Anonymous
Post 10/30/2019 17:04     Subject: Strange presents
Anonymous wrote:My ex-MIL believes strongly in sorting people into categories when it comes to gifts. So my XH always gets things with guitars on them even though he hasn't touched a guitar in decades. His sister once expressed a desire to have a turtle when she was like 9 and now she is in her 30s and everything she has received from her mother for the last 20 years has had a turtle on it. You get the idea.

So I enter the picture and one of the first things she learns about me is that I'm Jewish (she's Catholic). And so that became my thing. I had no idea they slapped Jewish stars and menorahs on so many pieces of crap until I met this woman. Seriously, I cannot figure out where she found this stuff. Her crowning achievement was a cat scratching post shaped like a menorah (I have never owned a cat in my life).


I feel you, pp. I am the lone Christian DIL in the family so all the Christmas ornaments, cookies, candies and gifts MIL receives are passed along to us. We keep the good stuff and donate the rest.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2019 15:05     Subject: Strange presents
Anonymous wrote:My ex-MIL believes strongly in sorting people into categories when it comes to gifts. So my XH always gets things with guitars on them even though he hasn't touched a guitar in decades. His sister once expressed a desire to have a turtle when she was like 9 and now she is in her 30s and everything she has received from her mother for the last 20 years has had a turtle on it. You get the idea.

So I enter the picture and one of the first things she learns about me is that I'm Jewish (she's Catholic). And so that became my thing. I had no idea they slapped Jewish stars and menorahs on so many pieces of crap until I met this woman. Seriously, I cannot figure out where she found this stuff. Her crowning achievement was a cat scratching post shaped like a menorah (I have never owned a cat in my life).


If this was a contest, then you win.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2019 13:07     Subject: Re:Strange presents
OP, these presents are indeed strange. Stranger than strange, really, but what comes through the most in your post is how much she cares. She has tried really hard to listen and figure out what you all would like. Sure, they're totally odd and sometimes inappropriate (the Jesus one I get offended you), but they take WAY more thought than clicking a few times online. Try to see the good and laugh about it.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2019 13:05     Subject: Strange presents
Anonymous wrote:I think these are super hilarious. You should just share about them to friends for their amusement. Can I be your friend?

I am intrigued that she invites herself to your house. Normally that's ... not the way things are done.


+1

These are amazing.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2019 12:50     Subject: Strange presents
My MIL has started 'downsizing'/'decluttering' in recent years and apparently found all of her children's old toys, plus an untouched stash of unopened cheap toys that she had amassed years ago for birthday parties or what have you. Last Xmas, DD (3) got a knock-off My Little Pony from 1983 (per the box) whose mane immediately fell out when she removed it from the blister pack.
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2019 11:54     Subject: Strange presents
My ex-MIL believes strongly in sorting people into categories when it comes to gifts. So my XH always gets things with guitars on them even though he hasn't touched a guitar in decades. His sister once expressed a desire to have a turtle when she was like 9 and now she is in her 30s and everything she has received from her mother for the last 20 years has had a turtle on it. You get the idea.

So I enter the picture and one of the first things she learns about me is that I'm Jewish (she's Catholic). And so that became my thing. I had no idea they slapped Jewish stars and menorahs on so many pieces of crap until I met this woman. Seriously, I cannot figure out where she found this stuff. Her crowning achievement was a cat scratching post shaped like a menorah (I have never owned a cat in my life).
Anonymous
Post 10/30/2019 08:34     Subject: Re:Strange presents
These are all so funny.

Except the baby teeth -- that's gross. But also funny.

My aunt and uncle once gave me sister and me a huge box. We opened it to find a slightly smaller box. And another. And another. ditto all the way down to a tiny little lego figurine. A bit disappointing as we were kids. But it was meant to be funny and it was. My aunt and uncle combine an off-beat sense of humor and a lot of creativity when it comes to gift-giving.
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2019 16:05     Subject: Re:Strange presents
My mother has an obsession with baskets. They are everywhere in her house. If you ask where something is, the answer will always be its in the basket. You then have to ask which one which usually yields an equally unhelpful response with a generic description of the basket that fits about 70% of them. We have learned to ask which room is it in and what piece of furniture is it near. Her drawers and cabinets are very empty and tidy because everything is in a basket.

Every gift comes in a basket and baskets will arrive at random times when they have dinner with us. Goodwill must think that I am a master basket weaver.
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2019 15:56     Subject: Re:Strange presents
Anonymous wrote:My MIL sent me a box filled with baby teeth. Not just DH's but also those of his siblings. She had kept every single one after the tooth fairy collected them in the same box. She told me not to say anything to the other siblings or that maybe we could get some type of DNA testing if we wanted to separate them. She decided to give me the teeth because DH was the youngest and the youngest always get the short straw so this time he gets to be the winner. She then added that since I got the teeth another sibling would get the locks of baby hair.

