js426
Post 02/05/2020 10:43     Subject: Re:Daily commute to Delaware - where to live...?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This will be awful for both of you. I don't think it's sustainable long term (although Joe Biden did it for decades in reverse). Maybe DH should rent a studio apartment in Newark and drive up Monday morning and come home Thursday night and work from home on Friday.


This is what my spouse and I do and it's been fine. That commute is not sustainable particularly if there is no telecommute option or no option to work on the train as part of your day.


You and your spouse have been doing DE-DC commute? Would you be able to share more - where do you live (I presume on the MD side?), where in DE do you have to go to, what is your main form of transportation (train?), and what is your work arrangement? Thanks! I know our situation is not ideal nor realistic, but your comment gives me a bit of hope...
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2020 10:25     Subject: Daily commute to Delaware - where to live...?
I'm confused too!
js426
Post 02/05/2020 10:23     Subject: Daily commute to Delaware - where to live...?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would look in silver spring to minimize time on I-495. Bethesda and friendship heights increase his time on I-495 which could easily add 30-60 minutes to his already long commute. Do you commute with metro? Check his driving distance from stations north west of DC. Also, if you would consider driving also, see Columbia / laurel and those areas that would give him quick access to I-95.


Pp again. Also, check greenbelt, Tacoma park, and other areas. Basically, you’d want to live outside the beltway to minimize his commute and close to metro to minimize yours. But stay away from FH and Bethesda. He’s be driving an hour just on the beltway portion on his return commute.


Thank you for the helpful tips! Didn't think of Greenbelt.. Will look into it!
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2020 10:23     Subject: Daily commute to Delaware - where to live...?
Ok, wow, this is a tough one. I think BY FAR your best option for his commute is the MARC train and a beater car in perryville. MARC is really nice and not as expensive as Amtrak.

that puts you around New Carrolton, MD - you could take metro into DC and it wouldn't be impossible. Schools might become an issue quickly (if this is a 3 yaer plan).

I think you could white knuckle through this for 6 months. But long term this is pretty brutal.
js426
Post 02/05/2020 10:22     Subject: Re:Daily commute to Delaware - where to live...?
Anonymous wrote:OP-

you aren't being realistic. I say this as someone who has a spouse who just took a job in Alexandria,VA and we live in Columbia, MD.

As a back to workforce mom, you cant afford to be the primary parent and that is what will happen. Kid wakes up sick or with a fever, your spouse is already gone for the day because he will need to leave at 4/5 am. Kid gets sick at daycare- you will need to pickup.

Make sure you think of not the BEST situation but the WORST situation and how it would work out because it does happen.


Yeah..It's not ideal, I agree At the moment though, we have no choice, as we both need our respective jobs. We can both look for something else, but at least until one of us finds something, we will have to figure out a way to make this arrangement work...sigh
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2020 10:19     Subject: Daily commute to Delaware - where to live...?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why not use this as an opportunity to move to a (much) less expensive area (Delaware) and have the time to raise your child, perhaps as a -- gasp-- full time mother? I would have given anything for that chance.


I would if I could - I actually JUST returned to my DC job from being a full-time stay-at-home-mom I wish I could have done longer but due to various reasons (financial, job security being the top 2), I had to return. My husband's job is actually in NY (and we all moved to NY during my unpaid leave) so now that I'm back at work, I've been commuting between DC and NY every week. Surprisingly, it hasn't been too bad: I was itching to work again/we live in Jersey City, NJ, so I take Amtrak from Newark, which saves me time to get into Manhattan/train ride is so comfortable and I have a few solid hours of uninterrupted me-time.

For me, the career prospect isn't THAT great (plus, I've gotten less ambitious over the years, as my priority now is my LO) but the job is good with great benefits and flexibility to work from home occasionally. For my husband, the career prospect is much better and he really enjoys his work, but it doesn't give him much flexibility in terms of working from home (he is in banking).

So yeah, I think we just have to find out what the BEST option is out of all the BAD ones out there...


If this is OP, I am now so confused about what your living situation is. You live in NJ now because your husband works in NYC but are moving back to DC for your job while your husband relocates to DE? Where was he working and living before your maternity leave? Seriously the commute though is not realistic and will be insanely draining and expensive. You can do the solo parenting dkuring the week- sounds like you have some job flexibility. Ideally you also have some family who can pitch in an emergency. Then long term plan is to relocate to one place (ideally closer to DH job if he's the primary earner).
js426
Post 02/05/2020 10:19     Subject: Daily commute to Delaware - where to live...?
Anonymous wrote:https://www.redfin.com/MD/New-Carrollton/6101-Lamont-Dr-20784/home/11055773

Something like this


Aww, thanks!! If the neighborhood is safe (i don't know anything about the New Carrollton neighborhood), we are totally open to finding something right by the train station! And DH can drive into work from DE train station (with his beat car)
js426
Post 02/05/2020 10:17     Subject: Daily commute to Delaware - where to live...?
Anonymous wrote:I would look in silver spring to minimize time on I-495. Bethesda and friendship heights increase his time on I-495 which could easily add 30-60 minutes to his already long commute. Do you commute with metro? Check his driving distance from stations north west of DC. Also, if you would consider driving also, see Columbia / laurel and those areas that would give him quick access to I-95.


