Anonymous wrote:Would you date someone who was going through marital separation but for financial reasons had to still with their spouse? The person was open and honest about the situation. Each spouse has been dating other people, and sometimes get picked up at the marital home for dates, etc. You and the person have a lot in common and have really hit it off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this with a woman. She was hot. She got her own plaice after a year. We continued to date very seriously. The one thing that happened that gives me pause is when she officially finished her custody piece that had been brewing for three years, and the litigation pressure was off, our relationship changed and we ultimately went separate ways.

Sad a little for the loss, but I’ll say it was worth it. I got him emotional benefits from it as well (in addition to the hot sex), which helped me in other ways.

Why did the relationship change after all matters were resolved?

Anonymous wrote:The guy you’re dating doesn’t *have* to do anything, op. He isn’t going through a separation if he is still living in the marital home.
My honest opinion is that this generation has figured out the lingo that works so they can get laid and hang onto whatever they think they want, very much the way the 1970’s folks would say “my wife doesn’t understand”

Our generation accepts the “I have to stay for finantial reasons” because of the 2008 meltdown, and we all have someone we know who got screwed based on that.

We are primed to accept the “I have to stay for the kids” because shortly before 2008, we had 9/11, and we all learned that terribly sad things can happen to us.
I think those two experiences have got our generation ready to accept anything if someone we like uses “kids” or “money” as a rationale.

Know too that honesty does not earn someone a place in your life, your heart, your bed, your wallet. Honesty doesn’t mean you have to deal with someone.

If you continue to see this guy, know that you are investing time and energy in a married man. He will not be free to take you away for long weekends, spend the night at your place, introduce you to his friends or share g-rated activities with you. You will not be free to be proud of him and to publicly convey this to him. If he kicks butt at a golf tournament, you may hear about it, but you will not be able to sit in the audience and smile adoringly at him. If this doesn’t matter to you, the lack of support is often what causes people who work in the intelligence community or undercover to have problems in their marriages. There is just know good way for a loving partner, even a spouse, to say “I love the work that you do/did and I want to share in your joy”

Know that the world doesn’t care how you feel about this man, or how he feels about you. You will be “the mistress” the homewrecker” the chump who settled for a married man”. If he dies, you will not be able to grieve publicly for him. If he and his wife decide they want to close their marriage, you won’t even have the sympathy most women get when a relationship ends.

I would honestly think about why you’d want to date this person given his circumstances. Think about what you wanted as a teenager, I bet it wasn’t “When Billy and I get done riding all the roller coasters at the fair, we’ll get ice cream, he’ll drop me off, kiss me good-night, then he’ll go home to his… wife!” Most of our fantasies about guys involve them going home to their mom or coming in with us, but never them going home to a wife, no matter how much of a witch that woman is”.
I’d suggest you read Gone With The Wind, it’s a great book for conveying the emotional impact of just such a path. Think too about what you do with your time and energy when he is home with his family. Do you want to date other men? How will you or they feel when he texts you during a special moment with one of those guys? How will you explain the relationship? How would you feel if a nice guy dumped you because of your ongoing relationship with this married man you think is so wonderful? Will you remain alone waiting for him to find time for you?

Look too at the nature of the dates with you. Where does he want to go, and what does he want to do? Be careful of dates involving bars, he may have an alcohol problem and is looking to you as a means to make his problem appear acceptable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Too messy, and suggests a lack of either financial stability or real interest in divorce.

+1.

Anonymous wrote:The guy you’re dating doesn’t *have* to do anything, op. He isn’t going through a separation if he is still living in the marital home.
My honest opinion is that this generation has figured out the lingo that works so they can get laid and hang onto whatever they think they want, very much the way the 1970’s folks would say “my wife doesn’t understand”

Our generation accepts the “I have to stay for finantial reasons” because of the 2008 meltdown, and we all have someone we know who got screwed based on that.

We are primed to accept the “I have to stay for the kids” because shortly before 2008, we had 9/11, and we all learned that terribly sad things can happen to us.
I think those two experiences have got our generation ready to accept anything if someone we like uses “kids” or “money” as a rationale.

Know too that honesty does not earn someone a place in your life, your heart, your bed, your wallet. Honesty doesn’t mean you have to deal with someone.

If you continue to see this guy, know that you are investing time and energy in a married man. He will not be free to take you away for long weekends, spend the night at your place, introduce you to his friends or share g-rated activities with you. You will not be free to be proud of him and to publicly convey this to him. If he kicks butt at a golf tournament, you may hear about it, but you will not be able to sit in the audience and smile adoringly at him. If this doesn’t matter to you, the lack of support is often what causes people who work in the intelligence community or undercover to have problems in their marriages. There is just know good way for a loving partner, even a spouse, to say “I love the work that you do/did and I want to share in your joy”

Know that the world doesn’t care how you feel about this man, or how he feels about you. You will be “the mistress” the homewrecker” the chump who settled for a married man”. If he dies, you will not be able to grieve publicly for him. If he and his wife decide they want to close their marriage, you won’t even have the sympathy most women get when a relationship ends.

I would honestly think about why you’d want to date this person given his circumstances. Think about what you wanted as a teenager, I bet it wasn’t “When Billy and I get done riding all the roller coasters at the fair, we’ll get ice cream, he’ll drop me off, kiss me good-night, then he’ll go home to his… wife!” Most of our fantasies about guys involve them going home to their mom or coming in with us, but never them going home to a wife, no matter how much of a witch that woman is”.
I’d suggest you read Gone With The Wind, it’s a great book for conveying the emotional impact of just such a path. Think too about what you do with your time and energy when he is home with his family. Do you want to date other men? How will you or they feel when he texts you during a special moment with one of those guys? How will you explain the relationship? How would you feel if a nice guy dumped you because of your ongoing relationship with this married man you think is so wonderful? Will you remain alone waiting for him to find time for you?

Look too at the nature of the dates with you. Where does he want to go, and what does he want to do? Be careful of dates involving bars, he may have an alcohol problem and is looking to you as a means to make his problem appear acceptable.

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I called it quits more than a year ago, but haven’t made any move to separate legally because of a complicated situation with our kids that has now been resolved. Neither of us has retained a lawyer yet. We sleep in separate bedrooms, but still share the master bathroom. We had planned that he would move out at the end of this month, but he just found out that his contract isn’t being renewed and he doesn’t have another job lined up, so I’m not sure how that will play out. We just spent the holidays together and the two of us are planning a huge international trip together with the kids for this coming summer.

And yet, he has been seeing someone the last few months. Most nights, he doesn’t come home until the wee hours of the morning, but he does always come home. I’ve been wondering what woman would settle for that. I have no idea what he tells women about his marital status. When my parents visited a couple months ago, he thought he was going to sleep in the same bed with me. I had him sleep in the basement, but seriously, would you want to date my husband under these circumstances???