Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do bedtime every night. Single parent here.

Same -but I’m married.

Well, let me clarify: after I ensure they are bathed, teeth are brushed, they’ve gone to the bathroom and are tucked into bed, about 20 min later my husband will go in when they are already asleep or nearly asleep and give them a kiss. Not sure I’d count that though because that’s an annoyance (even to our oldest who typically tells him to leave bc she was already asleep and he’s waking her up).

Me and DH do bedtime together most nights. We each take a kid or two. Occasionally one of us is out or out of town, and the other one will do it alone.

What are you looking for here OP? To figure out what is reasonable in a marriage? It sounds like you are not happy with the situation. It’s time to make your DH step up.

Anonymous wrote:I do bedtime every night. Single parent here.

Same -but I’m married.

Another husband here.

Other than a couple times a month when I'm stuck working late, I do teeth & PJs, then read to (or with) the older kids.

DW reads to the youngest.

I'm nearly always the heavy if the kids, who share rooms, want to fight or play with each other when it's lights out. On the bright side, I'm also nearly always the lullabier and rocker. DW is a SAHM, so she has more than enough time during the day.

The process of calmly informing the children to stop playing and brush their teeth and get ready for bed, did you hear me, I said STOP PLAYING and BRUSH YOUR TEETH and did you check the kitchen for your teddy bear? Put down the book and put on your PJs and have you checked your bed? I bet the bear is there. No, I said PUT YOUR BOOK DOWN, yes, I know your brother is annoying but you need to give him back his tooth brush and where did you have the bear last? [snatches book] You can have it back in the morning! Go help your sister find her bear, and didn't I tell you to put your PJs on & etc? usually occupies from fifteen to twenty minutes, starting a bit after the seldom achieved target time of 7:30. Then we read until a little after 8:30PM, and lights out. Songs, then, or rocking with the kids while trying to pry information about their school day out of them, or for the last week, reading about the time when, by shores of Gitche Gumee, by the shining big sea water, stood the wigwam of Nokomis, daughter of the Moon, Nokomis. Dark behind it rose the forest, rose the black and gloomy pine-trees, rose the firs with cones upon them...

No one was to "do" bedtime. If the kids can get done what needs to get done, and get to bed --- go with whatever works.

Showing love, experiencing closeness happens at different times in different families.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 16 , 14 and 12 year old. I (dad) do bedtime every night that they need to wake up early in the morning. That includes school nights , games in the morning, early flight for vacation....ect. I'm have always been the disciplinarian in the family. When they were younger it was an issue, but now they just understand it is easier to do what I say the first time. Bedtime is the easiest part of the day for our family.

What do you "do" for bedtime at these ages? I feel like OP must have been asking about small children who need to be ushered through the bath-pajama-teeth brushing-stories routine.

With my 12yo, I say "it's getting late, better get to bed," and she gets ready for bed. Most nights I don't even tell her when to go to bed, she just finishes her homework and music practice, makes her lunch for the next day, and gets to bed as early as she can manage. She knows she'll be tired the next day if she doesn't.

If I tried to "do" a bedtime routine now, I can only imagine the eye-rolling...

I have an 11 & 8 year old and I tell them it's time to take a shower (but I wouldn't call that part of "doing" bedtime) and then either they brush their teeth or I remind them to brush (50-50 success rate, at this point) then I read to both kids. I hope I don't get eye-rolls for the reading for a long time; I really enjoy it.

DP. My dad "did" bedtime for us when we were the first PP's kids' ages. It consisted in sitting up until we were done with our homework and making sure we got to bed at a reasonable hour. We were probably the most well-rested kids in high school.

He didn't actually "do" anything other than enforce a reasonable bedtime.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I was just curious how many nights you personally aren’t doing the drudgery of bedtime regardless of why or who else is doing it. I have a 1 and 2 yo and 5 nights a week i do their bedtime on my own and it’s a 1.75 hour endurance event of forced cheer. The other two nights I participate in one or both nights still. On any given day it’s fine, but by the 5th day in a row on my own I’m practically fantasizing about my sisters life (she has a 6 and 9 year old and spends tons of time with her kids but only personally does their bedtime 4 nights a week and it’s a much easier and shorter process at that stage)

Husband here.

2 kids, 5 and 3.

I do bedtime myself 1 night per week when my wife is out (we each do one late work night per week). Dinner is done at 730, youngest in bed by 745, oldest in bed by 815 latest.

The other days, I often do youngest kid’s bedtime, but oldest insists Mommy does bedtime because “Daddy’s bedtime is too short.” Bedtime lasts until 9-915 pm on those days with many stories and songs after books. I have repeatedly offered to my wife to do bedtime, including offering my wife leave the apt so we can train oldest to do Daddy bedtime. We have not done that. My wife says she values the talking time with oldest after 8pm. So, OK.

