Anonymous wrote:People will disagree, but I think our culture puts too much emphasis on fantasy and pretending and not enough on dealing with the real world. With Disney, superheroes, non-stop screens, etc. our kids are saturated in "pretend" things 24/7 and giant corporations try to get them addicted to pretending fake stuff is real. The real world is amazing enough, teach your kids to live in it!

Not all kids have access to an “amazing” real world. Some kids live in dangerous neighborhoods and can’t spend hours on their bellies in the backyard grass with a magnifying glass looking at plants and insects.

I’m an abstract thinker, but also very detail oriented. That helped me have a really rich imagination. I also desperately needed an escape from my crappy reality and few other ways to do so. I was a very poor kid and sexually abused much of my childhood. I created worlds that I could slip into easily when possible.

People will disagree, but I think our culture puts too much emphasis on fantasy and pretending and not enough on dealing with the real world. With Disney, superheroes, non-stop screens, etc. our kids are saturated in "pretend" things 24/7 and giant corporations try to get them addicted to pretending fake stuff is real. The real world is amazing enough, teach your kids to live in it!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Montessori forbids classroom objects to be used in imaginative play. They are only allowed to be used for their intended purpose. If you pick up a string of beads and pretend they are snake, the teacher will stop that activity and remind the student the beads are used for counting only.

You won't see a play kitchen in a Montessori classroom because Maria Montessori thought it was better for children to learn how to actually clean and cook with real items. So you can't pretend you are cooking up the snake you made the beads to serve your friends or put some blocks in the oven and pretend you are making a birthday cake.

That was a deal breaker for me. I don't understand why Montessori is so popular.

what is the thinking behind this method?

The thinking is that even as little kids, they are ready to learn "real" activities like cleaning and cooking, if the environment is prepared correctly. I can't say I disagree with that. It's a very cramped view of childhood to think that the only thing kids should do is free-play/imaginative play. Personally Montessori wouldn't have worked for my kid in preschool because he needed more direct instruction and structure, and had fine motor delays, so he did not respond to the "prepared environment" the same way other kids would. But I think he would have thrived in a hybrid-type preschool with the same "work" but with more structure. And now that he's 7, he would absolutely thrive in that kind of setting where he was allowed to chose real work.

I don't think any early childhood pedagogy is magic, but Montessori isn't crazy.

https://www.bergamoschools.com/montessori-basics-montessori-work-period-2/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one 3yr old DD, she goes to a wonderful Montessori school, and we practice many Montessori philosophies at home. We don’t do screens, we do tons of hands on sensory activities, we read so many books( which she loves) and yet my friends 3yr old DD is way better at “playing” then mine. They don’t have screen restrictions, have tons of plastic loud toys, but yet somehow her DD does not jump from one activity to another, and can come up these elaborate play scenarios that my DD can’t follow. I know this has nothing to do with intelligence, I’m just shocked at how creative her child is compared to mine.

It has EVERYTHING to do with intelligence. You are slowly realizing not all kids are the same. It can be a painful experience.

This is true in my experience. My highly gifted daughter has an incredible imagination. At two years old she was like a highly imaginative kindergartener.

And what is your “highly gifted” child doing now? Curing cancer?

She is being a kid. Sounds like I touched a nerve.

and it shows you don’t have much creativity yourself, with that usual and predictable answer.

Some kids are creative. Some are “book” smart in terms of language and literacy. Some learn other languages quickly. Some have super physical ability/ awareness. Some are Extraordinarily kind and empathetic. Everyone has a “special” skill. Most will be able to use that skill somehow, to make their life

Get over your kid being “special”, and stop measuring other kids by that measuring stick. It continues until Adulthood, and it’s a real problem in life being a happy place.

Anonymous wrote:Montessori forbids classroom objects to be used in imaginative play. They are only allowed to be used for their intended purpose. If you pick up a string of beads and pretend they are snake, the teacher will stop that activity and remind the student the beads are used for counting only.

You won't see a play kitchen in a Montessori classroom because Maria Montessori thought it was better for children to learn how to actually clean and cook with real items. So you can't pretend you are cooking up the snake you made the beads to serve your friends or put some blocks in the oven and pretend you are making a birthday cake.

That was a deal breaker for me. I don't understand why Montessori is so popular.

what is the thinking behind this method?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one 3yr old DD, she goes to a wonderful Montessori school, and we practice many Montessori philosophies at home. We don’t do screens, we do tons of hands on sensory activities, we read so many books( which she loves) and yet my friends 3yr old DD is way better at “playing” then mine. They don’t have screen restrictions, have tons of plastic loud toys, but yet somehow her DD does not jump from one activity to another, and can come up these elaborate play scenarios that my DD can’t follow. I know this has nothing to do with intelligence, I’m just shocked at how creative her child is compared to mine.

It has EVERYTHING to do with intelligence. You are slowly realizing not all kids are the same. It can be a painful experience.

This is true in my experience. My highly gifted daughter has an incredible imagination. At two years old she was like a highly imaginative kindergartener.

And what is your “highly gifted” child doing now? Curing cancer?

She is being a kid. Sounds like I touched a nerve.

It is very normal for 3 yr olds to have short attention spans.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one 3yr old DD, she goes to a wonderful Montessori school, and we practice many Montessori philosophies at home. We don’t do screens, we do tons of hands on sensory activities, we read so many books( which she loves) and yet my friends 3yr old DD is way better at “playing” then mine. They don’t have screen restrictions, have tons of plastic loud toys, but yet somehow her DD does not jump from one activity to another, and can come up these elaborate play scenarios that my DD can’t follow. I know this has nothing to do with intelligence, I’m just shocked at how creative her child is compared to mine.

