OP, of course! BUT husband tells them. They are his parents. He should. All problems with his parents are addressed by him. You do if (you know he's discussed it), they disregard and it's still a problem. And btw, he DOESN'T say, "Jane doesn't want ....", He says "I" or "we"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're already demonstrating that their word's no good about not sharing photos, so whether you decide to give them a chance or not is up to you. I don't think you'd be wrong to refuse entirely unless and until they prove they can be trusted.

Maybe if they're confronted with the reality that they won't get pictures if they can't keep them private it'll make a difference. It's possible that they legitimately don't understand the potential risks involved with putting photos online. Of course, it's also possible that they just feel entitled to override your boundaries, too. In that case, explaining probably won't do you any good there.

It's your kid, and your job is to keep them safe (or at least not embarrass them or risk other untold consequences in the future--do you want your future boss or potential dates judging you because of something dumb you did that some adult decided to share 20 years ago?)

Yes, it's harder once they get into school or out in public because too many people let their desire to play the social media "look at me and my life!" game override their capacity for long-range thinking (or, for that matter, the safety of others) but that doesn't mean don't try. I am sure that everyone who HAS to be careful because of stalkers or an abusive ex and is really, really sick of having to explain themselves to random people would really appreciate it if more people did the smart thing as far as kids' photos online are concerned.

Where are you getting this from? OP doesn't even have a kid yet. She's talking about asking in the future - there's no ask that has been violated already.

OP mentioned the ILs already posting photos they wouldn't want posted.

Anonymous wrote:FWIW I have known lots of people with a no-photos-of-kids on social media rules and none of them have stuck to it after a few years. There is a lot of affirmation/validation from sharing the photos which can be nice when you are a ground-down new parent. You may cave sooner than you think.

+1 I noted this above too. I don’t say that to dismiss ops feelings at all because they are valid, but to say best not to choose the hill you’re going to die on with in laws and get too deep into it until your kid is minimum (minimum!) 1 year. So much changes in those first couple years and like you said I’m sure they are out there but any friend I have that uses social media themselves and started with backs of heads photos has started face shots within a few years.

FWIW I have known lots of people with a no-photos-of-kids on social media rules and none of them have stuck to it after a few years. There is a lot of affirmation/validation from sharing the photos which can be nice when you are a ground-down new parent. You may cave sooner than you think.

If you do that then you of course will make your child wear a mask at all times out in public.

Anonymous wrote:They're already demonstrating that their word's no good about not sharing photos, so whether you decide to give them a chance or not is up to you. I don't think you'd be wrong to refuse entirely unless and until they prove they can be trusted.

Maybe if they're confronted with the reality that they won't get pictures if they can't keep them private it'll make a difference. It's possible that they legitimately don't understand the potential risks involved with putting photos online. Of course, it's also possible that they just feel entitled to override your boundaries, too. In that case, explaining probably won't do you any good there.

It's your kid, and your job is to keep them safe (or at least not embarrass them or risk other untold consequences in the future--do you want your future boss or potential dates judging you because of something dumb you did that some adult decided to share 20 years ago?)

Yes, it's harder once they get into school or out in public because too many people let their desire to play the social media "look at me and my life!" game override their capacity for long-range thinking (or, for that matter, the safety of others) but that doesn't mean don't try. I am sure that everyone who HAS to be careful because of stalkers or an abusive ex and is really, really sick of having to explain themselves to random people would really appreciate it if more people did the smart thing as far as kids' photos online are concerned.

Where are you getting this from? OP doesn't even have a kid yet. She's talking about asking in the future - there's no ask that has been violated already.

I would try to meet in the middle - it’s an easier clear rule to say no photos on social media (though I do think your in laws will be bummed to not be able to share their joy in that way and that’s ok, we all have our way of sharing those types of things and it’s ok for them to be disappointed but you’re also not responsible for their feelings). But not allowing them to text photos to friends seems harsh not very thoughtful. You haven’t had your child yet so maybe you’ll understand this better once they are here but this is the child of their own child, who their heart could literally explode with love for. To say they can’t share the joy of their first grandchild in a way we have done for many years (sharing a picture, yes before it was in your wallet, but what do you really think their friends are doing with the photo that is concerning to you?) is pretty rough and will cause hurt. That seems a happy more reasonable medium. Remember you are modeling for your child in how you manage this relationship with your in-laws. Boundaries are good but it’s also good to model thoughtfulness of everyone’s needs and perspectives. And compromise.

I will also say I’ve yet to see a friend stick with it past age 3-4 unless they are not really on social media themselves. If they are active themselves they just eventually I think can’t stand the cuteness of their child enough to share (those that were hesitant at first usually just do insta stories since they “go away” for example) I would set some boundaries but also be flexible and not make this a huge battle because your feelings may change over time.

We don’t want our kid on social media until he decides what he wants out there, so we set up a group album for photos. Grandparents can show pictures from phone or text to friends who care enough to see them. No one seems to mind.

Anonymous wrote:How is it selfish? Grandparents have zero right to grandchildren and/or their photos

^^Wrong--if they are in them, they can post.

At some point you realize that your children aren't property that you own that you have full ownership and control of. They are their own humans and they will form relationships and bonds outside of you. You can't control every single thing about another human, no matter how hard you try.

They're already demonstrating that their word's no good about not sharing photos, so whether you decide to give them a chance or not is up to you. I don't think you'd be wrong to refuse entirely unless and until they prove they can be trusted.

Maybe if they're confronted with the reality that they won't get pictures if they can't keep them private it'll make a difference. It's possible that they legitimately don't understand the potential risks involved with putting photos online. Of course, it's also possible that they just feel entitled to override your boundaries, too. In that case, explaining probably won't do you any good there.

It's your kid, and your job is to keep them safe (or at least not embarrass them or risk other untold consequences in the future--do you want your future boss or potential dates judging you because of something dumb you did that some adult decided to share 20 years ago?)

Yes, it's harder once they get into school or out in public because too many people let their desire to play the social media "look at me and my life!" game override their capacity for long-range thinking (or, for that matter, the safety of others) but that doesn't mean don't try. I am sure that everyone who HAS to be careful because of stalkers or an abusive ex and is really, really sick of having to explain themselves to random people would really appreciate it if more people did the smart thing as far as kids' photos online are concerned.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents...hate to break it to you but you had your turn. You have absolutely zero claim to your grandchildren.

I guarantee you this person demands free childcare from the grandparents.

I don’t think so. Nothing grandparents do will ever be good enough. They certainly won’t be good enough to actually take care of children without OP there.

If the schools are this concerned...
FCPS employee and parent. System-wide, individual schools tightly control student names. So, morning announcements will recognize "Ella in Mrs. Smith's class and Logan in "Mr. Doe's class" for winning something or birthdays.


Beginning of year class lists go up password protected and then get taken down within hours. Then the lists will contain just first names, or initials. Did you order a yearbook? Check the list under your student ID number.

Very few press releases. Lots of the local papers don't like to print photos of students AT their school. So you might see an student award recipient, but usually this is from an off site event and the parent has fully vetted and authorized.

Some middle and high schools use ONLY ID numbers for attendance, for clinic or counselor visits.

When was the last time you saw a birth announcement in a major to minor newspaper? Sun Gazette stopped years ago. Used to be automatic and great space filler...newspapers would get newborn list right from the hospitals.

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents...hate to break it to you but you had your turn. You have absolutely zero claim to your grandchildren.

I guarantee you this person demands free childcare from the grandparents.

Get a real problem. No one other than grandparents care about your kids, and you are going to push those people away?

Get over yourself, you don’t even have a kid.