Anonymous wrote:As the parent of one of those string beans, if you told me "Larla has a medical condition that requires a special diet. We are trying to keep things as normal as possible for her, but if you could check in with me before you give her food that would be great" I would completely respect that and follow your instructions.

Same here.

Anonymous wrote:What kind of metabolic disorder can a four-year-old have that causes increased appetite?

Prader-Willi?

Anonymous wrote:
My child has a lethal nut and peanut allergy and ADHD, which means he forgets to check ingredients himself, and to bring his epipen. Not a happy combination.

I would say exactly what the problem is, and insist heavily. Any person not in compliance gets the boot.

I really do not care what people think of me. My son is atypical enough that I’ve had to get past that. We’ve had fights with friends and relatives who think ADHD is made-up, who think we’re crazy to be so vigilant about his food... but ultimately it’s on us, his parents, to protect and teach him about his life-threatening issues.

Wowza! That is a very challenging combination. Stay the course! It's awesome that you're beyond caring what people think of you. Keeping your child safe is always Priority Number One.

OP, I’m going to disagree with the people on this thread who think you owe anyone in this world your family’s private medical information. You saying it’s serious should be enough to convey its seriousness. I also believe you about the prevalence of treats; I’ve worked in schools and food rewards are everywhere even as we talk about the need to reduce them.

I think the explanation you gave on this thread was excellent. If read aloud it would take relatively little time to deliver the message.

Your real issue is what happens when people don’t respect this very important boundary. This is a health and safety issue. If it’s a school event, you should probably be there. Swoop in and say, “No thanks, Larla. It’s doctor’s orders.” Hand the plate back to Larla or lead your child away from the table. Later, when the kids are playing a game or cleanup is happening, you can give a longer explanation if you’d like: “Sorry to be brusque. It’s upsetting to my daughter that she can’t have seconds like the other children. Unfortunately, she has a very serious medical condition that requires us to carefully monitor her diet, and it’s already been difficult to budget for the sweets she’s had so far today.”

When it’s family who may have your child without you present or who violate your rules despite knowing the reasons for them, that’s more serious. Tell them that this is a health and safety issue. You know it’s sad because food is so enjoyable and part of socializing, so you’ve worked with a dietician to balance social-emotional well-being and long-term health. Explain that breaking your rules means no unsupervised visitation with your daughter, no exceptions. Give them ideas for other ways to show love and give special non-food treats. Help them with coping mechanisms if your daughter insists she’s hungry. But hold firm on your rules.

Ok just say she has X disorder, and people need to check with you before giving her anything.

Be direct.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you apologized to the person you blew up at? Similar situation happened in a mom group I am and that mom pretty much got shunned by a lot of people because of it. You don't want this to be you. Plus, I noticed people discounted her because of her ridiculous behavior. I'm glad you're in therapy.

Shunned? Are you in a group of teenagers? Please tell me you aren’t as emotionally immature as you are coming across in your post,

No, they are Amish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell people she’s diabetic.

It's true that sometimes you need to medicalize a condition in terms folks will understand. In this case, I imagine that your explanation leaves people thinking that you are restricting calories out of your own projected vanity. And this is entirely unfair.

People will understand diabetes. Is it true? No. Will it help you get the results you want? Yes.

So, she has diabetes until you sort this thing out.

Except that what her kid needs, which is no food except from parents, could be life threatening to a diabetic child, who needs something really different which is access to food immediately when their blood sugar is low.

So, telling people she has diabetes might or might not solve OP's problem, but it also creates a dangerous situation for the next diabetic kid that she meets.

I don't think so. OP's kid is not going to exhibit the symptoms of hypoglycemia and those would be the symptoms calling for immediate access to food. So no one will be in a situation in which they are inadvertently learning the wrong response to a life-threatening situation for a kid who is actually diabetic.

If OP were able to say briefly what the diagnosis actually is and educate people a bit, that would be great, but she does not seem to want to do that here and so she probably doesn't want to do it IRL either. And TBH, it's not her job to do this; people shouldn't be jackasses as often as they are.

Still, the odds that people without metabolic problems are going to follow rules this strict without some additional help are pretty low. Food is currency in this society. I wish it weren't, but it is. Her options for saying "it could really hurt my child if you feed her" are pretty limited.

Anonymous wrote:OP, as you can see from the responses here, unless people know what’s going on with your kid (I’m assuming PWS) they’re going to think you’re a weird UMC anglo orthorexic who’s going to traumatize your DD. Of course they should listen to you about feeding your child even if they think that, but you can kind of see why they might not, right?

Totally. I would abide by it but I would think OP is a typical white mom who is obsessed with being skinny and fearful that her daughter is chubby and feel bad for the kid bc she's headed for an eating disorder. I hear stuff like this all the time and I know all these kids don't have genetic disorders. And if they do, there is something in the water in Chevy Chase!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just keep your kid in a bubble. Why do you blame other people when you haven't explained her problem? I bet play dates are never repeated.

Where does she say she hasn't explained the problem? She's literally here asking for another way to explain the problem.

It sounds like OP has waffled, tried to keep the diagnosis private and is running into issues with that approach.

Some disorders cannot be kept private. Diabetes is one. This may be another.

Gosh, my child DOESN'T have a disorder and I get annoyed when my mom gives my kids donuts/cakes/candies.

I'm sorry, OP. Just say STOP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just bring her own food everywhere. Pp is right that people understand that kids have peanut allergies and milk allergies or are being raised vegan or xyz.
If she is going to a birthday party, send her her own special meal and treat. She will probably not be the only kid there in this situation. Saying that she can have one cupcake but not two is confusing to everyone. When you are there, or when she is older and can manage these nuances on her own, then she can have a little of what everyone else is having. For right now, she has her own food packed by you, and nothing else.

How is this confusing? Why does a 4 year old need more than one cupcake? I have hosted over 10 children’s parties between two kids. Literally every time a child has asked me for a second cupcake or slice of cake my first response is “ask your mom/dad”.

I meant that it’s confusing to a four year old. I am going to guess that the times OP is standing right there to ask, this isn’t an issue. It’s the other times. Drop off parties, staying with grandma, play dates, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of metabolic disorder can a four-year-old have that causes increased appetite?

Prader Willi? And lots of other conditions.

-- not OP

If that’s the case this should be in special needs.. prader willi is a lifelong genetic condition

People with disabilities are part of society. The special needs board is one place that they should be able to post, but the rest of the board, and the rest of the world is for them too!

Anonymous wrote:Just keep your kid in a bubble. Why do you blame other people when you haven't explained her problem? I bet play dates are never repeated.

Where does she say she hasn't explained the problem? She's literally here asking for another way to explain the problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of metabolic disorder can a four-year-old have that causes increased appetite?

Prader Willi? And lots of other conditions.

-- not OP

If that’s the case this should be in special needs.. prader willi is a lifelong genetic condition

Just keep your kid in a bubble. Why do you blame other people when you haven't explained her problem? I bet play dates are never repeated.