Anonymous
11/20/2019 16:52
Subject: Does this boy sound suspicious?
Anonymous wrote:What’s your opinion on this scenario: we were at a crowded public garden with our two young kids (4,7). An older child (10-11ish) started talking to our 4yo. “Hey, do you want to see something really cool?” I was within earshot but far enough away that the boy didn’t see me. Kids were unsure of whether it was ok to talk to him since he was a stranger. At first I thought he was just a friendly kid, but he wouldn’t let up and my gut said to keep close. He kept pushing them to leave with him, “here, follow me, I’ll show you something cool.” I didn’t see a parent with him. Our kids started following this boy into another section of the garden that was away from where I was. I was like wth, and stopped them of course. I firmly told our kids they are not to leave our sight with another stranger, and my 4yo started crying because he had no idea and then was scared. I was suspicious of the boy especially after he was so persistent in trying to lure them away from me, and also his general demeanor.
Question: 1) would you have been suspicious also? 2) how would you have handled this? 3) how would you frame it to your kids in these types of scenarios on how to act?
Your reaction sounds like it could have been a little more gentle, but this is still suspicious AF, and the posters slamming for it are being naive AF.
Anonymous
11/20/2019 16:40
Subject: Does this boy sound suspicious?
It doesn't really matter if this kid was okay or not, because he's not your problem -- your own kids are. Your kids were following a stranger away from you. That is 100% not okay.
You need to drill this rule home with your kids -- DO NOT GO AWAY WITH A STRANGER, NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY!!!! (Even if they say, your mom won't mind or, your mom said it was okay.)
It's super important for them to get this. This particular kid is irrelevant. Teach your kids this rule pronto.
You need to drill this rule home with your kids -- DO NOT GO AWAY WITH A STRANGER, NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY!!!! (Even if they say, your mom won't mind or, your mom said it was okay.)
It's super important for them to get this. This particular kid is irrelevant. Teach your kids this rule pronto.
Anonymous
11/20/2019 16:35
Subject: Does this boy sound suspicious?
When some kids create or find something cool, they keep mentioning it alot. Even if it's not cool to others, it's cool to him. Even if he put some rocks next to a water dripping and he finds that cool, he wants to share it. Until someone agrees with him that it is cool.
As a parent, you could say, they are not interested in the cool thing you want to show, why don't you explain it with words.
First we want them to share, then when they get older, you don't want them to share. No wonder our kids are so confused.
As a parent, you could say, they are not interested in the cool thing you want to show, why don't you explain it with words.
First we want them to share, then when they get older, you don't want them to share. No wonder our kids are so confused.
Anonymous
11/20/2019 16:24
Subject: Does this boy sound suspicious?
Anonymous wrote:I’d have wanted to go see the cool thing. But definitely you did the right thing. Two kids about age 10 kidnapped and beat to death a little boy in the UK some time ago. Sadly, that stuff happens.
I remember that!! An extreme case but yeah, weird and bad stuff does happen.
10 years old and 4 years old are worlds apart. I definitely would have worried that something was up and I’m not a terribly wound up person.
Anonymous
11/20/2019 14:57
Subject: Does this boy sound suspicious?
I’d have wanted to go see the cool thing. But definitely you did the right thing. Two kids about age 10 kidnapped and beat to death a little boy in the UK some time ago. Sadly, that stuff happens.
Anonymous
11/20/2019 14:43
Subject: Does this boy sound suspicious?
I don't know if my radar would have gone off like yours OP. But I know that I do trust my gut instincts, so if I was uneasy I would have gone w/ the kids, or watched/followed closely behind, or engaged the older kid in a friendly way, or clearly broadcast my awareness (like the "Hey, remember to stay where I can see you" suggested by a pp).
Based solely on what you described I don't think I would have judged the older kid's behavior as suspicious - it sounds awkward and perhaps uneasy around adults, but don't dangerous. But like I said - gut instincts trump logic if need be, though there are ways you could more present in the future without freaking out your kids.
Based solely on what you described I don't think I would have judged the older kid's behavior as suspicious - it sounds awkward and perhaps uneasy around adults, but don't dangerous. But like I said - gut instincts trump logic if need be, though there are ways you could more present in the future without freaking out your kids.
Anonymous
11/20/2019 14:06
Subject: Does this boy sound suspicious?
Anonymous wrote:the problem with the "trust your instinct! trust your gut!" approach is that some people like OP seem to have an altered/paranoid view of reality/normal social interactions with other children.
I think OP's response was ridiculous. But I don't think a single person has said "hey you should have just let your kids go with him and not watched them and just found out later what happened". Stop them or ask a follow up question, sure. But to freak out about Stranger Danger from an excited 10 year old?!
