Anonymous
12/29/2019 17:03
Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:I’d be happy my brother had somewhere to live so I didn’t feel responsible for making sure he didn’t end up homeless.
That’s assuming he doesn’t blow everything expecting you to support him. It doesn’t sound as if the brother knows how to take care of himself.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 16:59
Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?
Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money
He doesn’t like working. He saved up some money 200k and quit the job he hated at 35. He is almost 50 now. He is divorced and lives with our parents over a decade. They pay most of his bills. He has been lazy since he was a kid. My mom wants to make it fair by giving him the house he lives in with them -worth over a million, then split the cash between the two of us. So she is rewarding his laziness.
Doesn’t sound like a very happy life. Truly no reason for you to be jealous.
My siblings need more than me. I wish my parents had more to give them. I do my best to help.
Since when does fairness equal jealousy?
When you’re upset at what you perceive as a lack of fairness, it’s because you think someone has what you don’t, so jealousy. If you don’t like the word, sub in something else. The vocabulary doesn’t matter. It’s the attitude that’s going to cause problems.
No one on this board would want to trade places with an unemployed 50 yr old living at home with elderly parents. Sounds terrible.
Jealous is the wrong word. Presumably OP works and has a lot more money than her brother, so why would she be jealous?
NP here. I disagree. I think jealous is the right word. OP seems to think that her parents leaving her brother more says that they value him more and that they are favoring him by leaving him more money. It's not. The parents have made a decision to leave more inheritance for the child who makes less money and has less insurance, retirement, protection for the future. While I understand that she blames her brother for being lazy, the point is that she could choose to live a bohemian lifestyle, give up working and live life with less and then be eligible for a more equal share of inheritance, but that isn't her choice. She chooses to work, have more disposable income and be able to enjoy the fruits of her labor now. Two different choices.
We have a similar situation. My sister had a hard life, was abused by her ex-husband, divorced and was screwed in the divorce. Instead of working in the field where she has her degree (graphics design), she has opted to take a job working in a floral shop. She truly enjoys her job, her co-workers and her life. It means that she can barely make ends meet. She lives in our brother's old condo and my parents pay my brother rent for her. My brother and I both have professional degrees and work and make very comfortable livings and support our families. Our parents will be leaving 40-50% of their significant wealth to her with the rest divided between my brother and I. Additionally, my sister has one child and my brother and I each have two children, so perforce, her child will get more money (if there is any left when my sister passes) than the other four grandchildren. And you know what? We're all fine with this. We are a loving family and we know that hardships that my sister faced and that choices that she's made to be happy with her life after the trials she's been through. There is enough to go around and if our parents did not provide as much for our sister and she had hardships, my brother and I would have to take care of her anyways. This ensures that she will be able to care for herself without us paying to support her.
So, yes, OP is jealous that she feels that her parents value and love her brother more than her based solely on the distribution of their wealth. That's a very entitled and petty way to view things, but very common.
Your sister’s situation is completely different to OP’s brother who sounds like a parasite.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 16:57
Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?
Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money
He doesn’t like working. He saved up some money 200k and quit the job he hated at 35. He is almost 50 now. He is divorced and lives with our parents over a decade. They pay most of his bills. He has been lazy since he was a kid. My mom wants to make it fair by giving him the house he lives in with them -worth over a million, then split the cash between the two of us. So she is rewarding his laziness.
Doesn’t sound like a very happy life. Truly no reason for you to be jealous.
My siblings need more than me. I wish my parents had more to give them. I do my best to help.
Since when does fairness equal jealousy?
When you’re upset at what you perceive as a lack of fairness, it’s because you think someone has what you don’t, so jealousy. If you don’t like the word, sub in something else. The vocabulary doesn’t matter. It’s the attitude that’s going to cause problems.
No one on this board would want to trade places with an unemployed 50 yr old living at home with elderly parents. Sounds terrible.
Jealous is the wrong word. Presumably OP works and has a lot more money than her brother, so why would she be jealous?
The jealousy (or whatever word) is related to hurt feelings rather than actual monetary value. It’s another way the parents have shown their preference for one child over another. Anyone would be upset by this, so OP’s feelings are completely natural. The best thing to do is to disengage emotionally. It may also help to spend less time with her parents.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 16:50
Subject: Re:Unequal inheritance
"So, yes, OP is jealous that she feels that her parents value and love her brother more than her based solely on the distribution of their wealth. That's a very entitled and petty way to view things, but very common. "
This could be true but we need to know more before we can be sure. It seems likely that OP's brother is going to blow the inheritance.