She was perfectly serious and thank god she told me this on the phone. There is no way that I could have hid my facial expression.



Hahahahahahaha. This thread is the new cat wedding!
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2019 15:40     Subject: Re:Strange presents
My MIL sent me a box filled with baby teeth. Not just DH's but also those of his siblings. She had kept every single one after the tooth fairy collected them in the same box. She told me not to say anything to the other siblings or that maybe we could get some type of DNA testing if we wanted to separate them. She decided to give me the teeth because DH was the youngest and the youngest always get the short straw so this time he gets to be the winner. She then added that since I got the teeth another sibling would get the locks of baby hair.

She was perfectly serious and thank god she told me this on the phone. There is no way that I could have hid my facial expression.
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2019 15:06     Subject: Strange presents
Ah yes, my mother is a terrible gift giver. She gives my children my old childhood toys or things she picked up from a neighborhood curb alert. Her gifts are always wrapped in used wrapping paper. And not used just once but multiple times. They’ll be 3 or 4 pieces of wrapping paper taped to a toy.
I just go with it but my oldest child is starting to pick up on the weirdness of it.
She also has hoarding tendencies and keeps buckets of water collected in the shower to water her plants.
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2019 14:40     Subject: Re:Strange presents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
These are thoughtful gifts, yet the execution is just so inappropriate!

You should ask her where she gets her ideas and you should point out how each of them went wrong.


Oh, this will go over well.

When have you ever sat someone down and gone over where each of their gifts have gone wrong.


Because this goes beyond strange gift-giving and into mental illness territory. The ideas were fine, the execution points to problems with cognition. Having a conversation about them will inform OP on what the next step should be: either, MIL is borderline but essentially harmless and OP should just gently say that they would prefer more traditional presents (or not say anything at all and continue receiving similar gifts), or OP will have to get MIL to a doctor.

For example, if MIL has Asperger's, she will likely not be offended if OP says something. My relatives with Asperger's aren't sensitive to perceived judgement as much as you or I, PP.



"Borderline"? "Mental illness territory?" Classic DCUM take from this PP: Any behavior that's not what you deem "normal" can be pathologized and interpreted as a diagnosable illness....

Look, the gifts are odd but not necessarily red flags unless there are other behaviors OP's not mentioning.

If the gifts were a real departure from what MIL had been doing for years previously, maybe they'd indicate something was going on with MIL. But OP gives zero indication that the gifts she describes are deviations from some more conventional norm for her MIL.

The MIL to me seems quirky and frankly pretty creative in her way. OP, accept graciously and tell her you'll take her up on the Harry Potter reading in about 10 years. Be kind because honestly, she's trying to be thoughtful. Or maybe your sense of humor doesn't mesh with hers and she's actually pranking you in her way while keeping her face straight--? (My mom would have found the s'mores plus fire extinguisher idea hilarious. I could see her doing that for laughs.) )




Because in this area there is a high concentration of professionals, therefore certain characteristics jump out at certain posters who are in the field. I wouldn't be able to tell you anything about the law, but have read threads where lots of lawyers will opine. Expertise is a good thing, because it informs decision-making.
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2019 14:35     Subject: Strange presents
This MiL sounds like someone who’s low on empathy if she can’t imagine how these gifts come off (a scale? open packaging? spooky things for a toddler?) If this happened once or twice, I’d shrug. But over time, I’d start to feel like she really didn’t know me or like me well.
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2019 12:53     Subject: Strange presents
Say thank you and move on.
Anonymous
Post 10/29/2019 09:49     Subject: Re:Strange presents
My SIL gives me the absolute weirdest gifts. Classics include a corn hole set with blown up, intentionally bad pictures of my DH and me on the boards (I genuinely thought this was her way of telling me she hated me); a bag of peach cobbler mix paired with a sign that says "I can't wait for my wine, I mean, my husband to get home"; and a beach towel with a manatee on it. This year for my birthday I got a dog tag necklace with my son's first initial on it. We get along really well, so I know she's not intentionally buying me truly horrible things, but like...maybe just a gift card?

At my wedding shower my MIL presented me with a scrapbook of my DH's childhood, complete with local sports clippings. The last page was pictures of DH and me. It felt like a literal passing of the torch from mother to daughter in law. My friends and I still laugh about it.