So common for providers to blame parents. Its an easy excuse to explain why the expensive treatment they provided didn't work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In patient rehabs and therapeutic boarding schools are most usually a bad choice parents with money make out of desperation. I am not saying it might not work in a few cases, but I don't know of any. The least best outcomes I have seen come out of kids taken away in the middle of the night and put in wilderness camps. Usually on the advice of a consultant.

Dealing with a teen with problems large enough to consider these options is very hard work. It seems so much easier to outsource it to these places. But I firmly believe that having the family committed to having their child overcome the issues in a firm and kind, non-tough love way at home produces far better outcomes.

If you are lucky enough to have a trusted family member the child likes be in a position to take on your teen, that could work as well.

Honestly, as someone who works with at risk kids, addiction and risky behavior is a nature/nurture issue where nurture is the most formative influence on what is happening with the child. Families and parents are almost always the biggest component (90%) of the problem for children with addiction and/or high-risk behaviors. Nature (i.e., heredity) is a small component but it is far out-weighed by nurture.

Keeping a child in a system that is broken will only work if the entire system works to fix the system's problem/s. That means Mom, Dad, Sister/s, Brother/s, and kid all work together on the issues. Most parents and families are not either willing or able to do the heavy lifting required. Unfortunately this also means that when the child returns to the original environment failure is almost all but assured because the root causes haven't been fixed and the system that reinforces the problem is still in place.

I am not sure that is true. I will say, in our case, we have two really wonderful, easy young adults now and one teen that has been a handful for a long time. He does have depression and anxiety and ADHD and we were on top of it all. Therapy, meds, parenting classes, etc. Firm rules, loving family. Involved parents with a mom at home. Kid is smart, athletic, but really struggles in a way that is hard to explain. He has daily weed use.

PP here. I will also say that view that it's on the parents is really hard for parents like us. We are confident in what we have been trying to do to help him for years, but we do feel the judgement from other parents, teachers, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In patient rehabs and therapeutic boarding schools are most usually a bad choice parents with money make out of desperation. I am not saying it might not work in a few cases, but I don't know of any. The least best outcomes I have seen come out of kids taken away in the middle of the night and put in wilderness camps. Usually on the advice of a consultant.

Dealing with a teen with problems large enough to consider these options is very hard work. It seems so much easier to outsource it to these places. But I firmly believe that having the family committed to having their child overcome the issues in a firm and kind, non-tough love way at home produces far better outcomes.

If you are lucky enough to have a trusted family member the child likes be in a position to take on your teen, that could work as well.

Honestly, as someone who works with at risk kids, addiction and risky behavior is a nature/nurture issue where nurture is the most formative influence on what is happening with the child. Families and parents are almost always the biggest component (90%) of the problem for children with addiction and/or high-risk behaviors. Nature (i.e., heredity) is a small component but it is far out-weighed by nurture.

Keeping a child in a system that is broken will only work if the entire system works to fix the system's problem/s. That means Mom, Dad, Sister/s, Brother/s, and kid all work together on the issues. Most parents and families are not either willing or able to do the heavy lifting required. Unfortunately this also means that when the child returns to the original environment failure is almost all but assured because the root causes haven't been fixed and the system that reinforces the problem is still in place.

I am not sure that is true. I will say, in our case, we have two really wonderful, easy young adults now and one teen that has been a handful for a long time. He does have depression and anxiety and ADHD and we were on top of it all. Therapy, meds, parenting classes, etc. Firm rules, loving family. Involved parents with a mom at home. Kid is smart, athletic, but really struggles in a way that is hard to explain. He has daily weed use.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In patient rehabs and therapeutic boarding schools are most usually a bad choice parents with money make out of desperation. I am not saying it might not work in a few cases, but I don't know of any. The least best outcomes I have seen come out of kids taken away in the middle of the night and put in wilderness camps. Usually on the advice of a consultant.

Dealing with a teen with problems large enough to consider these options is very hard work. It seems so much easier to outsource it to these places. But I firmly believe that having the family committed to having their child overcome the issues in a firm and kind, non-tough love way at home produces far better outcomes.

If you are lucky enough to have a trusted family member the child likes be in a position to take on your teen, that could work as well.

Honestly, as someone who works with at risk kids, addiction and risky behavior is a nature/nurture issue where nurture is the most formative influence on what is happening with the child. Families and parents are almost always the biggest component (90%) of the problem for children with addiction and/or high-risk behaviors. Nature (i.e., heredity) is a small component but it is far out-weighed by nurture.

Keeping a child in a system that is broken will only work if the entire system works to fix the system's problem/s. That means Mom, Dad, Sister/s, Brother/s, and kid all work together on the issues. Most parents and families are not either willing or able to do the heavy lifting required. Unfortunately this also means that when the child returns to the original environment failure is almost all but assured because the root causes haven't been fixed and the system that reinforces the problem is still in place.

