Anonymous wrote: "….if your child is in a relationship with an alcoholic or experiencing domestic violence, please don’t assume your child is a deeply flawed person beyond hope. Let your child know you are always there and you can help in whatever way is needed. It can be difficult to get out."


IF you warn them in advance, they tell you to MYOB, then wind up in a disaster. Why should parents (who may be older/retired) have to bail out an ADULT's bad decision? Ive seen too many parents decimate their retirement accounts, get home equity loans, to help grown kids who have made bad decisions.

Had a friend who was in a domestic violence situation. We all rallied around, helped her and her daughter escape, got her into a new state, new job, new apartment - donated an entire household of furnishings and drove them out to her. Someone else even gave her a good used car. Her parents got her to go to counseling, both emotional and legal. First time she had to see her husband at a divorce proceeding he sweet talked her back. She left everything behind and went back with him.

Sometimes if they make their bed, they have to figure a way out.

Educate yourself on victims of domestic violence. You sound ignorant. Your friend is back in the honeymoon phase. I'm sure her abuser apologized, was affectionate and made grand promises of change that all aren't going to happen. Keep supporting her and help her break the abuse cycle.

This was my friend. Her Mom turned out to be 100% right BUT 4 kids later she's way too deep to get out. So I'm glad I said sh%t. I'm also glad I supported her decisions when his a$$ left her high and dry only for her to take him back. He's still in the picture and I'm still her friend. I'm sad for her, but still there if she needs me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a MIL is nasty or has a Jekyll and Hyde thing going on with the DIL - the reason is often because the MIL sees everything she is not in the DIL.

The DIL is everything that MIL is not, and the MIL knows that and resents that.

Ladies that are going through this - take that as a compliment - your DH chose you for that reason - exactly because you are the opposite of his horrendous MIL. Your DH is fully aware of how terrible his mom is - he picked you on purpose!

This is really gross and just confirms what I suspect when I read all of the MIL hate on this board. Women being the worst and competing with who will be the boss, #1 woman in the husband/son's heart. Its not a competition! Mom will always be mom and the wife is the woman he chose to marry. I sometimes feel sorry for the men in these situations because it must suck to be in the middle of such ridiculousness.

Trust me as the DIL I do not see it as a competition but my MIL sure did and wow didn't she make life very uncomfortable in the first few years. I did try to deal directly with MIL so DH was not in the middle however my MIL went to my DH and told him outright lies about what was being said. I didn't even realise this was happening at first. In the end DH had to step in and tell MIL to back off which she did. If MIL had of sorted it out with me, DH would never have been in the middle however for people like this their goal isn't to work anything out with you, their goal is to undermine you. At the end of the day MIL didn't like me, I could have been Mother Teresa to her and she would have still found fault.

I don't know what I was suppose to do when MIL ran to DH telling him I tried to assault her. An outright lie, it was so amazingly horrific that I didn't see my MIL for two years after that and still 20 years later refuse to be alone with her. This is why MIL's get a bad name because it's quite common behaviour for them.

Unless you have experienced it it's hard to believe how low some of these MIL's will go. My MIL even asked what I did to cause my miscarriage - sometimes it's not ridiculousness but a need to protect yourself from really cruel heartless people who will kick you when you are down and the trouble is being an in-law you can't walk away from them entirely. It's best to find a middle ground. Spouses have to help each other, it's not that the men are in the middle its that if the family wants to try to stay together to some degree the MIL won't listen to the spouse at all so the DH has to step in. Believe me, I tried everything, MIL didn't stop until DH got angry and told her enough was enough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a MIL is nasty or has a Jekyll and Hyde thing going on with the DIL - the reason is often because the MIL sees everything she is not in the DIL.

The DIL is everything that MIL is not, and the MIL knows that and resents that.

Ladies that are going through this - take that as a compliment - your DH chose you for that reason - exactly because you are the opposite of his horrendous MIL. Your DH is fully aware of how terrible his mom is - he picked you on purpose!

