Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The last dinner party we went to the hosts had nothing for the kids to eat. Their kids are picky so I think they thought we'd just show up with our own kid food. My youngest asked for a snack so they gave him crackers and my oldest said he was fine waiting for dessert (which we had brought). It was bizarre.

You're the type of person the Slate question-writer is talking about. One who expects there to be separate food for the children. I can't stand this. If we're having people over, we make sure that there is at least one option that is mild and simple (and therefore child and picky-eater friendly), but I'm sure as hell not making a box of mac and cheese or frozen chicken nuggets just so your special snowflakes have their own dinner.

I did not expect there to be separate food for the children. The hosts assumed we would have just brought food for our kids, since that's what they often do for theirs if they go elsewhere for dinner. There was zero food offered by the hosts to the children.

This is so bizarre, on both fronts. When we have kids over to our house, I always ask their parents if there's anything special I should know (mostly allergy-related stuff, but others have offered up that their kids are picky). I don't care or make any judgments about that. I just want guests - including friends of my kids - to feel comfortable in my home. I've had parents send gluten-free stuff w/ their kids, and that definitely didn't bother me.

When I send my kids to other people's homes, I tell them that they should do their best to eat what's offered (we have no food-related issues).

Anonymous wrote:The last dinner party we went to the hosts had nothing for the kids to eat. Their kids are picky so I think they thought we'd just show up with our own kid food. My youngest asked for a snack so they gave him crackers and my oldest said he was fine waiting for dessert (which we had brought). It was bizarre.

You're the type of person the Slate question-writer is talking about. One who expects there to be separate food for the children. I can't stand this. If we're having people over, we make sure that there is at least one option that is mild and simple (and therefore child and picky-eater friendly), but I'm sure as hell not making a box of mac and cheese or frozen chicken nuggets just so your special snowflakes have their own dinner.

I agree with the letter that was linked - which says that kids should be taught to eat food at other people's houses without having to bring "their own food." And, further, evidently this person who wrote the letter actually has friends who not only bring their own food BUT ASK TO HAVE IT MADE by the host!

Now, having said the above, I am imagining a school-age child - kindergarten or older - without any special needs (and food aversions ARE special needs) or food allergies or intolerances that impact food. I wish the letter writer was clear about the AGES of the children.

Because I'd have no problem with a family bringing food "backup/emergency whatever" for a child who is 5 or younger - I would STILL expect the family to speak with the preschooler and help them to be polite and NOT say oh, yuck, this is disgusting." Of course, this is a PROCESS but I would expect the parents to remind the child on the drive over, then 10 minutes before the meal is served, I'd take the child into the bathroom to go to the bathroom and wash hands before dinner AND remind them of what they will say, including practicing the phrase you want them to say, if they don't think they'll like it. AND I'd remind them that everyone takes a tiny trying bite before they announce they don't like it, because who knows? Maybe the host makes broccoli better than I do and you WILL like their broccoli!

AND if my friends had a child who had a food aversion or needed special food, I'd teach my children that the other child will eat what they bring, my kids will eat what I served, and the POINT OF THE MEAL is to have fun and eat together! Not to get what everyone else is eating. And that would be a process for my children to learn, and that's ok with me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are teens and would not eat a mushroom/vegetable casserole. Or any casserole. I can't believe your friend served that and was mad that the kids didn't want to eat it. Of course the kids didn't want to eat it!

Then the issue is with your teens, not the friend who served it. It's not like that is a different "ethnic" food with "weird" spices.

My teens would eat some of that casserole because we taught them to eat a variety of foods from early on and that you eat what you are served.

Barring any SN and spicy food, kids should eat a bit of what they are served. I don't like certain foods, either, but I will certainly eat a bit of something at a dinner, and so will my kids.

In that case, my kids would eat salad. They would take a small bit and have a tiny bite to be polite but I honestly don't even know people who eat casseroles. It is a style of cooking that was in vogue in the 60s with a bunch of cream of mushroom soup cans of stuff.

I like casseroles but I would say that they actually are weird now. Sort of like how tomato aspic was ubiquitous and now it is a novelty.

That dish is an unusual one to serve at a dinner party, but that's the thing, you never what kind of food is going to be available where you are so you teach your kids to eat what's available.

We travel to foreign countries, and many of restaurants in those countries don't have a kid menu or what Americans would consider "kid friendly" food.

That is great. I have a kid who won't eat most "kid foods." Aversions to foods to come in all shapes and sizes. What I am saying is that you can't "teach" away a food aversion. You got lucky with your kids, and I got lucky with one of mine. Thank heavens I have the other kid who humbles us.

Oh, no, my one kid still has some food aversions, but we push through it. We are blessed to have somewhat healthy children (they have other health issues), but I don't doubt that many parents cater to their children's pickiness because it's just easier. Believe me, there were times I would just give in, too. But, if we did that all the time, then their pickiness would turn into full blown aversion.

Anonymous wrote:Mushroom/vegetable casserole? Sounds appetizing. *roll eyes*

I would prefer you bring something. My SIL just lets her kids "yuck" and "ew" about the food, and pick through it before they put it on their plate.

Not being invited to dinner again is no big loss.

Work on your daughter's pickiness... I hope you find something that works.

For the judgemental ones here, food aversions don't require a SN.

DS used to throw up over certain textures. It wasn't even a dislike of the food.

