Anonymous
10/24/2019 22:56
Subject: Why is hiring a nanny so vilified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:A nanny is more similar to a mother than a daycare worker. She gives kids lots of one on one attention in their own home. She is essentially replacing the role of a mother, whereas a daycare worker is doing a different job. I had a nanny for my kids and they were so much happier at home than in daycare when they were young. I don’t judge others who choose differently.
This is also part of the problem. Kids do prefer nanny over a daycare worker because kid long for a loving mother figure in their life.
Day care worker is a teacher and never pretend to be a mom, nanny though, although not pretending, gradually becomes more then mother to a kid because it is her who usually spends more time with them then a mom, working mom is usually tired and can often appear to a child as less caring, due to no fault of hers. At the end of the day, kids are happier with nannies but in a long run both kids and mothers oftentimes pay for
the lack of true bond that nanny in a way absorbs and takes away with her when she leaves. You can ask the over 50 forum for some feedback on this, ask those who have grown up kids, as what do they think and what would they do if they had a do over option.
Outsourcing mothering is oftentimes necessary for many reasons however it, like many things in life that are meant to make life easier, come with price. That price oftentimes is far removed in time so you can not see immediate impact.
Or, you can look at actually scientific studies that show there is no difference in outcome for SAHM/nannies/daycare for kids.
But, feel free to judge away.
Scientific studies DO show a difference.
If there is a parent who is poor and single, then it is better for that parent to work and kids to go to subsidized daycare. It’s not good for kids to grow up in poverty or with food insecurity.
If there are two married parents, and they are middle class or upper middle class (I guess the wealthy didn’t volunteer for the studies), then it’s better to have a SAH parent for the first few years of a child’s life. Kids do better in school, have fewer behavioral problems, etc.
There are also some daycares that are better than others. Kids do better when they go to high quality daycares than lower quality daycares. This is why childcare should be subsidized even for the middle class. These studies exist, but they are not politically favorable, so they aren’t publicized.
Are you saying that a bunch of secret studies support your position?
No. Not secret. And not a position Just a fact. Here is a huge meta-analysis published a few years ago by the American Psychological Association.
https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/bul-136-6-915.pdf
From this article:
"Taken together, the results of these analyses suggest that maternal employment early in a child’s life is not commonly associated with decreases in later achievement or increases in behavior problems. The associations between achievement and behavior problems and maternal employment are predominately nonsignificant, small even when significant, both positive and negative in direction, and moderated by both family and contextual variables."
In other words, ignore the fools on DCUM and do what works for you.
Not associated with decreases in achievement or increases in behavior problems. These are significant but my goals for my kids included a lot more than that.
You, or perhaps others, sometimes cite scientific evidence that daycare is not bad for children, you may be the poster who also claims daycare is actually good for children. I see the issue quite differently, after having raised two kids well into adulthood, having worked as a daycare provider for a few years when my kids were young, and also worked for many years with children, now.
It seems that you are very defensive about this which tells me perhaps you are not that sure of your position. Calling others fools for not agreeing with you makes me more sure of that.
Ok, but does the study address whatever those goals are and come to the conclusion there is a significant difference in the chance of achieving those goals with daycare v. nanny? If not, how is that relevant?
It also seems odd that you are criticizing a PP for citing to scientific studies and you respond you know better based on your experience raising kids and working for a few years in a daycare. Assuming there are good studies saying daycare is at worst neutral and at best better (and I don't know if there are), why would your anectdata be better than peer reviewed studies?
Pointing out logical flaws in your thinking and arguments doesn't strike me as someone being defensive. And to the extent you determine that PP is unsure of her position because she is engaging on the issue, why shouldn't the same be said about you? If you were so confident in your decision, why are you engaging here? (I don't buy the argument that engaging/debating here shows anyone is insecure in their views, but if that is true for PP it should be equally true for you.)
Anonymous
10/24/2019 22:47
Subject: Why is hiring a nanny so vilified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:A nanny is more similar to a mother than a daycare worker. She gives kids lots of one on one attention in their own home. She is essentially replacing the role of a mother, whereas a daycare worker is doing a different job. I had a nanny for my kids and they were so much happier at home than in daycare when they were young. I don’t judge others who choose differently.
