OP I could have written your post. We have slightly more savings than you but at this point in our lives DH and and I love our city neighborhood and short commutes, we can’t afford a million dollar mortgage which is what homes around us go for (though we sock away plenty each month towards our future down payment now that we both finally paid off our student loans) and don’t want to move out to the burbs and commute for 2 hours a day and not see our kids and have to deal with yard work and home maintenance and two cars and traffic, etc. Right now we are both doing 15 percent towards our respective retirements but when number two arrives we may have to reduce that because we are going to do a nanny share this time around.

There are so many awful daycares out there, and having experienced that with our first, I came to the realization that I really feel that for me, day care centers just did a really poor job of meeting the social and emotional needs of infants and toddlers with the required ratios of 1:4 or 1:3 (but let’s be honest, it’s usually 1:4). So we are going to stretch financially to do a nanny share this time around and make whatever sacrifices we need to (ie reduce savings contributions or retirement temporarily) because we see a short two year period of development for our baby as being really critical and not something we want to try to get for the lowest possible cost with a care situation we don’t like. Yes, home ownership is in our plans for the long term but right now we are prioritizing our family’s quality of life and ensuring our kids have good child care that we feel good about when they are young and vulnerable. It’s already hard enough to be two working parents, so just do what you need to do and what works for your family. There’s plenty of us like you out there!

OP, do whatever you need to do to make your life work. It's OK. I say this as someone who has done some truly ridiculous things, I'm sure, in the name of keeping my familial house of cards in place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP of your salary does t cover the childcare you want, why don’t you just stay home with them? That was our situation - my paycheck didn’t cover a nanny for two, and daycare for two would have been my whole paycheck, so I just left and stayed home.

Kind of shortsighted since it’s a temporary thing, if their HhI can cover...

But is it really isnt that short-sided? I dont see childcare costs going away any time soon? Even when op's kid starts kindergarten in a few year , there is still camps to have to pay for during summer, school holidays, snow, etc. AND get 2nd child will still be in daycare.
So, childcare costs aren't going away for many years to come.

OP- have you considered a nanny share? Seems to check off your boxes.

I would definitely look for a different day care - my nephews goes to one where they are always outside and his parents absolutely love it. I'm sure you can find one with a better fit for what you want.

Anonymous wrote:OP of your salary does t cover the childcare you want, why don’t you just stay home with them? That was our situation - my paycheck didn’t cover a nanny for two, and daycare for two would have been my whole paycheck, so I just left and stayed home.

Not everyone can waltz back in to their careers after a break.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP of your salary does t cover the childcare you want, why don’t you just stay home with them? That was our situation - my paycheck didn’t cover a nanny for two, and daycare for two would have been my whole paycheck, so I just left and stayed home.

Kind of shortsighted since it’s a temporary thing, if their HhI can cover...

Agreed. Why sacrifice your entire 401k, social security, and upward career mobility for a couple of years when money is tight?? Much worse financial decision than what OP is proposing.

Yup. If OP was on the fence about wanting to stay home ignoring finances, I could see this tipping you over the edge. But if you don’t prefer to stay home, I wouldn’t take yourself out of the workforce because of the short term financial issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP of your salary does t cover the childcare you want, why don’t you just stay home with them? That was our situation - my paycheck didn’t cover a nanny for two, and daycare for two would have been my whole paycheck, so I just left and stayed home.

Kind of shortsighted since it’s a temporary thing, if their HhI can cover...

Agreed. Why sacrifice your entire 401k, social security, and upward career mobility for a couple of years when money is tight?? Much worse financial decision than what OP is proposing.

Anonymous wrote:OP of your salary does t cover the childcare you want, why don’t you just stay home with them? That was our situation - my paycheck didn’t cover a nanny for two, and daycare for two would have been my whole paycheck, so I just left and stayed home.

Kind of shortsighted since it’s a temporary thing, if their HhI can cover...

OP of your salary does t cover the childcare you want, why don’t you just stay home with them? That was our situation - my paycheck didn’t cover a nanny for two, and daycare for two would have been my whole paycheck, so I just left and stayed home.

I would also recommend budgeting for additional Nanny hours.

I would look very hard at your choice - and make sure that your career is not the one being positioned for being the default parent.

The choices you make now - are the ones that will matter 15 years from now.

OP, you absolutely should do what you’re proposing. Everyone will be happier. It’s a short period of time. We did something similar - both of us stopped TSP contributions for about 4 months in order to afford a little longer maternity leave. I don’t regret it for a second.

Would definitely not move the kid to a nanny in this situation. You all need to adjust. Give it 6 months at least.

I just wanted to point out that some nannies want more than 40 hours a week guaranteed. We had a part-time nanny years ago that I'm still in contact with, and when she's looking for a full-time job she prefers at least 50 hours a week. Her absolute minimum is 45 hours. If you do go the nanny route, you need to make it clear that the position is 40 hours hard stop so the nannies considering your position know the facts upfront.

I didn’t read all the commments but will say I would not do preschool until later if it’s a stretch. I ended up skipping a year of preschool due to a move and the only difference was we had more money. I don’t think kids get much out of it until they are 4. I am not bashing it, but I don’t think it’s essential and I wouldn’t cut into retirement or downpayment funds for it.

You’re both responsible for childcare. It’s his child too.