Common issue causing some discord in marriages:
Husband does fast bedtime.
Wife enjoys time with kids but then bedtime is a marathon which she gets upset about.

Solution: have husband do bedtime. But problem is kids don’t want that. And if DW gives in to kids, what is the solution?

Why would a fast bedtime be a goal? This reads like judgement of the mom, but frankly a parent who rushes through and barely reads to their kids could be judged too.

My ds is 3 and my dh has been doing bed times since he weaned at 18 months. It’s their special time together. I have done it a few times when dh was sick and when it makes sense for me to do it but mainly it is dh’s thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I was just curious how many nights you personally aren’t doing the drudgery of bedtime regardless of why or who else is doing it. I have a 1 and 2 yo and 5 nights a week i do their bedtime on my own and it’s a 1.75 hour endurance event of forced cheer. The other two nights I participate in one or both nights still. On any given day it’s fine, but by the 5th day in a row on my own I’m practically fantasizing about my sisters life (she has a 6 and 9 year old and spends tons of time with her kids but only personally does their bedtime 4 nights a week and it’s a much easier and shorter process at that stage)

Husband here.

2 kids, 5 and 3.

I do bedtime myself 1 night per week when my wife is out (we each do one late work night per week). Dinner is done at 730, youngest in bed by 745, oldest in bed by 815 latest.

The other days, I often do youngest kid’s bedtime, but oldest insists Mommy does bedtime because “Daddy’s bedtime is too short.” Bedtime lasts until 9-915 pm on those days with many stories and songs after books. I have repeatedly offered to my wife to do bedtime, including offering my wife leave the apt so we can train oldest to do Daddy bedtime. We have not done that. My wife says she values the talking time with oldest after 8pm. So, OK.

Common issue causing some discord in marriages:
Husband does fast bedtime.
Wife enjoys time with kids but then bedtime is a marathon which she gets upset about.

Solution: have husband do bedtime. But problem is kids don’t want that. And if DW gives in to kids, what is the solution?

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids and how many nights a month are you personally not doing their bedtime?

whats your take OP?

I have a 2 and 4 y/o. DH and I are both home by 5:30 (we often work from home and have short commutes when we do go into our offices). Dinner at 6, one cleans up and one does bath, and then we divide bedtime.

So neither of us usually does bedtime alone, but we are both involved almost every night.

Maybe once or twice a month we’ll get a sitter or one of us will handle bedtime while the other goes out with friends. But most of the time if out with friends or on a date night we plan it for 8 pm so we can do bedtime first.

Honestly I wish there was more of a break, but they won’t be this young forever.

Sounds like your kids are really young OP. It will get better. I remember the baby + toddler phase being incredibly tough.

Your bedtime is waaaaaaay too long. We both do bedtime everynight unless one of us/both of us are out, which isn't often. I'd say it takes 30 minutes tops, and when my kids were your kids ages it took even less. Diaper, pj's, song, kiss, goodnight!

When people don't want to sleep train their 6 month old, they don't think about their future 2 year old that takes 2 hours to put to bed.

DW here. DH does bedtime ~90% of all nights. I do it when he's traveling 4-5 nights/month, and a baby sitter does it on date nights 1-2 nights/month.

I WAH, so I'm around the kids many more hours/day than he is. I make them hot breakfast and eat dinner with them (and without DH) almost every weekday.

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I was just curious how many nights you personally aren’t doing the drudgery of bedtime regardless of why or who else is doing it. I have a 1 and 2 yo and 5 nights a week i do their bedtime on my own and it’s a 1.75 hour endurance event of forced cheer. The other two nights I participate in one or both nights still. On any given day it’s fine, but by the 5th day in a row on my own I’m practically fantasizing about my sisters life (she has a 6 and 9 year old and spends tons of time with her kids but only personally does their bedtime 4 nights a week and it’s a much easier and shorter process at that stage)

Husband here.

2 kids, 5 and 3.

I do bedtime myself 1 night per week when my wife is out (we each do one late work night per week). Dinner is done at 730, youngest in bed by 745, oldest in bed by 815 latest.

The other days, I often do youngest kid’s bedtime, but oldest insists Mommy does bedtime because “Daddy’s bedtime is too short.” Bedtime lasts until 9-915 pm on those days with many stories and songs after books. I have repeatedly offered to my wife to do bedtime, including offering my wife leave the apt so we can train oldest to do Daddy bedtime. We have not done that. My wife says she values the talking time with oldest after 8pm. So, OK.