This is also part of the problem. Kids do prefer nanny over a daycare worker because kid long for a loving mother figure in their life.
Day care worker is a teacher and never pretend to be a mom, nanny though, although not pretending, gradually becomes more then mother to a kid because it is her who usually spends more time with them then a mom, working mom is usually tired and can often appear to a child as less caring, due to no fault of hers. At the end of the day, kids are happier with nannies but in a long run both kids and mothers oftentimes pay for
the lack of true bond that nanny in a way absorbs and takes away with her when she leaves. You can ask the over 50 forum for some feedback on this, ask those who have grown up kids, as what do they think and what would they do if they had a do over option.
Outsourcing mothering is oftentimes necessary for many reasons however it, like many things in life that are meant to make life easier, come with price. That price oftentimes is far removed in time so you can not see immediate impact.
Or, you can look at actually scientific studies that show there is no difference in outcome for SAHM/nannies/daycare for kids.
But, feel free to judge away.
Scientific studies DO show a difference.
If there is a parent who is poor and single, then it is better for that parent to work and kids to go to subsidized daycare. It’s not good for kids to grow up in poverty or with food insecurity.
If there are two married parents, and they are middle class or upper middle class (I guess the wealthy didn’t volunteer for the studies), then it’s better to have a SAH parent for the first few years of a child’s life. Kids do better in school, have fewer behavioral problems, etc.
There are also some daycares that are better than others. Kids do better when they go to high quality daycares than lower quality daycares. This is why childcare should be subsidized even for the middle class. These studies exist, but they are not politically favorable, so they aren’t publicized.
Are you saying that a bunch of secret studies support your position?
No. Not secret. And not a position Just a fact. Here is a huge meta-analysis published a few years ago by the American Psychological Association.
https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/bul-136-6-915.pdf
From this article:
"Taken together, the results of these analyses suggest that maternal employment early in a child’s life is not commonly associated with decreases in later achievement or increases in behavior problems. The associations between achievement and behavior problems and maternal employment are predominately nonsignificant, small even when significant, both positive and negative in direction, and moderated by both family and contextual variables."
In other words, ignore the fools on DCUM and do what works for you.
Not associated with decreases in achievement or increases in behavior problems. These are significant but my goals for my kids included a lot more than that.
You, or perhaps others, sometimes cite scientific evidence that daycare is not bad for children, you may be the poster who also claims daycare is actually good for children. I see the issue quite differently, after having raised two kids well into adulthood, having worked as a daycare provider for a few years when my kids were young, and also worked for many years with children, now.
It seems that you are very defensive about this which tells me perhaps you are not that sure of your position. Calling others fools for not agreeing with you makes me more sure of that.
Anonymous
10/24/2019 21:45
Subject: Why is hiring a nanny so vilified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:A nanny is more similar to a mother than a daycare worker. She gives kids lots of one on one attention in their own home. She is essentially replacing the role of a mother, whereas a daycare worker is doing a different job. I had a nanny for my kids and they were so much happier at home than in daycare when they were young. I don’t judge others who choose differently.
This is also part of the problem. Kids do prefer nanny over a daycare worker because kid long for a loving mother figure in their life.
Day care worker is a teacher and never pretend to be a mom, nanny though, although not pretending, gradually becomes more then mother to a kid because it is her who usually spends more time with them then a mom, working mom is usually tired and can often appear to a child as less caring, due to no fault of hers. At the end of the day, kids are happier with nannies but in a long run both kids and mothers oftentimes pay for
the lack of true bond that nanny in a way absorbs and takes away with her when she leaves. You can ask the over 50 forum for some feedback on this, ask those who have grown up kids, as what do they think and what would they do if they had a do over option.
Outsourcing mothering is oftentimes necessary for many reasons however it, like many things in life that are meant to make life easier, come with price. That price oftentimes is far removed in time so you can not see immediate impact.
