Anonymous
Post 01/31/2020 09:00     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Sort of. I had my second at 39 so I was already feeling too old to have a third, but realistically we couldn’t really afford childcare and college for a third anyway. With two we hope to save enough for in-state tuition.

I was one of three and while I loved having two siblings (and still do) my parents were always stressed about money, which in turn stressed their marriage.
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2020 08:52     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Yep, after paying for daycare for 2 for several years we need a breather. I want a third but I am really enjoying the extra money.
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2020 08:38     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes. When DH and I sat down to figure out if we wanted a 2nd kid (we were both on the fence) we basically decided the life we could give DS as an only was better than if we had 2 kids. And we've never regretted our decision. DS has had a lot of opportunities that wouldn't have been possible if we had another child.


I truly don’t want to be mean bc I respect everyone’s decision. But did you ever consider the opinion of your kid or any kid? If you asked a kid would they have rather have had whatever it was you could give him or her as an only (vacation, school, etc) or give them a sibling, what do you think they would say now? Or say at age 20, 30 when we all start analyzing our childhood?

Maybe he or she would say I’m glad I was an only so I got those things. But most only a I know want more than one kid bc they don’t want the childhood they had as an only.

Consider the other side.


How often does one consider the opinion of a 2-3 year old when making life altering decisions?

DD is an only. Finally, at the age of 10, she said she would be okay with having a sibling. So long as said sibling was a girl, young enough to not want to get into her art supplies, but not so young it’s a baby, didn’t want to boss her around, or cry too much. Yeah, I’m about to plan my life around that.
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2020 08:28     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I believe 90K is a fair, living compensation in this area for a qualified, nurturing nanny with authorization to work in the US.


You believe? How exactly did you determine that was “fair”? I assume you also believe it would be “fair” for someone working at McDonald’s to make $50,000?
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2020 08:25     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We want a third but since the eldest is already in private school I don’t know how we could do it. HHI of 700k but unlike PP we don’t take luxury vacations or have luxury cars.




then what on earth do you do with all your money?


Dp here. 700k after taxes isn’t as much as you think.

We have a higher HHI and we send our 3 kids to public.


Same. But I'll add that we stopped at 3 because of the money. We can afford 4 but we'd have to stretch.
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2020 08:20     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I believe 90K is a fair, living compensation in this area for a qualified, nurturing nanny with authorization to work in the US.


You believe? How exactly did you determine that was “fair”? I assume you also believe it would be “fair” for someone working at McDonald’s to make $50,000?


Paying people that are working hard a living wage is not a bad thing.
Anonymous
Post 01/31/2020 08:15     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:Yes. When DH and I sat down to figure out if we wanted a 2nd kid (we were both on the fence) we basically decided the life we could give DS as an only was better than if we had 2 kids. And we've never regretted our decision. DS has had a lot of opportunities that wouldn't have been possible if we had another child.


I truly don’t want to be mean bc I respect everyone’s decision. But did you ever consider the opinion of your kid or any kid? If you asked a kid would they have rather have had whatever it was you could give him or her as an only (vacation, school, etc) or give them a sibling, what do you think they would say now? Or say at age 20, 30 when we all start analyzing our childhood?

Maybe he or she would say I’m glad I was an only so I got those things. But most only a I know want more than one kid bc they don’t want the childhood they had as an only.

Consider the other side.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2020 23:45     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:I believe 90K is a fair, living compensation in this area for a qualified, nurturing nanny with authorization to work in the US.


You believe? How exactly did you determine that was “fair”? I assume you also believe it would be “fair” for someone working at McDonald’s to make $50,000?
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2020 23:37     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I believe 90K is a fair, living compensation in this area for a qualified, nurturing nanny with authorization to work in the US.


Wow, I should change career fields. I make about half of that. My husband makes 100k. We stopped at one. Perhaps I should become a nanny so we can grow our family!


Nanny to biglaw family? You wouldn’t like the hours
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2020 23:36     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:I believe 90K is a fair, living compensation in this area for a qualified, nurturing nanny with authorization to work in the US.


Wow, I should change career fields. I make about half of that. My husband makes 100k. We stopped at one. Perhaps I should become a nanny so we can grow our family!
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2020 21:57     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We want a third but since the eldest is already in private school I don’t know how we could do it. HHI of 700k but unlike PP we don’t take luxury vacations or have luxury cars.




then what on earth do you do with all your money?


Dp here. 700k after taxes isn’t as much as you think.


Hands down, the most ignorant thing I’ve read on DCUM this week. And there’s A LOT of ignorant shit posted on DCUM, so congratulations.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2020 19:29     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:We stopped at 2 because we want to pay for college for 2 kids, go on fun vacations.


+1 And never felt the urge for more kids. My girls have each other. We have time for them and their (expensive) activities/sports plus college and fun family vacations - life is sweet, no complaints.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2020 18:00     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is a major factor, but only because I feel like if I had a third I would want a mother's helper or maybe even an au pair, and I don't think we could afford that. I would love to have a third, but I'm a SAHM with no local family and found it very stressful to be alone with an infant and 2.5 yr old the entire summer before my daughter started preschool. I don't think I could handle being home with an infant and toddler again. Maybe we will have a third when my son starts preschool, but even then, I'm not sure I want to coordinate a baby's naps with pickups for preschool AND elementary school. If I had money for a mother's helper or au pair for a year, I would definitely have a third child.


My oldest is in kindergarten and I'm expecting my fourth and it is already chaotic. It will really be a test next fall when two are in different schools and I have a three year old and an infant to deal with. This summer I hope to have a mother's helper.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2020 17:52     Subject: Re:Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
We never had a discussion of affordability as I always wanted three. It's that simple. We had been married for almost five years before we had our first and we were good savers so we had a decent pre-kid nest egg. But once we had three we became even better savers because we could see big college expenses over the horizon. Yes, I'm sure we denied ourselves some luxuries like nice vacations because of funding three colleges plus one medical school but our kids have been the joys of our lives - they are priceless!
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2020 16:51     Subject: Is anyone reason for not having more kids $$$?
Anonymous wrote:I believe 90K is a fair, living compensation in this area for a qualified, nurturing nanny with authorization to work in the US.

Esp since it’s cost to family, not actual wages. Taxes, healthcare, etc etc, nanny would be taking home less.