Family therapy.

Cancel the kids phone and only turn on the internet at specific times.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her kid was getting FOUR hours of sleep a night when left to her own devices.

I would be surprised if your average studious high schooler got a whole lot more than that on week nights. I know that my nephew is generally up until 1 or 2 doing homework and studying for tests, and has to be up at 6 to walk the dog before he goes to school. Which is similar to one of my nieces (sans dog walking responsibility). Hell, friends were just saying over the weekend that now that their child is in middle school, it is fairly routine for him to be up until midnight doing school work. These are all hard working, studious kids.

What's with aunts chiming in? For all you know kid might be taking a nap, or parents are letting him sleep till 3pm on the weekends.

No naps. No time for naps due to homework and extracurriculars. On weekends during the off-season (for sports), he sleeps in, but it’s more like waking up at 9:00 AM instead of 6:00 AM. The niece’s schedule is not much changed. She always wakes up early, regardless of when she goes to bed.

Different age and different situation but yes, now ex H was undermining my parenting. We are divorcing and I will have the majority of custody (and have it now, effectively). This has helped immensely! The kid is much calmer, more social, more engaged at school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her kid was getting FOUR hours of sleep a night when left to her own devices.

I would be surprised if your average studious high schooler got a whole lot more than that on week nights. I know that my nephew is generally up until 1 or 2 doing homework and studying for tests, and has to be up at 6 to walk the dog before he goes to school. Which is similar to one of my nieces (sans dog walking responsibility). Hell, friends were just saying over the weekend that now that their child is in middle school, it is fairly routine for him to be up until midnight doing school work. These are all hard working, studious kids.

What's with aunts chiming in? For all you know kid might be taking a nap, or parents are letting him sleep till 3pm on the weekends.

Agree with PP. And there's also a mismatch with kids' biological clocks and the times they have to be at school. Our bodies want us to be back in the cave with only natural light; our entire environment, including the expectation that we get up before sunrise, is 100% unnatural from a physiological and evolutionary viewpoint.

The shift in kids' ability to go to sleep is real, too. I've seen it with all three kids -- now 17, 14, and 12 -- as they've gotten older they simply cannot fall asleep as early as they used to. Plus there's so, so, so much homework. It's not at all optimal but it's also not unusual between that delayed onset of sleepiness and the amount of homework that they have that the older two in high school aren't able to go to bed before 11 pm, and that when they do, they may not be able to fall asleep.

We have created a system where we're trying to shove square pegs into round holes.

Anonymous wrote:You guys are being really mean to the op. Her kid was getting FOUR hours of sleep a night when left to her own devices. That lack of sleep can be truly damaging to anyone’s brain, let alone one that still needs to grow, get through school and get a job. Clearly the “let her make her own mistakes and learn from them” method wasn’t working. Kids don’t always make the best decisions. Sounds like her dh wants to be a friend to the teens instead of a parent. Sorry, but I’m team op. If she and her dh were on the same page, maybe things wouldn’t have gotten so extreme on either end, but I don’t see the op as the shrew you all are making her out to be.

I totally agree, but at 17 I think the ship has sailed for mom to be enforcing this.

OP - is your daughter working with a therapist/executive function coach? Is she on any medication?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her kid was getting FOUR hours of sleep a night when left to her own devices.

I would be surprised if your average studious high schooler got a whole lot more than that on week nights. I know that my nephew is generally up until 1 or 2 doing homework and studying for tests, and has to be up at 6 to walk the dog before he goes to school. Which is similar to one of my nieces (sans dog walking responsibility). Hell, friends were just saying over the weekend that now that their child is in middle school, it is fairly routine for him to be up until midnight doing school work. These are all hard working, studious kids.

I don’t know about OP but I pulled a lot of all nighters in high school and college and law school.... and law practice. Yeah, I should managed my time better and go to bed at a reasonable hour but an adult lives with the consequences of poor time management. OP is a control freak. Are you going to college with your DD?

Anonymous wrote:Her kid was getting FOUR hours of sleep a night when left to her own devices.

I would be surprised if your average studious high schooler got a whole lot more than that on week nights. I know that my nephew is generally up until 1 or 2 doing homework and studying for tests, and has to be up at 6 to walk the dog before he goes to school. Which is similar to one of my nieces (sans dog walking responsibility). Hell, friends were just saying over the weekend that now that their child is in middle school, it is fairly routine for him to be up until midnight doing school work. These are all hard working, studious kids.