Or, you can look at actually scientific studies that show there is no difference in outcome for SAHM/nannies/daycare for kids.
But, feel free to judge away.
Scientific studies DO show a difference.
If there is a parent who is poor and single, then it is better for that parent to work and kids to go to subsidized daycare. It’s not good for kids to grow up in poverty or with food insecurity.
If there are two married parents, and they are middle class or upper middle class (I guess the wealthy didn’t volunteer for the studies), then it’s better to have a SAH parent for the first few years of a child’s life. Kids do better in school, have fewer behavioral problems, etc.
There are also some daycares that are better than others. Kids do better when they go to high quality daycares than lower quality daycares. This is why childcare should be subsidized even for the middle class. These studies exist, but they are not politically favorable, so they aren’t publicized.
Are you saying that a bunch of secret studies support your position?
No. Not secret. And not a position Just a fact. Here is a huge meta-analysis published a few years ago by the American Psychological Association.
https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/bul-136-6-915.pdf
From this article:
"Taken together, the results of these analyses suggest that maternal employment early in a child’s life is not commonly associated with decreases in later achievement or increases in behavior problems. The associations between achievement and behavior problems and maternal employment are predominately nonsignificant, small even when significant, both positive and negative in direction, and moderated by both family and contextual variables."
In other words, ignore the fools on DCUM and do what works for you.
There you go being literate again.
Anonymous
10/24/2019 21:41
Subject: Re:Why is hiring a nanny so vilified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I agree with an above poster. As an older woman, this generation of young mothers are shockingly defensive.
Do what you think is best for your child, OP, and ignore the “noise”.
Or maybe this generation of mothers is subject to judgment from others to a “shocking” degree.
NP here. More “shocking” than our mothers who were the first generation en masse to pursue careers during motherhood?! Doubtful, PP.
Anonymous
10/24/2019 15:58
Subject: Why is hiring a nanny so vilified?
When I was younger I had never been around nannies. All I knew about them was really from the experience of one friend I had in college who was raised by nannies. Her parents were gone 12 hours a day and were the kind who would pop in for a kiss and a story in the morning or evening. She barely knew her parents. She was in therapy to deal with her feelings of rejection and abandonment.
Thankfully after she and her sister outgrew the nanny, their next door neighbor stepped in and she spent most of her time there. So she had both her nanny and the couple next door as solid supportive adults in her life. She is still in contact with all 3 of them and considered them her family.
I think in her case, her parents just really did see raising kids as something to be outsourced. I guess they weren't maternal / paternal by nature and never really bonded with their kids.
Later I met other people with nannies and it was nothing like that. The parents rushed home form work and were with their kids for a few hours ever night. They were with their kids on weekends. It was much more of a sharing of the raising of the kids and the kids still had very involved parents. The nanny was just there the 8-9 hours a day when the parents were working and that was it.
Thankfully after she and her sister outgrew the nanny, their next door neighbor stepped in and she spent most of her time there. So she had both her nanny and the couple next door as solid supportive adults in her life. She is still in contact with all 3 of them and considered them her family.
I think in her case, her parents just really did see raising kids as something to be outsourced. I guess they weren't maternal / paternal by nature and never really bonded with their kids.
Later I met other people with nannies and it was nothing like that. The parents rushed home form work and were with their kids for a few hours ever night. They were with their kids on weekends. It was much more of a sharing of the raising of the kids and the kids still had very involved parents. The nanny was just there the 8-9 hours a day when the parents were working and that was it.
Anonymous
10/24/2019 15:43
Subject: Why is hiring a nanny so vilified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:A nanny is more similar to a mother than a daycare worker. She gives kids lots of one on one attention in their own home. She is essentially replacing the role of a mother, whereas a daycare worker is doing a different job. I had a nanny for my kids and they were so much happier at home than in daycare when they were young. I don’t judge others who choose differently.
This is also part of the problem. Kids do prefer nanny over a daycare worker because kid long for a loving mother figure in their life.
