Anonymous
Post 12/01/2019 08:09     Subject: How old were your kids when they could wake up and get to the bus stop on their own?
Anonymous wrote:I’m a soon-to-be-single mom, and worried about how mornings are going to work. I have to be at work by 8. Next year my son starts middle school and the bus comes at 6:40, I can make sure he gets there on time. But my daughter is still in elementary and is not a natural early riser and I think we’ll away from being able to get up and ready on her own. What is a reasonable expectation for this and how did you get there? Staying home in the morning until 8:30 is not an option, and morning SACC not much better.

I have some extra bedrooms in my house and thinking about finding a female college student who can stay here for free in exchange for helping DD in the morning and some very few, very light housekeeping duties.
Anyone go this route? We’ve had an au pair before and she was wonderful, but I don’t think it would be worth the expense at this point since we only need a little help.


You need to take a step back and really think about the situation. You are panicking and not making sensible choices. Think about the fact that your. Glistens lives will be in upheaval. They will already be upset and adjusting to a new normal. Now pushing an 8 yr old to all of sudden get up and get themselves ready and out the door at a time when they are already feeling such a tremendous loss through the divorce is not a good move. It’s not divorce that harms kids , it’s the actions like this that do. So calm down, and really think things through.

If school starts at 8 am, what time can kids be dropped off? At our school, kids could arrive 20 minutes early, or 30
Minutes early if they ate breakfast. Actually look up this information and then call the school to verify.

Think about your commute to work. Can you go a different route? Use a different form of transportation? Park in a different place or get parking? Can you adjust your hours to 8:30. Don’t just say you can’t do it because you don’t have that luxury. Maybe you even come in at 9. You can’t be afraid to speak up at this point. You need to make adjustments.

Consider how your soon to be ex can help. Maybe you both need to alter your schedules Maybe your ex can pick up the kids and bring them to your house and get them settled after school.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2019 06:41     Subject: How old were your kids when they could wake up and get to the bus stop on their own?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My son could do this at 6. He woke to an alarm clock, got his breakfast, watched cartoons while he ate, knew to check the clock so he would go out to the bus at the right time, and gave the baby (1 yr old) a bottle in her crib before he left. He would tell me he was leaving and give me a kiss goodbye. I was usually still sleeping.

Today's kids don't do this kind of thing in elementary school because their parents think they can't or they think it's child abuse if you encourage such independence and self-reliance.

My kids are grown now and they turned out great, I'm very proud of both of them.


You are the laziest mother ever.


+1,000,000!


You're both jealous.

of what???


NP.

I don't know about the jealousy part, but some of you are incredibly narrow minded.

Some kids are independent and helpful. It is not necessarily a bad thing.

I grew up in a home with several adults(including both parents, a full time nanny and a college-aged aunt). Yet my 7 year old sister and I(8 at the time) would bathe our baby brother, feed him, change his diapers, etc. He was our baby, and we wanted to take care of him. He is in his late 20s now, and he is still our baby. We are very close and we tend to "mother" him(asking for grades in school, etc).

I can see how a 6 year old would feel important giving the baby a bottle while mommy was "sleeping". I can see my 7 year sister wishing the baby was awake when we left for school just so we could give him a bottle before we left.

My parents were not lazy ; neither was the nanny nor my aunts. And it was not abuse. We felt important taking care of him. We did it with pride.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2019 00:14     Subject: Re:How old were your kids when they could wake up and get to the bus stop on their own?
You can try to find some mom in your area who would come for hour in the morning to
help with getting your daughter out of the door.

Also if you had a dog, you could have a dog walker who for extra few bucks could
come earlier and took care of helping your child to get in time to school,
Dog walkers often offer extra services, even stay at home all day and night
with the dog for about 40 bucks so they can heave quite reasonable rates.
You might want to look into this.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2019 00:02     Subject: How old were your kids when they could wake up and get to the bus stop on their own?
Anonymous wrote:Kids can get up themselves with an alarm clock, get themselves ready for school at any age, but cannot be home alone until the age of 13
Before that you can leave them home alone when you go to the grocery store, but they should have before school and after school care
That is the law


Where is that the law? Not Maryland, where the law says that when you're 8 you can be home for short periods of time during daylight hours.

OP, I also have an inflexible job as far as start time. The year my kids were in 6th and 3rd, I started leaving them home alone in the mornings when DH wasn't home. Before that we had a babysitter. But I'd get them up, and dressed, and at the table eating breakfast before I left, so they just had to grab their backpacks, and let the door close and lock behind them before they walked to school.

