Anonymous wrote:From an interview with Miss Manners on NPR:

ELLIOTT: Miss Manners, we can't let you go without asking, what is the most important holiday etiquette lesson you've learned over the years?

Ms. MARTIN: That I've learned? I teach. I don't learn. I learned them long ago. I teach them. And the one that I am trying to teach is there is no way to make blatant greed polite. The gift registry thing is never a good idea and has gotten hideous in that people are constantly telling other people to buy them things: `Give me this,' the trading of shopping lists, `I want this,' and `This wasn't what I asked for and you take it back and get me something better' and `I prefer cash' or--all of that stuff is just rude, rude, rude and it makes present exchanging meaningless, the whole custom meaningless. `Why don't you do your own shopping? You know what you want. I'll do my shopping. Why are we exchanging things?' Because there's supposed to be a little thoughtfulness in there. And greed has become so blatantly expressed that it has made the whole exercise pointless. So I keep trying to teach that.

Wise words. The pendulum has to start swinging in the other direction; gift giving has just gotten worse.
OP, just decline with regrets. Stop the madness

Anonymous wrote:Anonymous by you making the donation to the WWF directly YOU got the tax receipt NOT the birthday child's parent. And given it was rightfully the child's birthday gift in the first place it should be THEM that benefit from the tax receipt not you.

So, you effectively STOLE part of the birthday child's gift.

Seems to me you dont know how the concept works and are putting it down out of ignorance.

Nope. It’s the CHILD who gets the gift, not the parent. Therefore, parent doesn’t get the tax receipt.

Anonymous wrote:Why do I have to contribute money so that YOU can teach your child about charity?

How about: "No gifts, please" on the invite, and then the parents buy their child the dream gift?

And, maybe one of you found something on the web I did not, but I don't think they are a 501(c)(3).

They aren’t.

As a busy mother and someone that cares about the environment, I absolutely love echoage. Many of the kids have too many toys and end up playing with them for such a short time. More landfill, no thank-you. Also, I love that I don't have to spend time thinking about and finding a gift that will only be returned or passed on to someone else (because the child Either already has it or won't play with it).
I personally don't care where the lesson is coming from but rather the 'cause' I know I am helping. My daughter started doing echoage at 5 and although the first year of giving up gifts was difficult, she now realizes its a better option and likes going shopping for something she really wants. The rest goes into her bank where one day she will appreciate it much more.

Anonymous wrote:I would just RSVP no to the party.

This.

And such a party is in very poor taste.

Beware of ECHOAGE.

I had an Echoage party for my son, thinking it would be nice to teach him to give to charity. The idea is good, but, I had big issues. This is what happened:

1. I had 3 guests tell me that they had a lot of trouble donating online
2. I had one of those guest later tell me that if finally worked. When I checked my Echoage funds, their gift was not there. I was embarrassed to talk to them, but I did; told them that the funds were not there, and they told me that they got a confirmation number in an email from Echoage.
3. I later noticed that 2 guests did not gift my son at all, and I can only assume that the same happened to them, but I am not going to ask.
4. I first sent an email to Echoage asking that they call me ASAP to discuss a big concern I had. Nothing. Instead they send me an email saying that my son 'has been selected as an Echoage Hero", and wanted to use his story on their bog, site and social media advertising.
5. I emailed again. Nothing.
6. I finally got a call after a nasty FB posting about their service (that got their attention) and they were very apologetic but blamed it on technical difficulties, claiming "these things can happen", and when I asked why they don't have a warning about 'the things that can happen", they didn't have an answer.

My son (and the charity) lost out on quite a bit of money. NEVER AGAIN.

Bottom line: There are better ways to give to charity, and much better ways to get your kids involved in giving.

Miss Manners would hate it!

Anonymous wrote:I just saw the website, and it says in the fine print that you don't have to donate the donation amount! That means that the parent can advertise the charity and then decide to take all the money instead!!?!

And 15% from the total amount is deducted for administration! Wow, that is a lot!! What an interesting business idea!

wow, that's great! Now I can just get parents to give my kid cash!

I've never thrown an Echoage party, but I can tell you that when my 6 year-old get's 15 smaller gifts that she doesn't really need, that are just going to fill up our already too-full home, something like Echoage is pretty tempting.

An easy way to address this paralyzing dilemma is to say, "No gifts, please." Problem solved.

The party-giving parents aren't actually giving to charity, they're demanding that other people do so. That's offensive; it implies that you don't give enough to charity already, or that you don't know how to choose the recipients.

I think the poster who made a donation in the birthday child's name found the best compromise, but I'd be inclined to discourage any further interaction. Not only is it tacky, but it cheats the charities of 15% of the donation. Then you'd have to look at the non-profit's administration and fundraising expenses to see just how little is left for the end recipients.

UM..... why is giving to a charity a bad thing? What is wrong with you people? SELFISH as usual. Makes me sick!

I just saw the website, and it says in the fine print that you don't have to donate the donation amount! That means that the parent can advertise the charity and then decide to take all the money instead!!?!

And 15% from the total amount is deducted for administration! Wow, that is a lot!! What an interesting business idea!

Wow. I see that this thread is pretty old, but I was shocked by the replies!? Perhaps Echoage has changed their policies in the meantime? My girls been invited to a number of Echoage parties and I was relieved not to have to run around and purchase a gift. We often try to buy group gifts to be given from a number of children anyway. This concept just takes it a step further.

I think that the birthday child is learning a lesson. They have agreed to getting 1/2 as much as they would normally get and donating the rest to charity. In the meantime, if this concept offends the sensibilities of some of the parents of guests, then they can RSVP YES on the website and bring a gift to the party. No problem. No pressure.

And, as far as the 15% that Echoage takes goes, I agree with the earlier post that listed all of the costs associated with running a business like Echoage. Is 15% fair? Not exactly sure. Would you be outraged by 8%? Or 12%? Would I feel better if this service was offered by a not-for-profit company? Sure, but it's not, as far as I know.

I've never thrown an Echoage party, but I can tell you that when my 6 year-old get's 15 smaller gifts that she doesn't really need, that are just going to fill up our already too-full home, something like Echoage is pretty tempting.

My son just got invited to 2 parties: the first is Echoage and second One Balloon. Both are the same: you're invited to make a charitable contribution to be claimed by the parents and a cash contribution to their kids, otherwise you can't go to the party.

This must be the height of poor taste. Both invitations were from parents who were well off financially and - at a handshake - emotionally deficient. I sent a reply saying my son would love to attend, but we'll make our donation directly and the charity will send them a card indicating our donation. And that we'd bring cash to the party for their child. Might as well call as spade a spade. Of course, people who think it is remotely polite to demand an entrance fee are not at the top of my social list.

I am fine with "abiding by the rules" to an extent. If someone had a party at the zoo I wouldn't announce that I think zoos are horrible, and I wouldn't give the birthday child My First Picture Book of Zoo Atrocities. On the other hand, if someone is doing something really, really tacky (as in shake down the guests), I'm going to go all cheerful obliviousness on them. Like, I think it's great Tadworthy wants to help the animals, so we made a donation in his honor, because it turns out that site you picked is taking 15% of the donation instead of giving it all to the WWF. Plus there's a minimum donation, and it's not as though you wanted to suggest that there's an entry fee for his party. But I think it's great that he's thinking about something other than what he can get for himself!

And yes, I do spend more than $10 on kids' birthday presents. But I know some people on tight budgets who have a gift closet of things they get on sale.