This is really gross and just confirms what I suspect when I read all of the MIL hate on this board. Women being the worst and competing with who will be the boss, #1 woman in the husband/son's heart. Its not a competition! Mom will always be mom and the wife is the woman he chose to marry. I sometimes feel sorry for the men in these situations because it must suck to be in the middle of such ridiculousness.

I think the MIL hate happens when the DIL makes the MIL look bad (not that difficult with some MILs) and the MIL knows it and resents the DIL, and spews angry crap at the DIL. Really, the DIL just got here, keep your hate to yourself, angry MIL - we know you had a crappy life, that is NOT your DIL's fault!

"….if your child is in a relationship with an alcoholic or experiencing domestic violence, please don’t assume your child is a deeply flawed person beyond hope. Let your child know you are always there and you can help in whatever way is needed. It can be difficult to get out."


IF you warn them in advance, they tell you to MYOB, then wind up in a disaster. Why should parents (who may be older/retired) have to bail out an ADULT's bad decision? Ive seen too many parents decimate their retirement accounts, get home equity loans, to help grown kids who have made bad decisions.

Had a friend who was in a domestic violence situation. We all rallied around, helped her and her daughter escape, got her into a new state, new job, new apartment - donated an entire household of furnishings and drove them out to her. Someone else even gave her a good used car. Her parents got her to go to counseling, both emotional and legal. First time she had to see her husband at a divorce proceeding he sweet talked her back. She left everything behind and went back with him.

Sometimes if they make their bed, they have to figure a way out.

Anonymous wrote:My friend's daughter has a significant pile of cash due to a family trust fund specifically left to her.

"Rich Girl" met a guy on-line and had him living with her in her home in a matter of three weeks. His family history is horrific - his father is a multi-term convicted felon with a history of violence who beat up both his mother and his sister, and his mother and father both have drug/alcohol addictions. The guy never finished high school and was still working at the hardware store where he got a job before he quit high school. He was in his late twenties and living in the spare room of a family member when he met "Rich Girl." He did find enough money to buy quite a little arsenal of guns, though. And he likes his alcohol. Of course moving in with "Rich Girl" was a dream come true. Within six months they were engaged.

At this stage, my friend asked daughter if she was sure she was making the right choice. She angrily said she did, so the last piece of advice was for her to consult a lawyer and get a prenup. She never did. Now they are "happily" married.

Happily for her hubby because he has shown great talent for gambling as well as purchasing high-end vehicles, RV, boat and other expensive toys. And lots more guns.

Yep, every parent's dream come true for your kid's choice in a spouse.

She's made her bed. I would refuse to bail her out when this turns to shit, especially since she is an adult that didn't follow guide advice and got angry when it was offered.

My friend's daughter has a significant pile of cash due to a family trust fund specifically left to her.

"Rich Girl" met a guy on-line and had him living with her in her home in a matter of three weeks. His family history is horrific - his father is a multi-term convicted felon with a history of violence who beat up both his mother and his sister, and his mother and father both have drug/alcohol addictions. The guy never finished high school and was still working at the hardware store where he got a job before he quit high school. He was in his late twenties and living in the spare room of a family member when he met "Rich Girl." He did find enough money to buy quite a little arsenal of guns, though. And he likes his alcohol. Of course moving in with "Rich Girl" was a dream come true. Within six months they were engaged.

At this stage, my friend asked daughter if she was sure she was making the right choice. She angrily said she did, so the last piece of advice was for her to consult a lawyer and get a prenup. She never did. Now they are "happily" married.

Happily for her hubby because he has shown great talent for gambling as well as purchasing high-end vehicles, RV, boat and other expensive toys. And lots more guns.

Yep, every parent's dream come true for your kid's choice in a spouse.

Amen. My mom refused to meet my now husband while we were dating until I had to trick her into it after almost a year. She still can't understand why my husband wants nothing to do with her and complains he won't even make small talk with her...

Apparently it runs in the family though, my grandfather did not attend her wedding to my father.