That alone does not give the OP the right to blame her parents for an unequal distribution.
What does give her the right to blame her parents is if her parents give her brother the money rather than setting up a trust which she gets if he passes first.
It's there money they can do what they want with it but from what we know they want her brother taken care of, not to just have the money.
If that is the case, then they need legal help soon.
This could be true but we need to know more before we can be sure. It seems likely that OP's brother is going to blow the inheritance.
That alone does not give the OP the right to blame her parents for an unequal distribution.
What does give her the right to blame her parents is if her parents give her brother the money rather than setting up a trust which she gets if he passes first.
It's there money they can do what they want with it but from what we know they want her brother taken care of, not to just have the money.
If that is the case, then they need legal help soon.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 16:47
Subject: Unequal inheritance
^It's a form of emotional blackmail, IMO.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 16:45
Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:It's entirely possible the OP's brother provides a lot of caretaking for his parents and or their house and OP is ignoring that fact.
That's possible. It's equally possible that the parents are just really, really worried about Op's brother and feel responsible for providing for him even after their death. Op has not mentioned that her brother can not work, he just doesn't want to work. He's not on disability, he just wants handouts.
My ex boyfriend had some substance abuse issues that kept him from gainful employment. He had a couple of DUIs under his belt which came with some stints in jail and also impacted his ability to get a job. He took advantage of anyone who got close to him. He stole from his parents and he stole from me when I was with him. I can definitely see how his parents were worried sick about him. It's a terrible situation to have an adult child like that. They are users and not just of drugs/alcohol.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 16:42
Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:I give some credit to mom for telling you her intentions. She could have simply let you find out when the will was read.
My parents planned this but it slipped out. My sibling gets everything and is the executor and poa. They need care and I was helping till I found out. My sibling is single and working. I am married with health issues and kids with sn. I completely pulled out and wished the, the best. I don’t care about the money but I do about the lying. My sibling is going to have a tuff time as they never have helped anyone and our relationship is pretty much over for them using me all these years and lying to me knowing the situation.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 16:38
Subject: Unequal inheritance
Legal is all that's important. My opinion is unimportant. Whether is would "bother me" is unimportant.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 16:38
Subject: Unequal inheritance
I give some credit to mom for telling you her intentions. She could have simply let you find out when the will was read.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 16:36
Subject: Unequal inheritance
I’d be happy my brother had somewhere to live so I didn’t feel responsible for making sure he didn’t end up homeless.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 16:34
Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:I assume that people who don’t work have mental health or other neurological issues like autism or adhd. Often they are undiagnosed. So I would not want to be in their shoes.
If you feel yourself envying part of what a person has, you need to take their whole lives into consideration. Not just the inheritance piece. Would you want to be the person living in mom’s basement? Probably not.
Why do you make this assumption? Some people are just lazy a$$holes. Seriously. My dad is exactly like OP's brother. He ran up all my 90 year old grandmother's credit cards and moved into her small subsidized apartment while he watched TV and chain smoked all day. This was all against her will. He doesn't have mental health or neurological issues I can assure you.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 16:33
Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?
Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money
He doesn’t like working. He saved up some money 200k and quit the job he hated at 35. He is almost 50 now. He is divorced and lives with our parents over a decade. They pay most of his bills. He has been lazy since he was a kid. My mom wants to make it fair by giving him the house he lives in with them -worth over a million, then split the cash between the two of us. So she is rewarding his laziness.
Doesn’t sound like a very happy life. Truly no reason for you to be jealous.
My siblings need more than me. I wish my parents had more to give them. I do my best to help.
Since when does fairness equal jealousy?
When you’re upset at what you perceive as a lack of fairness, it’s because you think someone has what you don’t, so jealousy. If you don’t like the word, sub in something else. The vocabulary doesn’t matter. It’s the attitude that’s going to cause problems.
No one on this board would want to trade places with an unemployed 50 yr old living at home with elderly parents. Sounds terrible.
Jealous is the wrong word. Presumably OP works and has a lot more money than her brother, so why would she be jealous?
NP here. I disagree. I think jealous is the right word. OP seems to think that her parents leaving her brother more says that they value him more and that they are favoring him by leaving him more money. It's not. The parents have made a decision to leave more inheritance for the child who makes less money and has less insurance, retirement, protection for the future. While I understand that she blames her brother for being lazy, the point is that she could choose to live a bohemian lifestyle, give up working and live life with less and then be eligible for a more equal share of inheritance, but that isn't her choice. She chooses to work, have more disposable income and be able to enjoy the fruits of her labor now. Two different choices.