I think that I could have left them alone the year previously, but I didn't.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2019 23:56     Subject: How old were your kids when they could wake up and get to the bus stop on their own?
Anonymous wrote:I did this when I was 7 but that a few decades ago and some kids seem less independent now. Why don't you do a couple dry runs to see what if any issues she runs into? Can you call in from work or during your commute to chat with her and check in with her in the morning? Can you get another mom to call if you she's not at the bus stop or the teacher to call if she's not in school?


7? You must have been abused by your lazy DGAF mom right?

Just kidding. Good job! And you are right, kids are much less independent now. I wonder why?
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2019 19:03     Subject: How old were your kids when they could wake up and get to the bus stop on their own?
6th grade.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2019 18:59     Subject: How old were your kids when they could wake up and get to the bus stop on their own?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My son could do this at 6. He woke to an alarm clock, got his breakfast, watched cartoons while he ate, knew to check the clock so he would go out to the bus at the right time, and gave the baby (1 yr old) a bottle in her crib before he left. He would tell me he was leaving and give me a kiss goodbye. I was usually still sleeping.

Today's kids don't do this kind of thing in elementary school because their parents think they can't or they think it's child abuse if you encourage such independence and self-reliance.

My kids are grown now and they turned out great, I'm very proud of both of them.


You are the laziest mother ever.


+1,000,000!


You're both jealous.

of what???
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2019 18:57     Subject: How old were your kids when they could wake up and get to the bus stop on their own?
I did this when I was 7 but that a few decades ago and some kids seem less independent now. Why don't you do a couple dry runs to see what if any issues she runs into? Can you call in from work or during your commute to chat with her and check in with her in the morning? Can you get another mom to call if you she's not at the bus stop or the teacher to call if she's not in school?
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2019 18:48     Subject: How old were your kids when they could wake up and get to the bus stop on their own?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Kids can get up themselves with an alarm clock, get themselves ready for school at any age, but cannot be home alone until the age of 13
Before that you can leave them home alone when you go to the grocery store, but they should have before school and after school care
That is the law

That is not the law.


+1 You ought to now better than to throw sh!t like this out there and expect people to swallow it. Virginia, at least, has no laws regarding it, just guidelines.
https://www.dss.virginia.gov/files/division/dfs/cps/intro_page/publications/general/alone.pdf
https://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/familyservices/children-youth/child-supervision-guidelines
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2019 15:59     Subject: How old were your kids when they could wake up and get to the bus stop on their own?
Anonymous wrote:My son could do this at 6. He woke to an alarm clock, got his breakfast, watched cartoons while he ate, knew to check the clock so he would go out to the bus at the right time, and gave the baby (1 yr old) a bottle in her crib before he left. He would tell me he was leaving and give me a kiss goodbye. I was usually still sleeping.

Today's kids don't do this kind of thing in elementary school because their parents think they can't or they think it's child abuse if you encourage such independence and self-reliance.

My kids are grown now and they turned out great, I'm very proud of both of them.


Glad you taught that baby early that it better rely on itself bc mom is a flake.

I had a mom like you, once I had kids I realized that she DGAF.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2019 14:51     Subject: How old were your kids when they could wake up and get to the bus stop on their own?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That is a sad way to start the day. I say this as a single mom who has had to rush kids out the door for years. If you have the option of a college student staying with you, definitely go that route.

One of my kids could reliably get out the door by the beginning of 9th grade -- alarm, making lunch, etc. I would not expect an elementary school kid to do this. Even if they could, they could burn down the house, get abducted, leave the door unlocked, forget their key, etc. I realize it's from necessity but keep in mind that they still deserve to be taken care of.

Again, single mom myself who has turned down plenty of job options so I could be there at both ends of the day for my kids. They deserve it.


DP. It's great that you are able to afford having a job where you're home for both ends of the day. Not everyone can. For many, that would mean only a 5 and a half hour workday if you factor in commute time. Kids deserve to be taken care of and they deserve food and housing security, which comes from financial stability that a five hour per day job may not provide.

Also, to say it's a sad way to start the day is not the case for everyone. I had SACC before care for my DD and she begged me starting in fourth grade to let her stay home and take the bus in the mornings instead of going to SACC. When I finally relented, she was thrilled. If I ever mention she always had the option of going back to morning SACC, she says absolutely not. She's not allowed to use electrical appliances like the toaster or microwave when she's by herself. She has the number of trusted adults in the neighborhood who she could call in an emergency. I call and check on her multiple times in the morning and she knows if she misses the bus she should go back inside and I'll leave work to take her to school. She has never missed the bus. She's an independent kid who likes doing this. My older DS would not have liked this.

