had enough direct conversations about birth control and her friends's relationships, porn, STDs over that last couple of years that I think she knows that I think she is sexually active. We just aren't going to talk about it directly (fine

Someone on here mentioned a sex ed workbook. Do you have a title to recommend?

Better still would be a site with a quiz built in.

Anonymous wrote:You do realize that condoms basically ensure they will get pregnant, right?

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read on DCUM. The only form of male birth control is condoms. I have sons, they have access to condoms. I talk about it often, and will continue to talk about it. I will continue to provide them. Should they be able to buy them on their own? Yes. Do teenage males always think ahead or stop in the heat of the moment? No.

Not to mention that condoms reduce the chance of STDs. Female birth control does not do that.

I keep condoms in the glove department, in their backpacks, wallet, and bathroom cabinet. If they get someone pregnant, we will cross that bridge, but at least we cross it knowing they knew better & were educated on safe sex, and I provided them with direct access.

Whoops, that got buried. But I just said (on this very wild tangent):

I guess to me it would be like not remembering what form of transportation you used to get the job you held from 2008-2011. It’s not important to remember now, I guess, but it just doesn’t seem it would be that hard to recall?