Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In light of the "Me too" movement and "enthusiastic consent" I do think men get mixed messages. On the one hand men are told to be respectful, ask for consent every step of the way.

But at least some women think that's boring and a sure way to keep their panties on. They want the man to be assertive and dominant in the bedroom.

Certainly some men can navigate the fine line between dominance and coercion and manage to insure enthusiastic consent while being aggressive and dominant. But we're fooling ourselves if we think everyone can.

Some people can dunk a basketball or hit a homerun. Doesn't men every joe off the street can.

No. Any men who are aggressive and dominate sexually runs the risk of it going south. It might be fine for the 10% women who are in to that but for others it will be seen as rapey or just rape. Alpha males are the ones who end up on the wrong end of the #metoo news.

Causation correlation. Alpha males tend to dominate in their chosen professions, thus making women gravitate toward them. Whether that carries over into these weird, creepy me too moments is unclear.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In light of the "Me too" movement and "enthusiastic consent" I do think men get mixed messages. On the one hand men are told to be respectful, ask for consent every step of the way.

But at least some women think that's boring and a sure way to keep their panties on. They want the man to be assertive and dominant in the bedroom.

Certainly some men can navigate the fine line between dominance and coercion and manage to insure enthusiastic consent while being aggressive and dominant. But we're fooling ourselves if we think everyone can.

Some people can dunk a basketball or hit a homerun. Doesn't men every joe off the street can.

No. Any men who are aggressive and dominate sexually runs the risk of it going south. It might be fine for the 10% women who are in to that but for others it will be seen as rapey or just rape. Alpha males are the ones who end up on the wrong end of the #metoo news.

Anonymous wrote:In light of the "Me too" movement and "enthusiastic consent" I do think men get mixed messages. On the one hand men are told to be respectful, ask for consent every step of the way.

But at least some women think that's boring and a sure way to keep their panties on. They want the man to be assertive and dominant in the bedroom.

Certainly some men can navigate the fine line between dominance and coercion and manage to insure enthusiastic consent while being aggressive and dominant. But we're fooling ourselves if we think everyone can.

Some people can dunk a basketball or hit a homerun. Doesn't men every joe off the street can.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you need to do is talk to her about what she likes and explore together in a respectful, safe and fun way.

Wrong. Did you read the article? What part of primal surrender involves talking about what she likes and exploring together? You're supposed to know what she likes, take her, and DO IT. Anything else and sorry, bumbling beta - next!

This!! If I have to tell my DH to be confident and dominant then he is anything but that. Turn off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I call bs. The guiding principle of BDSM is safe, sane, and consensual. That means open communication and everything has to be discussed and agreed upon beforehand. Submissive practitioners of BDSM are, by definition, into more hardcore forms of submission and somehow they can have a satisfying sex life. But people who want vanilla sex with their partner taking the lead can't have satisfying sex if they have to discuss things ahead of time? That doesn't make sense.

If people aren't willing to communicate their needs, they shouldn't be upset when those needs aren't met.

My DH is really good about asking me what I'm interested in because it can be different on any given day. Once he gets me going I make sure he is happy too.

Anonymous wrote:I call bs. The guiding principle of BDSM is safe, sane, and consensual. That means open communication and everything has to be discussed and agreed upon beforehand. Submissive practitioners of BDSM are, by definition, into more hardcore forms of submission and somehow they can have a satisfying sex life. But people who want vanilla sex with their partner taking the lead can't have satisfying sex if they have to discuss things ahead of time? That doesn't make sense.

If people aren't willing to communicate their needs, they shouldn't be upset when those needs aren't met.

Anonymous wrote:Lizard brain wants the pushy asshole.
Mammal brain wants the respectful co-partner.

Take away for guys: if you want to have sex, be the former. If you want to have pleasant conversation, be the latter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you need to do is talk to her about what she likes and explore together in a respectful, safe and fun way.

Wrong. Did you read the article? What part of primal surrender involves talking about what she likes and exploring together? You're supposed to know what she likes, take her, and DO IT. Anything else and sorry, bumbling beta - next!

This!! If I have to tell my DH to be confident and dominant then he is anything but that. Turn off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you need to do is talk to her about what she likes and explore together in a respectful, safe and fun way.

Wrong. Did you read the article? What part of primal surrender involves talking about what she likes and exploring together? You're supposed to know what she likes, take her, and DO IT. Anything else and sorry, bumbling beta - next!