It has EVERYTHING to do with intelligence. You are slowly realizing not all kids are the same. It can be a painful experience.

pretend play is absolutely not related to intelligence. for example, autism and intelligence can be linked, and one of the possible signs of autism is a lack of interest in pretend play. I don't know why or how, but "pretend play" got an outsized reputation as something really important or meaningful in child development. it's not.

"Our take-away message is that existing evidence does not support strong causal claims about the unique importance of pretend play for development and that much more and better research is essential for clarifying its possible role."

https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2012-22641-001

I'm sorry but the autism part of what you are saying has been disproved. Autism and intelligence are not related. They are independent and statistically there is not a relationship there.

https://www.neurologytimes.com/autism/myth-autism-and-exceptional-intellect

"...studies have not pointed to a structural or functional link in the brain between exceptional intellect and autism."

Wrong. The overlap between autism and high intelligence is well established. Keep in mind that there are many different types of autism. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4927579/

Anyway, the point is, it's absurd to point to pretend play as indicating anything about a child's intelligence. The child who doesn't (appear) to engage in pretend play could be very gifted, or not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one 3yr old DD, she goes to a wonderful Montessori school, and we practice many Montessori philosophies at home. We don’t do screens, we do tons of hands on sensory activities, we read so many books( which she loves) and yet my friends 3yr old DD is way better at “playing” then mine. They don’t have screen restrictions, have tons of plastic loud toys, but yet somehow her DD does not jump from one activity to another, and can come up these elaborate play scenarios that my DD can’t follow. I know this has nothing to do with intelligence, I’m just shocked at how creative her child is compared to mine.

It has EVERYTHING to do with intelligence. You are slowly realizing not all kids are the same. It can be a painful experience.

This is true in my experience. My highly gifted daughter has an incredible imagination. At two years old she was like a highly imaginative kindergartener.

And what is your “highly gifted” child doing now? Curing cancer?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one 3yr old DD, she goes to a wonderful Montessori school, and we practice many Montessori philosophies at home. We don’t do screens, we do tons of hands on sensory activities, we read so many books( which she loves) and yet my friends 3yr old DD is way better at “playing” then mine. They don’t have screen restrictions, have tons of plastic loud toys, but yet somehow her DD does not jump from one activity to another, and can come up these elaborate play scenarios that my DD can’t follow. I know this has nothing to do with intelligence, I’m just shocked at how creative her child is compared to mine.

It has EVERYTHING to do with intelligence. You are slowly realizing not all kids are the same. It can be a painful experience.

This is true in my experience. My highly gifted daughter has an incredible imagination. At two years old she was like a highly imaginative kindergartener.

Plus one that it’s an intelligence thing. Just like drawing ability.

Doesn’t mean your kid won’t be outstanding in some other area, and intelligence isn’t a great predictor of success or happiness either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one 3yr old DD, she goes to a wonderful Montessori school, and we practice many Montessori philosophies at home. We don’t do screens, we do tons of hands on sensory activities, we read so many books( which she loves) and yet my friends 3yr old DD is way better at “playing” then mine. They don’t have screen restrictions, have tons of plastic loud toys, but yet somehow her DD does not jump from one activity to another, and can come up these elaborate play scenarios that my DD can’t follow. I know this has nothing to do with intelligence, I’m just shocked at how creative her child is compared to mine.

It has EVERYTHING to do with intelligence. You are slowly realizing not all kids are the same. It can be a painful experience.

pretend play is absolutely not related to intelligence. for example, autism and intelligence can be linked, and one of the possible signs of autism is a lack of interest in pretend play. I don't know why or how, but "pretend play" got an outsized reputation as something really important or meaningful in child development. it's not.

"Our take-away message is that existing evidence does not support strong causal claims about the unique importance of pretend play for development and that much more and better research is essential for clarifying its possible role."

https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2012-22641-001

I'm sorry but the autism part of what you are saying has been disproved. Autism and intelligence are not related. They are independent and statistically there is not a relationship there.

https://www.neurologytimes.com/autism/myth-autism-and-exceptional-intellect

"...studies have not pointed to a structural or functional link in the brain between exceptional intellect and autism."

Anonymous wrote:I taught kindergarten in a Montessori school. I lasted one year. That teaching style goes against everything I know and love about early childhood education. I’ve never taught in a more depressing atmosphere. Creative/imaginative play is actively discouraged. “Toys” are only played with in one way. There is way too much push on independence and individuality. It really hurts healthy socialization and group play. There is literally zero evidence to suggest Montessori schools are better. Maybe your child would do better in a play-based program.

As I said, for the right type of child, it’s brilliant. But it’s certainly not for every child!

I say don’t sweat it...

Everyone is different. And that is fine. We need different types of thinkers in the real world. Some people are highly analytical, some are builders, some see only straight lines and others craft stories. If this were the College Or Jobs DCUM boards the conversation would be “Ugg, my kid wants to be a Philosophy major. How do I get them to major in Comp Sci?!!”

And a lot of things are genetic and parent influenced. I’m artsy fartsy as are many of my/DH family members. I tend to choose going to museums and plays over baseball games. I zone out when someone talks to me in data points.

My 4 yr old is not far from the tree. She does elaborate pretend play. She has set up her own stage complete with curtain and spotlight to perform for anyone who walks in our house. We discuss routines like we are in a Sondheim musical singing back and forth debating teeth brushing.., I’ll start saving for theater camp and an English major.