Anonymous wrote:My son started college at 16. Taking a year off defeats the purpose of working to get ahead a year.

My son also started at 16, but he wasn't working to get ahead by a year. They just wanted him to be in a grade that challenged him.

Because he skipped in early elementary, the maturity issue was ... not an issue for him by the time he got to college.

One data point OP. Not claiming to have all the answers but I have observed my friend over the last 25 years: One of my best friends was 16 when she started at our very selective college. We are 46/44 now and she frequently mentions how awful it was for her to be so immature on campus when she started. She was having hopeless crushes on the lacrosse players who were giving her no attention, whcih is super normal for a 16 yo but not as normal for her friends who were 18 going on 19. She had problems dating in college because she was so immature and it bled into law school because she was insecure about her social abilities at that point. She ended up being a very young law school professor who had problems getting respect because she looked young to begin with and was actually only a year or two older than some of her students. She says she wishes that her parents had figured out something other than puttiing her in college that young. If it matters, she was barely 16...we started college in August and she had just 16 in late July.

I'd be okay sending her somewhere instate. What's her reasoning for CA?

PP 00:34 adding: I didn't start dating until I was 18. I had some terrible crushes before then (often on guys 5 years older than me) but that was the extent of it. I was too into my academics and extracurricular to really get interested in a relationship. Again one of those depends-on-the-kid sort of thing.

My son started college at 16. Taking a year off defeats the purpose of working to get ahead a year.

I finished high school at 15, the result of a three grade skips relatively early on. (I had four full years of high school.) I deferred my Ivy League admission (across the country) for one year in order to deal with my parents insisting that I stay home for another year.

During that "gap year" I enrolled in a SLAC in my home town (rated "Very Selective" by the college guide of the time). I was technically as a part-time student living at home, but taking a full-time course load. I pursued my music extracurricular seriously. But still, it was a torturous year. My high school friends had all left home to go to faraway schools, and while I made some new ones at the SLAC, it wasn't a good fit in terms of the types of people that I met, and my disconnection from campus life. I wasn't involved in non-music-related campus extracurriculars, whereas in my high school I had done more than a half-dozen activities and held leadership positions. Plus I fought constantly with my parents, who wanted to give me far less freedom than I'd had as a high school senior hanging out with friends who mostly had their own cars.

I was immensely relieved to go cross-country to my Ivy the next year, where I fit in just fine socially, got involved in a ton of extracurriculars, got a campus job, etc. -- and thereafter avoided coming home to my family as much as that was possible. I really regret (indeed resent) having taken that gap year (and it pretty much permanently destroyed my relationship with my parents, which basically has taken grandchildren and more than twenty years). I did consciously decide not to drink at my pretty alcohol-heavy Ivy, though. I was a pretty balanced, mature kid, though I tended not to do my homework (I never had to work hard enough in high school to develop a real work ethic).

I'd say it really depends on the kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started college at 16 out of state (May birthday, too) and it was fine. I never noticed any difference in maturity among my peers. The only times I was acutely aware of the age difference was around drinking and, years later, when all my friends were having huge turning 30 celebrations and I was still two years away.

What about dating guys who were a lot older than yourself?

I’d always dated guys older than me in high school since all of my friends were older than me so college was no different. My age was rarely mentioned. In college age seem to be determined by year (Freshman, Sophomore, Junior or Senior). I don’t think anyone ever asked me my age.

So did I, but we live in a very different era now.

That’s the thing about being about it, your lack of maturity is readily noticed by everyone else. You on the other hand are unable to pick up on it.

True but some kids simply are more mature than kids two years older. It’s simply a fact.

My 17 year old kid did dual enrollment at the local community college. He took most of his classes at the CC and returned to the HS for one class and to have lunch with his friends.

I would probably do something similar with a 16 year old.

An exchange year abroad for high school!
I remember my senior year we had an exchange student from Australia. She had finished high school but family wanted her to delay college. She qualified as she was under 18

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started college at 16 out of state (May birthday, too) and it was fine. I never noticed any difference in maturity among my peers. The only times I was acutely aware of the age difference was around drinking and, years later, when all my friends were having huge turning 30 celebrations and I was still two years away.

What about dating guys who were a lot older than yourself?

I’d always dated guys older than me in high school since all of my friends were older than me so college was no different. My age was rarely mentioned. In college age seem to be determined by year (Freshman, Sophomore, Junior or Senior). I don’t think anyone ever asked me my age.

So did I, but we live in a very different era now.

That’s the thing about being about it, your lack of maturity is readily noticed by everyone else. You on the other hand are unable to pick up on it.

Team Gap Year or PG year. Maybe going to college early works. Maybe not. But there are a lot of interesting things Op’s Kid can pursue for a year so she can enter college more in line with her peers. A year long exchange program would be great. She could also just get a job and save money. Intern on capital Hill.

There are lots of options that add value and get her more in line with her peers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Socially it is a disaster. Sorry. Until the kid turns 18 everything is potentially a crime. Have a beer? Providing alcohol to a minor. Do anything sexual, a via rite of statory rape crimes can be committed.

My daughter attended a SLA and the nice 16 year old on the floor two doors down from her room left after a term. She hated not being able to do much of anything socially.

This is really important. Personally I don't think a 16 year old should be in an environment where it's probably illegal for you to date any of your peers.

It’s not illegal to date a 16 year old. It’s illegal to have sex with a 16 year old. Huge difference.

Yes, but lets be honest. There's a pretty high chance that two college students who are dating will be having sex. If you don't want your 16 year old daughter to be having sex with an 18 or older boy, sending her away to college probably isn't the best of ideas.

That isn’t a worry for OP. It’s a worry for all of us with 18 year old sons.

+100

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Socially it is a disaster. Sorry. Until the kid turns 18 everything is potentially a crime. Have a beer? Providing alcohol to a minor. Do anything sexual, a via rite of statory rape crimes can be committed.

My daughter attended a SLA and the nice 16 year old on the floor two doors down from her room left after a term. She hated not being able to do much of anything socially.

This is really important. Personally I don't think a 16 year old should be in an environment where it's probably illegal for you to date any of your peers.

It’s not illegal to date a 16 year old. It’s illegal to have sex with a 16 year old. Huge difference.

Yes, but lets be honest. There's a pretty high chance that two college students who are dating will be having sex. If you don't want your 16 year old daughter to be having sex with an 18 or older boy, sending her away to college probably isn't the best of ideas.

That isn’t a worry for OP. It’s a worry for all of us with 18 year old sons.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started college at 16 out of state (May birthday, too) and it was fine. I never noticed any difference in maturity among my peers. The only times I was acutely aware of the age difference was around drinking and, years later, when all my friends were having huge turning 30 celebrations and I was still two years away.

What about dating guys who were a lot older than yourself?

I’d always dated guys older than me in high school since all of my friends were older than me so college was no different. My age was rarely mentioned. In college age seem to be determined by year (Freshman, Sophomore, Junior or Senior). I don’t think anyone ever asked me my age.

So did I, but we live in a very different era now.