Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have friends, our kids are the same age and we have known each other since they were babies.

The family is Indian and they spend most if their weekends exchanging social obligations with their Indian relatives and friends and attending weddings and engagement parties or hosting guests. So we haven’t seen much of each other. We always go to each other’s kids birthday parties and have a play date here and there.

since last year our kids are in the same school, the same class and they do the same sport after school. The kids are bffs.

I have offered to take her kid to the sport after school but she never agrees. She would rather have her kid skip practice than allow me to drive her there. She won’t let me drive her kid a block to her house even when she’s very busy. She never allows her kid to come for a sleepover or play date alone.

Today our kids were going to an activity and her DD was begging her in front if us to let her come to our house before the event and drive with us. She said no.

She is OK about going together to public places like a zoo or museum. She has taken my DD alone with them a couple of times but she never lets me do it.

I don’t understand this. Does it mean she doesn’t trust me as a driver? Does she not trust my family to take care of her daughter?

Why does this have to be anything cultural. I'm american and I do not allow my children to be driven by others or to sleep over. That is our family decision and it has nothing to do with any other parent. There are a select few family members who we feel comfortable driving our children. Why do you feel entitled to an explanation or to drive her child anywhere?

I agree. Another American here that does the same. I also prefer not driving or hosting other kids in my home without the parent. Too risky and I make no apologies.

Anonymous wrote:
Why does this have to be anything cultural. I'm american and I do not allow my children to be driven by others or to sleep over. That is our family decision and it has nothing to do with any other parent. There are a select few family members who we feel comfortable driving our children. Why do you feel entitled to an explanation or to drive her child anywhere?

Anonymous wrote:You have no idea how difficult it is to trust someone with your most prized possession your child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have friends, our kids are the same age and we have known each other since they were babies.

The family is Indian and they spend most if their weekends exchanging social obligations with their Indian relatives and friends and attending weddings and engagement parties or hosting guests. So we haven’t seen much of each other. We always go to each other’s kids birthday parties and have a play date here and there.

since last year our kids are in the same school, the same class and they do the same sport after school. The kids are bffs.

I have offered to take her kid to the sport after school but she never agrees. She would rather have her kid skip practice than allow me to drive her there. She won’t let me drive her kid a block to her house even when she’s very busy. She never allows her kid to come for a sleepover or play date alone.

Today our kids were going to an activity and her DD was begging her in front if us to let her come to our house before the event and drive with us. She said no.

She is OK about going together to public places like a zoo or museum. She has taken my DD alone with them a couple of times but she never lets me do it.

I don’t understand this. Does it mean she doesn’t trust me as a driver? Does she not trust my family to take care of her daughter?

Why does this have to be anything cultural. I'm american and I do not allow my children to be driven by others or to sleep over. That is our family decision and it has nothing to do with any other parent. There are a select few family members who we feel comfortable driving our children. Why do you feel entitled to an explanation or to drive her child anywhere?

Anonymous wrote:We have friends, our kids are the same age and we have known each other since they were babies.

The family is Indian and they spend most if their weekends exchanging social obligations with their Indian relatives and friends and attending weddings and engagement parties or hosting guests. So we haven’t seen much of each other. We always go to each other’s kids birthday parties and have a play date here and there.

since last year our kids are in the same school, the same class and they do the same sport after school. The kids are bffs.

I have offered to take her kid to the sport after school but she never agrees. She would rather have her kid skip practice than allow me to drive her there. She won’t let me drive her kid a block to her house even when she’s very busy. She never allows her kid to come for a sleepover or play date alone.

Today our kids were going to an activity and her DD was begging her in front if us to let her come to our house before the event and drive with us. She said no.

She is OK about going together to public places like a zoo or museum. She has taken my DD alone with them a couple of times but she never lets me do it.

I don’t understand this. Does it mean she doesn’t trust me as a driver? Does she not trust my family to take care of her daughter?

Anonymous wrote:It is cultural. You may be a nice person, but you are not someone that she will trust with her child. I am the same way. I am very reluctant to trust people outside of my culture. Truth be told most immigrant women do not trust American women no matter how nice you appear to be. Many immigrant women tend to be conservative. We take threat to many of the loose and liberal parental styles that some Americans practice. Also, what is okay or normal in your culture may be offensive in your friend's culture.

Please do not take it personal. It is cultural and you will never understand our ways. Just focus on the children's friendships without being overbearing. Do not be pushy or create unnecessary drama. You have no idea how difficult it is to trust someone with your most prized possession your child.

Anonymous wrote:It is cultural. You may be a nice person, but you are not someone that she will trust with her child. I am the same way. I am very reluctant to trust people outside of my culture. Truth be told most immigrant women do not trust American women no matter how nice you appear to be. Many immigrant women tend to be conservative. We take threat to many of the loose and liberal parental styles that some Americans practice. Also, what is okay or normal in your culture may be offensive in your friend's culture.

Please do not take it personal. It is cultural and you will never understand our ways. Just focus on the children's friendships without being overbearing. Do not be pushy or create unnecessary drama. You have no idea how difficult it is to trust someone with your most prized possession your child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I’ve had friends like this. But, the differences in parenting created problems.

I have many Indian friends. The ones who are American born are more similar to me, and the ones who are immigrants are different culturally. Overall, both groups are cautious and don’t like their kids to be away on play dates/sleepovers unless they REALLY REALLY trust you.

Isn’t it insane though? These are not little kids. 10 years old. Wth?

They just simply don’t trust anyone who isn’t in their family or a close personal friend. That didn’t work for me, so I encouraged my DD to make new friends.

I understand they have cultural differences, and I have seen this in action. However I would not continue such a friendship for my DD. Encourage other friendships. It’s real racism and very awkward and insulting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your car clean inside, does it smell clean? My child would not like to ride
in cars that had any air refreshers or had food or dust on the floor or seats.

Dust??? Really, what you have a maid a few times a week and a car detailer weekly too?