Thank you for being honest.

You have undoubtedly helped other families.

Anonymous wrote:Definitely not Cornell. High number of people throw themselves off the bridge there.

Consider schools where the dorms have a lot of natural sunlight. Where it's not a heavy commuter school. Maybe consider schools in CA where during the winter it stays light out later than in the Northeast.

. I have a child at Cornell and their suicide rate is not higher than other universities. The suicides from the gorges simply get more play because of nature of the event--and if you look a their stats very few actually commit suicides by jumping off the bridges. The "suicides net" further the notion that it is a big problem with it is not. With that said, Cornell is an extremely high stress university with little social or emotional support, which places an incredible burden with respect to workload and what is often referred to as grade deflation. Couple all of that with the constant grey skies, work hard party hard atmosphere, too many single rooms in the dorms which leads to self-isolation...I could go on and on. I would not recommend this university to anyone much less someone with mental health issues. My kid makes excellent grades but is miserable. The stress is overwhelming and something I am not seeing where my other student attends. Cornel simply does not appear to be a happy campus. I haven't talked to a single parent who believes this was a good choice for their student (with or without mental health issues) although the parent FB pages are full of parents who are Cornell cheerleaders who think the university can do no wrong. Bottom line, do your research before even considering this institution.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please have your DC live at home while they are working on their issues. It’s not fair to a college roommate to be a dumping ground for kids with depression. That happened to my daughter- and I will never forget that family .

Your empathy is over whelming.

Because the roommate committed suicide and my daughter found her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please have your DC live at home while they are working on their issues. It’s not fair to a college roommate to be a dumping ground for kids with depression. That happened to my daughter- and I will never forget that family .

Living at home could contribute to depression, depending on the kid. They are entitled to try the college dorm experience. There is no telling when or if depression will surface. But you might consider OP whether your DC might prefer a single dorm room so they can have down time or quiet when they need it.

Yeah there is a reason depression and anxiety has skyrocketed in the last 20 years and it isn’t electronics. It is the parenting.

I heard someone who actually STUDIES this topic (not posts about it on DCUM) say that social media seemed to be contributing.

As am armchair observer, I have wondered if having no parent at home for so much of the day has an impact...but I don't know if that is true. I think we need to make kids believe nothing (no job or materials objects) matter to us more than them.

No doubt social media plays a part of it. Everything is fake. But, I too think parents coddled and snowplowed for their kids. I have to find the survey but they asked all of these 16 year olds, what do you think makes your parents happiest and over 80% said good grades. None of them said their own happiness, confidence, health, etc... It was really sad. What we do to these kids in the hopes for a top college is insane. The changes of the high school dynamic. Tons of AP's, tutors, test prep, extra credit, year round travel sports, is all the new rage. Long gone are kids working part time, learning to become independent, socializing, making mistakes, learning street smarts, etc... I mean parents GPS track their kids now!!! WTH. Kids aren't allowed to be alone in the house until they are 16. They get angry and stressed if there is a C on a report card. They meet up with other moms and all they talk about is school, clubs, potential colleges, how good they are at sports, etc.. All the kids overhear. They know their place and importance in their parents lives. And parents help them achieve everything they possibly can and teens just let them because there is no choice. Make it easier for them. Then they send them off to college and said "good luck!" Most kids don't even know how to be on their own for 2 hours let alone 24 hours. Some kids have never done their own laundry. Made their own bed. Shopped at a store and know unit prices. Manage money or even have an account. Forget how to travel on their own, or change a tire. Or how to act without adult supervision. They don't know that failing a college course is not the end of the world. That learning mistakes happen all the time and overcoming obstacles is more important in the long run. I mean schools are now having "adulting" courses because we as parents, are failing.

Anonymous wrote:Rice
NYU

You can not be serious? I would say both of them would be at the bottom of the places I would look at. Look at the student reviews, especially for Rice. My daughter's friend found her roommate with slit wrists in the bathroom of their suite freshman year. In only late October. She thankfully lived, but obviously left college and left the other 3 mentally a mess as well. 2 of them left after the first year. My friend's daughter stayed because her package was too good to give up. They set that place up to cliquey with the way housing is done and it doesn't help that the area is not that safe. And it is a very regional school so outsiders that aren't southern aren't really treated well. Man, just look up reviews. That place is not a good one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please have your DC live at home while they are working on their issues. It’s not fair to a college roommate to be a dumping ground for kids with depression. That happened to my daughter- and I will never forget that family .

Living at home could contribute to depression, depending on the kid. They are entitled to try the college dorm experience. There is no telling when or if depression will surface. But you might consider OP whether your DC might prefer a single dorm room so they can have down time or quiet when they need it.

Yeah there is a reason depression and anxiety has skyrocketed in the last 20 years and it isn’t electronics. It is the parenting.

I heard someone who actually STUDIES this topic (not posts about it on DCUM) say that social media seemed to be contributing.

As am armchair observer, I have wondered if having no parent at home for so much of the day has an impact...but I don't know if that is true. I think we need to make kids believe nothing (no job or materials objects) matter to us more than them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please have your DC live at home while they are working on their issues. It’s not fair to a college roommate to be a dumping ground for kids with depression. That happened to my daughter- and I will never forget that family .