We have a similar situation. My sister had a hard life, was abused by her ex-husband, divorced and was screwed in the divorce. Instead of working in the field where she has her degree (graphics design), she has opted to take a job working in a floral shop. She truly enjoys her job, her co-workers and her life. It means that she can barely make ends meet. She lives in our brother's old condo and my parents pay my brother rent for her. My brother and I both have professional degrees and work and make very comfortable livings and support our families. Our parents will be leaving 40-50% of their significant wealth to her with the rest divided between my brother and I. Additionally, my sister has one child and my brother and I each have two children, so perforce, her child will get more money (if there is any left when my sister passes) than the other four grandchildren. And you know what? We're all fine with this. We are a loving family and we know that hardships that my sister faced and that choices that she's made to be happy with her life after the trials she's been through. There is enough to go around and if our parents did not provide as much for our sister and she had hardships, my brother and I would have to take care of her anyways. This ensures that she will be able to care for herself without us paying to support her.
So, yes, OP is jealous that she feels that her parents value and love her brother more than her based solely on the distribution of their wealth. That's a very entitled and petty way to view things, but very common.
Not jealous. Pure greed.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 16:30
Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?
Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money
He doesn’t like working. He saved up some money 200k and quit the job he hated at 35. He is almost 50 now. He is divorced and lives with our parents over a decade. They pay most of his bills. He has been lazy since he was a kid. My mom wants to make it fair by giving him the house he lives in with them -worth over a million, then split the cash between the two of us. So she is rewarding his laziness.
Doesn’t sound like a very happy life. Truly no reason for you to be jealous.
My siblings need more than me. I wish my parents had more to give them. I do my best to help.
Since when does fairness equal jealousy?
When you’re upset at what you perceive as a lack of fairness, it’s because you think someone has what you don’t, so jealousy. If you don’t like the word, sub in something else. The vocabulary doesn’t matter. It’s the attitude that’s going to cause problems.
No one on this board would want to trade places with an unemployed 50 yr old living at home with elderly parents. Sounds terrible.
Jealous is the wrong word. Presumably OP works and has a lot more money than her brother, so why would she be jealous?
NP here. I disagree. I think jealous is the right word. OP seems to think that her parents leaving her brother more says that they value him more and that they are favoring him by leaving him more money. It's not. The parents have made a decision to leave more inheritance for the child who makes less money and has less insurance, retirement, protection for the future. While I understand that she blames her brother for being lazy, the point is that she could choose to live a bohemian lifestyle, give up working and live life with less and then be eligible for a more equal share of inheritance, but that isn't her choice. She chooses to work, have more disposable income and be able to enjoy the fruits of her labor now. Two different choices.
We have a similar situation. My sister had a hard life, was abused by her ex-husband, divorced and was screwed in the divorce. Instead of working in the field where she has her degree (graphics design), she has opted to take a job working in a floral shop. She truly enjoys her job, her co-workers and her life. It means that she can barely make ends meet. She lives in our brother's old condo and my parents pay my brother rent for her. My brother and I both have professional degrees and work and make very comfortable livings and support our families. Our parents will be leaving 40-50% of their significant wealth to her with the rest divided between my brother and I. Additionally, my sister has one child and my brother and I each have two children, so perforce, her child will get more money (if there is any left when my sister passes) than the other four grandchildren. And you know what? We're all fine with this. We are a loving family and we know that hardships that my sister faced and that choices that she's made to be happy with her life after the trials she's been through. There is enough to go around and if our parents did not provide as much for our sister and she had hardships, my brother and I would have to take care of her anyways. This ensures that she will be able to care for herself without us paying to support her.
So, yes, OP is jealous that she feels that her parents value and love her brother more than her based solely on the distribution of their wealth. That's a very entitled and petty way to view things, but very common.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 16:27
Subject: Unequal inheritance
Anonymous wrote:Siblings should receive the same amount unless there is a handicapped child
If the division of assets would "bother me" is unimportant. What's legal is legal. Legal is all that matters.
Your statement is internally inconsistent.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 16:26
Subject: Unequal inheritance
Siblings should receive the same amount unless there is a handicapped child
If the division of assets would "bother me" is unimportant. What's legal is legal. Legal is all that matters.
If the division of assets would "bother me" is unimportant. What's legal is legal. Legal is all that matters.