I hope you son fails and fails miserably. You two deserve each other. How insufferable mom and son.

I don't think it's "helicoptering" to tell your kid (once, but firmly) that he's not at college to sleep in. That he needs to go to class unless he has something truly important to do (like work a job he needs to pay the rent). Whether or not you have this life experience, as the PP said, it's part of parenting to inform your kid of the potential negative consequences -- like, say, if he doesn't get this material down, he may do poorly in the next level class, or not have the cushion of good grades now in the easy classes to allow for a little slippage later on when the going really gets tough.

Back in the dark ages when I started at my Ivy undergrad as a biology major, I had no one to tell me I was being stupid for doing stupid things like taking five classes first semester, scheduling calculus at 8 am, and skipping class because no one cared. It was a very hard lesson to learn when I tanked chem, didn't do well in calc, did less well than I could have in bio, and ended with a 2.5 GPA that first semester. I fled bio for political science and ended up doing very well, doing interesting things, getting a great graduation education and I'm happy in my career.

But I still wish I'd had *someone* -- a parent (mine were overseas, and there was no such thing as email), an advisor who cared, hell, an upperclassman who'd gone through it -- to tell me I was being an idiot. A nudge in the right direction, whether it comes from a parent or another person, can make a huge difference for a kid who has never been away from home and never done this college thing before. Parenting doesn't stop when they go away to college.

I’ve looked at Rate My Professors with my child and explained to her how to read between the lines on some of the comments. Sometimes as parents we actually can help our kids to see things by drawing on our own life experience. Isn’t that part of what parenting is about?

On the other hand, I will agree that extreme cases would be a problem.

It's possible but it's not usually a great idea. Also depends on the class. You can't do well in a foreign language class without attending, for example, unless you already speak the language really well.

I had a friend in law school who could do this. She was a genius. She was getting her PhD and JD simultaneously from different schools. The way she did that was to only attend about half the lectures for each degree. She's a law professor now so she did okay! I could not have done it, for sure.

I don't think a B or B+ is that great, to be honest. If he went to class, would he get an A-? If so, it would be worth going.

I went to a large public university. My professors would often provide information in the lectures that would show up on midterms and finals. There was one lecture, the day before Thanksgiving, where he essentially gave a full final exam answer. Only the students who were there would have been able to get an A on the final.

Just one person's experience.

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Anonymous wrote:My freshman son (in a selective top 20) NEVER attends his physics lecture and rarely attends chemistry. He does participate in the labs and attends "tutorials." Right now he has a B+ and a B in the classes but promises he will end up with an A in at least Chemistry, possibly physics. Would he potentially do better if he attends the lectures? I didn't go to a four year college, so I am kind of clueless!

PS: I know this because I have been tracking him (please don't make this thread it about this issue). I haven't brought it up to him and don't plan to unless he ends up with poor performance.

I would hope that some of the other posters are correct and the lectures are the big intro lectures that are taped or follow the textbook exactly, with the real learning in the labs and tutorials. In this case it would seem like your kid is ok.

Personally, I wouldn't take the risk of skipping the lectures. You just never know what little information you might gain that could be valuable on exams. And what else is he doing with the time? Sleeping in? Point out that each class hour is the equivalent of $X tuition dollars.

I only missed one class in all of college and that was because I was sick.

OP here. Yes, I agree to a point, but if DS comes out of the semester with a 3.5 or higher, I will not nag him. I want him to have autonomy. But if he gets a C or below in one of these classes, I will certainly call him on it...especially Chemistry, where he doesn't have to good reason to not attend. The physics teacher's accent is so thick, a lot of kids complain about him...so I get it. Sounds like going to a lecture you cannot understand where the notes are available online is a waste of time.

how on earth do you know that a lot of kids complain?

My son told me and also I read about it on Rate My Professors.

it is time to step away from the child.

Your son may very well have a bad professor, but "accent" is often what people turn to instead of the real problem: the class is hard, or the professor isn't prepared (goes both ways).

Really? Why on Earth would a kid make that up? If the professor is unprepared, then he would just say so, no? You people just looking for any way to trash the smart kid who can get As and Bs without going to class. Some people can do that and get away with it. If the kid is going to tutorials and labs and studying the notes, he is probably fine.

Actually, I’m thrashing mom for continuing to helicopter.

Yeah, seriously, she's looking at her kids' professors on Rate My Professor? That's insane.

LOL...nice. OP here. My son shared the rate my professors link. I didn't even know about it until he shared. I know your type...always looking to trash anyone on DCUM. Pathetic life you must live!

My husband is a professor, teaching classes of around 25 students. Attendance and participation are part of the grade. After 3 unexcused absences a student is automatically failed. So it depends on the class. It sounds like your son is taking massive lecture courses, in which case the professor likely won't know whether he's in attendance or not, but he should always consult the syllabus to see the teacher's policies.

It really does depend.

My daughter has a class that she doesn't always attend. It's late at night in a more secluded area of the campus and she doesn't have any friends in the class to walk with. The professor has something called "prime days" where if they attend, they get a hint about a question that will be on the test or some bonus points to add to an assignment/test of their choice. I guess all of the lecture notes are online plus the professor records the lectures and sends out the link to view them.

This is her second year in college and both semesters last year, with the exception of three courses, all of the others were taught by the professor's TA not the professor. She didn't even see/meet one professor the entire time.

Freshman year may be a repeat of material covered in a rigorous high school. He better hope he is able to keep getting instructors who are down with missing class (per Rate My Professor). Once, he has to take class taught by someone who takes notice, he will be in trouble. My DH taught at top 20 and he took attendance. This was noted in his Rate My Professor profile and I'm he was not the preferred instructor.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:My freshman son (in a selective top 20) NEVER attends his physics lecture and rarely attends chemistry. He does participate in the labs and attends "tutorials." Right now he has a B+ and a B in the classes but promises he will end up with an A in at least Chemistry, possibly physics. Would he potentially do better if he attends the lectures? I didn't go to a four year college, so I am kind of clueless!