Living at home could contribute to depression, depending on the kid. They are entitled to try the college dorm experience. There is no telling when or if depression will surface. But you might consider OP whether your DC might prefer a single dorm room so they can have down time or quiet when they need it.

Yeah there is a reason depression and anxiety has skyrocketed in the last 20 years and it isn’t electronics. It is the parenting.

Most schools now allow therapy pets...but I don't know if that is actually evidence-based or would be a comfort to your child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please have your DC live at home while they are working on their issues. It’s not fair to a college roommate to be a dumping ground for kids with depression. That happened to my daughter- and I will never forget that family .

Living at home could contribute to depression, depending on the kid. They are entitled to try the college dorm experience. There is no telling when or if depression will surface. But you might consider OP whether your DC might prefer a single dorm room so they can have down time or quiet when they need it.

Yeah there is a reason depression and anxiety has skyrocketed in the last 20 years and it isn’t electronics. It is the parenting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My HS senior is a strong student who has battled depression. He has been treated with therapy only, and has not needed medication. He reduced his courseload significantly this Fall, instead of all IB/dual enrollment, he dropped his 5th year of language and chose an easier math class than the IB HL2 he was slated to take. This has made for a much happier child this year. He could have applied to much more challenging colleges than he chose to based on his stats. The things he realized in the search process was that he really preferred a smaller school in-state. We encouraged him to aim high, and choose some schools that he knew he would get into but also some that would be a reach. He ended up only applying to 3, 2 of which he got into easily, one we still do not know. His favorite ended up being a small liberal arts college. He ended up getting in, and into their honors and leadership programs and being able to interview for their Presidential Scholarship. What he told us was that it felt right, that all his interactions with students made him feel like it felt like home to him, and that he loved their facilities for his major and the professors he met. He became a different person every time we went there. He said "mom, I feel like I have already found my people". He will go next Fall, but so far, he seems to be so thrilled with his choice, and even more thrilled to know now. It is 3 hours away. For now, Grandma is 1 hour away.

This sounds like Christopher Newport?
If it is, our tour guide there talked about battling depression during her sophomore year. She wanted to drop out of school. She said the support of the professors and staff was what made her stay. Once she got through that, she did a lot better and is now a senior.

Yes, CNU. Great to hear.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please have your DC live at home while they are working on their issues. It’s not fair to a college roommate to be a dumping ground for kids with depression. That happened to my daughter- and I will never forget that family .

I had an alcoholic roommate my freshman year. Would you have said the same thing about her?

YES

Anonymous wrote:Please have your DC live at home while they are working on their issues. It’s not fair to a college roommate to be a dumping ground for kids with depression. That happened to my daughter- and I will never forget that family .

I had an alcoholic roommate my freshman year. Would you have said the same thing about her?

Rice
NYU

Haven't read the replies, so my apologies if this reiterates any previous points. My insight as a 20-something year old, having gone through undergrad and grad school with depression, while also having access to any resources and/or treatment needed:

- Allow them to follow their instinct and support them, whether they opt to begin college staying home and taking classes locally or attending a school on the other side of the country; if they choose to stay home, they will likely gain the confidence and/or urge to go out and gain the "college experience" shortly thereafter; if they choose to go away to school, be prepared for it to work out OR not work out (for many it is not a linear process in which you go away and check off 4-years of undergrad as prescribed)

- Do not force them to go away if they truly do not express any interest in doing so as transitioning into college can be a challenge even for the willing, let alone the unwilling; the odds of a resentful student being left to their own devices in a new environment and yielding a positive outcome are not good

- As mentioned in the last point, do not leave them to their own devices (the prefrontal cortex - i.e., reasoning, is not even fully developed until 25+ years of age), they are not adults and there is little to be gained from learning how to cope with mental health the "hard way;" schools can offer great (or not so great) resources, but unfortunately those who need them the most are also those who are least likely to seek them out; in other words, I would err on the side of viewing school provided mental health services as a nice to have, but not necessarily a safeguard for mental health concerns

- In terms of location: for distance, 1-3 hours (a day trip) is ideal for being close enough to seek the comfort of home as needed, while also being far enough to experience being "away" at school; climate and weather - having done undergrad in VA and grad school in MA - being in the NE has a MAJOR influence on one's state of mind. NE winters are LONG, cold, and gloomy (do not buy the whole "oh, but the summers are to die for and make the winters worthwhile" - it's summer for like 3 months). While the frigid temperatures and overcast skies leave much to be desired, the true difference stems from the fact that the sun sets about an hour to an hour and a half earlier in Boston than in DC. It always feels like it's 5PM and it certainly makes a difference in one's mood, with or without medication.

In sum: time will prove to be key in letting the college experience play out as intended and the closer to home, the better

Best of luck! Things tend to work out as they should.

Indiana: Butler University, Marian University, or University of Indianapolis
Fayetteville (Ark): University of Arkansas (Small, Good Health System, Sunny)
Tulsa: University of Tulsa

Christopher Newport University has good professional support in place for students with depression/anxiety and the staff and professors at CNU were compassionate and very flexible in helping to meet DC’s individual needs.