My MIL is delightful but my mom complains about everything and everyone nonstop these days. She wasn’t always that way, but did go out of her way early on to treat DH weirdly. We started dating young (freshmen in college) so he was a sophomore in college when she met him. I remember he came to visit us (from out of state) over the summer going into jr year. He “had to leave” by Sunday and she made it very clear because it would be inappropriate for him to be at my grandmother’s big birthday / family celebration. My brother I guess never gave into these demands in the same way and his girlfriend showed up / came to the party basically as my boyfriend was getting sent packing. It didn’t help that we dated a very long time before marrying and that made my mom upset at him but I suspect he might have married me sooner had my family been more welcoming.

I did ask her (on my way to try on wedding dresses) “mom, you sound really concerned. I love him and trust him but is there something you’ve seen that causes your concern? Is there something that I should know that is serious enough I shouldn’t marry him?” She said “oh no! Nothing like that!” So I figure I gave her her chance. (We’ve been together 21 years, married 11).

Anonymous wrote:When a MIL is nasty or has a Jekyll and Hyde thing going on with the DIL - the reason is often because the MIL sees everything she is not in the DIL.

The DIL is everything that MIL is not, and the MIL knows that and resents that.

Ladies that are going through this - take that as a compliment - your DH chose you for that reason - exactly because you are the opposite of his horrendous MIL. Your DH is fully aware of how terrible his mom is - he picked you on purpose!

This is really gross and just confirms what I suspect when I read all of the MIL hate on this board. Women being the worst and competing with who will be the boss, #1 woman in the husband/son's heart. Its not a competition! Mom will always be mom and the wife is the woman he chose to marry. I sometimes feel sorry for the men in these situations because it must suck to be in the middle of such ridiculousness.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think my parents ever faced this. My siblings and I are very close and we all have a great relationship with my parents who have a wonderful relationship. I think all of us wanted to marry someone like our parents though that might sound a bit strange. I remember the first time my now husband met my dad he was really worried because I had said so many great things about my dad that the bar was set really high. But I wasn't going to bring someone home who couldn't measure up.

And this is what happens when you have good parents. When you have bad parents, the DC seek out a spouse very different than their parents!

I don't think my parents ever faced this. My siblings and I are very close and we all have a great relationship with my parents who have a wonderful relationship. I think all of us wanted to marry someone like our parents though that might sound a bit strange. I remember the first time my now husband met my dad he was really worried because I had said so many great things about my dad that the bar was set really high. But I wasn't going to bring someone home who couldn't measure up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone whose parents made it abundantly clear that they thought my then-fiance (now husband) was a worthless piece of crap, THANK YOU!

OP here. And in my DH’s case, my mom also made it plain she DID like my sister’s husband, which only rubbed salt in the wound. It would have been easier somehow if she disliked them both.

Are you me? My mom lives with us and it's so blatantly obvious she hates my husband. She has from day 1. But she LOVES my sister's husband.

So she loves your sister's husband, hates yours but she lives with YOUR family? What's behind that?

NP but my mom is like this. She treats me, my sister, and sister's husband like crap (she was a very abusive, negligent parent). My mom told my sister that she didn't like her fiance a couple days before her wedding. No good reason, just doesn't like him. But she likes my husband and thinks our controlling, abusive brother is the greatest. But who does mom move near in her old age? My sister and her husband because she knows they take better care of her than anyone else would. My husband was so embarrassed when my mom was gushing about some favor her did for her, when my sister and her husband were right there and they do more for her than we do. Ugh, I think I'll thank my sister again this weekend.

Anonymous wrote:When a MIL is nasty or has a Jekyll and Hyde thing going on with the DIL - the reason is often because the MIL sees everything she is not in the DIL.

The DIL is everything that MIL is not, and the MIL knows that and resents that.

Ladies that are going through this - take that as a compliment - your DH chose you for that reason - exactly because you are the opposite of his horrendous MIL**. Your DH is fully aware of how terrible his mom is - he picked you on purpose!

**opposite of his horrendous mother, that is.