Thanks! We most likely will both drive - I'll just be doing the drop-off/pick-up of our LO, which I don't mind. In case of any emergency, at least one of us wants to be close to home or/and daycare...
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2020 10:15     Subject: Daily commute to Delaware - where to live...?
js426 wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP - is this a new job or has he been transferred? Is there any chance he was transferred in an effort to get him to find his way out of the org? If so I would re evaluate any moves.

I think your best options are Baltimore suburb/au pair or he takes the train & keeps a contingency car in DE in case of emergency, last option would be he keeps a midweek apartment and only comes home on weekends.


We are currently doing NY-DC long distance where I do the weekly commute to/from DC Mon-Thursday. He decided to transfer close to DC and Delaware is the closest...

Eventually we both know this will get old, so he would have to find other opportunities (because my job is tied to DC), but for now we wanted to give this DE-DC arrangement a shot.


What's your salary and job field? You mention rent being high in some areas, so I assume your salary is not very high. Could you find a similar salary at a job closer to DE?
js426
Post 02/05/2020 10:13     Subject: Daily commute to Delaware - where to live...?
Anonymous wrote:OP - is this a new job or has he been transferred? Is there any chance he was transferred in an effort to get him to find his way out of the org? If so I would re evaluate any moves.

I think your best options are Baltimore suburb/au pair or he takes the train & keeps a contingency car in DE in case of emergency, last option would be he keeps a midweek apartment and only comes home on weekends.


We are currently doing NY-DC long distance where I do the weekly commute to/from DC Mon-Thursday. He decided to transfer close to DC and Delaware is the closest...

Eventually we both know this will get old, so he would have to find other opportunities (because my job is tied to DC), but for now we wanted to give this DE-DC arrangement a shot.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2020 10:12     Subject: Re:Daily commute to Delaware - where to live...?
Anonymous wrote:This will be awful for both of you. I don't think it's sustainable long term (although Joe Biden did it for decades in reverse). Maybe DH should rent a studio apartment in Newark and drive up Monday morning and come home Thursday night and work from home on Friday.


This is what my spouse and I do and it's been fine. That commute is not sustainable particularly if there is no telecommute option or no option to work on the train as part of your day.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2020 10:11     Subject: Daily commute to Delaware - where to live...?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not doable. I do the DC to DE drive every few months and during rush hour. It’s not 1.5 hours, it’s 3. More on Friday nights...

Summer is a whole other hell with beach traffic.


Whoa, forgot about the beach traffic.


You two don’t know where Newark, DE is.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2020 10:10     Subject: Re:Daily commute to Delaware - where to live...?
Anonymous wrote:OP-

you aren't being realistic. I say this as someone who has a spouse who just took a job in Alexandria,VA and we live in Columbia, MD.

As a back to workforce mom, you cant afford to be the primary parent and that is what will happen. Kid wakes up sick or with a fever, your spouse is already gone for the day because he will need to leave at 4/5 am. Kid gets sick at daycare- you will need to pickup.

Make sure you think of not the BEST situation but the WORST situation and how it would work out because it does happen.


This is so true. The only way this works for you is if you have an au pair or nanny who will be with your sick kid. You cannot be the primary parent and trying to ramp back up at work.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2020 10:05     Subject: Daily commute to Delaware - where to live...?
Anonymous wrote:I would look in silver spring to minimize time on I-495. Bethesda and friendship heights increase his time on I-495 which could easily add 30-60 minutes to his already long commute. Do you commute with metro? Check his driving distance from stations north west of DC. Also, if you would consider driving also, see Columbia / laurel and those areas that would give him quick access to I-95.


Pp again. Also, check greenbelt, Tacoma park, and other areas. Basically, you’d want to live outside the beltway to minimize his commute and close to metro to minimize yours. But stay away from FH and Bethesda. He’s be driving an hour just on the beltway portion on his return commute.
Anonymous
Post 02/05/2020 10:01     Subject: Re:Daily commute to Delaware - where to live...?
OP-

you aren't being realistic. I say this as someone who has a spouse who just took a job in Alexandria,VA and we live in Columbia, MD.

As a back to workforce mom, you cant afford to be the primary parent and that is what will happen. Kid wakes up sick or with a fever, your spouse is already gone for the day because he will need to leave at 4/5 am. Kid gets sick at daycare- you will need to pickup.

Make sure you think of not the BEST situation but the WORST situation and how it would work out because it does happen.