I think this is what “someone who works with at risk kids” wants to believe. I taught in an alternative school for many years and there many decent families with well-adjusted siblings who had one child struggle with addiction or cutting or mental health issues.

+ 1

This attitude may reflect the population of the kids you happen to see, but your 90% number is not based on research. Plenty of kids self-medicate due to anxiety or depression, which is not due to poor parenting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In patient rehabs and therapeutic boarding schools are most usually a bad choice parents with money make out of desperation. I am not saying it might not work in a few cases, but I don't know of any. The least best outcomes I have seen come out of kids taken away in the middle of the night and put in wilderness camps. Usually on the advice of a consultant.

Dealing with a teen with problems large enough to consider these options is very hard work. It seems so much easier to outsource it to these places. But I firmly believe that having the family committed to having their child overcome the issues in a firm and kind, non-tough love way at home produces far better outcomes.

If you are lucky enough to have a trusted family member the child likes be in a position to take on your teen, that could work as well.

Honestly, as someone who works with at risk kids, addiction and risky behavior is a nature/nurture issue where nurture is the most formative influence on what is happening with the child. Families and parents are almost always the biggest component (90%) of the problem for children with addiction and/or high-risk behaviors. Nature (i.e., heredity) is a small component but it is far out-weighed by nurture.

Keeping a child in a system that is broken will only work if the entire system works to fix the system's problem/s. That means Mom, Dad, Sister/s, Brother/s, and kid all work together on the issues. Most parents and families are not either willing or able to do the heavy lifting required. Unfortunately this also means that when the child returns to the original environment failure is almost all but assured because the root causes haven't been fixed and the system that reinforces the problem is still in place.

I think this is what “someone who works with at risk kids” wants to believe. I taught in an alternative school for many years and there many decent families with well-adjusted siblings who had one child struggle with addiction or cutting or mental health issues.

OP, I read most of the responses but not all. I don't recall seeing your thoughts on this: Why do you regret sending your child to inpatient rehab? And what is your alternative solution?

Anonymous wrote:In patient rehabs and therapeutic boarding schools are most usually a bad choice parents with money make out of desperation. I am not saying it might not work in a few cases, but I don't know of any. The least best outcomes I have seen come out of kids taken away in the middle of the night and put in wilderness camps. Usually on the advice of a consultant.

Dealing with a teen with problems large enough to consider these options is very hard work. It seems so much easier to outsource it to these places. But I firmly believe that having the family committed to having their child overcome the issues in a firm and kind, non-tough love way at home produces far better outcomes.

If you are lucky enough to have a trusted family member the child likes be in a position to take on your teen, that could work as well.

Honestly, as someone who works with at risk kids, addiction and risky behavior is a nature/nurture issue where nurture is the most formative influence on what is happening with the child. Families and parents are almost always the biggest component (90%) of the problem for children with addiction and/or high-risk behaviors. Nature (i.e., heredity) is a small component but it is far out-weighed by nurture.

Keeping a child in a system that is broken will only work if the entire system works to fix the system's problem/s. That means Mom, Dad, Sister/s, Brother/s, and kid all work together on the issues. Most parents and families are not either willing or able to do the heavy lifting required. Unfortunately this also means that when the child returns to the original environment failure is almost all but assured because the root causes haven't been fixed and the system that reinforces the problem is still in place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of rehabs suck, particularly places like Caron.

Be super careful about what you choose. Don’t choose one out of desperation.

We had the opposite experience with the Caron facility in PA. They were particularly good with dual diagnosis. Not cheap--the sticker price was $41k, they "scholarshipped" some amount, our insurance reimbursed us $18k, and we were out of pocket by about $6k in the end--but we found it well worth the price.

That said, there is no great data supporting inpatient rehab over community-based approaches to substance abuse treatment (actually, the opposite data exists).

Good luck OP.

Thx what did you like about it?

The family member who was a patient was treated with dignity, but they didn't take any BS. It's hard to draw that line with addicts--because a fair amount of BS'ing is part of the disease--but they did it pretty well. I saw someone else in this thread say that it seemed like a lot of peer-led AA; IDK whether that person is referring to the fact that nearly all of the providers at Caron are recovering addicts (?), which is normative in addiction treatment, but there was very clear difference between what they did and AA (and going to outside AA meetings was a regular part of the week also).

The family program was high-quality, clear and direct but non-shaming. It was a weekend of time with other families, then a M-W of program together with the patient. They are usually done all in one Sat-Wed interval but in our situation that wasn't possible and they worked with us to break them up.

The other diagnosis in this situation was well outside the usual scope of their practice and they consulted closely with the patient's treatment team at home; the care providers at Caron had an appropriate level of humility about what they did and didn't know, but they didn't let the fact that the situation was complicated get in the way of making progress.