These are CHILDREN playing together?! Have we lost our collective minds?!
Anonymous
11/20/2019 14:03
Subject: Re:Does this boy sound suspicious?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What does saying you are concerned with this...
"and also his general demeanor"
mean?
She means black.
exactly.
I have a 10 year old nephew. He loves that little kids look up to him. This kid probably found cool spider web to show the kids. But your reaction was WAY out of line. A simple, "hey buddy, stay where we can see you!" was all that was needed.
Stop watching so much Law & Order.
Anonymous
11/20/2019 14:00
Subject: Re:Does this boy sound suspicious?
Anonymous wrote:No, not suspicious at all. Likely an outgoing 10 year old who found something neat and wanted to show it to other kids. Why couldn’t you all just go with him together to see what it was? Obviously if he was up to no good he would have changed his mind once an adult was involved.
Right, I would have kept watching and seen where this went. If he saw me following my own kids, no big deal, because I would have never thought a YOUNG BOY was doing something horrific. Maybe something not ok for my kids but my mind would not immediately jump to Murder, Mayhem and Molestation. Do those things happen? Yes. Are they common in a public garden? No.
Anonymous
11/20/2019 13:53
Subject: Re:Does this boy sound suspicious?
Anonymous wrote:What does saying you are concerned with this...
"and also his general demeanor"
mean?
She means black.
Anonymous
11/20/2019 13:52
Subject: Re:Does this boy sound suspicious?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My first thought is that a kid 10-11 (or even 8 and tall for his age) who found something cool would likely not be interested in sharing it with a 4-yo unless that kid has some problems.
We had a neighbor for awhile whose 10-yo would show up at 1 in the morning asking if my DS (8) could come out and play. I had also (honestly) never heard the term "road rash" until I heard it from this kid. Found out he would start little fires in his basement. Found out from the principal of the ES that his mom had terminal cancer--only it turned out that was a lie. I reported to cops when the kid bragged about wearing a "boot knife" to another neighbor kid--and then learned other neighbors were afraid of the mom, who sat in her driveway using CB radio all the time. The kid wanting to show someone's 4-yo something cool could be that kid.
Yep. Or make them touch his wiener or something. I would have been suspicious as h*ll.
Always follow your gut instincts. Gavin De Becker "The Gift of Fear"
I don't care if other people think I'm crazy. I will always follow my own gut and teach my kids to do the same.
Anonymous
11/20/2019 13:52
Subject: Re:Does this boy sound suspicious?
Anonymous wrote:No, not suspicious at all. Likely an outgoing 10 year old who found something neat and wanted to show it to other kids. Why couldn’t you all just go with him together to see what it was? Obviously if he was up to no good he would have changed his mind once an adult was involved.
+ 1
Why not just say "c'mon kids, let's see this cool thing..."?
Anonymous
11/20/2019 13:52
Subject: Does this boy sound suspicious?
This boy seems no more "suspicious" than any other kid at a park who wants to awkwardly engage with my kid. Once, a 10 year old asked my 3 year old "Hey, do you want to play machine guns with me? We just shoot each other to bits, bleed and die. Shoot people right in the head, hahaha!" The other day, a kid (9-10) wanted my 7 yo son to leave the playground with him to one a bit farther away. When my son looked at me, the boy said "you have to ask your MOM? That's dumb!" And he ran off.
Just pointing out that kids are weird, and different than we may expect. I hope my kid never behaves that way, but, I don't think these kids are anything other than ill mannered, possibly bratty, or on the spectrum.
Just pointing out that kids are weird, and different than we may expect. I hope my kid never behaves that way, but, I don't think these kids are anything other than ill mannered, possibly bratty, or on the spectrum.
Anonymous
11/20/2019 13:49
Subject: Re:Does this boy sound suspicious?
Anonymous wrote:My first thought is that a kid 10-11 (or even 8 and tall for his age) who found something cool would likely not be interested in sharing it with a 4-yo unless that kid has some problems.
We had a neighbor for awhile whose 10-yo would show up at 1 in the morning asking if my DS (8) could come out and play. I had also (honestly) never heard the term "road rash" until I heard it from this kid. Found out he would start little fires in his basement. Found out from the principal of the ES that his mom had terminal cancer--only it turned out that was a lie. I reported to cops when the kid bragged about wearing a "boot knife" to another neighbor kid--and then learned other neighbors were afraid of the mom, who sat in her driveway using CB radio all the time. The kid wanting to show someone's 4-yo something cool could be that kid.
Yep. Or make them touch his wiener or something. I would have been suspicious as h*ll.
Anonymous
11/20/2019 13:07
Subject: Re:Does this boy sound suspicious?
What does saying you are concerned with this...
"and also his general demeanor"
mean?
"and also his general demeanor"
mean?