Day care worker is a teacher and never pretend to be a mom, nanny though, although not pretending, gradually becomes more then mother to a kid because it is her who usually spends more time with them then a mom, working mom is usually tired and can often appear to a child as less caring, due to no fault of hers. At the end of the day, kids are happier with nannies but in a long run both kids and mothers oftentimes pay for
the lack of true bond that nanny in a way absorbs and takes away with her when she leaves. You can ask the over 50 forum for some feedback on this, ask those who have grown up kids, as what do they think and what would they do if they had a do over option.
Outsourcing mothering is oftentimes necessary for many reasons however it, like many things in life that are meant to make life easier, come with price. That price oftentimes is far removed in time so you can not see immediate impact.
Or, you can look at actually scientific studies that show there is no difference in outcome for SAHM/nannies/daycare for kids.
But, feel free to judge away.
Scientific studies DO show a difference.
If there is a parent who is poor and single, then it is better for that parent to work and kids to go to subsidized daycare. It’s not good for kids to grow up in poverty or with food insecurity.
If there are two married parents, and they are middle class or upper middle class (I guess the wealthy didn’t volunteer for the studies), then it’s better to have a SAH parent for the first few years of a child’s life. Kids do better in school, have fewer behavioral problems, etc.
There are also some daycares that are better than others. Kids do better when they go to high quality daycares than lower quality daycares. This is why childcare should be subsidized even for the middle class. These studies exist, but they are not politically favorable, so they aren’t publicized.
Are you saying that a bunch of secret studies support your position?
No. Not secret. And not a position Just a fact. Here is a huge meta-analysis published a few years ago by the American Psychological Association.
https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/bul-136-6-915.pdf
From this article:
"Taken together, the results of these analyses suggest that maternal employment early in a child’s life is not commonly associated with decreases in later achievement or increases in behavior problems. The associations between achievement and behavior problems and maternal employment are predominately nonsignificant, small even when significant, both positive and negative in direction, and moderated by both family and contextual variables."
In other words, ignore the fools on DCUM and do what works for you.
Anonymous
10/24/2019 15:13
Subject: Why is hiring a nanny so vilified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:A nanny is more similar to a mother than a daycare worker. She gives kids lots of one on one attention in their own home. She is essentially replacing the role of a mother, whereas a daycare worker is doing a different job. I had a nanny for my kids and they were so much happier at home than in daycare when they were young. I don’t judge others who choose differently.
This is also part of the problem. Kids do prefer nanny over a daycare worker because kid long for a loving mother figure in their life.
Day care worker is a teacher and never pretend to be a mom, nanny though, although not pretending, gradually becomes more then mother to a kid because it is her who usually spends more time with them then a mom, working mom is usually tired and can often appear to a child as less caring, due to no fault of hers. At the end of the day, kids are happier with nannies but in a long run both kids and mothers oftentimes pay for
the lack of true bond that nanny in a way absorbs and takes away with her when she leaves. You can ask the over 50 forum for some feedback on this, ask those who have grown up kids, as what do they think and what would they do if they had a do over option.
Outsourcing mothering is oftentimes necessary for many reasons however it, like many things in life that are meant to make life easier, come with price. That price oftentimes is far removed in time so you can not see immediate impact.
Or, you can look at actually scientific studies that show there is no difference in outcome for SAHM/nannies/daycare for kids.
But, feel free to judge away.
Scientific studies DO show a difference.
If there is a parent who is poor and single, then it is better for that parent to work and kids to go to subsidized daycare. It’s not good for kids to grow up in poverty or with food insecurity.
If there are two married parents, and they are middle class or upper middle class (I guess the wealthy didn’t volunteer for the studies), then it’s better to have a SAH parent for the first few years of a child’s life. Kids do better in school, have fewer behavioral problems, etc.
There are also some daycares that are better than others. Kids do better when they go to high quality daycares than lower quality daycares. This is why childcare should be subsidized even for the middle class. These studies exist, but they are not politically favorable, so they aren’t publicized.
Are you saying that a bunch of secret studies support your position?