There may be restaurants where we will never, ever step foot in again where DS was feeling more adventurous than he could manage.

In your situation, I would have fed my kid before going over and then if she doesn't eat dinner at your friend's house, oh well.

Anonymous wrote:Mushroom/vegetable casserole? Sounds appetizing. *roll eyes*

I would prefer you bring something. My SIL just lets her kids "yuck" and "ew" about the food, and pick through it before they put it on their plate.

Not being invited to dinner again is no big loss.

Work on your daughter's pickiness... I hope you find something that works.

For the judgemental ones here, food aversions don't require a SN.

DS used to throw up over certain textures. It wasn't even a dislike of the food.

I would say that is severe enough to be a SN.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y'all are suggesting leaving a 3 year old hungry? I don't now about other people's kids, but mine would have had an absolute meltdown if she were hungry, which would then ruin the dinner and any time spent together. IMO, prioritize making sure no one's throwing any fits over being hungry; it's mean to the child, and not a hill worth dying on.

I find that article to be *highly* judgmental. Most people do not go around announcing to the world, the struggles they're having with their child(ren). There are legitimate issues that cause people to feed their children the way they do. It's better to err on the side of grace, and be more accommodating, than to be that judgmental person that believes that what rules work for your family, must also work for everyone else's.

Yes, and that is why we taught our kids to eat a variety of foods, and not just kid friendly food. Makes traveling and going out to eat much easier.

My child, who grew up on ethnic foods, and eats a wide variety of it, might not like specific things served in someone else's house. She has textural aversions, and aversion to tart/bitter flavors (lemon, for instance). As a courtesy to them, and to save everyone misery, I always took foods with me that I knew she would eat, as a backup plan. It was better than giving them instructions on how to cook certain things, and what foods to avoid. Thankfully, my friends are nice people, and understood that kids don't come out of a cookie cutter mold, liking all the same things. Maybe because their kids mostly had different sets of issues than mine did, but none were these perfect, robotic, kids, that would eat everything that's put in front of them.

PP here.. I'm Asian. My kids also eat various ethnic foods, and that includes western food.

We go to a friend's for dinner pretty regularly, and they are of a different ethnicity and vegetarians, but my kids eat some of what they serve.

When I host a dinner, I do try to make something that I think most people would like, BUT, not everyone will like everything I make. One time I hosted a dinner where I had 6 different people with four different "I don't eat that" restrictions. I am never going to host another dinner with those six folks together ever again. That was crazy.

pp is sharing that she has a child with texture aversions. At some point you need to realize that your children are able to eat some of everything because you got lucky. It really isn't parenting. We are also an Asian american family and I have one kid who eats everything and one kid with texture issues.

How much of it is SN and how much of it is just "I don't like it so I don't want to eat it"? I hate certain textures, too, so does my DD, but if that is the *only* food being served, we will eat some of it.

Mushroom/vegetable casserole? Sounds appetizing. *roll eyes*

I would prefer you bring something. My SIL just lets her kids "yuck" and "ew" about the food, and pick through it before they put it on their plate.

Not being invited to dinner again is no big loss.

Work on your daughter's pickiness... I hope you find something that works.

For the judgemental ones here, food aversions don't require a SN.

DS used to throw up over certain textures. It wasn't even a dislike of the food.

I don’t have any thoughts about other people’s parenting but accommodating people’s weird food things is part of being a good host. I always ask about diet preferences when inviting and that includes kids. I’m happy to make a simple “kid’s meal” or serve whatever they bring. I feel like it’s hard enough for kids to be good guests as it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are teens and would not eat a mushroom/vegetable casserole. Or any casserole. I can't believe your friend served that and was mad that the kids didn't want to eat it. Of course the kids didn't want to eat it!

Then the issue is with your teens, not the friend who served it. It's not like that is a different "ethnic" food with "weird" spices.

My teens would eat some of that casserole because we taught them to eat a variety of foods from early on and that you eat what you are served.

Barring any SN and spicy food, kids should eat a bit of what they are served. I don't like certain foods, either, but I will certainly eat a bit of something at a dinner, and so will my kids.

In that case, my kids would eat salad. They would take a small bit and have a tiny bite to be polite but I honestly don't even know people who eat casseroles. It is a style of cooking that was in vogue in the 60s with a bunch of cream of mushroom soup cans of stuff.

I like casseroles but I would say that they actually are weird now. Sort of like how tomato aspic was ubiquitous and now it is a novelty.

That dish is an unusual one to serve at a dinner party, but that's the thing, you never what kind of food is going to be available where you are so you teach your kids to eat what's available.

We travel to foreign countries, and many of restaurants in those countries don't have a kid menu or what Americans would consider "kid friendly" food.

That is great. I have a kid who won't eat most "kid foods." Aversions to foods to come in all shapes and sizes. What I am saying is that you can't "teach" away a food aversion. You got lucky with your kids, and I got lucky with one of mine. Thank heavens I have the other kid who humbles us.

You all are pisssed about bringing food for a 3 year old? This seems pretty not that out of the ordinary. If you are going to do it though, tell the hostess so she doesn't make extra food.

My kids will eat anything if it's not too spicy. But I know I have two unicorns.

When we have kids coming over I tell the parents what we'll be serving so they can do whatever they want around that. Plus I always have some fish sticks or chix nuggets and a box of emergency mac & cheese. Those are all quick and easy.

^* should be ... "you never know.."