If OP's child is comfortable with doing this, with the right planning, no one needs to be sad or burn the house down. As far as being abducted, OP needs to be comfortable with the neighborhood, distance to the bus stop and whether other kids are also at the bus stop. She should teacher her kid about precautions to avoid abduction anyway, including not to go with anyone even if she knows them well. Teach a secret word that only someone really meant to get her would know. The rule I thought my kids, well before the getting themselves to the bus issue arose, is no adult should ever ask for help from a kid to find their dog, cat, missing toddler, for direction....Don't stop to talk or answer questions. These are basic lessons kid should know anyway.

OP, make sure your child would be comfortable doing this. If she is, then just make sure you go through all the details with her and come up with a plan she fully understands. Good luck.


You are comparing morning care at school to staying home alone unsupervised but that's not what I was comparing. I wonder if your DD would have eagerly voted for the third alternative I mentioned if you had offered it -- staying home in the morning with someone watching out for her. Does anyone really think a kid sending herself off to school alone is comparable to a caring adult sending them off to start their day?

We live on an incredibly low budget. I doubt most people on DCUM would be happy making the sacrifices we've made but it's important to me to spend as much time as I can raising my kids. That's more important to me, and to them, than money.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2019 14:41     Subject: How old were your kids when they could wake up and get to the bus stop on their own?
OP - 5th grade it should be expected. Maybe some mess-ups but you'll have to roll with it. 3rd-4th grade they should be able to but with more stress than a 3rd or 4th grader should have to handle ... then again, there will be plenty of stress for them with their life turned upside down, so this morning routine question is a drop in the bucket.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2019 14:34     Subject: How old were your kids when they could wake up and get to the bus stop on their own?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My son could do this at 6. He woke to an alarm clock, got his breakfast, watched cartoons while he ate, knew to check the clock so he would go out to the bus at the right time, and gave the baby (1 yr old) a bottle in her crib before he left. He would tell me he was leaving and give me a kiss goodbye. I was usually still sleeping.

Today's kids don't do this kind of thing in elementary school because their parents think they can't or they think it's child abuse if you encourage such independence and self-reliance.

My kids are grown now and they turned out great, I'm very proud of both of them.



This is just a tale of how kids can survive in abusive homes too. No, thanks for your self-oblivious horror story, Not a parenting hack but parenting by a hack!

OP - please ignore this poster. You are a single mom and that has some challenges but you are not really asking how to get wolves to raise your child, are you?


Right OP, just ignore this. You wouldn't want your kids to grow up to be self-reliant, confident and independent. That's abusive! Just ignore the fact that my kids grew up learning how to do a multitude of things for themselves long before most parents (especially DCUM parents) think their kids can wipe their own butt. Teach them they need you to do everything for them, that'll work!


Most kids get there eventually. Some get there with love, support and nurturing along the way (i.e., parenting) and others get there despite not having any of that. I prefer being the parent. I'm sure my kids will be self-reliant by the time they leave home.

Signed,
a former neglected child who picked up the least disgusting underwear off the floor to wear to school, where I sat staring at the clock, starving, waiting for lunch to roll around because I had no support getting out the door thus ate no breakfast.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2019 13:58     Subject: How old were your kids when they could wake up and get to the bus stop on their own?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My son could do this at 6. He woke to an alarm clock, got his breakfast, watched cartoons while he ate, knew to check the clock so he would go out to the bus at the right time, and gave the baby (1 yr old) a bottle in her crib before he left. He would tell me he was leaving and give me a kiss goodbye. I was usually still sleeping.

Today's kids don't do this kind of thing in elementary school because their parents think they can't or they think it's child abuse if you encourage such independence and self-reliance.

My kids are grown now and they turned out great, I'm very proud of both of them.



This is just a tale of how kids can survive in abusive homes too. No, thanks for your self-oblivious horror story, Not a parenting hack but parenting by a hack!

OP - please ignore this poster. You are a single mom and that has some challenges but you are not really asking how to get wolves to raise your child, are you?


Right OP, just ignore this. You wouldn't want your kids to grow up to be self-reliant, confident and independent. That's abusive! Just ignore the fact that my kids grew up learning how to do a multitude of things for themselves long before most parents (especially DCUM parents) think their kids can wipe their own butt. Teach them they need you to do everything for them, that'll work!
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2019 10:15     Subject: How old were your kids when they could wake up and get to the bus stop on their own?
Anonymous wrote:Kids can get up themselves with an alarm clock, get themselves ready for school at any age, but cannot be home alone until the age of 13
Before that you can leave them home alone when you go to the grocery store, but they should have before school and after school care
That is the law

That is not the law.