No. Not secret. And not a position Just a fact. Here is a huge meta-analysis published a few years ago by the American Psychological Association.
https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/bul-136-6-915.pdf
Anonymous
10/24/2019 14:52
Subject: Why is hiring a nanny so vilified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:A nanny is more similar to a mother than a daycare worker. She gives kids lots of one on one attention in their own home. She is essentially replacing the role of a mother, whereas a daycare worker is doing a different job. I had a nanny for my kids and they were so much happier at home than in daycare when they were young. I don’t judge others who choose differently.
Um, clearly you do.
Yup, agree with immediate PP.
I was pretty sure when the first PP said nannies were 'replacing the role of mother' that she'd then say she preferred daycare for that reason. Doesn't sound like a positive to me.
Anonymous
10/24/2019 14:51
Subject: Why is hiring a nanny so vilified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Because some people believe that if you choose to have children that it is then your responsibility to stay home and take care of them because it is the best thing for a child. If "breast is best" then it can be argued that having a mother, not a nanny or daycare, is the best care for a child.
Our nanny breastfeeds our kid so win/win
I truly do not doubt that "wet nurse nannies" will be the next craze in hiring nannies!
You’re proof of what OP s talking about.
Wow.
Anonymous
10/24/2019 14:50
Subject: Why is hiring a nanny so vilified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:A nanny is more similar to a mother than a daycare worker. She gives kids lots of one on one attention in their own home. She is essentially replacing the role of a mother, whereas a daycare worker is doing a different job. I had a nanny for my kids and they were so much happier at home than in daycare when they were young. I don’t judge others who choose differently.
This is also part of the problem. Kids do prefer nanny over a daycare worker because kid long for a loving mother figure in their life.
Day care worker is a teacher and never pretend to be a mom, nanny though, although not pretending, gradually becomes more then mother to a kid because it is her who usually spends more time with them then a mom, working mom is usually tired and can often appear to a child as less caring, due to no fault of hers. At the end of the day, kids are happier with nannies but in a long run both kids and mothers oftentimes pay for
the lack of true bond that nanny in a way absorbs and takes away with her when she leaves. You can ask the over 50 forum for some feedback on this, ask those who have grown up kids, as what do they think and what would they do if they had a do over option.
Outsourcing mothering is oftentimes necessary for many reasons however it, like many things in life that are meant to make life easier, come with price. That price oftentimes is far removed in time so you can not see immediate impact.
Or, you can look at actually scientific studies that show there is no difference in outcome for SAHM/nannies/daycare for kids.
But, feel free to judge away.
Scientific studies DO show a difference.
If there is a parent who is poor and single, then it is better for that parent to work and kids to go to subsidized daycare. It’s not good for kids to grow up in poverty or with food insecurity.
If there are two married parents, and they are middle class or upper middle class (I guess the wealthy didn’t volunteer for the studies), then it’s better to have a SAH parent for the first few years of a child’s life. Kids do better in school, have fewer behavioral problems, etc.
There are also some daycares that are better than others. Kids do better when they go to high quality daycares than lower quality daycares. This is why childcare should be subsidized even for the middle class. These studies exist, but they are not politically favorable, so they aren’t publicized.
Are you saying that a bunch of secret studies support your position?
Anonymous
10/24/2019 14:47
Subject: Why is hiring a nanny so vilified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:A nanny is more similar to a mother than a daycare worker. She gives kids lots of one on one attention in their own home. She is essentially replacing the role of a mother, whereas a daycare worker is doing a different job. I had a nanny for my kids and they were so much happier at home than in daycare when they were young. I don’t judge others who choose differently.
This is also part of the problem. Kids do prefer nanny over a daycare worker because kid long for a loving mother figure in their life.
Day care worker is a teacher and never pretend to be a mom, nanny though, although not pretending, gradually becomes more then mother to a kid because it is her who usually spends more time with them then a mom, working mom is usually tired and can often appear to a child as less caring, due to no fault of hers. At the end of the day, kids are happier with nannies but in a long run both kids and mothers oftentimes pay for
the lack of true bond that nanny in a way absorbs and takes away with her when she leaves. You can ask the over 50 forum for some feedback on this, ask those who have grown up kids, as what do they think and what would they do if they had a do over option.
