I'd be worried most about screen addiction. He couldn't let the phone go even for an evening. The rest of his behavior reflects that reality.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11 year old should be in middle school. Fine to have a phone. I don’t think schools should make that an assignment when they are on computers most of the day.

11 year olds are only in 5th grade. What planet are you from?

This one. My 11 year old is in 6th grade, middle school.

A lot of kids turn 11 in 5th grade. Basically anybody after a Sept 1 birthday.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11 year old should be in middle school. Fine to have a phone. I don’t think schools should make that an assignment when they are on computers most of the day.

11 year olds are only in 5th grade. What planet are you from?

My 5th graded is 10. Turns 11 in 6th. What planet are you from?

My DD turned 11 in sixth and she was moved ahead a year. The PP is right - most kids turn 11 in fifth or the summer before sixth.

OP, if my child was having such a crazy reaction over that assignment, I don’t think I would have piled on by taking the phone for a week. But now that you’re where you are, I wouldn’t be begging him to talk or doing things for him. Seems like a switch flipped for your family because of this assignment and how you all reacted to it.

If it were me, I’d let him know that until he was able to participate in the family life, he can expect me to fulfill my obligations as a parent but that’s it. No money. No treats. No rides beyond the necessary. Etc. I’d also be setting an appointment with a counselor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11 year old should be in middle school. Fine to have a phone. I don’t think schools should make that an assignment when they are on computers most of the day.

11 year olds are only in 5th grade. What planet are you from?

Why is it so hard for people to think bigger than their own child? We all know how school ages work. Fifth graders have until September to turn 11. In Virginia they have until September 30th. My Fifth grader is not even 10.5.

Anyway, I disagree with others. I think this was a fabulous assignment. You have to take this as a new starting point, OP. The assignment made apparent some issues your child has. You have to face these head on.

As far as your reaction, we all have bad moments as parents. The healthy thing is to address it, apologize, and move on.

Sorry OP, but you made your bed. Your 11 year old doesn’t need a smart phone. That is completely age inappropriate and plenty of research shows it’s unhealthy for children.

Anonymous wrote:Natural consequence isn't missing soccer.

Sure it is if you can’t drive yourself, you need to ask for a ride.

Natural consequence isn't missing soccer.

1. Apologize for the physical threat and whatever else you did or said that you are not proud of.

2. You never beg your child to talk to you. Be the parent.

3. Natural consequences:
- He can't ask you to drive him to soccer if he's not talking to you, so no soccer. Or you could just say that you don't particularly enjoy driving people who aren't talking with you, so no trips to unnecessary places
- His behavior - both the tantrum and the silent treatment (which is really a quieter form of a tantrum) show that he can't handle a phone. So no phone.
- etc.

Make sure you articulate all of this so he knows which behavior is not acceptable.

Longer term, he needs to be taught appropriate ways to handle frustration, not the silent treatment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11 year old should be in middle school. Fine to have a phone. I don’t think schools should make that an assignment when they are on computers most of the day.

11 year olds are only in 5th grade. What planet are you from?

This one. My 11 year old is in 6th grade, middle school.

First. The second he was refusing to come in so he could play with the phone, I would have taken it away.

Second, I do not get at all the thing about him walking around the house. So what. Why was anyone following him? You turned it into something. If you told him to help you with dinner, you give him a punishment for not listening.

Third, you grabbing him and threatening to slap him is way out of line and very extreme for a kid who was being whiny and annoying. You need a better parenting toolkit. Tweens are hard. 11 year olds can alternate between toddler like behavior and teen behavior. You need to buckle in and learn to deal with it. You may need therapy for you. Because you did not handle this well at all.

Given you threatened to hit your kid, I do not see how you expect him to treat you better. The silent treatment seems like a fair reaction. It is your responsibility to stop this bad behavior by both of you. You need to find a time at home to sit down and explain that both of you acted inappropriately and apologize. You cannot expect your kid to know how to handle conflict if you have not modeled it. Then lay out what behavior you expect and the consequences for bad behavior.

I'd smack the shit out of the little brat and remind him how fvcking lucky he is to have a warm house, a full belly and a day filled with education and sports.

WTF is wrong with these entitled brats these days? My grandfather left school at 5th grade and shined shoes. he lived on beans and fat back. This was recent history and will most certainly happen again.

What a silly, inappropriate homework assignment. I would question what kind of education my kid is getting from a place that considers this "homework"..

So, he was being a little #^%& by pouting and all the rest of what he did earlier in the evening. And he also clearly has a problem with the phone. However, I do think the very next thing you need to do is to apologize to him, assuming you haven't already. I 110% understand why you lost your temper, but I never let the fact that someone else was also wrong prevent me from giving an apology when an apology was due. I'm sure your threat and your grabbing of him genuinely upset him.

I wouldn't do any groveling, I wouldn't give him back his phone or any of that, but I would apologize.

I would interact with him as normal but I wouldn't do anything extra. I wouldn't drive him to extracurriculars unless he communicated with me. When he does engage I would explain his actions show he's not mature enough for a phone yet and he should think more about how he's acting because his actions now are building the trust for future freedoms like driving. And then I would take the phone away for a long, long time. 6 month minimum and there would be a discussion around rules and behavior before it's used again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11 year old should be in middle school. Fine to have a phone. I don’t think schools should make that an assignment when they are on computers most of the day.

11 year olds are only in 5th grade. What planet are you from?

My 5th graded is 10. Turns 11 in 6th. What planet are you from?