The patient did "extended care" at Caron's halfway house in PA. We had also heard bad things about Caron Renaissance, but it wasn't even suggested. They also steered us away from a weeklong family therapy add-on that they offer (and that is not covered by insurance), but which the providers thought the patient was too acute to benefit from.

I didn't see "success stats" from them and haven't seen them from any other rehab. Success in addiction treatment is a lot less common than one would like, generally. It's a chronic and relapsing illness. There does seem to be clear evidence that inpatient rehab is no better than community-based rehab, and may be worse.

In our case, though, the patient had alienated enough people that he was homeless, and--as screwed up as this is--outpatient treatment often isn't an option for people who are homeless.

Good luck, OP. My thoughts are with you.

Anonymous wrote:In patient rehabs and therapeutic boarding schools are most usually a bad choice parents with money make out of desperation. I am not saying it might not work in a few cases, but I don't know of any. The least best outcomes I have seen come out of kids taken away in the middle of the night and put in wilderness camps. Usually on the advice of a consultant.

Dealing with a teen with problems large enough to consider these options is very hard work. It seems so much easier to outsource it to these places. But I firmly believe that having the family committed to having their child overcome the issues in a firm and kind, non-tough love way at home produces far better outcomes.

If you are lucky enough to have a trusted family member the child likes be in a position to take on your teen, that could work as well.

I tend to agree with this and we are in thick of it right now with way too much weed. But I admit I’ve been tempted to outsource for awhile to at least get a break

Anonymous wrote:eating disorder

Ha! I thought ‘erectile dysfunction.’ They call it ED on commercials.

In patient rehabs and therapeutic boarding schools are most usually a bad choice parents with money make out of desperation. I am not saying it might not work in a few cases, but I don't know of any. The least best outcomes I have seen come out of kids taken away in the middle of the night and put in wilderness camps. Usually on the advice of a consultant.

Dealing with a teen with problems large enough to consider these options is very hard work. It seems so much easier to outsource it to these places. But I firmly believe that having the family committed to having their child overcome the issues in a firm and kind, non-tough love way at home produces far better outcomes.

If you are lucky enough to have a trusted family member the child likes be in a position to take on your teen, that could work as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a rehab that will address the core issues, not just get them "clean" and send them home to start over. Therapy in addition to AA.

For a teen, I'd consider therapeutic boarding school over rehab. I'd also consider therapy for the rest of the family.

I'm the PP above, forgot to mention. I had a teen family member "sent" to therapeutic boarding school against their will about 9 years ago. Only regret is not doing it sooner. Family member is now in mid twenties, has graduated HS and college, has a good job and is in a healthy relationship (with family and a partner) and is living independently without addiction.

I also have Teen family member who was sent to aTherapeutic boarding school where he was sexually assaulted by a staff member.

Said teen is an adult now and is very sexually confused. Just got fired from his sales job for sexually harassing another male employee.

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever tried to take their kid to a remote cabin somewhere for a few months - where they are completely away from drugs/alcohol and negative influences. No internet, no cell phones - just fresh air, lots of water and healthy activities (like hiking, swimming, reading, cooking).

The first few weeks might be awful for them but after awhile wouldn't they start to adjust physically and mentally to being substance free?

As someone with a a cabin in a rural area, there is no shortage of drugs in rural nountains.

Also, addicts need to learn to cope in their own envy. This is why relapse is so common.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd ask a lot of questions about whether the teen will be exposed to even more harmful activities.

yes. Boyfriend in highschool with anger issues and some abuse of alcohol was sent to one of these. He learned all about hard drugs there.

WIt...you think a teenager who is already an alcoholic wouldn't know about hard drugs until he got to rehab?

I have a bridge to sell you in Alaska, LOL!

Anonymous wrote:
Putting someone with an acute addiction in this situation (cabin in the woods or farm in the middle of nowhere) only leads to desperation and acts that put their lives in danger. And if you think there are no drugs in the countryside, you have GOT to be kidding. There is a huge addiction problem in rural America.

Most addicts can obtain drugs more or less immediately. Your child will simply leave the cabin, farm etc and put him or herself in a dangerous situation. This includes selling their bodies if they need to. Your idea that you can somehow isolate the addiction out of them is naive and dangerous.

If you are dealing with a fairly recent substance abuse issue I think that removing the kid from the environment that is enabling the addiction might be helpful. Putting that kid into some kind of rehab facility with a bunch of hard core addicts doesn't sound like a good plan to me.

I guess it depends on how deeply ingrained the habit is. I would totally take my kid to an isolated area for awhile where they couldn't just walk someplace to find drugs and/or alcohol.

I would even have someone drop us off and leave us both stranded. Yes, you would be taking a chance that something could go horribly wrong but not dealing with it or putting your kid into some sort of rehab with hard core addicts could go horribly wrong, too.