Outsourcing mothering is oftentimes necessary for many reasons however it, like many things in life that are meant to make life easier, come with price. That price oftentimes is far removed in time so you can not see immediate impact.
You are generalizing about what makes children (and families) happiest.
Anonymous
10/24/2019 14:46
Subject: Why is hiring a nanny so vilified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:A nanny is more similar to a mother than a daycare worker. She gives kids lots of one on one attention in their own home. She is essentially replacing the role of a mother, whereas a daycare worker is doing a different job. I had a nanny for my kids and they were so much happier at home than in daycare when they were young. I don’t judge others who choose differently.
Um, clearly you do.
Yup, agree with immediate PP.
Anonymous
10/24/2019 14:45
Subject: Re:Why is hiring a nanny so vilified?
Anonymous wrote:I agree with an above poster. As an older woman, this generation of young mothers are shockingly defensive.
Do what you think is best for your child, OP, and ignore the “noise”.
Or maybe this generation of mothers is subject to judgment from others to a “shocking” degree.
Anonymous
10/24/2019 14:40
Subject: Why is hiring a nanny so vilified?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:A nanny is more similar to a mother than a daycare worker. She gives kids lots of one on one attention in their own home. She is essentially replacing the role of a mother, whereas a daycare worker is doing a different job. I had a nanny for my kids and they were so much happier at home than in daycare when they were young. I don’t judge others who choose differently.
This is also part of the problem. Kids do prefer nanny over a daycare worker because kid long for a loving mother figure in their life.
Day care worker is a teacher and never pretend to be a mom, nanny though, although not pretending, gradually becomes more then mother to a kid because it is her who usually spends more time with them then a mom, working mom is usually tired and can often appear to a child as less caring, due to no fault of hers. At the end of the day, kids are happier with nannies but in a long run both kids and mothers oftentimes pay for
the lack of true bond that nanny in a way absorbs and takes away with her when she leaves. You can ask the over 50 forum for some feedback on this, ask those who have grown up kids, as what do they think and what would they do if they had a do over option.
Outsourcing mothering is oftentimes necessary for many reasons however it, like many things in life that are meant to make life easier, come with price. That price oftentimes is far removed in time so you can not see immediate impact.
Or, you can look at actually scientific studies that show there is no difference in outcome for SAHM/nannies/daycare for kids.
But, feel free to judge away.
Scientific studies DO show a difference.
If there is a parent who is poor and single, then it is better for that parent to work and kids to go to subsidized daycare. It’s not good for kids to grow up in poverty or with food insecurity.
If there are two married parents, and they are middle class or upper middle class (I guess the wealthy didn’t volunteer for the studies), then it’s better to have a SAH parent for the first few years of a child’s life. Kids do better in school, have fewer behavioral problems, etc.
There are also some daycares that are better than others. Kids do better when they go to high quality daycares than lower quality daycares. This is why childcare should be subsidized even for the middle class. These studies exist, but they are not politically favorable, so they aren’t publicized.
Yes although these effects are not large and diminish over time. Being a SAP is costly in the long term especially depending on the sector you work in and your education, and some people are not cut out for being SAPs. I really respect those who can do it but I cannot. My mother was a better mother when she started WOH and wasn't angry and depressed all of the time. She herself encouraged me to keep DD in daycare and not risk my career.
Anonymous
10/24/2019 12:26
Subject: Why is hiring a nanny so vilified?
Anonymous wrote:I’ve heard several moms make nasty comments about parents who hire nannies. I’ve seen many celebrities comment that they are active parents so don’t have nannies so I’m like, who is watching your kids while you work? Travel?
It’s beyond the working parent vs. stay-at-home parent battle.
A mom in our mom group made a nasty comment about “raising her own kids” so she didn’t hire a nanny. Yet her kids are in daycare for the same amount of hours my kid is with their nanny?
I think celebrities do it because they may be some whose children are really only taken care of by the nannies and they want to share that they are involved. Of course, they probably do have nannies but, maybe it isn't 24-7.
Just live your life!