PS: I know this because I have been tracking him (please don't make this thread it about this issue). I haven't brought it up to him and don't plan to unless he ends up with poor performance.

I would hope that some of the other posters are correct and the lectures are the big intro lectures that are taped or follow the textbook exactly, with the real learning in the labs and tutorials. In this case it would seem like your kid is ok.

Personally, I wouldn't take the risk of skipping the lectures. You just never know what little information you might gain that could be valuable on exams. And what else is he doing with the time? Sleeping in? Point out that each class hour is the equivalent of $X tuition dollars.

I only missed one class in all of college and that was because I was sick.

OP here. Yes, I agree to a point, but if DS comes out of the semester with a 3.5 or higher, I will not nag him. I want him to have autonomy. But if he gets a C or below in one of these classes, I will certainly call him on it...especially Chemistry, where he doesn't have to good reason to not attend. The physics teacher's accent is so thick, a lot of kids complain about him...so I get it. Sounds like going to a lecture you cannot understand where the notes are available online is a waste of time.

how on earth do you know that a lot of kids complain?

My son told me and also I read about it on Rate My Professors.

it is time to step away from the child.

Your son may very well have a bad professor, but "accent" is often what people turn to instead of the real problem: the class is hard, or the professor isn't prepared (goes both ways).

Really? Why on Earth would a kid make that up? If the professor is unprepared, then he would just say so, no? You people just looking for any way to trash the smart kid who can get As and Bs without going to class. Some people can do that and get away with it. If the kid is going to tutorials and labs and studying the notes, he is probably fine.

Actually, I’m thrashing mom for continuing to helicopter.

Yeah, seriously, she's looking at her kids' professors on Rate My Professor? That's insane.

Anonymous wrote:I skipped most college lectures and just attended labs, seminars and section meetings. Graduated phi beta kappa. Leave your son alone. Either he can handle this or he can’t- if he can, you are worrying for nothing, and if he can’t, it will take some poor grades to make him change. Step back.

OP here. Just what I needed to hear and what I believe. We shall see.

I skipped most college lectures and just attended labs, seminars and section meetings. Graduated phi beta kappa. Leave your son alone. Either he can handle this or he can’t- if he can, you are worrying for nothing, and if he can’t, it will take some poor grades to make him change. Step back.

I call BS. What college sends a midterm report via snail mail to mom?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. There seems to be some confusion. DS is going to classes, just not all. He goes to all his seminar classes (small classes) of which there are three. He has three lecture classes, two of which have labs which he always attends. He goes to 1 lecture class regularly, 1 lecture class about 1/2 of the time, and the other never. He goes to all three tutorial classes which supplement the lecture classes He has nothing below a B so far. I got the mid term report in the mail.

You can give me all the advice you want about how he is wasting my money, but I am NOT going to tell him what to do if he is succeeding. His college education is fully funded with our 529 and we have plenty of money to go around. Money is the least of my worries. I just want him to be successful and responsible.

And from what I understand, the lecture professors do not take attendance, nor do they care whether or not you attend their classes.

Of course you shouldn’t be telling him what to do. You have heard a range of opinions, some from people who teach. Sure, there’s the kid or two who don’t attend and do fine, but the more usual case is that those who don’t attend regularly do poorly. I can’t speak for all people with academic experience, but I’ve TAd for a large number of people and taught a large number of classes. Attendance is highly correlated with performance. You asked, and people told you this.

So chill. And give your kid some space.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My freshman son (in a selective top 20) NEVER attends his physics lecture and rarely attends chemistry. He does participate in the labs and attends "tutorials." Right now he has a B+ and a B in the classes but promises he will end up with an A in at least Chemistry, possibly physics. Would he potentially do better if he attends the lectures? I didn't go to a four year college, so I am kind of clueless!

PS: I know this because I have been tracking him (please don't make this thread it about this issue). I haven't brought it up to him and don't plan to unless he ends up with poor performance.

I would hope that some of the other posters are correct and the lectures are the big intro lectures that are taped or follow the textbook exactly, with the real learning in the labs and tutorials. In this case it would seem like your kid is ok.

Personally, I wouldn't take the risk of skipping the lectures. You just never know what little information you might gain that could be valuable on exams. And what else is he doing with the time? Sleeping in? Point out that each class hour is the equivalent of $X tuition dollars.

I only missed one class in all of college and that was because I was sick.

OP here. Yes, I agree to a point, but if DS comes out of the semester with a 3.5 or higher, I will not nag him. I want him to have autonomy. But if he gets a C or below in one of these classes, I will certainly call him on it...especially Chemistry, where he doesn't have to good reason to not attend. The physics teacher's accent is so thick, a lot of kids complain about him...so I get it. Sounds like going to a lecture you cannot understand where the notes are available online is a waste of time.

how on earth do you know that a lot of kids complain?

My son told me and also I read about it on Rate My Professors.

it is time to step away from the child.

Your son may very well have a bad professor, but "accent" is often what people turn to instead of the real problem: the class is hard, or the professor isn't prepared (goes both ways).

Really? Why on Earth would a kid make that up? If the professor is unprepared, then he would just say so, no? You people just looking for any way to trash the smart kid who can get As and Bs without going to class. Some people can do that and get away with it. If the kid is going to tutorials and labs and studying the notes, he is probably fine.

Actually, I’m thrashing mom for continuing to helicopter.