Look OP, my father was just like this. He only loved himself and relished hurting others. Yes, he had affairs...I was even taken along on his hookups when I was young.

My mother never left...got cancer at 55 and HAD TO DRIVE HERSELF TO CHEMOTHERAPY because this (retired) asshole found it uncomfortable so he couldn’t help her. Mind you I didn’t even know about that bc she’d cover up for him. When her cancer came back 4 years later she didn’t tell anyone or seek treatment, she just let herself die...I’m convinced she did this to get away from him.

Leave OP, don’t end up like this!

Anonymous wrote:OP, I do not agree with others
That your husbands behavior means he doesn’t love you. You’ve only been married 4 years which isn’t long at all. A lot of people don’t have the all the necessary skills to be happily married long term on day one of their marriage. I certainly did not. Your husband may not have the skills to communicate and express when he is upset. He may not be truly aware that the way he is behaving is dysfunctional. I think therapy is in order. You should have a talk with him about how his behavior effects you. Show him outside resources that substantiate that handling Mauritian disagreements this way is unhealthy. Good luck!

You know nothing about domestic violence and you shouldn't be giving this bad advice. This is not a case of a marriage needing counseling to effectively communicate better. Ignore this, OP.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I do not agree with others
That your husbands behavior means he doesn’t love you. You’ve only been married 4 years which isn’t long at all. A lot of people don’t have the all the necessary skills to be happily married long term on day one of their marriage. I certainly did not. Your husband may not have the skills to communicate and express when he is upset. He may not be truly aware that the way he is behaving is dysfunctional. I think therapy is in order. You should have a talk with him about how his behavior effects you. Show him outside resources that substantiate that handling Mauritian disagreements this way is unhealthy. Good luck!

He’s not going to therapy with her because he doesn’t even like her!

He is emotionally abusive and it will only get way worse. You're only 4 years into this marriage. Once an abuser, always an abuser. I'm sorry, but there is little hope he will change. You need to get out. Please call a domestic violence hotline from someone else's phone when he is not around. They can help you. Get your finances and important paperwork together. Open a bank account and credit card in your name only. See an attorney asap to get the divorce started. Best of luck to you, OP. You are worth better than this.

OP, I'm divorcing a guy like this. I stayed too long. I have a chronic illness and thought divorce would be too hard. I'm doing a lot better now. Emotional abuse was making me weak and physically sick. Walking on eggshells takes the best of you. My ex once said, he couldn't even stand to listen to me talk, when we we're entertaining guests. They enjoyed my company because unlike him they couldn't foresee the obvious same old "bricks" of sentences. After that incident, I phoned my conservative parents and told them that I didn't see myself staying with him for the rest of my life. Surprisingly, I got validation for my feelings. After break-up even from his friends. Disassociate, detach and build your own circle of friends without him. I also went on vacations without him. Those things made me feel so independent and mighty that I was able to leave. Btw, he had an affair which he later gave as reason for his behaviour. He has tried to get back with me three times. I didn't take him back. So no, they don't hate you - they are incapable of normal bonding. Now he says I was his soulmate, he misses our talks, wtf?! He loves you in his way but it's so dysfunctional and harmful that you shouldnt accept his I'll servings of 'love"

Anonymous wrote:There is a ton of emotional and social / relationship immaturity hence ASD very possible.

Even if that is the case it doesn’t mean she has to live with it as her day to day life. Women are not placed on this earth only to fix men.

There is a ton of emotional and social / relationship immaturity hence ASD very possible.

Op what would he say when you +formerly) begged him to.communicate with you?

Fwiw I think you should leave before your kids grow up eny to think this is ok.

Also i don't buy Asperger's. He communicate and smiles wit others, makes eye contact. Doesn't insult others

Op, he doesn't resort you, in fact despises yo at some level..don't try to figyit out, just quietly get ready to go.

Someone on DCUM suggested this website once and it has helped me cope with an extremely abusive and manipulative FIL.

Please read it and see the characteristics of an NPD or BPD personality type. It does not get better and your kids will be majorly screwed by this man mainly because he will start abusing them to get a rise out of you. https://outofthefog.website/

Anonymous wrote:“I am on eggshells a lot of the time”.

Wake up. You’re in an abusive relationship. I’m not going to tell you to divorce since you are adamantly against, but please get therapy for yourself to figure out why you are such a people-pleaser.

Check reviews of this book: Walking on Eggshells: Confessions From an Asperger Marriage and How We Made it Work

Check .. google.. look up.. two things: Husband with Asperger's Syndrome and Narcissists.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I do not agree with others
That your husbands behavior means he doesn’t love you. You’ve only been married 4 years which isn’t long at all. A lot of people don’t have the all the necessary skills to be happily married long term on day one of their marriage. I certainly did not. Your husband may not have the skills to communicate and express when he is upset. He may not be truly aware that the way he is behaving is dysfunctional. I think therapy is in order. You should have a talk with him about how his behavior effects you. Show him outside resources that substantiate that handling Mauritian disagreements this way is unhealthy. Good luck!

Do not listen to this. I stayed with a man who didn’t like me for years. It practically broke me. Nothing feels worse than the person who is supposed to be your partner only wants you to change and bend to their will. When I left I felt like I had been freed from shackles. Don’t waste another year. Leave.

Yeah right PP, ever try to reason with an abuser? They love it, they love to argue and contort things and attempt to blame you for all their misbehaviors. Welcome to the mind F zone.

GYFO OP! You can do it! Dis-associate in the meantime.

OP, I do not agree with others
That your husbands behavior means he doesn’t love you. You’ve only been married 4 years which isn’t long at all. A lot of people don’t have the all the necessary skills to be happily married long term on day one of their marriage. I certainly did not. Your husband may not have the skills to communicate and express when he is upset. He may not be truly aware that the way he is behaving is dysfunctional. I think therapy is in order. You should have a talk with him about how his behavior effects you. Show him outside resources that substantiate that handling Mauritian disagreements this way is unhealthy. Good luck!

“I am on eggshells a lot of the time”.

Wake up. You’re in an abusive relationship. I’m not going to tell you to divorce since you are adamantly against, but please get therapy for yourself to figure out why you are such a people-pleaser.